


Sword of Damocles

by uisceB



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Astra (Supergirl TV 2015) Lives, F/F, Myriad Program (Supergirl), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:14:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 134,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9142465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uisceB/pseuds/uisceB
Summary: General DanversCanon divergent from 1x13: When Hank shows up on the rooftop to stop Astra from activating Myriad, Astra manages to outmaneuver him, taking Alex hostage as a means of escape. Now, Alex finds herself a prisoner at the hostile Fort Rozz base, but as time goes by, she and Astra begin to form an unexpected bond, challenging each of their beliefs, and loyalties.Warnings for emotions, sexual content, more emotions, more sexual content, some violence, and language.





	1. Bargaining Chip

**Author's Note:**

> Guys. I love Alex and Maggie so much, to like, a ridiculous degree. But back in Season 1 Alex/Astra was the secret ship of my heart, and I AM HAVING SO MUCH NOSTALGIA FOR SOME REASON. So...here. Have some General Danvers.

The Kryptonite sword lay harmless between them.

Alex wasn’t exactly sure when she’d been stripped of it and the rest of her weapons—the last couple hours of her life were a series of fade-ins and fade-outs in her brain, swimming visuals, disorientation…somewhere between one of her nastier benders, and a rollercoaster ride at Six Flags. Likely due to the number of times she’d been knocked in the head this fine evening.

Not to mention the fact that just hours previous, she’d been swimming around in Kara’s mind, trying to rescue her sister from the Black Mercy.

Follow that up with a round of fisticuffs on the roof with General Astra In-Ze, and Alex’s head was a whole mess of pain.

She lifted an imaginary glass of wine in a toast to herself in her mind.

_"Here's to hoping I haven't received debilitating brain damage,"_  she toasted. Then her imaginary brain-self tossed her head back and downed the entire glass in one gulp.

At least her self-image was realistic.

For once, though, the thought of alcohol was not a soothing one. It made her head spin even more. She tried to focus, tried to take in the details of her surroundings—the dark, concrete room, the overhanging light from the ceiling, the splintery wooden chair she was seated on, the bite of handcuffs on her wrists behind her back.

And, of course, the Kryptonite sword in the center of the room.

Not in the center of the room. _She_  was in the center of the room. The sword was centered between her, and the woman watching her from the shadows of the doorway.

The woman—more like panther. Black-clad, all lean, restless muscle. She stood motionless, but something about the energy around her made it seem like she was pacing, like a caged animal, ready to lunge. Even her eyes were cat-like—a pale, greenish-hazel made even greener by the soft glow of Kryptonite reflected in them.

She was too much to look at. Brilliant, in a darkened way, too sharp, too soft. Alex sought out the white streak she knew was in her hair, and focused on that. Just that. Just for a moment, to bring her world to stillness, to reality. A simple, physical trait. An anchor.

When the room effectively stopped spinning, Alex lifted her gaze back to the woman’s face, finding it easier to look at her now.

“So…I’ve got a couple questions,” she coughed. “General.”

General Astra’s mouth widened into a slow, easy grin. Genuinely amused, but just slightly patronizing, like Alex was a very entertaining new pet hamster.

“I’m sure you do, Agent Danvers,” Astra said with a nod, voice like velvet. “I have a few for you as well.”

“Why don’t I go first—where the hell am I?”

She’d never been one to beat around the bush.

Astra lifted an eyebrow, amusement stepping up to intrigue. “You’re not afraid of me, are you,” she observed.

“I might be—I’m not sure. I might know a little better if you’d tell me where the hell I am.”

Astra blinked calmly, unmoved by Alex’s tone. “You’re at Fort Rozz,” she answered. She smiled patronizingly again. “My  _home."_

Alex bet that word tasted as bitter as it sounded.

“I like what you’ve done with the place,” she commented, making a show of looking around. The snarkiness of the comment was just a cover, just like the way she looked around as if she was making a joke was. In reality, she was searching every corner, every crack, every shadow, looking for even the slightest chance of escape.

Astra was watching her patiently when she returned her gaze forward. “I believe you said you had questions, plural,” she prompted. “I’m interested to hear them.”

Alex huffed, slanting her eyes to the side with annoyance. “You know what I want to know, General,” she muttered.

She drew a breath as Astra stepped forward, out of the shadow, into the sickly yellow light from the lamp dangling from the ceiling. It did nothing to take away from her beauty, but it did cast dark shadows in the hollows of her cheeks, making her look slightly gaunt.

Astra paused when her foot reached the edge of the Kryptonite sword, like it was a barrier she couldn’t cross, in spite of the fact that she was wearing the strap across her shoulder that neutralized Kryptonite’s effect on her.

She gazed down at Alex, deep, and intense, looking as though she were trying to see straight into her mind—her soul, even. She cocked her head, lips drawing thin and serious.

“You want to know if Kara is alright,” she inferred.

Alex held her stare, jaw tight. “Yes.”

“She’s always at the forefront of your mind.”

“Yes.”

“Your first thought, your first worry, your first hope.”

_"Is she alright or not, Astra?"_  Alex gritted out, fear gripping her suddenly.

Astra’s expression gentled, gaze becoming soft, and she nodded. “She is safe,” she promised, and Alex let out a deep sight of relief, whole-heartedly believing her. There was something about Kara…all of Astra’s defenses vanished when it came to her niece, and she became…vulnerable. Honest.

“I would guess that she and the Martian are regrouping now at your organization—the DEO, correct? The place where your human general filled every vein in my body with this—” she toed the edge of the Kryptonite sword, “—poison.”

The muscles in Alex’s neck tightened, but she said nothing.

Astra’s chin lifted and she smiled again, looking at Alex with something like…not quite fondness. Respect, maybe.

Then she turned her face sharply to the side, hands clasped military-like behind her back, head held high. “It will please you to learn that the Martian was successful in stopping Myriad,” she said, eyebrows raised almost carelessly. “Not that it matters. He had a choice on that rooftop, and he chose. He went for the Myriad transmitter, I went for you. He could hardly attack me when I had you pressed up against me so close. His fear for your safety allowed for my escape—and your capture. I have only to contact him, and he will trade the transmitter for you. Just as you once traded me for him.” Her gaze fell on Alex once again. “You’re my bargaining chip, Agent Danvers.”

“Hank would never hand over Myriad to you,” Alex growled.

“Oh, I think he would,” Astra disagreed. “I think he _will._  And if he doesn’t, Kara certainly will.”

Alex bared her teeth—like an animal, some kind of instinctual response to her sister’s name. “You keep Kara out of this,” she snarled. “Don’t you _dare_  hurt her.”

Astra’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “You honestly think that I would hurt Kara,” she said, “after everything I did to help you save her from the Black Mercy?”

“You’ve hurt her before—you nearly killed her.”

A muscle twitched in Astra’s jaw, and her gaze dropped. “I was under the misapprehension that she and her mother colluded to have me arrested back on Krypton,” she said quietly. “I needed to place blame—I thoughtlessly placed it on Kara. Out of anger. And surprise. I didn’t know she was still alive.” She swallowed, gathering herself. “My imprisonment was because of Alura. Kara was innocent. I was…wrong, to have ever thought her guilty of harming me. I would never again try to hurt her.”

Alex frowned, watching her face closely.

“But you’d still be willing to hurt _me_ —her sister—in order to get her to do what you want,” she said coldly.

Astra hesitated, then stepped over the Kryptonite sword, and forward, until she stood directly in front of Alex, gazing down at her. Then she crouched, fluidly, bringing them face to face. Alex’s heart rate quickened at their sudden closeness, pulled into the deepness of Astra’s eyes, the scent of her skin. She blinked.

“I would much, much prefer not to hurt you, Alexandra,” Astra said, that velvety tone tinged with a jarring note of sincerity. She extended a hand as if to touch Alex’s cheek, then seemed to think better of it and drifted her finger along the ends of Alex’s hair instead. “You are a credit to your kind. Brave, intelligent, selfless.” Her smile returned—again, a mixture of sincerity and a patronizing sort of amusement. “Beautiful,” she added, thoughtfully. The smile disappeared. “But sacrifices have to be made. My niece has chosen to side with the humans. I won’t harm her, but Myriad _must_  come to fruition. If I have to use you as leverage in order to gain her compliance, then I will. I am sorry.”

The apology seemed accidental, but Astra didn’t try to retract it. She straightened to her full height, fingers still lingering at the ends of Alex’s hair, and nodded toward the door.

“My men are readying a more suitable cell for you,” she said. “You’ll have a place to sleep, a place to eat, even a window.”

“You’re giving a high-risk prisoner like me a _window?"_  Alex asked with a wry smile. Things were starting to spin again, and nothing felt real. “You’re too sweet.”

Astra regarded her carefully for a long moment before allowing the corners of her mouth to curve upward. “I don’t believe anyone has ever called me sweet before,” she said. “Not even facetiously.” Her fingers left Alex’s hair, and Alex felt suddenly empty.

“I cannot guarantee your safety, Alexandra. You are, as you said, high-risk, and if it becomes necessary to keep you restrained—by force, even by harm—I will not hesitate to act. You are my leverage, and I will keep you that way. I want you to understand that I don’t bear you any ill will, though. So, yes, your cell will have a window. I can afford you that kindness at least. It doesn’t sit well with me to deny my niece’s sister access to the stars.”

Alex stared as Astra turned from her and bent to pick up the sword. She examined the blade. “The soldier who brought you in—he wasn’t wearing one of my Kryptonite inhibitors, was he,” she commented. “He must have tried to disarm you of this and found he couldn’t hold onto it.”

She turned back to look at Alex again, gazing at her steadily. “You were prepared to kill me tonight, weren’t you.”

“I was.”

Astra’s gaze returned to the blade, face unreadable. “Enjoy your window, Agent Danvers,” she said, and strode silently out of the room, sword in hand.


	2. Radio Silence

Three days passed and Alex saw neither hide nor hair of Astra. 

She saw plenty of her other captors—the cell she’d been given, while adorned with the afore-promised window, was very lacking in privacy. Probably _because_ of the window.

Every hour, almost to the second (and she knew this for certain because her boredom had once driven her to actually _counting_ the seconds between rounds), a pair of guards would draw toward her cell, slide open the iron curtain separating them from the glass door to her room, and peer at her closely to make sure she hadn’t…evaporated, she guessed. There was no way out of her cell, save for the door, and it had been built to contain the worst of the worst criminals in the galaxy. 

Alex was strong, and she was clever, and she was resourceful—but she was certainly no alien criminal mastermind. The only way out of that cell was the door—first the glass layer, then the iron—and no one seemed particularly interested in opening it for her.

She was very much a prisoner.

She had Astra’s promised window though, and that was something. It was small—she doubted she would be able to fit even the narrow breadth of her shoulders through it—but it faced due east, allowing her to watch both the first peek of the moon on the horizon, and the first tentative rays of the sun if she happened to be awake. Which she always was.

The ability to sleep had never been one of her strengths, a fact that remained just as true now that she was a captive at a former alien prison turned military base. So, she spent most of her time pacing. There wasn’t a whole lot of room to work with—four strides across from the cot to the table, four strides from there up to the (thankfully) partitioned toilet, thirteen strides on the diagonal. The cot at least provided her some form of exercise. She could crouch as low as possible, and leap onto it, and then back down, and then back up…it was tedious, but at least it kept her body feeling somewhat capable, as opposed to her mind, which she was mildly concerned might be beginning to deteriorate with all this alone time.

When she wasn’t pacing around like some sort of caged animal (or, perhaps, more accurately, like a _lunatic_ ), she sat on her cot, staring out the window. She had long given up on trying to use her view as a means to figuring out where she was. As far as she could tell, Fort Rozz was in the middle of nowhere, nothing but flat, empty desert surrounding them. 

But she still loved the light that came through the aperture. She closed her eyes, letting it wash over her face, imagining the sun could give her the kind of strength it gave Kara.

And Astra.

She frowned.

Why hadn’t she received any visit—or, at the very least, any _word—_ from Astra regarding the trade she intended to make for the Myriad transmitter? She doubted Astra would have had any difficulty contacting the DEO…had something happened? Happened to Kara? Or to Hank? To the organization itself?

…To Astra?

If something had happened to her, there would be no negotiating, no trade. Astra was the one spearheading the Myriad program—whatever that was, Alex still didn’t know—but she still seemed interested in keeping things at least somewhat peaceful for the time being. Something told Alex her troops were less concerned with that kind of civility. Mostly because of the way they treated _her._

When food was delivered to her—twice a day, morning and night—it was tossed to the floor at her feet. After once requesting an extra cup of water, the guard on duty fetched it for her, only to pour that too, onto the floor, suggesting she lick it up if she was so desperate.

She had called him an unfortunate Kryptonian slur that Kara had reluctantly taught her as a young teenager, and he had promptly barged his way through her door to knee her in the kidney.

His friends must have caught wind of her impudence, because nearly every shift change between the guards after that incident saw one of them coming into her to cell to gift her with one bruise or another. A repeatedly-split lip, a shiner, bruised abdomen and ribs, and strike to the back of her knee were some of her favorite new wounds. And they weren’t even received in combat. These ones were just recreational. 

Fantastic.

There was a shift in the energy outside her cell on the fourth day of her imprisonment. She could hear mutterings outside her door that she hadn’t before. The guards who made the hourly rounds to check on her seemed tense, their movements stiff and agitated. 

So, Alex’s movements became similarly stiff and agitated.

When the sun’s light dulled and purpled outside her window, a different pair of guards appeared at her door, ones she hadn’t seen before.

“Newbies?” she asked them as they stared at her through the glass door. 

They blinked at her, then one of them pressed a hand to the panel on the wall outside the door, causing it to slide back with a slick _schink._

Alex took a step back, tensing, readying her body for another onslaught, resolving to at least break one of their noses this time around. They weren’t Kryptonian—she could tell by the short quills running up their arms—so they might be more breakable. But also…they had quills running up their arms. Which seemed dangerous.

She raised her fists as they reached for her, landing a solid hit to one’s chin, and a bite to the hand of the other one as he reached for her neck to subdue her.

He howled, and hit her in the temple, leaving her dazed and nauseous, bent over and clutching at her stomach. She tried to squirm away, but the two of them grabbed her by the arms, yanking her head back by her hair.

She spluttered and flailed, preparing herself for the inevitable toss into the wall these skirmishes usually ended in, but instead of throwing her, they gripped her tighter and dragged her to the door.

The sudden change in what she had come to expect ramped up her panic and she thrashed against them. She’d take the wall. She’d take being thrown into the wall again, but hell if she was going to let them drag her away into some new level of horror in this place.

She was clobbered in the head once again for her troubles—this time with the butt of an unidentifiable weapon, and her skull exploded with pain. Black stars erupted like sparklers across her vision, and she drooped, gaze restricted to the cobbles of the floor as she was dragged boneless down the hall.

*

The two quilled guards pushed her—somewhat… _gently,_ after all that—into an empty white room. They waited for her to stumble and catch her footing, then one of them nodded his head at her.

“Strip,” he instructed.

Oh, _fuck_ no. Nauseousness suddenly long forgotten, she lunged at him, this time going straight for the throat with her elbow, and a gut shot with her fist. She landed both—only to be lifted unceremoniously up by the throat by the other guard, who looked furious, but didn’t make any move to hurt her further.

He jutted his chin toward something behind her with a grunt. 

Heart thundering, she craned her head as best she could to see what he was motioning to.

A porcelain tub, filled three-fourths of the way with lightly steaming water lay tucked into the corner of the room. A washcloth lay draped over the edge of it, soap, shampoo, and—wow, luxurious—a razor were stationed on the floor just beside it.

Sensing that her flailing was on pause for the moment, the guard lowered her to the ground. His fist stayed wrapped warningly around her throat, but he no longer applied any pressure.

“Strip, so that you can bathe,” he clarified, while his counterpart gurgled frustratedly beside him.

Alex looked at him sharply, nowhere _near_ trusting of the situation, eyes darting searchingly between his.

He looked irritated. “The General is affording you this luxury,” he said. “Reject it if you want, it makes no difference to us. She thought it a kindness before she comes down to visit you.”

She continued to stare hard, searchingly, at him.

He shrugged, beginning to shift his hold. “Suit yourself,” he said, angling her as if to begin dragging he back to her cell.

“Wait—“ she protested unthinkingly, and he stopped.

She hadn’t meant to protest. She’d meant to remain resolute. Flippant. To not care.

But, god, she wanted that bath. She wanted to feel just a little less like a prisoner, just a little more like a human being. All she’d had for the past three days was a weakly dribbling sink, leaving her incapable of giving herself anything other than a sponge bath. A sponge bath without the sponge. Or soap. And almost no water. 

Just _looking_ at the bathtub she became aware of how filthy she was. Blood caked at her hair, dirt and sweat and grime all over her skin, under her nails, hair sticking sweaty to her face, her neck.

She looked sternly up at the quilled guard and pointed her finger as threateningly as she could at him while he held her by the throat.

“No peeking,” she instructed.

He smirked, but let go of her neck, turning his back on her, and maneuvering his counterpart to do the same.

Alex watched their backs for a long moment to make sure they wouldn’t do anything, massaging her throat where his fingers had clamped down so hard. When they both remained satisfyingly motionless and impassive, she stripped out of her shirt, then her pants, then her underthings, tossing each piece of clothing to the floor with a slap. She felt like she was shedding something terrible off of herself, getting rid of damaged, unwanted skin.

Feeling suddenly lighter without the weight of her grimy clothes, she stepped her foot over the edge of the tub, dipping her foot into the water, toes pointed. She closed her eyes. This was heaven. This was exactly what heaven would feel like if she ever happened to get there.

Opening her eyes again so she wouldn’t slip and ruin heaven for herself, she stepped her other foot in, and then crouched, sinking down so that she was wrapped in warm, clean water all the way up around her shoulders to her chin, getting just the tips of her hair wet. She bit down to keep herself from sighing out loud, and then slid all the way down beneath the water.

She’d been wrong before.

_This_ was heaven.

She resurfaced slowly, having lost herself momentarily under water, eyes closed, sounds muted. She didn’t want to face reality, didn’t want to remember that she was a prisoner, that she couldn’t get to her sister, couldn’t protect her, or herself for that matter.

But things were what they were, and a moment of peace under the water was all she could afford herself. Brusquely, she reached for the shampoo, the soap, the razor, the washcloth, and set herself to becoming human again.

*

She was given army fatigues and a black T-shirt to put on once she was done with her bath.

So…essentially the same thing she’d already been wearing. Except that these were clean. And not worn in quite the way she liked. Stiffer. 

She wrung her hair out, taking one last moment to breathe in the scent of _clean,_ and approached the backs of her quilled guards gingerly, clearing her throat.

“So I’m, uhm. Ready. I guess,” she informed them. She wasn’t quite clear on proper protocol here.

It must have been acceptable though, because they turned to her as one, each taking an arm, and began escorting her back down the hall. They weren’t gentle by any means—the one she’d elbowed in the throat and punched in the gut was definitely gripping her arm hard enough to bruise—but there was less yanking, less threat of more dislocated body parts.

It probably helped that she wasn’t putting up a fight this time. The thought had occurred to her. Her body, relaxed and refreshed with the bath, felt more ready, more alive, more capable of making some kind of escape. 

Realistically, though, she knew that wouldn’t get her anything more than another club to the head, or kick to the ribs, or wall to her cheek. So she allowed them to steer her back to her cell, walking just a little off pace from them as her one small act of rebellion.

They halted with her outside the cell, the one who had evaded her elbow to the throat pressing his palm to the panel on the wall to open first the iron layer with a _schunk_ and a _clang,_ and then the glass layer with its smooth _schinck._

Alex startled a little. Astra was already waiting for them inside, in the very center of the room, stance strong and formidable as she locked gazes with both her guards, nodding shortly at them to release Alex. They did so uniformly, inclined their heads respectfully, and made their exit with no further instruction.

The doors slid closed behind them, and Alex was left, unprotected, with Astra.

She almost snorted at herself. _Unprotected._ The quilled guards had been her aggressors moments before, and were strictly in Astra’s employ. They’d snap her neck at a word. Yet Alex still felt almost like she’d have liked them to stay. As buffers, if nothing else. Left alone with Astra…she felt bare.

As if reading her mind, Astra raised an eyebrow and nodded to her. “What happened to your face?” she asked.

Alex lifted a hand to her cheek, remembering that all the soap and water in the world couldn’t just make a shiner, a split lip, and a bruised temple disappear.

“Nothing,” she said.

Astra frowned and strode toward her, movements sure and precise, but somehow without the military stiffness anymore. Alex straightened as she stopped in front of her, those uncanny eyes flickering over her face, down over her arms, up again to the bruise on her collarbone…

“You didn’t have these when I brought you here,” Astra said.

Knowing better than to lie, Alex shook her head.

“You’ve been beaten.”

Alex’s jaw clenched but she refused to look down when Astra’s gaze locked with hers. To her surprise, Astra was the one to break contact first, gaze dipping almost shamefully after a moment. Her hand reached forward, brushing almost ghostlike over the bruise on Alex’s collarbone.

“Wounds like this should only be received in battle,” Astra said, her eyes darkening, “never as a helpless prisoner with no hope of fighting back. You will point out your abusers to me, and I will deal with them.”

Alex’s lips parted in surprise—partially at the declaration, partially at the way Astra’s fingers remained at her collarbone. Then she drew her lips back and smirked.

“No need. I took care of them myself,” she lilted.

Astra’s eyebrows raised curiously. “Oh?”

Alex shrugged, definitely not modestly.

When she looked, Astra was starting to smile carefully, adding a softness to her curiosity.

“I might’ve gotten a couple jabs of my own in there,” Alex boasted, surprised to find a playful edge to her voice. It was like Astra’s smile had invited it out without Alex’s knowing. She tightened her jaw to tip the scale back from playful to snarky. “Your lackeys could use a few rounds in the ring with a human, toughen them up a little.”

Astra’s small smile remained. “You wounded my guard,” she realized. “I saw the bruise on his chin. That was a well-landed hit.”

Alex tried not to grin, jerking her head up haughtily instead.

“I didn’t see what you did to the other one.”

“I bit his hand.”

Astra pursed her lips. “Well that was foolish. You could have impaled your own face on one of his quills.”

“I followed it up with a jab to his throat and a punch to his stomach,” Alex offered. “Not too shabby, right?”

Astra made a sort of _hmmm_ sound, expression becoming serious again. “And they were your only abusers, Alexandra?” she asked critically. “No one else?”

Alex remained silent, a challenge. 

Astra’s lips twitched, amusement back, but colder this time. “You don’t want me fighting your battles for you, do you,” she gathered.

“I’m human, Astra—believe it or not, that’s not actually synonymous with being weak,” Alex said, trying to keep her tone as light as she could. “I don’t need your protection when you’re the one who put me here in the first place. Don’t throw me in a prison and then pretend to be my savior.” She shook her head. “You don’t get to have it both ways.”

Astra blinked in surprise—she’d probably never been told _no_ by a human before.

Had probably never been corrected— _reprimanded—_ by a human before.

“As you wish, Agent Danvers,” she said finally, trying but not quite succeeding in glossing over her shock. She looked around the room. “I trust you’re at least…comfortable here?”

It came out a little awkward, and Alex cocked her head at the fumble. She felt her mouth twisting in a surprising kind of smile, and she sat down on her cot.

“Well, I like the window,” she said.

Astra’s gaze seemed to trip over to her, and she looked thrown. “That’s…I’m glad to hear it,” she acknowledged stiffly.

“It’s high quality craftsmanship,” Alex told her, tapping her knuckles demonstratively on the sill. “In spite of my best efforts, I wasn’t able to escape through it. So…you know, bummer for me, but kudos to your choice in windows.” She offered a Cheshire Cat grin, wondering how long she could keep Astra off balance. Had she really been _that_ surprised by Alex’s refusal to let her help that she was having a hard time keeping up that cold professionalism?

Astra’s eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head back warily.

“You’re baiting me,” she realized.

“I am,” Alex admitted. She surprised herself by huffing out a genuine laugh. “You’re surprisingly easy to tease.”

Astra’s jaw twitched. “Only because your primitive human sense of humor is too insignificant to take notice of,” she said haughtily. But not angrily.

“Oh, please—like Kryptonian humor’s any better,” Alex scoffed. “I’ll bet you’ve never made a joke in your life.”

“I’ve made several,” Astra informed her stiffly. “And in more languages than you could possibly imagine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

It was a standoff, and Alex’s chin hurt from trying to contain a grin at how… _stupid_ this conversation was. She leaned back.

“Tell me one,” she challenged.

“One what?”

“Tell me one of your superior alien jokes. I’m all ears.”

“Perhaps you should ask Kara to tell you,” Astra said. “I’m sure she remembers them better than I do.”

Alex’s smile slipped a couple notches, feeling the return of that sharp, humorless tension between them from before.

“So…you’ve been able to contact her,” she said. “About the trade.”

Astra took a moment before answering, searching her face. “No,” she said finally. “There has been only radio silence from the DEO.”

Alex sat forward, body tensing. “What do you mean ‘radio silence?’” she asked sharply. “How is that possible?”

Astra shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said. “Our transmissions have been met with nothing but static. It’s as if the DEO doesn’t even exist.”

Alex stared in front of her, trying to process—trying to make sure she was _processing_ , not _panicking._ Kara…if anything had happened to Kara…

“We will continue trying to contact them, Alexandra,” Astra told her softly, seeming to know exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure Kara is alright.”

“Yeah? How the hell would you know something like that?” She bit each word out, suddenly sick at the idea that she had just had any kind of _pleasant_ interaction with Astra. “What the hell took you so long to tell me? _Four days_ go by? And then, what, have me all bathed and relaxed for…for what? I thought this—“ she gestured down at the clean clothes, her clean self, “I thought this was all because…”

“You thought the trade was going to be made,” Astra finished for her, gaze dropping. “You thought you were going to be released.”

Alex worked her jaw silently.

“Last we spoke, you seemed to object to the idea of being traded,” Astra said, eyebrows raised, but not unkindly. “You seemed to claim that you would prefer your Director didn’t give me the Myriad transmitter, even if it meant you remained a prisoner here.”

Alex leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees, squeezing her eyes closed so she wouldn’t have to look at Astra. She stayed still even when the cot dipped beside her, signaling that Astra had just sat down.

General Astra In-Ze had just abandoned her military pose and sat down on a cot beside her prisoner.

Now Alex _really_ made sure she didn’t look at her.

“I understand you’re conflicted,” Astra said softly. “You want to keep Myriad out of my hands, but you also want to be free. But you’re more realistic than that, Alexandra. As you said—you can’t have something both ways.”

Alex opened her eyes, feeling them threateningly, traitorously wet. She jolted as she realized Astra was reaching slowly for her, fingers drifting once again at the ends of her still-wet hair.

“I didn’t mean to mislead you with this,” Astra said, indicating the clean hair, the clean clothes. “I thought it…” she sighed, “…a comfort.”

Alex huffed wryly, but didn’t try to move away from Astra’s fingers. “If you really want to comfort me, next time, don’t send two goons who are gonna beat the crap out of me first,” she muttered.

She thought she saw Astra give a tight smile out of the corner of her eye, and turned her face to look at her.

“You could let me go,” she said softly, hating how much it sounded like she was pleading. “You could let me go—just to make sure Kara’s okay. I’d come back—or, or you could have me followed, or tracked, I just—I just need to make sure…”

Astra was already shaking her head, eyes soft. “You know I can’t do that, Alexandra,” she said lowly. “Not with what’s at stake here. I can’t risk losing my only leverage. I’ve worked too long, and too hard, and made _far_ too many sacrifices to just let Myriad go. Not even for my niece.”

Alex exhaled, turning her entire body to look at her now. “You hesitated,” she said accusingly. At Astra’s look, she clarified. “You hesitated on the roof. Before you took me. When I told you your heart wasn’t in it anymore. Your resolve was slipping. You almost…”

“I almost nothing,” Astra cut her off, fingers dropping instantly from her hair. A muscle jumped in her jaw, and she stood abruptly. “I will continue to try to contact your superiors,” she said stiffly, “and I will keep you apprised of any developments. But that is all I can offer you, Alexandra. Do not push any farther.”

She began to stride toward the door, then paused, looking back over her shoulder at Alex.

“My other offer does still stand, though,” she added quietly. “If you want me to track down and punish your abusers, I will do so. Gladly.”

Alex turned her gaze away from her, staring resolutely up at the ceiling and letting her head thump back against the wall, unresponsive. She felt Astra wait—almost as if she was hoping Alex might say something. But when the silence only continued, and became sharper and tighter with each passing second, she gave up, and exited.

Alex let out a shaky breath, and turned her face back to the window.


	3. Seeing Red

Alex almost came to look forward to her daily beatings from the Fort Rozz criminals-turned-guards. Twice a day, sometimes three or four if she was really lucky. Every new bruise felt like a satisfying _fuck you_ to Astra— _fuck you_ _for bringing me here, fuck you for keeping me from finding my sister when she’s in trouble, fuck you for your fucking Myriad program, fuck you for making me a pawn in all this, fuck you for having the fucking_ ** _audacity_** _to offer me_ ** _protection_** _when you’re the one who put me here in the first place, fuck you for daring to smile at me, or speak to me, or even look at me—_

She spat blood into the eyes of her current attacker, earning her a solid kick to the stomach that brought her straight to her knees, rolling over on her side to gasp for air.

The guard snarled something in his language she was pretty sure would have made her blood boil if she’d understood it—instead, she let her ignorance of his words hit her like another fist, one more bruise to add to her collection.

Apparently satisfied with his work, he turned on his heel and left, the sharp, echoing sounds of the layered cell door opening and closing making her flinch.

Alone, she drew breath shakily into her lungs, rolling over onto her back on the cold floor. Smiling.

She couldn’t rationalize it, not through the excruciating pain, but there was something in her, some gut impulse that made her think the more she let the guards hurt her, the more she was hurting Astra. Astra, who seemed so high and mighty, and arrogant—the first time she’d met her, sprawled on the floor with the Hellgrammite barb sticking out of her leg, hadn’t Astra told her that she was here to _save_ them all? Here to _save_ their planet, here to _save_ the humans?

Good luck saving _this_ hot mess, Alex thought, looking down at herself. If Astra couldn’t save _one_ idiot of a human, she could never claim to save them all. Alex had won.

*

She awoke to an argument. 

Rewind.

She awoke to a room that was not hers. On a cot, not the floor, for one thing—but the cot itself was…Alex didn’t want to say _cushy_ , but it was a hell of a lot cushier than _hers._ Bigger, thicker mattress, soft sheets. _Sheets_ at all.

She let her eyes open slowly—she didn’t think they were swollen, just bleary—but her vision still swam a little. She was definitely not in her cell. Slick black walls and floor, a surprisingly warm, reddish glow coming from the lights, a long, metal desk across the room from her, piled high with books and maps and what looked like the blueprints to something…and Astra herself standing stiffly in front of the desk in the midst of a heated argument with a man Alex recognized to be Astra’s Lieutenant. Non.

Squinting, Alex tried to follow their conversation, but it was in Kryptonese, harsh and punctuated in a way she wasn’t familiar with. Kara had taught her quite a bit of the language when they were younger, but she was by no means fluent, and her head was nowhere near functional enough right now to pick out more than the odd word here and there.

But some line must have been crossed in their argument because Astra suddenly snapped, teeth baring, and Non flinched, going silent. She seemed to be staring him down, and after a moment, he let his gaze drop, though his stance remained taught with defiance, and a sneer stayed twisted on his lips. Nevertheless he gave a short nod, apparently having been given an order, and strode from the room, the mechanized door sliding shut with a metallic _bang_.

Astra’s eyes closed as he left, and she let out a deep sigh through her nose. Steadying herself. Whatever that had been about—Alex had been able to pick out the words _Lieutenant_ and _General_ and _Myriad_ several times, so it must have had something to do with their mission—but it seemed to have taken an emotional toll on her as well. Her shoulders slumped just slightly, something Alex would never have thought she’d witness.

When Astra opened her eyes next, they fell on Alex, and both her stance and expression tightened again.

“Oh good. You’re awake,” she said coldly. “I was beginning to wonder if I might have to have one of my troops dig a grave out behind the base for you.” 

Alex sat up slowly, jaw clenched. “That’s not very nice,” she muttered, wincing as her head pounded. “What happened to all your heroic _I’ll punish your abusers for you, Alexandra, let me ride in on my fucking white horse and save you from all the pain and suffering_ ** _I’ve_** _put you through, Alexandra…”_

“I thought your rejection to let me help you came from a place of self-worth, and bravery,” Astra clipped out. “As it turns out, it was nothing but idiocy and hubris. Almost sickeningly _human._ Every beating you’ve received since my offer is well-deserved as far as I’m concerned.”

“Yeah? Then what am I doing up here? Why’d you scoop up the poor, _sickening_ human and plop her down on your cot, huh?”

“You’re my leverage, Alexandra, your death would do me no favors,” Astra said impassively, eyes so cold they almost burned through Alex. “You will stay up here with me until I’m convinced you won’t bleed to death, and then it’s back down to the cell with you. I need you alive—and believe me when I say I had truly hoped you would not come to any harm—but in the grand scheme of things, it does not particularly matter if you’re damaged, so long as you still have a pulse.”

She strode toward the door with an aggravated kind of clippedness, grabbing something from some unseen room beside it.

“Where are you going?” Alex demanded, like it was somehow her place to make demands here. She twisted around so she could see Astra, see her standing ramrod straight with a towel in her hands.

“I have business to attend to,” Astra told her coldly. She tossed the towel with a snap to Alex. “Clean yourself up.”

*

Alex didn’t clean herself up. Another _fuck you_ to Astra. 

Instead, she limped stiffly over to Astra’s desk, eyes darting over the maps and plans laid out on it. She frowned, disappointed when none of them gave any information on Myriad. She supposed she shouldn’t have been so naive as to think Astra would just leave something like that out for prying eyes to see, but Alex was still grasping at slim hopes here. She hadn’t quite give up yet.

She snorted. Hope. Kara’s endless, honest belief in the power of _hope._ Somehow that must have synthesized over into Alex’s subconscious at some point. _Hoping_ there was still a chance for her to stop Astra, and Myriad, even here, all on her own, as a human prisoner beaten nearly to a pulp by a bunch of aliens in bodysuits.

She sighed frustratedly and plopped down on Astra’s chair—which, she couldn’t help but smirk at, was a swivel chair. Somehow, Alex just assumed everything about Astra would be tight and stiff and cold. Not comfy and swively.

When and where did she even _get_ this chair?

Alex allowed herself one spin all the way around in it—before promptly becoming nauseous due to blood loss—then leaned forward, looking through Astra’s work again.

Most of it, annoyingly enough, was far beyond her grasp. She’d always rejected the idea that Kryptonians were all _that_ smart, that maybe they were just talking out their asses—but the things she was looking at now were just so…complex. She couldn’t even _begin_ to work out what she was looking at.

The maps she could at least _kind of_ wrap her mind around. One of them, she thought, looked to be the schematics to Fort Rozz itself. If the map was any indication, this place was _huge._ If someone were to get lost here, they could probably end up wandering around for days with no way of getting out.

She turned her attention to the other things. Books, mostly. Most looked to be in Kryptonese, but there were several in English, a few in Spanish, Chinese, Russian, and then a bunch of other ones that had to be from way outside the solar system. Or maybe the galaxy. It was hard to say.

Astra had told her she knew many jokes, in more languages than Alex could imagine.

Alien jokes.

Alex wondered if one of these books was secretly just a joke book. And after a long day of terrorizing civilians, Astra would come back to her room, swivel in her swively chair, and study up on how to deliver the perfect punchline in every civilization across the galaxy.

Probably not.

Bored now, and more than a little antsy, she started wandering the room, seeing what else might be of interest—or of use. A means of escape, a lock pick, a weapon…there had to be _something._

Looking over her shoulder to double check there weren’t any sounds coming from beyond the door, she crept over to the closet by the cot. It was small, containing only the bare essentials—just your everyday array of black bodysuits, a Kryptonite inhibitor, a pair of knives that would be of _no_ use against Astra, a gun that would, again, be of _no_ use against Astra…essentially, she had just found a closet full of weapons she could only hurt _herself_ with.

Not ideal.

But just as she was about to turn away and give up, her eyes fell on a long, narrow metal box tucked far into the corner, far into the back. Alex reached for it, fingers lifting up on the clasp, easing it the slightest bit open…

“If you wanted to borrow some clothes, you could have just asked, Agent Danvers.”

Alex jolted her hand out of the closet, wheeling to find Astra leaning surprisingly languidly against her door across the room, watching her with that patiently amused look she sometimes got. Not friendly by any means, but at least she wasn’t throwing towels at Alex.

She took a few slow steps forward, cocking her head. “Or perhaps you were looking for a weapon?” she ventured patronizingly. “It’s going to take you a little more digging to find anything that would actually cause _me_ any harm.”

“Yeah, I was starting to reach that conclusion,” Alex said. She jerked her thumb back to the closet, at the narrow metal box she had just found. “But then I saw you were still hanging onto my Kryptonite sword back there.”

Astra made no conscious movement, but Alex still saw the subtlety of a body going from languid composure to taut rigidness. 

“You wouldn’t be able to reach it before I got to you,” Astra said, but there was a warning note in her voice that made Alex think she might not be completely convinced of that.

“We could give it a try,” Alex suggested challengingly. She was bluffing, of course, there was no way in hell she could get to the back of the closet, finish wrenching open the lead-lined box, and pull the sword out before Astra got to her, but she couldn’t quite get over that _look_ Astra had—as if some part of her thought Alex might actually stand a chance.

“I would only end up hurting you more when I reached you,” Astra said, and there was a surprising bitterness to her tone that threw Alex for a second. “I think your body could stand to go at least a few more hours without being broken again.” She lifted an eyebrow, lips pursing. “You didn’t wash,” she observed.

“You called me _sickeningly human_ earlier,” Alex reminded her. “Just wanted to live down to your expectations.”

Astra shook her head with a small, barely-noticeable smirk. “I can’t believe I ever mistook you for being brave,” she huffed. “All you are is foolish. You could have accepted my help, you could have accepted my generosity—or, barring those, you could have at least gone through with your raid on my closet and run me through with that sword, as you were prepared to do on the roof. Instead, you told me you found it, and then didn’t act. Why?”

 _“Because_ , you offered me your help, and your generosity,” Alex told her. “I don’t want either—I don’t _need_ either—but I have a rough time with the idea of killing someone who offered those things genuinely. I’m going to get out of here, General, and I’m going to stop Myriad. And if we meet in battle, I won’t hesitate to kill you. But I’m not a coward, I’m not going to _murder_ you just to get out. You’re not the only one here who can offer help, or generosity. You’re not as all-powerful as you think, Astra.”

Astra gazed at her—assessed her—for a long moment. “You hinder yourself to prove a point,” she said. 

“It’s a point worth proving. I’m the resident human representative around these parts,” Alex said with a shrug. “I’m the only one here to prove it.”

“You aren’t a human representative, Alexandra, because you don’t represent what most humans are,” Astra sighed. “If you truly _were_ their representative, they would not be worthy of you. You are better than they are.”

“I thought I was foolish.”

Astra smiled. “You are. And if you are both foolish _and_ the best of your race, what does that say for them?”

Alex narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “You’re trying to be funny, aren’t you,” she said. “Or just really mean.”

The smile turned into a smirk. 

It was a pretty transition.

Astra sat down on the edge of her cot, gesturing to Alex.

“Will you please at least let me wash your face?” she requested. “It’s hard to see you as anything _other_ than foolish with that much blood on you.”

Alex startled at the offer. Did she really seem _that_ helpless in Astra’s eyes that she thought she needed to wash her face _for her?_

She side-stepped. “What, you’re not gonna just throw the towel at me this time?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Astra’s smile went away. “I’m sorry for that,” she said quietly, much to Alex’s surprise. “It wasn’t you I was angry with. Well—it was, but…”

Alex raised her eyebrows.

“You should never have been hurt in the first place, I know it was my fault. But you continued to allow yourself to be beaten—it’s like you did it on _purpose._ And I know I shouldn’t have been angry, I _know_ it’s my fault, and I’m truly ashamed of how you’ve been treated…”

“So…you threw the towel at me to…make me feel better?”

Astra slanted her eyes at her, annoyed but not angry. “You overheard my argument with my Lieutenant, I’m assuming?” she asked.

“Kind of. I only got a couple words.”

“He suggested a ruse, a video to be sent to the DEO, of you being tortured, to hurry along negotiations. In the meantime, he drew my attention to the fact that there were many in my ranks who think it wise to actually kill you, that you are causing trouble— _attracting_ trouble. Your continued presence here is making my men nervous, they don’t trust it. Enough of them have encountered Supergirl that they fear holding onto her sister for this long will only bring further harm to our cause. Everyone on this base wishes you harm, and you were just _allowing_ it, even _encouraging_ it.”

“But _you_ don’t wish me harm,” Alex hazarded, pushing the thought of a torture video being made far, far back in her mind where it wouldn’t haunt her.

“I don’t,” Astra confirmed. She shook her head. “You were perfectly within your rights to refuse my help, Alexandra, but I failed you when I accepted that refusal. I respect your strength, I truly do, but you _are_ vulnerable here. Even weak.”

Alex stiffened.

“I know you hate the word,” Astra afforded. “But sometimes weakness must be respected as well as strength.”

Alex continued to just _look_ at her, anger starting to creep back slowly.

Astra sighed, and held out her hand again. “Will you please at least allow me to wash your face?” she requested again.

“What, to prove how weak I am?”

“To apologize.”

Alex set her jaw, staring at her, not even _remotely_ sure of what to make of her. To hate her, to be… _charmed_ …by her…? She seemed so sincere in her respect for Alex, wanted to stand up for her, empower her, protect her. Against her own people. It was misguided, of course, and pointless, and confusing, and infuriating, but the intention seemed real. Convoluted, but real.

There was just that nasty little fact that Astra _also_ intended to enact whatever Myriad was on humanity, and keep Alex a prisoner here.

But _then_ also—there were just these _moments—_ the briefest of brief moments—when her stiffness would give way to something softer than protectiveness, something easier, the hint of a joke, a slip, an accidental pull at her lips that was so very close to a smile.

But it couldn’t make up for what Astra had done—for what Astra was _doing._ For the scars and bruises Alex now sported, for the loss and emptiness she felt without Kara and Hank and the rest of them.

But, she had no idea what the hell _else_ to do. So she took a few hesitant steps forward, and sat herself down stiffly on the very edge of the cot for this whole… _face-washing…_ thing. 

Astra pursed her lips against a smirk.

“I’m not going to bite you, Alexandra, you’re allowed to sit closer,” she said, one eyebrow lifting with humor.

Alex gave her a look. “I mean, I don’t know your Kryptonian customs—maybe you guys bite all the time. Maybe you just go around all day washing each other’s faces and biting them.”

It was unexpected. Astra’s whole face just broke into this smile, and—

Wow. 

_Wow._

Bright. 

Open. 

Something she never would have expected from Astra. 

She felt something warm unfurl in her chest, and then spread slowly through her in a gentle wave of soft heat, filling every limb, every vein, every pore with something… _alive._

She blinked, startled, and then cleared her throat to pretend nothing had happened, edging in a little closer as requested. 

Satisfied by her compliance, and still smiling slightly, Astra turned to the nightstand beside her cot, dipping the towel in the rosewater bowl on top of it. When she turned back, the smile had faded, but her expression was still soft as she pressed the towel gently to Alex’s temple.

Alex let her eyes slip closed. The water was warm, Astra’s touch was gentle, dabbing, then wiping at each individual wound, sometimes turning away to wet the towel again, then beginning anew, brushing Alex’s hair back out of her face, exposing it to every gentle administration.

When she got to the split at Alex’s lip, she sighed and murmured, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Alex’s eyes opened, fixing warily back into the deepness of Astra’s. She waited.

“I was able to get a transmission through to the DEO,” she said.

Alex straightened back immediately, jerking her head out of reach. “You’re telling me this _now?”_ she asked stiffly.

Astra lifted a severe eyebrow, hands dropping from Alex’s face. “Yes, I’m telling you now, when else should I have told you?”

“I don’t know, maybe the _second it fucking happened?”_

“The second it _fucking_ happened, you were in the midst of raiding my closet for a weapon to kill me with,” Astra said flatly. “Afterwards, you and I had a long discussion about whether or not you actually _would_ be killing me today. English isn’t my first language, but I’m fairly certain there wasn’t a smooth segue in there for me.”

“Well we could have skipped the face-washing part,” Alex snapped. She ran the back of her hand over her split lip as if to wipe away Astra’s touch, rather than the blood that was still there. It stung.

“So what happened, is everyone okay?” she pressed.

“They are, now.”

 _“Now,_ what does that mean, _now?”_ Alex demanded shrewdly. “What happened?”

“Kara—and she’s _alright,_ Alexandra—but your Director informed me that she was exposed to a substance. It…altered her…in some way.”

“Kryptonite.”

“…Yes, but…also no. Your Director told me it was a synthetic imitation of Kryptonite. He called it Red Kryptonite. It was manufactured by a man called Maxwell Lord.”

Every molecule in Alex’s body twisted with sick anger at the name, every muscle clenched, her hands became fists as if he were in the room with them. He’d hurt Kara.

“You know him,” Astra inferred.

“I know him,” Alex said through gritted teeth. “What did he do to Kara—what did the Red Kryptonite do to Kara?”

“Your Director would not say,” Astra said, shaking her head. “Which is no surprise—he would not want me or mine knowing specifics of such a thing. All he would tell me was that she interfered with our communication. She became…not herself.” Her jaw twitched. “I believe she became destructive.”

Alex swallowed thickly and she reached instinctively for Astra’s wrists to force her undivided attention. Astra looked down in surprise and Alex gripped her harder.

“Astra, please,” she begged, this time unashamed of her tone. “You _have_ to let me go to her. I need—she needs me, Astra, _please—“_

Astra kept her gaze on Alex’s hands. “We’ve had this conversation before, Alexandra, you know my answer.”

“But now we _know—_ we _know_ something happened to her, that she needs help…”

“She doesn’t need help anymore, whatever was in her system, it’s gone now.”

“But she could be hurt, she could be scared—if something _altered_ her, Astra, she could be…”

“She is being taken care of by your organization. My answer is no.” She lowered her voice to barely above a whisper. “I am sorry.” She hesitated, then reached forward as if to tuck Alex’s hair behind her ear, comforting.

Alex jerked out of reach of her fingers and snapped to her feet. “Do _not_ touch me,” she snarled. _“Ever.”_

Astra looked stunned for the briefest of seconds before her face cooled and hardened again.”Your Director informed me that Kara is recovering for now at the DEO,” she said lowly. _“Resting._ She is unharmed. But she is tired. When she wakes, she and your Director will discuss the proposed trade. We should hear back from them within the next forty-eight hours.”

Forty-eight hours.

Like hell she was going to wait even another forty-eight _minutes._

But she did wait forty-eight minutes. 

She waited forty-eight minutes because that’s how long it took for Astra to become busy with those books and papers on her desk, for her to become so absorbed, she didn’t notice Alex moving toward the closet. She didn’t notice because she _trusted_ Alex, she’d believed her when she’d said she wouldn’t murder her in cold blood with the Kryptonite sword.

Which was true. She wouldn’t.

But she could sure as hell throw the lid off the box and get her fingers around the hilt—too fast for Astra to stop her in time. And when Astra did reach her—almost too fast for Alex to comprehend—the very _nearness_ of Kryptonite made her stumble just enough, and Alex was able to angle, ramming the blade down, all the way through her leg.

Astra cried out in agony, and the sound of it yanked at something painful in Alex’s chest—that warm feeling she’d had when Astra had smiled at her went jagged and tore through a small piece of her.

But she had no choice. This was _Kara._

There was a crack up the length of the sword—it must have hit bone, it must have chipped off inside Astra’s leg. She withdrew the sword with a hard yank that she felt all the way up at her shoulder, and Astra continued to writhe in agony, tears in her eyes, confirming that the chip was still in there, embedded somewhere deep.

“I’m so sorry, Astra,” Alex whispered, but she could see no other way around it. Grabbing the Fort Rozz schematics off the desk, she smacked her hand down onto the panel of the door to the outside, and fled.


	4. Impulses

There was sand in her mouth. In her ears, her hair, under her nails. In her boots. Under the skin of every open sore she had—and she had quite a few. Sand pressed against her cheek where she lay on her stomach, immobile.

“Kara,” she mumbled weakly, as she had been for hours now. Sand in her throat.

How far had she been able to run? Hours. _Hours._ Hours beyond what a body should be able to run. When she’d collapsed, Fort Rozz was no longer in her sight, but that didn’t mean she was out of reach. Someone would have heard Astra’s scream, someone would have come, would have seen their General wounded, would have put two and two together when the _human_ was missing…

Someone would be coming after her. And she barely had the energy to _blink,_ let alone defend herself.

“Kara,” she croaked, feeling a tear slide down from the corner of her eye. “Please.” Sand in her eyes.

She felt a sudden, harsh spiral of air behind her, a thump shaking the earth around her as something landed. 

She squeezed her eyes closed tight. Not out of fear. She wasn’t scared. Alex Danvers wasn’t scared. She wasn’t scared to be dragged back like a limp doll to Fort Rozz, back to beatings, back to loneliness, back to the woman who had hurt her, and soothed her, made her feel something warm, then something cold…

“Alex.”

Alex found the energy to laugh, raw and short. Okay, she _was_ scared. More scared than she’d thought if she was imagining the voice of the Fort Rozz tracker to sound just like Kara’s. 

“Alex.”

Losing her mind.

“Alex.”

Sand in her brain.

“Alex, _please._ I can’t get close to you—the sword. I can’t reach you with the Kryptonite. Just…just move it a little, Alex, please. I can’t get to you.”

A shapeshifter. They must have sent a shapeshifter after her. One to sound just like Kara. It had her inflections just right and everything.

“Alex, _wake up!”_  

Why did the shapeshifter’s voice _break_ like that? Had it taken a master class in acting while aboard Fort Rozz?

“Alex, it’s _Kara,”_ the shapeshifter pleaded. “I can’t get you with that sword in your arms, please please move it, just a little. _Please.”_

Why not. Why fucking not. Maybe she’d die on the way back to Fort Rozz and Astra would have the mercy to have her troops dig that grave for her behind the base. A little more dignity than waiting out here for the vultures.

She wrapped her fingers as securely as she could around the hilt of the sword. Tried to toss it. Couldn’t toss it. Let go of it. Pushed it. Far as her arm could go. 

The second it was out of her reach, arms were around her. Strong, familiar arms. A red cape flapping around her in the wind. Closing over her like a blanket.

“I’ve got you,” Kara murmured softly, and Alex heard herself whimper.

Not a shapeshifter. Kara. _Kara._

“I love your ears,” Alex mumbled. She meant to say _super hearing_ , but that was too many words. Not enough room in her mouth for that many words and so much sand.

She heard Kara laugh—a shaky, worried laugh, but no less heart-felt than it ever was.

“They come in handy,” she laugh-whimpered, and then Alex felt a rush of air, all the way through her body. Flying.

The sand fell away.

*

Hank was staring hard at her, big arms crossed over his chest.

She stared back just as hard, body smaller, but tense, perched on the edge of the bed in the medical wing of the DEO. Feet over the edge, toes brushing the floor. Washed in pale, fluorescent light from above. Wary.

Muscles clenched in his jaw, and his fingers twitched around his own biceps, like he was holding something back. Words. Fists. It was hard to say.

“J’onn,” she croaked. She was sewn up, she was sanitized, she was clothed—in a hospital gown, but at least it was clean. And she felt so scared at his look.

But he stepped forward, wordlessly, and put his hand on her shoulder. Squeezed tight, nodding, a frown pulling at his lips, one that betrayed his emotions.

With a smile and a cry, she leaned her head against his shoulder, inhaling deeply as he supported her, and cupped a warm hand to the back of her neck, holding her there.

*

She brought pizza over.

And beer.

The beer was for her.

The pizza was for Kara.

(And, also her, if she could manage to grab a slice before her vacuum of a sister sucked the whole thing down in one gulp).

They talked about stupid things, starting at the island table, migrating to the couch, and back to the table when Alex needed another drink. They danced around the dark things, the things neither of them were ready to touch just yet. Astra. Red Kryptonite.

Kara regaled her with tales of Cat Grant’s overlording. Alex teased her about the grin she wore, and the blush, while telling these tales. 

It was almost enough to make them both forget that there was anything out there that could hurt them. Them or anyone else. 

But Kara’s eyes harbored a sadness—and a fear, anytime she accidentally got too close to Alex, as if she was afraid she’d hurt her. Alex decided they’d danced around these things long enough.

“Hank told me,” she ventured, then exhaled deeply, centering herself. She tried to make her eyes as soft as possible. “Hank told me about the Red Kryptonite.”

Kara swallowed, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. She pinched her lips together and nodded.

“Are you okay?”

Those wide eyes closed, and Kara hiccuped a small cry. But she nodded, opening her eyes again, and looking at Alex as assuringly as she could. “I’m okay.”

“Liar.”

Kara met her smile with one of her own. But it crumpled almost immediately. Kara had never been good at pretending she wasn’t hurt, or horrified by her actions. By her mistakes. Too many accidents growing up, too many times something as simple as a hug had resulted in weekly chiropractor visits for six months, and Kara had shied away from herself like she was a monster.

“I didn’t care, Alex,” she confessed, voice quiet. “I didn’t care about anything. I hurt everything and anything, just because it was there, and I didn’t _care.”_ Her eyes welled up. “I didn’t care about _you._ You were in the way of my freedom. You were in the way of my fun. Myriad, the trade…they were complications. I hated them. I _hated_ them. I hated _you.”_  

Alex kept her own emotional flinch in check. She couldn’t stop the twitch of muscle in her jaw though, couldn’t stop Kara from _noticing_ the twitch.

“I wanted it all to be gone,” Kara whispered hoarsely. “I wanted to get rid of everything, anything that had ever gotten in my way, or made me sad, or made me scared—I was so scared for you, Alex. So when I was exposed to the Red Kryptonite, I decided to hate you. Get rid of you. I went on a rampage. I destroyed every piece of technology in the DEO, every possible way they could have to contact you. I destroyed the Myriad transmitter so the trade could never be made. I erased every trace of you, because, Alex—I was _so. Scared._ Of what had happened to you. I _had_ to make you disappear.”

She looked so agonized, Alex felt her throat tighten just _looking_ at her.

“I’m so sorry, Alex,” Kara whispered through tears. “All I wanted was to find you, but all I could do under the Red Kryptonite was erase you. And you—“ She reached forward, like she wanted to touch every wound on Alex’s face and body, heal them. She dropped her hand before she could reach her. “I did this to you.”

Alex shook her head furiously. “Astra’s men did this to me,” she said fiercely. “You had _nothing_ to do with this, this wasn’t your fault, Kara.”

“I let her hurt you,” Kara whimpered. “Even—even _before_ the Red Kryptonite, I was just _waiting_ to make that trade. I should have—I should have—“

“You should have what, Kara? Magically discovered the whereabouts of her base? Flown in, all alone, defeated hundreds of alien criminals, many of them with your powers, or even stronger? Kara, making that trade was the _only_ option. You didn’t fail me, you didn’t fail _anyone_. Especially not with the Red Kryptonite. Maxwell Lord did that to you. The only villain in this story is him.”

“And my aunt,” Kara murmured, brokenly.

Alex hesitated.

“She’s not…”

She broke off. _She’s not a villain._

_She is._

She didn’t have a word for what Astra was.

“She kept me safe, while I was there,” she said carefully.

Kara’s eyebrows drew together doubtfully, and she seemed to be looking extra hard at the bruises and cuts on Alex.

“Well—she _tried_ to keep me safe,” Alex amended. _“Offered_ to keep me safe. I…I refused.”

“What? Why?”

Alex shook her head, unsure what to say. “It’s complicated,” she opted for.

Kara frowned thoughtfully. “I thought about her when I was under the Red Kryptonite,” she said. “I actually remember wondering if she might love me like this. Like I was. I thought maybe it might be fun to join forces with her and Non. Just…just for kicks. But then I thought about her, all her convictions…in my mind, she just seemed so like my mother. Taking things from me, saying it was for the best. Now that I’m not under the Red K anymore, I think I was sort of right? There’s things about them…they were always so different. But they were really similar too, I think. They just couldn’t see it.”

Alex looked at her carefully, wary that talk of Astra might end up putting the spotlight on her, on her time at Fort Rozz.

“What were they like together, your mom and Astra, back on Krypton?” she asked, hoping to keep that focus away from herself.

…Hoping to keep the focus away from herself, but also, she was genuinely curious. Astra…Astra before all this. Something tucked away too deep inside for her to want to acknowledge, wanted to know. Wanted to know Astra. Just one more thing. One more thing to complicate her, frustrate her.

Why did she _want_ Astra to complicate her? Frustrate her?

Kara chewed on her lip, thinking. “My mother—she always seemed so put together,” she said. She squirmed a little, like she was uncertain. “I’m not sure that was actually true—you know, I was young at the time, I didn’t always pay attention. She probably had a lot going on, probably all the time, she just never let it show. She had a good public face. Kind of regal, I think. I…yeah, when I was younger I always kind of thought she had this…unshakeable dignity. Like a queen. 

“But Astra…Astra was always the more…emotional, I guess…of the two of them. Or passionate, maybe—that’s the word she’d probably use for herself.” She smiled a little, more to herself than to Alex. “She kind of wore her heart on her sleeve. She was more likely to get in an argument, to lash out, even to cry. She got in fights a lot when she was a kid. Mother always said she burned too hot, too bright.”

Alex cocked her head, mulling over the visual. “It’s hard to imagine that,” she said. “Too hot, too bright. Astra seems so…I don’t know… _cold.”_

Kara twitched her mouth thoughtfully, then frowned. “She spent a long time in Fort Rozz,” she said, and Alex regretted having said anything at the look on her face. “It was another thing my mother used to say, that anything that burned that hot and that bright would eventually burn out altogether. Become cold. And it’s hard to feel anything in the cold.”

She was silent for a moment, then shrugged awkwardly. “And anyway, Astra always showed more self-restraint when she was leading her troops, like she is now, so that could be part of her coldness here. She always wanted them to be disciplined, so she had to learn to discipline herself. She never seemed to be _cold_ , though. Not on Krypton. And even though she was disciplined, her definition of discipline never really seemed to match up with _other_ people’s definition of discipline. Her discipline only went so far as her morals would allow—she could be extremely impulsive, even in battle. But never to the point of putting any of her troops at risk. Never to the point of compromising a mission. She would throw herself front and center into a fight if it meant she was doing what her heart was telling her to, but she would never ask the same of any of her troops, unless they volunteered themselves. 

“Mother was always afraid the council would see her as a liability, that they might strip her of her status,” she continued thoughtfully. “Even then, before the fall, she overheard them whispering about fears of Astra going rogue on certain missions. She never did, though. And she was one of the strongest fighters they’d ever seen, and an effective, powerful leader. So they didn’t challenge her. Until, obviously, I mean, you know…”

“The eco-terrorism and the murders,” Alex supplied for her, remembering what Kara had told her after having interrogated her aunt when she’d been held prisoner at the DEO. Eco-terrorism and murder. 

_I’m here to save you all._

Couldn’t save Alex. 

Or herself. 

Alex wondered if they’d been able to get that chip of Kryptonite out of her leg, if she was still recovering, in pain, betrayed.

“She did all that—the bad things she did—she did that for me, I think,” Kara said softly. “I mean, not _completely_ —that sounded…narcissistic. It wasn’t all for _me,_ it was for _Krypton_ , but I don’t think she would have _murdered_ anyone if she hadn’t been concerned about _me._ She…she _loved_ me. Sometimes, I think, even more than my mother did.”

She shook her head, looking down. “No, that’s not true,” she amended. “My mother was willing to sacrifice herself for me. But Astra was…willing to kill for me. They were always just…two sides of the same coin.”

“Kara, you don’t…” Alex trailed off, brows pinching together. “You don’t think you’re to blame for what happened with Astra, do you?”

Kara wouldn’t look at her.

“Because you’re not.” Alex reached across the table, slipping her hand over Kara’s, squeezing a little. Then a little harder so the Girl of Steel could feel the pressure of it, feel the comfort Alex was trying to infuse in it. “Astra made her choice, and Alura made hers. Neither of those things were in your control. You were a little girl. Okay? Nothing that happened there was your fault. You didn’t… _create…_ what Astra is now. She made her choice. She changed herself. She went cold, herself. That’s not on you.”

Kara’s eyes were fixed on her lap, and she nodded to hide the fact that a tear or two dropped from them.

Alex squeezed her hand harder. “If anything…from what you’re saying…I think you’ve become the best parts of both of them,” she said. “Astra’s passion, Alura’s justice…that’s what you are, Kara. You uphold the laws of the people, but you know when to challenge them, too. You have nothing to do with what your mom and aunt did. You’re _good._ You took the good in both of them, and you made it stronger. You completed it. You’re _good,_ Kara.”

Kara sniffled loudly, the hand Alex was holding balled up into a tight, hot fist. Alex held it tighter as her little sister’s shoulders shook, gripping it like she would if she were pulling her to safety from a shipwreck.

Kara’s sniffling quieted after a moment, and she looked back up at Alex with just her eyes. “Good doesn’t disappear, does it?” she asked quietly, and Alex thought she suddenly sounded much younger than she was. “Just because something’s gone cold…it doesn’t mean it can’t be warmed again?” Her eyes were wide, pleading. “I saw Astra…when I was under the Black Mercy…she was still my family, Alex. She was _good._ A person—a bad person can still be good if someone still believes in them, right?”

Alex thought this must be what it looked like to see a heart break. She circled to the other side of the table and gathered Kara in her arms, pressing her against her chest, tucking her head under her chin.

She wanted to say, _of course, of course they can—_ she wanted to _believe_ it. She’d seen a fierce, desperate kind of love in Astra’s eyes when she talked about her niece, when she’d asked Alex to save her from the Black Mercy. 

But the ability to love didn’t necessarily make a person good. It just made them a person.

“All I know, is that when your aunt came to me to help save you, there was _fire_ in her eyes,” Alex said carefully. “That’s…at least kind of like warmth. Maybe a little more of a _violent_ warmth than we’re looking for right now…”

Kara huffed out a laugh into her collarbone. 

Alex gave her another squeeze, then pulled back to look at her. “But what she did was impulsive,” she tucked loose strands of Kara’s hair behind her ears. “It was impulsive, and it was passionate, and emotional, and it seemed to come from the deepest instinct in her heart. Those are all the traits you told me she had back on Krypton, with you. When she was _good._ _You_ draw those traits back out of her. I think…I _hope…_ that you’re right. That maybe there is still good in her.”

That was the best she could offer her.

It seemed to work. Kara, loving, guileless Kara, took her words and translated them, as she translated _everything,_ into the idea that people were inherently good. That hope could always prevail.

And Alex knew better than that. She knew it was borderline _delusional_ for Kara to believe such a thing. 

But it was Kara. And Kara…sometimes—a lot of times—Kara surprised her. Sometimes, she was right. Sometimes there was hope in a dark world, sometimes warmth in a cold heart. 

She stayed up late, long after Kara went to bed, sitting alone on the couch, looking out the windows. Large windows, large enough to walk right through—or _fly_ right through, if you were Kara.

So much more open than what Astra had offered her.

But it was harder to see the stars here. All the lights from the city got in the way, forced themselves to the forefront, blotted them out. At Fort Rozz, if Alex craned her neck just right, the whole sky was ruled by stars. She could see the first of the sun, the first of the moon.

_It doesn’t sit right with me to deny my niece’s sister access to the stars._

Alex sighed frustratedly, trying to keep Astra out of her mind. Failing.

_The Martian made his choice. He went for the Myriad transmitter, I went for you._

Striding over to her, touching fingers to her hair, her collarbone, her face. Throwing that towel at her, snapping at her.

Impulses. So quick—so quickly shut down—that Alex had missed them. Misread them. Misread them as harsh control, rather than the complete opposite. Accidents.

That accidental smile that threw Alex for such a loop it had actually hurt her when she hurt Astra.

Impulses. Emotional, passionate, raw…the way Kara said she was on Krypton. There _had_ to be good in there somewhere. Sort of… _angry_ good, but…

She almost laughed now as she replayed the image of Astra snapping at her and throwing that towel at her. And then apologizing, needing to touch, needing to comfort.

Then hardening and cooling when she was rejected.

Every interaction between them had been so… _personal._ Intimate. Just a series of impulses. Not the way a jailor would typically act toward a prisoner.

There _was_ goodness in there, Alex thought. Kara was right. 

She sighed, leaning back against the couch, closing her eyes. Good thing she’d just stabbed her in the leg and escaped, leaving her writhing on the floor in pain.

Alex had likely just killed any chance of Astra ever becoming good again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, there wasn't any Astra in this chapter, I'M SORRY, OKAY, I MISS HER TOO! But I promise next chapter there will be so much Astra. All the Astra. And that chapter should hopefully be up tomorrow or the next day.
> 
> Also though, guys, scientific question: What fucking color are Laura Benanti’s eyes? Green? Gray? Hazel? Are they just made of magic???? I have literally been staring at pictures of her like a huge creeper for the past ten minutes straight, just trying to figure it out. Whatever. Just…we’re gonna say her eyes are green. For now.
> 
> Update: ….Are they fucking purple??? Are other people having problems figuring this out or is it just me??? I’m so confused. Whatever. They’re pretty. That’s all that matters.
> 
> Further update: I think they’re green. Pretty sure. We’re going with green.
> 
> Further further update: Gray. They’re gray. That way they can pick up all the other colors. That’s why I’m so confused. Her eyes are gray. Mystery solved. Phew. Okay, I feel better. Everyone can calm down now.


	5. Scangry

Kara—Supergirl—held up the Myriad transmitter—what was _left_ of the Myriad transmitter, that she hadn’t destroyed when she was under the Red Kryptonite—and grimaced. “Sorry.”

Alex raised her eyebrows as a charred chunk of it cracked off and fell to the slick floor of the DEO. “Yeah, I’m not sure Astra would’ve made the trade with something this damaged.”

“They damaged you,” Hank pointed out with a shrug. “Fair’s fair.”

She gave him a look, which he fully returned, and she gave in with a restrained smile. 

“Were we able to figure anything out about it at least?” she asked. “Before Red K Supergirl smashed the hell out of it, I mean?”

“Hey!”

“Some,” Hank said. “But not much. We had Maxwell Lord taking a look at it, for a while…”

“You let _Maxwell Lord_ look at this?” Alex exclaimed.

He looked at her sternly with his…well, what Kara liked to call his “dad” look. 

“You were missing for over two weeks, Alex,” he said. “We took what help we could get.”

Alex looked down, trying not to smile. “ _You were missing for over two weeks, we took what help we could get”_ was J'onn-speak for “ _We would never abandon you, we love you more than life itself, and would do whatever it took to get you home safe, even if it meant joining forces with a manipulative sociopath.”_

She preferred his shorter, less emotive sentiments, though.

“Was he at least able to figure anything out?” she asked.

“We already knew the Kryptonians were trying to use the Myriad transmitter to send some kind of signal using Max Lord’s tech,” Hank said. “Max Lord’s tech, which they had left an enacted virus on. They were planting those transmitters all over the city. We can assume Astra’s was the last transmitter needed in order to activate their program, and send out their signal. That’s why she was so adamant about making the trade.”

“But what _is_ the signal?” Alex asked. “What does the virus do?”

“We still don’t know,” Hank said, shaking his head. “What we _do_ know is that the signal rides on a frequency that targets human brain waves.”

“To do…what?”

“Million dollar question, Alex,” Hank said. “For now, we can just be grateful there’s no way for it to fall into Astra’s hands again.”

“They could just rebuild another one.”

“I don’t know that they can, actually,” Hank said. “Max is the one who brought it our attention—why try to barter you if they could just as easily put together a new one? When he examined it, he found materials in the core that can’t be found on Earth. They may not be _able_ to just _build_ another one—not without whatever element is in _this_ transmitter.”

“So then we destroy it,” Alex said. “If they can’t get their hands on it, they’re finished. Myriad’s gone.”

“Actually…we can’t get destroy it,” Kara said nervously. “I…tried. Under the Red K, I was very very into destruction. And laser eyes. I beat the crap out of this thing.”

“And it shows.”

“But I couldn’t do anything to the core, to the…the materials Max found embedded in there. Whatever that element is, I can’t destroy it. It exists. There’s no getting rid of it.”

“So then we hide it,” Alex said, looking back and forth between them. “Put it somewhere they can never find.”

“We will, Alex,” Hank assured her. “But we’re going to hold onto it just a little longer, try to figure out what it was supposed to transmit, why it would be targeted at human beings—at their brain waves. It’s the only way we can combat it if the occasion ever arises where we _do_ have to encounter it again. We need a way to stop it. But in order to do that, we need to understand what it does.”

Alex nodded, trying not to show her frustration. This little box. This little box with its indestructible, alien core. This was what Alex had spent over two weeks trapped at Fort Rozz for. This was what Astra found so important she was willing to hold Alex against her will for, allow her to be beaten—even if she preferred Alex not be hurt. 

Alex was worth a tiny little metal box to Astra.

Not even.

“I’m gonna go get some air,” she said, striding from the room before Hank or Kara could raise a protest. 

But Kara followed her, of course. Followed her all the way outside the DEO, always following her, like a little sister would. Superhero or no. Always her little sister.

She sighed, crouching down on her butt in the sand to look across the desert, feeling Kara do the same beside her.

“Is it weird to be back?” Kara asked after a moment. 

Alex nodded.

“You were gone a long time. You must’ve been scared.”

Alex sighed, quickly pushing all her memories very very far away. “I think I was just angry,” she said.

“Yeah, but that’s always how you get when you’re scared,” Kara pointed out. “You’re like…like how people, when they’re hungry and angry they’re _hangry?_ You’re like that, only you’re _scared_ and angry. You’re like—you’re _scangry.”_

Alex snorted. “You’re such a weirdo.”

Kara nudged elbows with her. “I didn’t want to tell Hank,” she said quietly, “because I thought he’d say no. But…where I found you in the desert, I bet we could track the path you took. I bet it could lead us back to Fort Rozz.”

“So?”

“Sooo!” Kara exclaimed. “So we know where their hideout is! We can…fight them! Find out what Myriad is! Stop it!”

Alex turned her face to look at her seriously. “Kara, Fort Rozz is _massive,”_ she said. “And it is inhabited by the worst people in the entire galaxy, and beyond. You can’t just _go there._ You can’t just expect a little skirmish—Kara, in order to even get anywhere near the _entrance,_ you would need to fight a _war.”_

 _“You_ got out,” Kara said, pouting slightly.

“I was lucky,” Alex said firmly. She looked down. “And…I think part of it was that there was a distraction. Because of something I did.”

“What’d you do?”

Alex licked her lips nervously. “I stabbed Astra. With the Kryptonite sword.”

Kara’s jaw dropped. “You…”

“In the _leg,”_ Alex clarified hurriedly. “I didn’t kill her. But I hurt her. She couldn’t come after me. No one saw me. I think they must’ve heard her, they probably went to her, didn’t even think to look for me, at least at first.  But _that’s_ how I escaped, not through fighting my way out. You wouldn’t be able to get in so easily.

“Besides,” she added, huffing, “they’ve probably hidden it somehow.”

“Hidden it?”

“I don’t know, cloaked it or something. Whatever techy, sci-fi weird stuff you people would do.”

_“You people?”_

Alex gave her a look. “You know what I mean, Kara—“

“You mean aliens,” Kara said, frowning. “Hostile aliens. That you just lumped me in with.”

“Kara, it was a _joke…”_

“After everything that happened with the Red K, you’re seriously just lumping me in with them?”

Alex stared at her, realizing too late the sensitive button she’d just pushed. “Kara, you know I didn’t mean—“

Kara was already standing, jaw sticking out, firm. “I’m not them,” she said. “I’m not my aunt. I _will_ find Fort Rozz. Then you can see what _I_ am capable of doing. Not my _people._ You said that I’m _good._ I’m not them.”

“Kara…”

She cursed as Kara took off, jumping up to try to grab at her cape, drag her back down. Where it was _safe._

But of course Kara was too fast for her. Way too fast. It took a fucking blink of an eye for her sister to fly right toward the jaws of Fort Rozz.

Alex swore again and marched back into the DEO to find Hank.

*

They’d barely finished putting together a task force to go after Kara when there was a commotion outside. Alex turned, alarmed, to find Kara herself rushing toward her. She almost rolled her eyes. She’d already strapped every weapon she could find to her body to go in after her—of course she was _back_ already. Had maybe even found the base and saved the day. All in twenty minutes or less. Because she was _Supergirl._

But Kara moved awkwardly, looking pale—woozy, limping. And she carried someone in her arms.

Black-clad, dark hair tumbling down in waves, one white streak shooting through—Astra lay unconscious in Kara’s arms, limp as a rag doll.

A little like Alex had been—sand in her hair, sand in her ears, under her fingernails…

Kryptonite in her leg. Embedded. Still.

Alex frowned, drawing closer.

Kryptonite in her leg. Kryptonite…her stomach turned. 

Kryptonite in her thigh, her calf. Kryptonite buried in the palm of each hand. Kryptonite pierced through her ear, Krytponite dangling from a chain at her throat.

“Kara, get away from her!” Alex shouted.

Kara obliged, dropping her aunt to the ground with a wince, and stumbling away.

“I found her…in the desert…” Kara gasped as Alex knelt beside Astra. “She was just lying there like that…like someone just…like someone _left_ her…”

Her eyes were red, teary, and she looked at Alex with this terrible expression of fear and betrayal. “You told me you _stabbed_ her,” she cried. “You didn’t say—you didn’t say—“

“I didn’t do this!” Alex exclaimed, realizing what Kara thought. “Kara, I stabbed her, a chip broke off in her and I fled. I didn’t do this, I could _never_ do this. I…”

Her eyes fell panicked to Astra’s limp form, the dull glow of the Kryptonite pulsing at her, steadily, like a heart beat. She bent, putting her ear to Astra’s heart—it still fluttered, faintly, not nearly as strong as the pulsing, sickly green. She tried to remove the chunk of K from around her throat, but accidentally bumped it against her skin, and Astra began convulsing, formerly-closed eyes now rolling back into her head.

“I need medical!” Alex shouted, ripping the chunk free, exhaling harshly with relief when Astra’s body went calm again.

The men and women around her remained motionless, and she jerked her head up, staring demandingly at them. Why was no one coming to help her?

“Ma’am she’s—“ one of the agents ventured hesitantly. “She’s harmless this way, maybe we should just—“

“We don’t _torture people,_ Agent,” Alex snapped. “And we don’t just let them die. That’s not who we are.” Bile rose in her throat. “Director Henshaw…” she turned to him, pleading.

Hank nodded, and motioned for those on standby. There was a flurry of activity and Alex retreated to where Kara still leaned weakly on her arms against a table, watching as a team of medics lifted Astra from the floor, carrying her to the medical wing. 

Alex stared, unable to comprehend it, the limpness of Astra’s body, the near-deathliness of it. It was like it wasn’t even Astra at all. No one and nothing could possibly be able to do _this_ to _her,_ to take this high-spirited, powerful, _warrior,_ and reduce her to just…a body. 

A lump tightened in her throat. She hadn’t done this. She _knew_ she hadn’t done this. She’d left a _chip_ of Kryptonite in Astra’s leg—Astra’s body now was embedded with _dozens_ of pieces, some of them the size of bullets, some even bigger. They weren’t anything Alex had brought in, and as far as she knew, the DEO had possession of the rest of the Kryptonite in the entire _world._ No one at Fort Rozz could have any, and Alex couldn’t picture why Astra would _leave_ the base…

But here she was. Here _it_ was. Digging inside her. Destroying her.

She didn’t know who to blame, she didn’t know how to help—or why she wanted to help _so much,_ why she felt like she was in pain too—she wanted to _hit_ something…

Scangry. 

She put her arms around Kara and leaned her head on her shoulder. Alex Danvers was scangry.

*

Kara had wanted to be in the room when Astra woke up. Alex was adamant about keeping her out of there at all costs.

“The Kryptonite lights will be on in there,” she said.

“So? They’re on any time you and I spar!”

“Not this high,” Alex told her gently. When Kara opened her mouth to protest, Alex cut her off. “Kara, I know how you feel about using those lights on her, but she’s still a hostile. They aren’t meant to hurt her, just contain her.”

“But they _will_ hurt her,” Kara argued, anger behind her eyes. “They hurt _me_ even when I spar with you. If you turn them on higher for her…”

“Kara, this isn’t a discussion,” Alex interrupted shortly. Kara looked surprised by her tone. “I don’t want you going anywhere near that Kryptonite—you were already exposed to too much of it when you brought Astra here. I’m amazed you were even able to get close enough to move her, let alone carry her this far.”

“I was careful not to touch it!”

“But look how sick it’s made you just being _near_ it! Can you even _use_ any of your powers yet? Can you stand up without needing to lean against that wall?”

Kara looked down, chastised. 

“I’ll tell her you’re out here,” Alex said, more softly this time. “You can see her through the window. But until we figure out what the hell we’re going to do with her, I can’t have the two of you in the same room together. I’m sorry.”

Kara wasn’t looking at her, but she nodded at least, arms crossed over her chest. 

Alex squeezed her arm, then opened the door to the enclosed sick bay, slipping inside.

It was an odd array of lights. Kryptonite from the upper and lower linings of the room casting everything in sickly, draining green, with very faint white-yellow light—solar light—being projected from under the metal and plastic table Astra had been laid across. She wondered who it was that had figured out how much Kryptonite light to pump in there, versus the amount of solar light—enough to keep her alive without allowing her any real strength. 

Alex knew she worked with a bunch of geniuses here at the DEO, but there was something about knowing this kind of balance that made her feel woozy. Like they’d done it by experimenting. Astra had been in here for several hours—Alex wondered how much of that time was spent, not on removing the Kryptonite on her, but on how to keep her weakened but alive.

It was necessary, she told herself. And at least no one was beating her, or taunting her, or starving her. 

It still made Alex feel sick, though, looking at her splayed partially-upright, weakly under all these eerie lights, wrists chained to the railing.

Astra’s eyes fluttered at Alex. According to the surgeon, she was was meant to be coming in and out of consciousness, but that  her wakefulness seemed to be coming on faster than most aliens he’d worked on using this particular sedative. He called her a fighter, and Alex felt a strange rush of pride at that. 

She didn’t feel that same pride now, though, looking at her like this. 

Astra seemed to have latched on to her. As much as she looked like she might still _just_ be coming out of her sedation, she seemed to have registered Alex, and taken her as an anchor point. She didn’t flutter her eyes anymore. They went slightly in and out of focus, but they were trained on her intensely nonetheless.

Fire there. 

Aimed at her.

Probably not a good sign.

She knew there was nothing on this earth or any other that she could say that would count for any apology—anything that might somehow mean something to Astra. So she fell back on what she knew.

“Your surgeon told me they were able to remove all discernible traces of Kryptonite from your body,” she informed Astra. She said it as gently as she could, trying to douse her words in something Astra could feel. She knew an outright apology would seem empty and meaningless to someone like Astra. Plus, she couldn’t quite picture herself saying “sorry I stabbed you in the leg with the most excruciating substance for your kind and leaving you alone in pain” without seeming…stupid.

She looked up at the lights. “You won’t heal as fast as you normally would with these on,” she said. “You’ll probably heal at about the rate as a human. And with the amount of work they had to do on you…” She looked down over Astra’s body. The stitches sewn into her skin, the bandages wrapped around her hands, her wrists, her legs, the splints, the burn around her neck where the Kryptonite had interwoven with the chain, the holes in her ears, stitches and patches in various other areas of her body she hadn’t been able to see when Kara first brought her in, “…It could take some time,” she finished. “Weeks at least. Maybe months.”

Astra continued to watch her. If Alex didn’t know better, she’d have thought maybe Astra wasn’t quite out of her sedation just yet, maybe wasn’t quite capable of clear thoughts, or words.

But the tick in Astra’s jaw, and the glint in her eyes told her otherwise. Astra was perfectly alert, perfectly understanding. She was just refusing to acknowledge what Alex had told her.

Alex sighed, trying to hide her frustration. Knowing she had no right to be frustrated.

“Do you have…anything to say?” she prompted, aware that she hadn’t quite been able to take the bite out of her tone.

Astra blinked at her slowly, like she was sizing her up, assessing her. Her eyes dragged slowly all the way up and down Alex’s body, making her feel self-conscious.

Then her eyes locked with Alex’s and she said coolly, “What would you like me to say, Alexandra?”

Alex swallowed, and shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said, voice too soft, maybe even squeaking.

“Truly,” Astra said, that sharp gaze not faltering for a second. “You have all your Kryptonite toys, your lights…I’m sure you could find some of that liquidized form your human general used on me. You said you want me to say something, tell me what it is you would make me say.”

Alex frowned, feeling stripped, uneasy by Astra’s words. “I wouldn’t _make_ you say anything,” she murmured quietly.

“But if you could,” Astra said again. She almost looked bored, though Alex had the feeling that was just a mask. “If this conversation were to go exactly as you would wish it to go, what would you imagine me saying to you? Do you want me to tell you I forgive you for allowing this to happen to me? Do you want me to say it’s alright, that there’s no need to worry? Or something else to soothe your fragile, human ego? You feel guilt, you want me to satisfy that in some way. Tell me what it is you so desperately want me to say to you right now.”

It was said with just the strangest mix of bite, and softness. She honestly wanted to hear what Alex had to say—and was resolved to resent whatever it was. But it was an honest request. 

Alex tried to picture everything she could. She wanted forgiveness, like Astra said. She also _didn’t_ want forgiveness, like Astra said. She wanted to fuel her own guilt—just like Astra said. She wanted understanding, like Astra said. She wanted…

“I’d want you to tell me who did this to you,” she answered finally, “so that I can bring them to justice.”

Astra looked surprised for the briefest of moments, before her expression went cold again. “For Kara’s sake,” she inferred. “So they can’t come after her.”

 _“Yes,_ for Kara, but believe it or not, I don’t want anything bad happening to _you_ , either, Astra,” Alex snapped. 

She swallowed, like she could take that outburst back.

It wasn’t even an outburst.

It was too quiet to be an outburst.

But Astra was looking at her like she’d just shouted at the top of her lungs. Unnerved. 

Alex dared to take a step forward. “This isn’t something I ever would have wanted for you, Astra—it’s not even something I could _picture_ doing. I—“ She took another step, and Astra lifted her chin warningly, like Alex was definitely not welcome to come any closer.

So Alex dipped her head in acknowledgment and stopped in her tracks. She always felt like half her interactions with Astra were comprised of nothing more than small movements. A head tilt there, a jaw twitch here, a flinch, almost reaching out, retracting. Alex had dealt with the behaviors of several different aliens, but Astra was the first she’d ever had to really _read._  

And strangest of all, she never really felt like she had to _work_ to read her. They always seemed to be on more or less the same wave length.

And maybe that was just because they were both so leery of one another that they were hyper aware of each micro movement the other made, but Alex liked to think that maybe they had some kind of connection. Something built on mutual respect, rather than fear or wariness.

“You know I didn’t do this to you, right?” she hazarded.

Astra rolled her eyes. “Of course I know that, Alexandra, I was _there,”_ she said flatly. 

Alex waited. “So…are you going to tell me who _did_ do this to you?” she asked.

“And humiliate myself further? No, I don’t’ think so, Agent Danvers, but I appreciate your concern.”

Alex sighed frustratedly. “But, whoever did this to you—do they pose a threat to Kara?” she asked seriously.

“Everyone poses a threat to my niece, that’s what happens when someone decides to become a hero.”

“You called yourself a hero once,” Alex pointed out. “Is that what happened to you here? Every hero needs a villain, who’s yours?”

Astra’s face lifted into something like bitter amusement. “You humans and your need to simplify everything,” she chastised lightly. “It’s always black or white with you, isn’t it.”

“And what about you?” Alex challenged. “You call yourself a hero, then kill anyone who disagrees. That strikes me as pretty black and white.” 

She dared to take one more very small step forward, which Astra watched with narrowed eyes, but didn’t protest against. “Seriously. Who did this to you?”

Astra remained silent for a beat, before lifting her head high. Pride. But also…disgrace. Somehow a combination of both.

“My husband,” she said finally. “I believe you know him as Lieutenant Non.”

Alex’s lips parted in surprise. Surprise at…everything. She hadn’t realized…she didn’t know why it threw her so much to learn that Non was her husband. Moreover, that he would do something like this to her. Not just to his wife, but to his General. And on the flipside—not just to his General, but to his wife. Whichever way you looked at it…it was sickening. The word “betrayal” didn’t even _begin_ to encompass all that.

“I’m sorry, Astra,” she said quietly.

“Don’t be,” Astra said shortly. “I should have seen it coming long ago. It’s my fault for choosing _not_ to see it.”

Alex wanted to argue that. It didn’t make any sense. But Astra wasn’t going to accept any kind of comfort from her. Definitely not now. She was a soldier first and foremost—a General. Any fault in one of her subordinates she would see in herself, blame herself for. 

Alex understood the mentality—she was prone to it, too, thinking any bad seed in any group was her responsibility to oversee. That she’d missed it…

—And that the “bad seed” was her _husband_ of all people…

It wasn’t as if Alex had much experience with love—certainly not the kind of love marriages were built off of. But the idea of a betrayal running deeper than political, down all the way into something like love, mixing the two of them…she couldn’t begin to imagine how much pain Astra was in right now.

“Is there anything…” she trailed off, nowhere near sure where she was going with this. She closed her eyes and just went for it, stupid as she knew it was going to sound. “Is there anything I can do to…make you feel better? Right now?”

When she opened her eyes, Astra’s were unflinchingly on her, but they were softer than they’d been before. Not _actually_ soft. But whatever the Kryptonian General equivalent to “soft” was.

“I’m thirsty,” Astra offered—and it was, in fact, an offer. Like she was acknowledging the fact that Alex was coming from some sort of genuine place, that this was a give-and-take. Not really a conversation. Not really a revelation feelings. Just sort of a…person thing. Offer, acceptance. Offer, acceptance. Some kind of communication in a setting far too stripped down to allow room for pleasantries.

Alex nodded, and went to the water cooler opposite Astra’s table, lifting a plastic cup from off its stack, and filling it. She felt a little wave of relief just watching water pour into the cup. Something to center her.

When she turned back to Astra, they both became aware of the next problem. Handcuffs. Low-grade Kryptonite, chaining her to the railings of the table. Not so conducive to lifting a cup of water to one’s mouth.

Astra arched an eyebrow. “I don’t imagine you’re going to let me out of these,” she guessed, rattling the handcuffs slightly. 

“Sorry,” Alex said with a sympathetic wince. “If you kinda tilt your head down, I can…”

Astra’s expression turned…curious, a little arrogant, a little amused…whatever it was, she watched Alex approach and lifted her head, presenting herself, rather than jerking away or resisting.

Alex took her cheek, trying to ignore the look that was glued to her—the _arrogant_ look that was glued to her—and lifted the cup to Astra’s lips, tilting it as carefully as she could so nothing dribbled out of Astra’s mouth. Astra’s skin was soft beneath her hand, interrupted by the occasional graze or micro cut that the Kryptonite had made her body subject to. She wasn’t unmarred anymore. No longer made of marble. Or steel. Just soft skin, as susceptible to hurt as any human’s.

Astra tilted her head, signaling that she was done with the drink, and Alex took the cup from her, trying to ignore the subtle smirk that was pointed up at her.

“That was very gentle of you, Agent Danvers,” Astra remarked, tongue flicking out to lick away any errant drops of water on her lips. “Not something I would have expected from the woman who stabbed me in the leg and left me to the hounds at Fort Rozz.”

Alex cocked an eyebrow at the jab. “Least I could do for the woman who imprisoned me and threw a towel at my face,” she said. “But you still deigned to clean out a couple cuts those same hounds gave _me,_ so I figure it was owed.” She brushed her thumb over a particularly deep cut on the edge of Astra’s cheekbone. The one that mirrored almost exactly what she had. “Look at that. We match.”

Suddenly aware of how much liberty she was taking touching Astra’s cheek, she quickly made to withdraw her hand, but Astra was leaning into it, a soft pressure that protested against Alex moving even an inch. 

“So what now?” Astra asked her, and she could feel the motion of the corner of her mouth under her hand. Definitely time to take her hand away. She didn’t, though.

“Now?” she echoed. She shook herself internally, trying to resist the instinct she had to brush her thumb over that mouth. “Now, Hank—Director Henshaw—he’ll want to question you.”

“Interrogate me, you mean."

Alex smirked a little. “Well you _are_ still a hostile,” she pointed out.

“You don’t seem to be treating me with much _hostility_ right now,” Astra observed. She tilted her face under Alex’s fingers—nowhere near _nuzzling_ , but still moving in a way that made the touch more intimate.

Then again, that glint in her eye…she seemed mostly to just be trying to get some kind of reaction out of Alex. Testing her. Or, maybe even trying to provoke her in some way.

Alex felt that stripped-down squirm in her belly from before, and finally managed to pull her hand away.

“Well, it’s like you said to me when you had me at Fort Rozz,” she said, annoyed to find her voice a little squeaky. She centered herself. “I don’t want to hurt you, Astra. But we have to find out what Non’s up to—how he got his hands on Kryptonite, what he’s planning, why the hell he _betrayed_ you like that…”

Astra’s gaze dropped unexpectedly, and Alex regretted having phrased it quite like that.

“I’m sorry for what he did to you,” she tried.

Astra lifted her gaze, giving her a _look._ “You don’t need to keep apologizing for _his_ actions,” she scolded lightly. “And you can wipe that _soppy_ look off your face. My heart isn’t broken, just my body. Our marriage was one of convenience, not love. There’s no need for you to start misinterpreting my pain as anything beyond physical.”

Alex felt an unexpected lightness at Astra’s words, learning that she didn’t _love_ Non. Still…

 _“Some_ of your pain is more than physical,” she said. “You may not have loved him, but I can see…you have a look.”

Astra lifted a severe eyebrow.

“It’s the same look Kara gets sometimes,” Alex clarified. “All wounded, big eyes. You crazy Kryptonians aren’t _that_ great at hiding your emotions, much as you seem to think otherwise.”

The twitch in Astra’s jaw looked a little bit like the potential for a smile. Sort of. “I did feel a connection to Non,” she finally conceded. “We looked out for one another, kept each other safe, spoke of ideas, fears—we shared a vision, if nothing else. At least…I thought we did.” She looked down at herself. “Obviously, I was mistaken.”

“Well you’re safe here,” Alex said, then cringed inwardly. Not really a convincing thing to say to the woman chained to a table with Kryptonite lights keeping her from being able to heal. “What I mean is, he can’t hurt you here. Whatever he’s up to, you don’t have to be part of that anymore.”

Astra rolled her eyes and smirked. “You’re making me out to seem so innocent,” she chided. “If you think for a second that what’s happened here has somehow diminished my drive to bring Myriad into being, you are sadly mistaken.”

“Well, lucky for me, you won’t be going anywhere anytime soon,” Alex said with a smirk of her own.

“Yes, very lucky for you,” Astra agreed, in what was so close to a purr, Alex was momentarily thrown again.

She swallowed. “If you think you’re ready to talk, I’ll send Director Henshaw in,” she said shortly, backing up a step.

Astra sighed, settling back, and casting her gaze at the far wall, rather than at Alex. “Oh, I’ll speak to him,” she said. “But only if you’re there, Alexandra. You may have stabbed me in the leg with it, but I trust you wouldn’t allow anyone else to come near me with Kryptonite ever again. At least not here. You have too much guilt written on your face to allow for such a thing. Is it safe for me to trust that?”

Alex swallowed. Stripped-down again. “Yeah, you can trust that,” she said softly.

Astra exhaled slowly—kind of in acknowledgement, but Alex thought maybe it was sort of like a sigh of relief, too. 

“Send your Director in, then,” Astra allowed finally, and Alex rolled her eyes at how… _entitled…_ she sounded. General Astra In-Ze. Apparently, it was going to take a hell of a lot more than a body full of Kryptonite to shake her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after much debate, I have decided that Benanti’s eye color is “eyes.” That’s it. She has eyes. And they are ridiculously beautiful. But…they are the color of eyes. That’s the only conclusion I’ve been able to come to.
> 
> Also I’m sorry this chapter took longer to get out than I’d thought, that pesky life of mine got in the way.
> 
> Also also…apparently this has turned into a slow burn? Well, not quite slow, just slow for me. I have never ever done a slow burn before. Because I get impatient. And I want my characters to bang. And like, be in love and stuff.
> 
> But Astra and Alex are both such annoyingly complex and interesting characters? So I feel like I have to actually do them justice…before they get to do each other. You know what I mean? I promise all the fun sexy times are coming (har har), but my dumb alien and my dumb human are bad at communicating, so you’re gonna have to wait just a wee bit longer. Sorry.


	6. Middle Ground

Astra sat rigidly up on the table when Alex returned with Hank. She’d said she trusted that Alex wouldn’t allow Kryptonite to be used on her, and Alex honestly believed she _did_ trust her, at least on that front. But the Kryptonian General was still watching Hank with an attentive trepidation, recognizing the power and threat he posed now that he had revealed himself to her as the “last son of Mars.” She wasn’t dealing with a blustering human general this time. She was dealing with an alien far older, wiser, and quite possibly even stronger than her. Especially now that she was under the steady glow of the Kryptonite lights.

Alex often thought Astra looked like a caged animal—that sentiment was especially true now.

She stood behind Hank as he pulled up a chair to Astra’s table and crossed his arms over his chest. Astra let her gaze slip over to Alex briefly, taking in her stance and her positioning as if it mean something.

“Astra,” Hank said, trying for her attention.

Her eyes snapped to him. _“General,”_ she corrected.

Alex’s lips twitched up into a tight smile before she could stop herself. Cuts, bruises, broken bones, Kryptonite, the sting of betrayal…even under the pressing weight of all those things, Astra’s pride still seemed to have dug its claws in and wasn’t ready to let go.

“General then,” Hank afforded, and Alex remembered to school her features. “As I’m sure you can imagine, there are quite a few things we’d like to know.”

Astra curled her lips patiently. “What is Myriad, who developed it, and for what purpose, how is it to be used on Earth, how can it be stopped, and/or how can its activation be prevented altogether,” she listed off boredly. 

Hank’s mouth thinned into a completely humorless smile. “Also the location of your base would be nice,” he told her.

“And Non’s location,” Alex added.

Astra cocked her head curiously at Alex, blinking slowly. 

“I think we can assume Non can be found at the base, Alex,” Hank said, seeming to miss that look. 

Even when that look stayed; Astra was locked onto Alex.

“The base, of course,” Astra told them smoothly, “could be tracked back from where my niece found you.” She tilted her head. “Though I doubt you could remember even where that was. How far did you run?”

Alex swallowed, unsure.

Astra nodded. “You don’t know, do you. You ran longer than a body should be able to run—a human body anyway. You ran until distance and direction stopped existing. And even then, you kept going. And not just to escape, either. But for Kara. For your organization. For what you believe in.” There was a softness beneath the sharpness—a pinprick of warmth in her eyes, beneath the mischievous glint. “I know I’ve said it before, but you really are a credit to your kind, Alexandra.”

Alex’s throat went a little dry, especially when Hank turned in his seat to look at her, then back at Astra with his eyebrows all concerned and angry, but mostly concerned. When he couldn’t find the answer to what he was looking for (he’d promised Alex some time ago that he would never be so invasive as to read her mind against her will), he focused back on Astra, distrust renewed and even more apparent in his tone.

“It’d be in your best interest to cooperate with us, General,” he said. “Answer those questions you listed off for me, and we can look into negotiating amnesty. Until then,” he gestured around the room, “this is your new home.”

Astra looked at him steadily before her expression turned back to one of boredom. “I’ve lived in worse,” she said with a careless shrug.

Alex huffed out a frustrated breath. “Hank, would you mind letting the two of us talk for a moment?” she requested.

He hesitated, giving her one of his critical looks, but stood after a moment. Trusting her.

Once he’d disappeared from the room, Alex folded her arms over her chest and stepped forward, but didn’t sit.

“You said you’d allow him to question you,” she said, looking down at her.

“I did,” Astra agreed. “I never said anything about providing answers.”

Alex exhaled harshly in irritation. “Your people betrayed you,” she said. “They…” She gestured, somewhere between disbelief and anger at Astra’s body. “I mean, look what they did to you. I can’t…why won’t you tell us how to stop them? Why won’t you help us? Why won’t you let us help _you?”_

“Help _me?”_ Astra echoed patiently. She gave Alex one of her amused, patronizing looks. “What did you call it when I tried to help you at my base—riding in on a white horse to save me from the pain _you’ve_ put me through?”

“This isn’t the same and you know it,” Alex snapped. “No one here is going to hurt you.”

Astra smiled and glanced up at the glaring green Kryptonite lights. “I’d beg to differ,” she said pleasantly, “but _begging_ has never really been a strong suit of mine. I much prefer _others_ to do the begging.”

Alex shook her head, ignoring what she suspected was a remark meant to rattle her. “Astra, please,” she said.

Astra’s grin widened. “Yes, just like that,” she said approvingly. “Though you could stand to sound a little more desperate.”

Alex felt her entire face flush red, trying to force the color back down. She hadn’t _blushed_ in _years._ Maybe it would just look like she was angry. She cleared her throat, dipping her head for a moment, hoping maybe Astra might not be able to see it in the greenish lighting. 

“I’m not begging. But we can help each other, Astra,” she said, thankfully beginning to feel the heat slowly recede from her face when she looked back up. “There’s no need for you to stay loyal to them anymore. It’s like Ha—Director Henshaw—said. We can negotiate a deal for amnesty from our government if you’ll just provide us with what we need to stop Myriad, whatever it is.”

“What my people did to me has no bearing on my feelings toward the Myriad program, Agent Danvers,” Astra said. “They could have done unspeakable things to me—as long as Myriad is activated, that is all that matters.”

Alex took another step forward, shaking her head. “I hate to break it to you, General, but your people won’t be able to activate it—not without that transmitter,” she said. “The transmitter _you_ were hoping to trade me for. The DEO still has it in our possession, and without it, your people have nothing.”

“My people are cleverer than you think,” Astra disagreed mildly. “And far more resourceful.”

Alex frowned, and finally sat down, looking at her closely. “Why aren’t you more angry with them?” she asked. “How is Myriad so important to you that, even though they did _this_ to you, you still won’t help us apprehend them?”

Astra’s expression became serious, softer, but almost… _sad._ Maybe even fearful.

“I know you don’t believe me when I say that I’m here to save you all,” she said quietly. “I know my niece doesn’t believe it either. But Myriad…it’s all I have left to give. It is the only good that I can do, the only thing I have left that makes _me_ good. Can you understand that?”

There was a wetness to her eyes that threatened tears that Alex knew she would never let fall. Not in front of her, anyway. But it looked like the threat of tears she might have shed once before, privately, alone, maybe when she was imprisoned on Fort Rozz, maybe when she first went on the run from her family. It yanked at something in Alex, made something deep in her chest tighten painfully.

Tentatively, she reached forward and slid her hand over Astra’s, wishing the feel of it could coax the Kryptonian General’s white-knuckle grip on the edge of the table to soften. It didn’t, but Astra’s eyes flew to Alex’s face in surprise at the contact, and her lips parted slightly. 

“What does Myriad do, Astra?” Alex asked softly. “If it’s this great force for good like you say…why all the secrecy? If you told us—if you’re right—and it _is_ good—we could help—we coul—“

But Astra was shaking her head. “Humans—and many Kryptonians—are not truly capable of distinguishing between ‘good’ and the _‘greater_ good,’” she said. “You would not agree to my methods, even if it saved you all.”

Alex sighed frustratedly through her nose. Then paused, mulling over her words. _“Your_ methods,” she echoed, realizing. She looked at Astra critically. _“You_ developed Myriad. You’re not just carrying it out, it’s not just some concept for you, you _made_ it. Yourself.”

Astra’s jaw twitched in surprise, which she quickly tried to hide with a weak attempt at a smile. 

“You are so much brighter than you’re given credit for, Alexandra,” she said softly. 

Alex felt a stirring of worry in her gut. “Astra, if they—if the DEO—finds out that you _made_ Myriad, that you know exactly how it works, they will torture you to learn how to end the threat,” she said, voice quavering unexpectedly at the word _torture._ “You can’t—Astra you have to _tell us._ Now. Now, before they figure out you’ve been withholding something like that. They won’t hurt you now just for being uncooperative, but if they find out that _you personally_ can stop Myriad and are refusing to do so, they will hurt you, Astra they will _kill_ you. You have to tell us now, before anyone finds out the extent to which you know all this.”

Astra’s face went from surprise, to curiosity, to smugness, and then back to curiosity again. A quiet sort of curiosity. “And how are your people of the DEO going to ‘find out’ that I personally developed Myriad?” she asked. “What ‘finding out’ would they even have to do, now that _you_ know? Aren’t you going to tell them?”

“I…” Alex broke off. Of course she was. Of _course_ she was going to tell them. Of _course._ Astra could be their only way of destroying Myriad. If she’d made it, she’d know how to destroy it. There was a strong possibility that she was the only one on the planet—in the _universe—_ who knew how to destroy it. Of _course_ Alex was going to tell Hank.

…But Astra would never give that information willingly. She would die, she had proven herself willing to die, for her cause. The United States government would put her through the most horrific agony they could develop in an effort to extract that information, but Alex knew her. She knew Astra would allow herself to be broken to the point of madness, to the point of no return, to death even, all to protect Myriad. 

Alex couldn’t…

She felt like something cold and metallic had forced its way into her gut. Something trying to wrench her apart from the inside. 

She _had_ to tell Hank.

She _couldn’t_ tell Hank. 

How could she possibly, _ever_ let Astra be tortured to the point she knew she would be? But how could she possibly, _ever_ just ignore—or even _hide—_ the chance to destroy Myriad when it was right there for them?

“You are so beautiful,” she heard Astra say.

Alex jerked to attention, startled.

“What did you just say?” She felt like she was coming out of some kind of haze.

The corners of Astra’s mouth curved up softly, and she fixed her eyes steadily on Alex. “When you’re conflicted,” she said. “When you’re putting that sharp mind to war with itself. It’s exquisite to watch. It’s incredible that eyes as dark as yours can also be so _bright._ I think I could look at them all day and never tire of it.”

Alex stared, face flushing again. Even more so than she had at Astra’s little tease about _begging._ This wasn’t teasing. This was Astra gazing at her, completely devoid of sharpness, or superiority, or even that distant amusement. Guileless. Sincere. 

Beautiful.

Alex didn’t think anyone had ever looked at her the way Astra was looking at her right now, and it made her blush harder, instinct kicking adrenaline, adrenaline yanking her hand away from Astra’s, spurring her up to a standing position, barely keeping herself from pacing around the room, or leaving altogether. 

“I’ve embarrassed you,” Astra said, and when Alex turned to look at her, that lazy sort of smile was back. 

“I’m not embarrassed.”

“You blushed, then stood up, then started pacing after I said you were beautiful.”

“I’m just done talking to you is all,” Alex said, adjusting her shirt shortly. “If you’re going to continue to be uncooperative, I have no interest in wasting anymore time in here. I’ll send Director Henshaw back in to go over your living arrangements while you’re here, and you and I will have very little need to interact during your stay here.”

“And will you be telling your Director what you discovered about me?” Astra asked. “Will you tell him that I created Myriad, and let him hand me over to your human officials to be wrung for information?” 

Alex’s gaze dropped, and she shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said, embarrassed to find her voice come out in a hoarse whisper. She looked back up and shrugged tightly, hunching her shoulders up to her ears, wanting to hide. “I don’t…I don’t know. What to do with you. Astra.”

Astra pursed her lips after a moment. “Is it because I called you beautiful?” she teased gently, a twinkle in her eye. “Did I win you over? I know you humans often say that flattery will get you anywhere. Have I gotten somewhere with you?”

Alex huffed out a small laugh. “Don’t do that,” she murmured.

“Don’t do what, Alexandra?”

“Don’t make me smile when I’m supposed to be grilling you for information.”

“I like your smile,” Astra said simply. “And I worry I won’t be able to see much of it while all of this goes down.”

Serious again. Talking to Astra was exhausting—so many ups and downs in such a short amount of time, such a short exchange of words and movements. 

Alex looked down. “Astra, please.” She swallowed. “Please just tell us how to stop Myriad. If you don’t, I’ll have no choice but to tell them you developed it, and they will do whatever it takes— _whatever it takes, Astra—_ to get that information from you. Please _please_ don’t put yourself at risk like this.”

Astra’s jaw tightened, but Alex saw a small flicker of a smile. “That sounds an awful lot like begging, Agent Danvers,” she said.

“Is it working?”

Astra smiled, that warm, surprising smile that made Alex’s entire body come alive. But she shook her head, hair moving softly with the motion. “I’m sorry, Alexandra,” she said, and looked as if she wanted to touch her fingers to Alex’s hair, or her face, the way she did when Alex had been hurt before. “This is the way things must be.”

Alex couldn’t stop the way her sigh sounded—not _irritated_ this time, but hurt. “Give it some time, maybe,” she suggested. “Hank’ll be setting up a cell, or maybe even a room for you. Just…just think about telling us. Over the next few days. Maybe we can find some kind of, I don’t know, middle ground. Or something.”

“You never struck me as naive before, Agent Danvers,” Astra chided gently.

“I’m not naive,” Alex said. “I’m just…I’m trying to be hopeful. It’s…I don’t know, it’s an occupational hazard of being related to Kara. You start thinking maybe things might work out okay.”

Astra smiled, more carefully, muted this time. “My niece is precious to me,” she said, “and I love her dearly. But I would not advise following her outlook on life. There will be no middle ground between myself and the DEO. And I know that despite that attempt you just made of channeling my niece, _you_ know better. You and I both do. I enjoy your company, Alexandra. I even came to look forward to it at Fort Rozz, and even here, it is…a comfort, and even…a thrill, in some ways…to know that you are near. But despite our shared love for Kara, you and I both know there is no hope here.”

Alex felt that twinge in her chest that made her want to hide, or hit something, or run, or just…something to get Astra’s smile back. She huffed. “Just think about coming forward, telling us, telling them,” she requested. “Three days. I won’t tell Hank that you developed Myriad, or that you know how to stop it. But after that…I don’t know, maybe you’ll have changed your mind. Maybe you’ll talk to us, help us. Just…just _think_ about what I’ve said.”

“Oh, I’ll definitely think about you, Alexandra,” Astra said with a small, teasing upward curve of her lips. “But that’s all I can promise you for now.”


	7. Shadows

Kara landed flat on her back on the sparring room floor with an _oompf_ and a scowl up at Alex.

“You know, I really hate it when you do that,” she grumbled, getting back to her feet and dusting needlessly at her knees.

“You’re just salty ‘cause I beat you _every time_ we’re in here under the lights,” Alex returned with a grin. They’d been sparring almost twenty minutes straight without pause for breath, and Alex had just flipped Kara over her shoulder. For the fifth time. 

Actually the sixth. 

But Kara was insisting that first one didn’t count.

Kara rolled her shoulders and pouted. “I bet you put those Kryptonite lights on extra high so you’d win,” she groused. “Cheater.”

“Sore loser.”

“Jerk…face.”

Alex nodded with a snort. “Wow. It’s a good thing you fight with fists, not words. Though, even with fists… _I still win.”_   She quickly side-stepped when Kara lunged, then spun, grabbing her little Kryptonian sister from around back, getting her arm around her neck. “Aw, look at that. Lost again.”

Kara squirmed out of her hold with another grumble and turned to face her, shaking her arms out.

“Not that I don’t love all this quality time we’re spending together,” she said, flicking hair out of her face, “but I think you’re allowed to go home. Hank said he wanted _me_ to come in to train more, I don’t think he meant _you_ needed to, too.”

This was true. Shortly after moving Astra to the cell she would be inhabiting for the foreseeable future, Hank had decided Kara should spend extra time training. Astra had been her typical unforthcoming self when questioned again, but she _did_ at least confirm that, of the escaped Fort Rozz prisoners, twenty-three of those were Kryptonian. Other aliens with unknown powers were one thing—knowledge that there were twenty-three beings bopping around with all the powers that Kara had, but none of her sunny disposition, was cause for extreme concern. Hank had insisted that, as the resident “good-guy” Kryptonian, she spend extra hours training with him at the DEO.

But, no, the other part of what Kara had said was also true; Hank had never once insisted that Alex stay and train as well.

“Just thought I’d help out,” she said lightly. “Hank and I have very different fighting styles—sparring with both of us individually will keep you well-rounded. Stands to reason those twenty-three other Kryptonians would’ve been trained by Astra, none of them are going to be lazy fighters. You’ll need to be able to pull out all the stops.”

Kara looked thoughtful for a moment, like some kind of idea was taking form. Then she cocked her head. “Speaking of Astra,” she said carefully, “it’s been over a day since we brought her in. I was…kinda hoping I might be able to talk to her. A little bit. Or…even visit with her?”

When Alex opened her mouth to start in on her List Of Many Reasons Why Kara Should Not Be Left Alone With Astra, Kara said hurriedly, “She won’t try to hurt me, Alex, we were getting somewhere, last time I saw her, we were—“

“I don’t think she’ll hurt you, Kara,” Alex placated. “Not physically anyway. In fact, I _know_ she won’t. But she’s still…I don’t know… _damaged._ In a way. She loves you, there is not a single part of me that thinks otherwise…but I’ve seen the way she gets under your skin. And she still fully believes in her cause. She toys with people, Kara, even the people she cares about.”

_Even me._

“Her ability to love you isn’t in question here. But her ability to hurt you in ways besides physical, is. Plus, we’ve had the conversation about the Kryptonite lights, I don’t want you going in there and getting all sick…”

“Alex,” Kara interrupted firmly, taking her shoulders. She looked earnestly into Alex’s eyes, resolve solid and unyielding. “I want to see my aunt.”

Kara rarely made demands. She took most things with a smile, and if turned down, small dips of disappointment that she made up for by focusing more positive energy elsewhere. But every so often, there was something that she would. Not. Be. Swayed. On.

Sometimes that something would be Alex.

Right now, that something was Astra.

Kara squeezed her shoulders. “You survived two weeks with her, as her _prisoner,_ and you’re still in one piece,” she said. “I can survive ten minutes with her on equal footing. You can stop me from going while we’re in here, but once we’re out from under these lights, I can get to her cell faster than you can stop me. Please, Alex. What are you so afraid she’ll do to me?”

Alex shook her head, hunching her shoulders up to her ears. “I don’t know. I don’t know, Kara, she’s just…” she huffed. “Complicated.”

It didn’t fully encompass—or encompass at _all—_ what Astra was, but Alex couldn’t come up with the rest. Astra was dangerous. Maybe not to _her—_ Alex was well accustomed to the fact that every person, whether they were actually _human_ or not _,_ had a dark side. But Kara…Kara wasn’t prepared. She would never be prepared for someone who could both honestly and deeply love her, _and_ try to manipulate her at the same time. Astra was dangerous.

Astra was very, _very_ dangerous.

Alex screeched her thoughts to a halt and turned her attention back to Kara. “Ten minutes,” she allowed reluctantly, wincing a little when Kara threw her arms around her gratefully. “Ten minutes, and I swear to god, if she makes you cry…”

Kara squeezed extra hard with extra gratitude, making Alex’s bones crush extra hard, and then her sunny little Kryptonian skipped straight out of the sparring room to make her way down to the cells beneath the lower surface of the already underground DEO.

Alex followed slowly. She knew precisely where Astra was, having scoped it out within the first twenty minutes of her having been moved there. 

It wasn’t one of their glass-room containment cells. It was more of an _actual_ cell, giving her at least a small ounce of privacy. There was still debate amongst the DEO about whether or not Astra should be treated solely as a hostile, or if at least partially as a refugee, so her containment was somewhere in between. She was not afforded any mobility, nor any agency to negotiate her situation. But she was provided walls that could not be spied through, and a door which could keep her from the noise of the outside world. It wasn’t much, but it let Alex sleep a tiny bit more soundly—she hoped it did the same for Astra.

She made her way slowly to Astra’s containment cell, seeking out the heavy metal door with the small, barred window that allowed a view into—frankly—a fairly spacious prison cell. _This_ was the real reason for Alex’s extra hours here at the DEO. She loved Kara, and she wanted to help make her as strong as humanly— _Kryptonianly?—_ possible. But Kara didn’t need to train with _her_ for that kind of thing. There was a good chance that Hank could toughen up the superhuman parts of her, but Alex…Alex could really only keep her on her toes in a big sister way. She wasn’t _really_ here all these extra hours to help give her extra training.

She was here for Astra. 

She was here to monitor Astra’s well-being. Was she being taken care of? Was she being fed? Was she being kept safe from aggression from guard changeovers? How high were the lights? Had she said anything yet? Was she considering helping them? Maybe? Did she ever seem like she might be coming around?

…Did she ever mention Alex?

Just casually?

She shook herself. She hadn’t spoken with Astra since she’d been moved to this cell…over thirty-three hours ago. She’d said she would give Astra a full three days to come forward with the fact that _she_ had developed Myriad and could deactivate it herself. With limited hours left, Alex was getting more and more anxious. She wanted a chance to talk to Astra again. To convince her that, regardless of where here morals lay, she _had_ to come clean about that aspect before it blew up in her face. If she didn’t come forward, Alex would _have_ to tell Hank, and Hank would _have_ to tell General Lane, and then General Lane would _have_ to do anything and everything in his power to extract that information from Astra.

In the past thirty-three hours, Alex had been unable to come up with a legitimate excuse to actually go in and talk to Astra, but she still felt like she needed to be at the DEO. Just in case. Just in fucking case.

She clenched her jaw and checked herself from hitting the side of her fist against the wall. Why wouldn’t Astra just _talk_ to them? After everything her people had put her through?

God, if Hank or anyone else had put _her_ through what Astra’s people had put her through…Alex couldn’t even wrap her mind around the amount of rage she would feel toward them. Astra’s continued coldness and lack of responsiveness was confounding. 

Especially coming from the woman who Kara had described as “burning too hot, too bright.”

The woman Alex had come to realize _did_ , in fact, burn too hot, and too bright.

That chill coming from her was getting them absolutely nowhere, and all of Astra’s pride would do nothing but condemn her to the worst of the government’s already shady use of torture upon alien life. 

Fuck’s sake.

Alex reached the door to Astra’s cell—thick metal, but with an arm’s width window in the upper half that allowed her to glimpse inside.

She felt her heart clench a little.

Astra and Kara were both seated on Astra’s cot, knees against knees, backs of their hands brushing against each other occasionally. Physical contact without physical contact. Presence. Closeness. Kara had her head bowed, but she was still murmuring things, glancing up at Astra occasionally before quickly looking back down.

Astra, for her part, didn’t seem to be able to take her eyes off Kara. Even from all the way out here, Alex could practically feel how much Astra wanted to gather Kara up in her arms and hold her and never ever _ever_ let go.

But there was still a small curl to her lips. A slight angle to her body that was decidedly _not_ toward Kara. Something deadly threading through an otherwise soft and grateful gaze. The deadliness wasn’t aimed _at_ Kara, but it was hanging over her nonetheless, like Astra had some sort of heavy, precarious knowledge that Kara would never have. Kara didn’t even seem to _notice_ the angle, or that ominous shadow over her. 

Part of Alex thought she should give them privacy, but another more insistent part of her felt like she needed to stay. To protect _both_ of them. Protect Kara from Astra’s darkness, protect Astra from the pain of being reunited with someone she had loved to the point of killing for her. It almost didn’t matter that Kara was a living ball of light and kindness—little rays of sunshine hurt when you were so used to living in darkness.

After a long while, Kara faced her aunt fully, her look serious, but also questioning. Astra tilted her head with surprise at whatever her niece had just said, hesitated, eyes searching, then nodded. It was almost a sweet moment of connection. But the second Kara’s gaze left her face, something darkened in Astra’s expression again, and Alex felt the sudden, irrational urge to burst in and shield Kara from whatever that look was. 

Always edged and double-sided with Astra. She could never just be _nice._ For fuck’s sake.

But whatever that exchange was, it seemed to signal the end of their conversation. Alex watched the two of them hug tightly, Astra’s fingers buried in Kara’s hair, clinging to her like she was a lifeline. Her eyes were squeezed shut like she was afraid if she opened them this would all have been a dream and Kara would no longer be there. When Kara began to pull away, Astra’s hands still stayed on her, drifting down her arms, and even as Kara turned to walk away, Astra kept the contact as long as she could till only their fingertips touched, and then nothing at all.

Alex swallowed, forgetting that she was camped outside the cell watching them, and that Kara was headed straight for her. She didn’t have the time to duck behind a door, or sprint off down the hall, so when Kara opened the door, she startled to see Alex standing there.

Kara’s brow creased and she closed the heavy door behind her, making sure every lock and bolt _clanged_ and _clicked_ into satisfying, if gut-wrenching, place. Her face looked drained and pale—Alex didn’t know if that was because of the Kryptonite lights in Astra’s cell, or just her exchange with Astra herself.

But then her expression softened. “Thank you,” she murmured. “I really needed to talk to her.”

Alex’s mouth twitched in what she hoped was some kind of an acknowledging smile. “How’s she doing?” she asked awkwardly. “I mean, you know…”

Kara nodded. “She’s good,” she said. “I mean… _good,_ like, y’know. She’s in a cell with a bunch of Kryptonite being pumped in, but she’s…she was happy to see me. Last time she and I talked, she was in one of the glass containment cells here. We were on opposite sides of a wall. It was…I’m glad we got to be in the same room together.”

The twitch in Alex’s lips became an actual smile. “I’m glad, too.”

“Also,” Kara added cautiously, “she told me to say ‘Hello Alexandra.’ I told her you go by Alex, but it kind of just made her do this weird grin? She said that she preferred to call you Alexandra, that she read that in Greek the name means ‘defender of men.’ She said you ‘deserved the full pronunciation of your name’ and that it was a shame to shorten such a powerful expression.”

Alex felt the tips of her ears go red hot.

“So I told her you cry at weddings just so she knows you’re actually a huge sap,” Kara finished.

Alex _whapped_ her arm playfully. “At least I don’t cry at the end of _The Fox and the Hound.”_

Kara _whapped_ her right back, which actually fucking hurt. _“That is the saddest movie in the entire world,”_ Kara whined. “They’re such good friends in the beginning and then…and then…” She pouted angrily at Alex. “It’s _sad.”_

“They’re cartoons.”

“They’re _sad_ cartoons! They’re never really able to be friends again! It’s a terrible movie that no one should ever show to children.”

“…Or to oversensitive baby aliens, apparently,” Alex added, eyebrows raising. 

Kara waved her hands above her head like she was trying to bat away the memory. “Anyway,” she said quickly, refocusing them. “I sort of had this idea about Astra. When I was in there talking to her.”

“…Okay?” Alex ventured warily.

“I’m not sure you’ll like it, but I think it might be a good thing to do,” she said. She chewed on her lip.

“Are you going to tell me what it is?” Alex prompted when she didn’t say anything further. 

Kara continued to chew on her lip, the crinkle in her forehead deepening. “I think we should talk to Hank first,” she said.

Seeming to be wrapped inward into her own thoughts, she turned slowly, and began striding down the hall with a distracted look on her face. Presumably to find Hank.

Alex hesitated before following her. A dicey idea concocted by Kara whilst visiting with her war criminal aunt in a radiation-soaked cell sounded a little disconcerting. It almost sounded like maybe it wasn’t so much _Kara’s_ idea, as much as it was something Astra might have coaxed out of her.

Alex turned to look through the small window into the containment cell. Astra was still seated on her cot, looking at a loss without Kara, but her eyes drifted up to meet Alex’s after a moment, seeming to sense her gaze on her.

Alex tilted her head. _What are you up to?_

Astra smiled softly, eyes glinting under an otherwise kind expression. _Wouldn’t you like to know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quasi Astra-less chapter, I’m so very sorry, promise there won’t be very many of these. I’ll make up for it soon anyway—I’ve got a day off tomorrow so I can slave away for you voracious readers, hopefully get another update out within the next couple days.  
> Thank you as always for reading and commenting, or reading and not commenting, or reading and lurking, or lurking but not reading, or maybe just stumbling upon this and having no idea what’s happening…whatever it is, glad you’re here, hopefully enjoying this silly story. See you on the next update…


	8. Ache

There was not a single relaxed body in the room. Thirty DEO agents packed into a small training space with one nervously smiling Kryptonian, and one Kryptonian with a shifting, penetrating gaze, did not make for a feeling of _calm._

Alex herself flinched at the feeling of shoulders on either side of her, the press of bodies behind her, surrounded by agents just like herself, similarly facing forward to where Hank addressed them all, flanked on either side by a stupid sunshiny Kryptonian, and a sullen one in handcuffs.

In handcuffs for _now._

Apparently, due to Stupid Sunshiny Kryptonian’s _brilliant_ thinking, Astra would soon be out of those handcuffs, and allowed fairly liberal access to the DEO’s arsenal of practice hand-to-hand combat weapons.

Someone needed to smack Kara upside the head, and frankly, Alex had sort of hoped Hank might be the one to do it. Instead, he was standing united with her on this front. He even had Alex standing amongst the other agents, making his decision clear, pulling rank on her. 

Not long ago at all, she had served as Acting Director in his absence. Now, she was reduced to just another foot soldier.

All because of her stupid sunshiny Kryptonian and her stupid sunshiny ideas.

Alex could hardly believe how quickly this had all unfolded. Following after Kara as she shuffled from Astra’s cell to Hank’s office just hours before, she would never have imagined this outcome. 

 _I sort of had this idea about Astra when I was in there talking to her,_ Kara had said. _I’m not sure you’ll like it, but I think it might be a good thing to do._

And Alex, stupidly, had had faith that, okay, yes, Kara was an optimist, and admittedly a little naive sometimes—but not _so_ naive that it brought her sanity into question. 

Of course, then Kara told Alex and Hank exactly what her idea was, and Alex was suddenly pretty sure that her little alien sister had taken a few too many shots to the head.

“So, when I was in that cell, talking to Astra,” Kara had said carefully, “I started thinking…” She turned a wide-eyed glance to Alex, “…I started thinking about what _you_ had said. About how you wanted to help train me to fight, how you and J’onn had different fighting styles and you wanted to keep me well-rounded. And then you said the other Kryptonian Fort Rozz escapees had probably been trained by Astra…so I was thinking, maybe Astra could train _us_ , could train the _DEO,_ to defend ourselves from Non and his followers.”

In response, Hank should have said _No, absolutely-fucking-not._

Instead, _Alex_ had said “No, absolutely-fucking-not,” and Hank had just looked at Kara thoughtfully. As if he were actually considering what she was saying.

And essentially what she was saying was _Let’s let Astra out of her cell and give her a bunch of weapons_ (training weapons, admittedly, made typically of wood, or plastic, other more harmless materials, but still), _and give her control over a bunch of human agents._

 _This_ was the time for Hank to step up to the plate as their surrogate father figure and say, as already established, A _bsolutely-fucking-not._

Instead, he’d said, “Go on.”

So Kara had continued, quickly, and obviously a little nervously. “Astra doesn’t want a massacre,” she said. “She has no intention of helping us stop Myriad, or telling us what it is, or anything, but she doesn’t want humans to just be helpless prey for the other Kryptonians. She knows they betrayed her, so it’s not like she’s feeling particularly loyal to _them,_ but she still trusts that they will activate Myriad, and that’s the most important factor to her. 

“But in the meantime, she has no desire to let us be…like I said…or, like _she_ said…’helpless prey,’” Kara went on. “She’s totally willing to teach us Kryptonian style fighting, and battle strategy as well—so that we’re prepared for what might come. So we won’t just be…’lambs to the slaughter.’ Her words. All she’s asking in exchange is for us to lower the lights in her cell so she can heal faster, and to occasionally be permitted to see the sky.”

Alex ignored the tiny splinter in her heart at the latter request, and focused instead on the reality of what Kara was relaying. And…right, so, from a tactical standpoint, this was a fantastic idea. Having a Kryptonian General teach them Kryptonian fighting styles, _and,_ more importantly, Kryptonian war strategy, was a practical godsend. Twenty-three rogue Kryptonians could easily decimate even a _large_ army of humans. But with the combination of Kryptonite, strategy, and technique at their hands, the DEO—and the US military, if they conceded to it—might actually stand a chance.

The _reality_ of the situation, of course, was that this was Astra. And, as horrified as Alex was by the attack Non and the others had staged on her, as much as she felt for Astra’s loss, and hurt for her…Astra was no victim. A victim of this particular attack, yes. A victim in general? Not a chance. There was something else going on, something Alex couldn’t put her finger on…and Alex _believed_ Kara, she did, she honestly believed that Astra was genuine in her desire to avoid a massacre of the human race. 

But _nothing._ Was _ever._ One-sided. With Astra.

Plus, the fact that Astra still had no apparent interest in confessing her role as the creator of Myriad to the DEO—a fact that was making Alex more and more anxious by the hour—pointed to the fact that Astra was definitely not _on their side._  

She may not want the humans dead, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t want them out of the way.

Needless to say, Alex was knocked completely speechless when, after Kara’s nervous explanation of her proposed plan, Hank frowned and thought for a long moment, and crossed his arms over his chest, and frowned deeper, and thought longer…and then finally met her gaze again, chin jutting forward, and said—

“As most of you are aware, this is General Astra In-Ze, of Krypton,” Hank announced to their rank, snapping Alex back to the present. She felt her surrounding fellow agents tense in acknowledgment. “After some deliberation with the President, we have been given permission to use General In-Ze’s insights into the Fort Rozz criminals to train for what we believe to be an imminent threat of war.”

No one said anything, but Alex felt agents look curiously at other agents, trying to work out what exactly Hank meant.

“The thirty of you represent the highest caliber we have here at the DEO,” Hank went on. “You have been handpicked by me for a trial run of General In-Ze’s offer to educate us on the military habits of the Kryptonian race, including martial combat,and battle strategy. If our trial run goes smoothly and successfully, the US military will consider implementing these tactics into their standard training programs, and General In-Ze will be considered for amnesty. For the next few weeks, for three hours each day, you will train exclusively with General In-Ze. 

“Myself, and General Lane, will be here to supervise each session,” Hank went on when there was some nervous shuffling from the other agents. “We will have strict monitoring of the Kryptonite lights so that General In-Ze’s strength will match that of a human’s, but she will be otherwise free of restraints so that she may teach you proper form. When sessions are over, General In-Ze will be restrained once again, and returned to her cell. She will also be permitted one hour of every day to be escorted in restraints to the upper levels outside to receive healing by means of natural solar exposure so that she may train you again the following day. Agent Danvers, you will be in charge of escorting the General during such times.”

Alex jolted inwardly in surprise. All eyes were on her now, and she swallowed, holding her head up high to keep from seeming startled.

She still must have looked startled, because Astra’s eyes twinkled at her. 

Hank’s attention was now back to the rest of the agents. “You will all act in accordance with whatever General In-Ze says, unless General Lane or myself feel that she is taking any kind of  inappropriate measures, overstepping her use of authority, or taking advantage in any way of the liberties we are permitting her, in which case, we will step in and put a stop to the session. You are all under safe watch here. Whether or not you harbor prejudices against aliens, General In-Ze is not to be treated as your enemy. She is your teacher, and you will give her the same respect you give me. Failure to do so will result in your immediate termination from the DEO. Is everyone perfectly clear?”

Alex could practically feel the tension in the room, could practically hear the cranking of thoughts around her—W _hy are we negotiating with a terrorist?_ And from others, _Why are we imposing our violence upon a refugee?_

No one spoke a word, of course, it wasn’t their place to question. Certainly not publicly, not like this. But she could feel it. Questions on every side, different judgments, directly opposing views, even within one individual.

Astra was the walking, talking definition of gray area, and even those around her with seemingly polarized views seemed to sense that same quality. 

It didn’t make for a particularly high level of trust between any of them.

Hank turned to Astra. “General?” he said expectantly.

Astra lifted her wrists obediently, and Hank slowly unlocked the cuffs. Alex saw several eyes dart around the room and at the ceiling, as if the other agents were making double and triple-sure that the Kryptonite lights were on. Alex could feel the effort it took for all of them to stay stoic once the cuffs were off, once Hank and Kara retreated to the back with General Lane, and once Astra turned to them, hands clasped behind her back, stance strong and rooted.

“We will start simply,” she addressed them, with a sense of absolute confidence, as if the DEO agents really were just…her troops. “Many of the techniques I show you will be basic to begin with—several of them you will recognize from your own human training. We will begin each session with a warm up, then move into forms, then you will each participate in a gauntlet, and then a session of sparring using _only_ Kryptonian techniques, followed by a second round of sparring using a combination of what I have taught you, and what you are already familiar with from your human martial arts.

“This first session, however,” she continued, “I would like to begin with a demonstration. There are certain very basic realities that you must be prepared for when it comes to the physicality of a human body, and a Kryptonian one. I will require a volunteer for the first demonstration.”

No one stepped forward.

Astra’s lips twitched in subtle amusement. “Certainly one of you must be brave enough to come stand beside me,” she said a little mockingly. Her eyes scanned the ranks showily, until they inevitably rested on Alex. Astra’s smile widened.

“Agent Danvers,” she said silkily. It was definitely not the tone of a General addressing one of her troops. Alex wondered if everyone else in the room could hear it too, that tone, or if she was just being paranoid. Either way, the back of her neck prickled and she felt overly-warm with needless embarrassment.

“Front and center, Agent,” Astra addressed her. Feeling all eyes on her again, Alex tried to subdue that hot, prickling feeling at the back of her neck, and willed herself to appear placid and unaffected as she stalked forward to stand in front of Astra.

“Besides increased strength, one of the major advantages Kryptonians have over humans when it comes to close-quarter combat, is that we can fly,” Astra said. “Human martial techniques typically assume that both adversaries will be on relatively equal footing. There are moves, of course, that allow for differences in territory and grounds, and there are moves which allow for effectiveness between those of different heights, different weights, et cetera. But in my many years of studying the human race, I have never found a technique geared toward fighting an adversary who is not bound by gravity.

“We can assume,” Astra went on, “that should this threat of war come to pass, you will be armed with at least some small trace of Kryptonite when in combat with a Kryptonian adversary. This will give you at least a small step of advantage, it will at least bring a Kryptonian’s strength down to the equivalent of a human’s. But where I and the other Kryptonians have had time to master our skills both _with_ the restraints of gravity, and _without,_ there is more fluidity in the way we fight. We can navigate gravity better than you—simply by habit, if nothing else.

“Essentially, what that means for you here, is that you will have to learn how to navigate gravity as well, limited as you may be. There are Kryptonian martial arts, and then there are the martial arts I developed with the twenty-three others of my kind here on Earth. You might call them an upgraded technique, forged not only with the original martial training of Krypton, but with the adaptations I have made to it here, now that we are empowered by your yellow sun. As such, for this first session, I will not be teaching you any attacks, nor even defenses. I will be teaching you only how to move. How to use gravity in a way that goes beyond what you already know, to make it work _for_ you, rather than against you. Agent Danvers.”

Alex snapped her gaze up to meet Astra’s. “I will be using your body to demonstrate how a human may adapt their movements to take effective command of the restraints gravity inherently places on your kind. Fighting stance, please,” she requested.

Alex felt her jaw twitch, but fell easily into it, fists raised, core tight. Astra’s gaze lingered appreciatively, before she turned back to the other agents.

“I have seen Agent Danvers in a fight before,” she told them. “With one of my followers, in fact. A Hellgramite. While she possesses all of the strict training provided by the DEO, she is quick, as is any creature who has their life threatened, to fall into instinctive self-preservation. Oftentimes, this leaves room for clumsy mistakes.

“In Agent Danvers’ case, however,” Astra went on, shooting her a pleased look, “she is able to meld military training with raw instinct. Adaptability is key here. Training alone will not save you. Instinct alone will not save you. You need to be able to use your own judgment. I have no doubt there are those of you in here—males, I’m assuming—who are physically stronger than Agent Danvers, if only because of size, or weight. My bet, however, would be that she could defeat almost any of you in battle _because of her ability to adapt._ Her ability to judge. Her ability to use _thought_ to influence _gut reactions_ , and to use _gut reactions_ to influence _thought._

“At a later date, I will have you watch her spar with me,” Astra continued. “For now though, our focus is on basic movement, basic use of gravity, so I will just have you observe her.”

Alex was determined to squash down her embarrassment, as if it were a physical thing taking over her from the inside out. Hank had used her to help demonstrate fighting techniques all the time to new recruits—this was different. Alex felt like she was being put on display. And it seemed almost as uncomfortable for her audience as it was for her. 

Or maybe it wasn’t. 

Maybe, in “observing” her, they were seeing something else. Maybe they weren’t just observing her form, as Astra was instructing. Maybe they were seeing the way she had held Astra’s hand that one time, or the way she had shared a laugh with her. Maybe they were seeing that time she had given her a drink, or that time Astra had washed the blood and dirt from her face. Maybe they were seeing feelings she’d had, maybe they were seeing those times when Alex had thought…almost _fondly…_ of Astra—even if it was only for a moment.

Her frenzied, irrational worry of what they might somehow be able to see was making her blood rush under her skin. It almost felt like she was going to explode into flames, flames of embarrassment, flames of frustration, flames of some unnamed just… _energy_ that she couldn’t figure out—

—And then Astra’s cool hands were on her arms, and Alex inhaled sharply, one small step away from outright gasping. Astra gave her a quick tilt of her head, but turned her gaze back to the other agents so quickly, Alex wasn’t sure it had really been there.

“I want you to pay attention to her form,” Astra was saying, and Alex felt her heart begin to pound loudly against her ribcage as Astra’s hands slid up to her shoulders. Astra was taking too much time. She was lingering. There was no reason for her to keep this kind of contact for so long—

—Although, Hank had always had to touch her in some capacity or another during his demonstrations. He sometimes applied pressure, moved her one way or another. Physical contact almost _always_ occurred during a demonstration of this kind.

Alex was obviously just being paranoid. This was just nerves, making her tense as Astra instructed them all to observe which muscles were active, which were relaxed, why one stance of hers or another would be effective, would be conducive to adaptability, to using gravity, to…this, that, the other thing…

She suddenly clenched her fists hard enough for the nail to bite into her palm as Astra made her way behind her, hands falling to her hips and resting there for a moment before she angled them one way and then another for the other agents to take note of. 

Fluidity. Adaptability. Alex kept hearing those words over and over again, but could barely absorb what they meant, too focused on the pressure of Astra’s hands on her hips, on keeping her fingernails biting into her palm, to keep her pounding heart from forcing her breathing, from flinching, from _shuddering…_

And then, too abruptly, too shockingly soon, Astra dropped her hands from Alex’s hips and stepped away. 

“You may rejoin your ranks, Agent Danvers,” Astra told her. “I’ll be taking you all through some basic forms.”

Alex was almost too stunned by the sudden loss of contact to comprehend what Astra had just said to her. She felt completely frozen, body wondering where Astra’s hands had gone, why they were no longer on her. That tense frozenness, that roaring heat all over her—that was all pure embarrassment. Right? Of course it was.

But it didn’t account for that ache she felt, that hollow feeling in her body, to no longer have Astra touching her.

She hadn’t even _wanted_ Astra to touch her.

“Agent Danvers,” Astra prompted softly, and Alex snapped out of herself. She blinked, and returned sheepishly to the rest of the DEO agents, staring straight ahead at the wall so she wouldn’t have to make accidental eye contact with any of her cohorts. 

They spent the rest of the session following Astra through forms, through balancing techniques, through footwork. And Astra would walk amongst them, and she would adjust agents’ stances, their range of motion, looseness or tightness of limbs.

But she never once made her way back over to Alex, and Alex just…she ached.

*

“So…my aunt was kind of singing your praises in there,” Kara offered awkwardly as Alex emerged from the locker room shower. She had washed quickly, scrubbing with an unnecessary degree of force, needing to keep moving so that any and all thought or feeling wouldn’t have time to fully develop.

Alex scowled at her little sister, throwing a thin black top on over her bra. 

“She must like you,” Kara tried again. “Even back on Krypton, I think the only person she ever really said nice things about was me. I think…I really think this might work, I think we can get her on our side, get her to see that humans are worth protecting. I mean, if she likes _you—_ and no offense, but you’re a little prickly—but if _you_ were able to win her over, then I think there’s a good chance she’ll come around. Help us figure out how to stop Myriad. I mean, she _respects_ you. Listening to her tell the other agents about you…”

“Kara,” Alex interrupted shortly. “It’s a power play. Alright? Nothing more. You’re giving her…not even the benefit of the doubt, you’re…Kara this was _such_ an irresponsible thing to do.”

“I…” Kara looked startled, and then her eyes widened with almost wounded confusion. “I _saw_ you guys talking when we first brought her in. You…you seemed like you, I don’t know, like you trust each other kind of. I thought _you_ of all people would think this might work—“

“Kara, how many times do I have to tell you your aunt is dangerous?” Alex demanded. “How do you not know by now? _She. Is. Dangerous.”_

“Not here!” Kara argued. “She can’t do anything here! What’s so dangerous about her _here?_ Did she do something to you?” Kara suddenly looked concerned. “Oh my god, Alex— _did_ she do something to you? Are you okay? Are—“

“She didn’t do anything to me,” Alex said, shaking her head. She looked down, feeling stupid. 

“But you’re saying ‘she’s dangerous’ like she did something to _you_ specifically,” Kara said, brow crinkled with worry.

Alex waved her hands dismissively above her head. “Look, it’s fine. Just…I just think this was a mistake, alright? I don’t want it to come back to bite us in the ass. That’s all.”

“Ma’am,” came a soft call from the hallway. Vasquez peeked her head in. “Director Henshaw says he wants you escorting Astra outside now—he said he wanted these things done right at either sunset or sunrise so she’s not getting full exposure to the sun. So, when you get the chance…”

“…When I get the chance, I’ll go put the alien on a leash and take her for a walk outside,” Alex mumbled. “I’ll be there in a sec, Vasquez.”

Kara looked at her with those big eyes again as Vasquez disappeared back into the hall. “You told me just a little while ago Astra wasn’t a villain,” she said. “So don’t treat her like one now, Alex. She’s trying to help us. Give her the chance to do that.”

Alex gave her a silent look, sliding her leather jacket on, and turning for the door. 

*

“You’re awfully quiet,” Astra observed softly. 

Alex made sure not to look at her. Out here on the roof of the DEO base, surrounded by nothing but miles and miles of desert, sun disappearing slowly on a flat horizon, casting everything in darkening streaks of purple and red…now was definitely not the time to look at Astra. 

As of this moment, she had never seen Astra outside in the light. Once at night, once in the living room of Kara’s apartment, and endless times in varying states of captivity—whether her own, or Alex’s. Lack of sunlight had always been something Alex was grateful for when it came to Astra. Not just because it gave her power, but because of what she had seen every day of her life what it could do to a Kryptonian. To Kara. How it practically made her glow with life, and energy. Seeing Astra in that kind of light…well, if she wasn’t striking enough already…

“I guess I am,” Alex agreed with a tight shrug. “Why, was there something you wanted me to say?”

She heard Astra sigh beside her, a mixture—always a mixture—of annoyance and amusement.

“Not in particular,” she answered. “Though I’m not a huge fan of being ignored.”

“Why not, you ignored _me_ for the rest of your session after you were done putting me on display,” Alex snapped before she could shut herself up.

Surprised silence from Astra beside her, and then out of her periphery, she saw a coy smile spread across her lips.

“I see,” Astra said, voice velvet again. “So you wanted to be…what’s the human term again? Teacher’s pet?”

Alex turned angrily toward her. “You’re not my teacher,” she snapped, blood boiling when she saw the way Astra was looking at her. The way the light made her eyes dance, the way it caught in her hair, turning it a glowing auburn. 

“You said it yourself—very _publicly_ , I might add—I already know how to fight. What, adaptability, fluidity, balancing my gut instinct and my mind. Not to mention, I’ve lived my whole _life_ on Earth, I haven’t just _studied_ it—give me just a sliver of Kryptonite and I could take you _and_ your goons out, no problem. You’re not my teacher, and I am _definitely_ not your pet.”

“Is that right?” Astra asked, one eyebrow lifted in amusement, voice so silky Alex felt like she could touch it. “So you’d prefer it the other way around then? You want me to learn from you? I’m sure there’s _plenty_ you could teach me…”

“Astra, stop, just…stop,” Alex interrupted frustratedly. 

“Stop what?”

“Stop…whatever it is you’re trying to do with me,” Alex said. “I’m trying to do everything I can here to help you, and all you’ve done is toy with me, with Kara, with the rest of the DEO…it’s like you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. Do you understand how much danger you’re putting yourself in the longer you hold out on us? And, yeah, you’ve bought yourself a little time with Director Henshaw, and even with General Lane, but I still…Astra I _have_ to tell them about you and Myriad. And you’re…”

She trailed off, and Astra’s expression softened.

“I’m what, Alexandra?”

“You’re making it difficult for me to turn you in, and I don’t know if that’s because you’re manipulating me that way, or if we…” She threw her hands up frustratedly. “I don’t know, just. I don’t like how one second I feel like I can read you completely, and the next it’s like I have no idea who you are. And I just…I actually _want_ to trust you, Astra. Because I want you to trust me. I want to think that I’m not just some pawn to you, but I just don’t know. I never know when it comes to you.”

Astra was looking at her very seriously, all amusement gone.

The chain connecting her cuffs to one another was long, allowing her far more mobility of her arms then Alex thought was safe. She thought so even more as Astra raised one hand, hesitated for a moment, and then reached forward. She skimmed the backs of her knuckles feather-light over Alex’s skin, then flattened her hand against her cheek, fingers twining back gently into her hair, thumb brushing softly over her cheekbone.

Alex flinched in shock, and she struggled to find her voice. “What are you doing?” she croaked.

“Human beings enjoy being touched,” Astra told her, almost like she was recounting information she’d learned off a nature documentary. “You find it soothing, particularly during times of confusion and stress.”

“Well—I—I mean, not—not _all_ humans enjoy being touched—and—and definitely not all the time,” Alex stammered.

“But you enjoy this,” Astra said, voice going just _slightly_ higher at the end in an almost-question. Her fingers curled soothingly in her hair. “You’re not moving away in any case.”

She wasn’t. Because she _was_ a human being, and she _did_ like being touched, just for a moment, just right now, because with Astra’s hand on her cheek, that ache she felt was lessened just enough, was tempered just enough that Alex wanted Astra to stay touching her forever…

But Astra must have misread her silence as disagreement, because she cocked her head slowly, and retracted her hand.“Or perhaps I’ve misjudged,” she said, gaze flickering down for just a moment. When she looked back up again, there was a small, awkward smile playing across her lips. “You confuse me as well, Alexandra.”

Alex felt herself return the smile, like a magnet, like she couldn’t _not_ smile when Astra did. “No kidding,” she agreed. “I think you might be projecting a little bit, too—as far as…you know…touching goes…” Alex was pretty sure— _pretty_ sure she was able to wrestle down a blush this time, “…I think _you’re_ the one who’s kind of…you know, with the touching, kinda…”

Astra raised her eyebrows.

“You touch me a lot, Astra,” Alex clarified, rolling her eyes. “A _lot._ You’re actually a little clingy for a fearsome alien General bent on taking over my planet.”

Astra looked startled for a moment by Alex’s words, then gave a small, confused smile. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but before she could get the words out, Hank poked his head through the hatch that led back into the base.

He looked between the two of them, face stern as ever. “Time’s up, Astra,” he said. “Agent Danvers, I trust you’ll get her back to her cell?”

Alex nodded obediently, belly squirming a little, wondering if he had seen the melt of ice between herself and Astra. If he had, he didn’t say anything, disappearing down the hatch again, leaving them alone.

Alex turned back to Astra, head down, things too serious again. She lifted her gaze, meeting Astra’s, faltering slightly at the way her eyes looked like jewels as the sun sank completely, leaving only deepening lavender in the sky.

“One more day, Astra,” she said softly. “Come forward about Myriad. Please don’t make me hand you over to General Lane.”

Astra smiled humorlessly, and lifted an eyebrow. “You could always _not_ tell them,” she suggested. “Though I’d dare to say I know you well enough to know you would never betray them like that.”

When Alex stayed silent, Astra nodded, almost awkwardly, almost like she was embarrassed that she’d ever made that suggestion. She offered her hands to Alex wordlessly, palms facing upward in a sign of surrender. Alex took hold of the chain and led her back down to the DEO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I’m pretty sure I’ve developed a weird headcanon where Astra’s just kind of obsessed with touching Alex’s face all the time? And like, that definitely comes from the show itself when in their first scene together Astra’s all, “yes, this is totally appropriate for me to stroke my brand new pet human’s cheek.” But now I kind of have it in my head that Astra’s a little too obsessed with the face touching? And does it at really inconvenient times? Like Alex is trying to drive and is just like…could you…could you not do that right now? I’m trying to not steer us off the road? And Astra just continues to pet her face. Because she doesn’t quite get “boundaries.”
> 
> Anywho, thanks as always for reading! Till we meet again!!


	9. Fifteen Second World

When asked that evening at Kara’s why she was being so grumpy, Alex stuck her spoon with somewhat aggressive force into her ice cream and grumbled, “I’m not grumpy.”

Kara smacked her lips, finishing her own bite, and said, “Switch.” They swapped ice cream tubs, resulting in Kara with the Phish Food, and Alex with the Half-Baked. “You _are_ grumpy,” Kara argued through a mouthful of ice cream. She narrowed her eyes and looked very _very_ hard at Alex.

Feeling a little uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny, Alex tilted her head warily with a concerned, “What are you doing?”

Kara continued to squint. “I’m trying to see if my X-ray vision can see into your brain so I can figure out what’s going on with you,” she said.

Alex nodded, going for another bite of ice cream. “How’s that working out?”

Kara continued to squint. “Not well. Your brain must be made of lead.”

Alex pushed her socked foot against Kara’s leg. Ideally, she would have thrown a pillow at her, but as her hands were otherwise occupied, the foot push was going to have to do for now.

“Alex, seriously, what’s going on?” Kara asked.

“Switch,” Alex said, holding out her tub, winding up with the Phish Food while Kara took the Half-Baked. “Nothing’s going on.”

“Is this about the training session with my aunt?” Kara pressed. “I know you were uncomfortable with all that, but she was really just trying to show that she respects you. She wasn’t trying to embarrass you. Praising your ability to beat the crap out of something is…almost like affection from her.” Kara grinned hopefully, like she was looking for a smile from Alex.

“Switch,” Alex said again, brushing aside the word _“affection,_ ” in her mind. 

“It’s not about the training session,” she said once the swap was made. “I just made…I’m trying to help her. And she’s not responding.”

“Well what are you trying to help her with?” Kara asked. When Alex stayed silent, Kara nudged her with her toe. “Come on, Alex…”

“I just don’t want her to be hurt,” Alex interrupted, waving her spoon hand irritatedly and refusing to look Kara in the eye. “I’m trying so hard to keep her out of trouble, and she’s acting like this is all just one big joke to her.”

Kara chewed on her spoon thoughtfully. “What ‘trouble’ are you trying to keep her out of?” she asked carefully. “I mean, it’s not like the DEO’s gonna hurt her now that she’s a refugee. And if she helps us try to figure out a way to stop Myriad, or if she’ll at least tell us how to get to the Fort Rozz base so we can figure it out ourselves, J’onn thinks he could make a good case for her, maybe even get her a more comfortable set-up. It’s not like there’s a whole lot of trouble she can even get into at the DEO. All she can really do is refuse to talk to us, that’s not illegal, she can’t be hurt just for not giving little bits and pieces of information for us to go off of that _she_ might not understand anyway. I mean, she’s a soldier, not an engineer. She may not even know specifically how it works, it’s not like she _made_ Myriad or anything…”

Alex kept her eyes on her ice cream, but the silence spoke for her. She heard Kara inhale sharply through her nostrils, and suddenly Kara’s hand was on her arm.

“Alex, _did_ Astra make it?” she asked sharply. 

Astra looked up at her with just her eyes. Silence spoke for her again.

Kara took her hand back and ran her fingers through her hair, eyes wide. “Okay,” she breathed, trying for calm and missing completely. “Okay. Okay, that’s…I mean…okay. Wow, I’m…this is just…I’m having a lot of very conflicting feelings right now.”

Alex nodded, feeling a sudden sense of relief at having told Kara, and an even more comforting sense of vindication from her reaction. Her hesitation to tell Hank about Astra felt more justified now that Kara was in on the conflicting emotions.

“Alex, we can’t…I mean we have to…but we can’t,” Kara was babbling to herself. “I mean…if she knows how to destroy Myriad, but she won’t tell us, J’onn’ll have to hand her over to General Lane, and—and you _know_ what they’ll do to her…”

Alex reached over and put what she hoped was a steadying hand on Kara’s arm. “But if we don’t tell J’onn, then we’ve given up our opportunity to stop Myriad. We can’t do it without her.”

“But…” Kara was going through the exact same thought process Alex had been through when _she_ had first heard this from Astra, it was written all over her. “But it’s not like she can activate it from inside the DEO. And we still have that transmitter, so it’s not like her people could do it either…and for all we know, they may not even do it at all, I mean, they _did_ betray her…maybe they won’t…”

“Astra told me that her people are ‘clever and more resourceful than you’d think,’ or something like that. Just from the way she talks about it…I’m almost positive something’s still in the works. Her people may have betrayed her, but she seems pretty confident about Myriad.”

Kara poked at her ice cream nervously. “Maybe if I went in and talked to her…”

“I’ve already talked to her,” Alex interrupted.

“But maybe if _I_ talk to her…”

“If you talk to her, you’ll only make yourself feel crummy,” Alex said. “The two of you don’t see eye to eye, even if you love each other, and both of you are going to come away from it feeling bad, but not having changed anything. You know that.”

“But maybe she’ll change her mind,” Kara argued, a small note of desperation coloring her tone. “Maybe if we just give her some time…”

“I’ve given her time already,” Alex interrupted. It was like hearing an echo, all of Kara’s attempts to keep Astra out of harm’s way. Alex realized with a pang of embarrassment how desperate _she_ must have sounded when she was saying all this to Astra. 

“I gave her three days. If she doesn’t come forward tomorrow…”

Kara opened her mouth like she was about to protest, but her words must have tangled and caught on each other, just the way Alex’s had. Telling Hank would give them possibly the only opportunity they’d have to stop Myriad, but it was more than likely that Astra would be tortured to the brink of death in order to break her down enough to glean even a _drop_ of that information. And then again, if they _didn’t_ tell Hank, they risked the entire _world_ succumbing to whatever the Myriad program was.

Essentially, it came down to sacrificing Astra to save the world, or sacrificing the world to save Astra. Double edge of the Kryptonite sword. And they both knew which edge it had to be.

Except that Kara, hero that she was, stood and said firmly, “There has to be another way.”

And Alex, soldier that she was, shook her head and said as gently as she could, “You know there isn’t, Kara. Either she comes clean tomorrow, or I _have_ to turn her over. I don’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice,” Kara argued. “There’s _always_ another way.”

Alex looked down at the tub of ice cream in her hands so she wouldn’t have to see the mix of fire and sadness in her sister’s eyes. 

She’d have said “Switch” to try to lighten the mood, but all that was left in there was a melted puddle of cold, colored goo.

*

“Face the wall,” Alex said shortly as she wrenched the door open to Astra’s cell the following morning.

Astra looked up at her from her place on the cot and rose slowly to a sitting position, head tilted curiously. 

“Agent Danvers,” she chirped pleasantly, small smile curling one corner of her mouth. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Astra,” Alex said, voice softening a little in apology for how brusquely she had just addressed her. The increasingly dramatic, angry (and completely imaginary) conversation she’d been having with Astra in her head as she approached the cell had filled her with a resentment toward her that she hadn’t even earned yet. 

Alex exhaled slowly, and tried again, more gently. “Face the wall.”

Astra’s gaze fell to the Kryptonite handcuffs in Alex’s hands, and she sighed. Alex half expected some smartass, velvety remark about the other implications of handcuffs, but Astra just stood obediently, and faced the wall with her hands behind her back. 

Astra’s failure to take advantage of the opportunity to get an innuendo-loaded taunt in was surprising. Absently, Alex wondered if maybe Kryptonians didn’t have the same handcuff fetish a lot of humans had, or maybe they _would_ , they just weren’t familiar with the concept, and then she found herself wondering whether Astra would prefer _being_ cuffed, or if she’d prefer cuffing someone else—and then she promptly almost dropped the handcuffs she was holding onto, because where the hell had _that_ thought come from?

Clearing her throat delicately, she approached Astra from behind, easing the cuffs on with—not _shaky_ hands—but…sort of twitchy hands.

Astra turned her head at the sound of the cuffs clicking closed over her wrists, and Alex could see her smiling from her profile. “That was much more gentle than I thought it was going to be, given your rather aggressive entrance,” she said silkily.

Alex felt embarrassed heat on the back of her neck. “I’m sorry about that,” she mumbled. “I was just…”

“…Imagining my stubborn refusal to come forward to your Director about my role in developing Myriad,” Astra finished for her, kindly enough, though with just a hint of teasing. “You become awfully angry when you worry about my well-being. Should I be reading into that?”

Alex rolled her eyes and decided to ignore that particular remark. “Yeah, I _was_ imagining your stubborn refusal, and it was pissing me off. It’s your last day to come forward. Any chance you might be changing your tune?”

The smile Alex could see from Astra’s profile twitched wider, but a tight silence still settled between them that was far more telling than words would have been. It hit Alex all of a sudden that Astra _was_ afraid to be handed over. She _was_ afraid of what was going to be done to her because of her refusal. She wasn’t all snide grins and flippant jabs. Astra was terrified.

But it was still worth it to her. Whatever it was, it was still worth it.

Alex surprised herself, finding her thumbs stroking at the underside of Astra’s wrists where the cuffs were clamped, comforting. “Astra, please.”

Astra hummed laughingly. “Ah, _there’s_ that begging I’ve been missing,” she murmured. The air between them was still brittle, but Alex still allowed herself a small, huffed-out laugh.

“I’m not begging, I’m being polite.” She waited, then sighed disappointedly. “You’re still not going to come forward,” she inferred, seriousness settling her gut. 

Astra shook her head. “You know I’m not.”

Alex fiddled frustratedly with the handcuffs. “Fine,” she said after a moment. “Come on.”

She saw as well as felt Astra’s muscles tighten, her entire body readying itself for the worst. “I can assume you’re taking me to your blustering human general then?” she asked softly.

“Nope,” Alex said. “You and I are going to go somewhere that I hope will change—maybe not your mind, but your answer anyway.”

Astra tilted her head. “That’s both intriguing, and a little disconcerting, Agent Danvers.”

Alex felt herself grin, and tugged on the handcuffs to guide Astra toward the door. “That’s the idea, General In-Ze.”

*

“Are you and I having a private session?” Astra asked teasingly as Alex shut the door to the small sparring room and turned on the Kryptonite lights.

“Kind of,” Alex said noncommittally, reaching forward to unlock Astra’s cuffs. Astra sighed deeply once they were off, and turned to look at Alex. Her expression was guarded, but not fearful. Maybe she really did trust Alex. Even here. Even now.

“You always talk about bravery, honor, commitment to a cause—everything that makes a good soldier,” Alex said, walking to the side of the room and shedding her jacket, tossing it to the side. She both thrilled at, and tried to ignore the feeling of Astra’s gaze on her body, on display as it was now with only a tank top covering her top half. 

She reached the edge of the room, picking up the two bo staffs she had leaned there earlier. She turned to face Astra, faltering—only slightly—when she saw that yes, Astra was looking _very_ intently at her. Lingering. Flickering down and across, looking, frankly, pretty pleased with what she saw.

_And…one more time, everybody, push down the reflex to blush…_

She cleared her throat to get Astra’s attention back where she needed it. Astra’s gaze flickered back up to hers, but she didn’t look even remotely ashamed at having been caught. 

“You and I are at a stalemate when it comes to this whole Myriad thing,” Alex went on. “You won’t give on your side, and I won’t give on mine. Neither of us wins that way. So,” she tossed one of the bo staffs to Astra, who caught it easily, “we’re going to break that stalemate today.”

Astra cocked her head curiously, watching as Alex spun her bo staff absently in her hands.

“Is that right?” she asked, one eyebrow raised.

Alex nodded. “If you beat me, I won’t say a word to Hank.” She felt her muscles twitch involuntarily at the idea of withholding this kind of information, but she kept her resolve. “If _I_ beat _you,_ then you come clean. You tell Hank that you developed Myriad yourself, and then you tell us exactly what it is, and how to stop it.”

“You’re a very confident little human, aren’t you,” Astra remarked, that curious smile brightening with the thrill of a challenge. She narrowed her eyes critically, but still with humor. “While your silence when it comes to this matter is very enticing, it doesn’t quite even the scales. From what you’re saying, if I lose, then I give up _everything._ Whereas, as it stands now, if _you_ lose, all I’m guaranteed is a lifetime still rotting in my cell. You see the problem there.”

Alex’s jaw twitched. “Okay. What do you want then?”

“In addition to your silence? I want to be released into my niece’s custody, and given free range to move about National City.”

“That’s not negotiable,” Alex said. “It would require outside authorization that I don’t have.”

“Then I’m afraid you’ll need to change your stakes,” Astra said carelessly.

Alex sighed frustratedly. Leave it to Astra to complicate _everything._

She thought hard. There had to be some way of getting the information to destroy, or deactivate, or whatever it was they’d need to do to stop Myriad…there had to be some way of getting that information that didn’t require Astra out-right telling them.

“You must have notes…calculations…blueprints…things you used when you were developing Myriad,” Alex guessed.

“Well I _did,_ of course. But the High Council on Krypton destroyed all of it before I was sent to Fort Rozz,” Astra said. When Alex’s gaze fell to the floor with disappointment, she added, “That doesn’t mean I wasn’t able to refigure all of it when I was imprisoned. My former cell at Fort Rozz—everything you could ever need to know about Myriad is locked away in there. Not even Non has access to it.”

“It’s at Fort Rozz,” Alex echoed, brow creasing thoughtfully. “Alright then. If you lose, you draw us a map from the DEO to Fort Rozz, and a map to get directly to your cell. If _I_ lose, then…I can _petition_ to have you released into Kara’s custody. But that’s all I can guarantee.”

Astra held her gaze for a long moment, seeming to be very _very_ seriously considering what was at stake here. What losing could cost her—what losing could _gain_ her, as well. 

Then she nodded. “It’s a deal, Agent Danvers,” she conceded. Then she leaned her bo staff against the wall, and stripped unceremoniously out of her own jacket so that she was left wearing the thin cotton undershirt, and army fatigues she had been provided with by the DEO.

When her jacket was tossed to the side with Alex’s, she swept her hair back into a messy ponytail, the occasional fly-away or cowlick escaping its hold. She picked the bo staff back up, and leveled her gaze with Alex’s, grinning suddenly.

“You’re staring, Agent Danvers,” she observed.

Alex definitely wasn’t staring. Alex Danvers definitely wasn’t staring at the long, lean play of muscles across Astra’s shoulders and back. She definitely wasn’t looking at strong lines of definition along her arms. She definitely wasn’t looking at that long, elegant neck, laid bare for the first time, or the gentle raise of her collarbones, and definitely _definitely_ not looking at her cleavage, or the way her top hugged what Alex was pretty sure might be the most perfectly-formed body she had ever seen…

She blinked. “You stared at me first,” she accused, then cringed at the way she had just channeled her inner five-year-old.

But a corner of Astra’s mouth curved upward in amusement, and she didn’t deny it. She did, however, twirl the bo staff in her hands, eyebrows lifting in question. “Best of three?” she asked.

Alex shook her head. “One round. That’s it.”

Astra looked surprised—pleasantly so. _“Very_ confident little human,” she murmured again, almost _purring_. “No do-overs, no safety-net second chances. I like that.”

She began circling, slowly, so Alex mirrored her. Step for step. Padding almost soundlessly, each of them hunting, trying to see, trying to listen for the smallest break in focus—

Astra struck first. The blow was so fast, and so unexpected, Alex very nearly took it full force, only able to evade by just enough of a margin to wind up with what would be a _very_ dark purple bruise on her shoulder tomorrow, instead of a broken clavicle.

She stumbled back, catching her footing before she hit the edge, and used it to spring forward off the ball of her foot, staff aimed high. As she brought it whipping down, Astra rose her own to meet it, and all of a sudden the two of them were a whirlwind of strikes and parries. They came at each other like electricity, then repelled off one another like magnets of the same charge, moving as one. Alex felt like she was in the middle of a storm—Alex felt like she _was_ a storm, that they _both_ were a storm, crashing off each other like thunder, streaking across the room like lightning, slowing in brief, heavy moments of silence while their bodies seemed to recharge, building up again to explode against each other once more. 

Alex felt like she was flying. The gravity of what they were doing, what they were fighting for—it almost didn’t seem to exist, the thrill of the fight itself was too overwhelming. Her heart hadn’t raced like this since she was a child and Kara brought her flying over the lake, since the first time she’d caught a wave when she was seven and rode it all the way to shore. Flashes of flying, flashes of storms, of crashing waves, of Astra…she almost felt like throwing her head back and _laughing_ from the thrill of it _—_

And then her staff was knocked from her. 

She grunted as it ripped from her hands, skittering across the room, and she barely had time to lift her arm in a block before Astra’s staff came down on it. 

She didn’t think the bone was broken, but mother _fucker_ , that hurt. She grunted again, twisting her wrist around to clamp onto Astra’s staff, and then ducking low, using her weight to pull Astra off-balance, knocking the staff from _her_ hands as well. 

Neither paused to acknowledge the fact that they had both disarmed the other almost at the same time—weapons immediately forgotten, they flew into hand-to-hand combat. Astra had been right—the basics of their respective martial arts were the same, but the Kryptonian method that had been developed by Astra here on Earth played around with gravity in a way Alex didn’t remember having trained in. It was flying without flying. 

And it was kicking Alex’s ass.

The fun of it all threatened to evaporate—it was more serious now that they had both been disarmed. This was closer, far more intimate, far _too_ intimate, and Alex was now flushed from more than just exertion. Astra’s closeness, the feeling of skin on skin—painful as it was—it made everything more real, and more…just…too fucking _close—_

 _—_ And then she saw her opening. Astra had gotten carried away with offensive strike after offensive strike, letting her defense slide, and now one side of her twisted, an opening that would last only a second, if that. Alex stepped into her, getting her elbow in her ribs, and flipping her over onto the floor, following her down, pinning her to the floor with one hand clamped over her wrist, one hand clamped over her throat, body hovering over her, heat roiling through her at the pounding of Astra’s pulse beneath her hand.

“Alex—“ Astra gasped, and Alex’s entire body froze at the sound.

Astra was staring up at her with complete shock, whether from being so suddenly pinned, or from having just uttered Alex’s name like that, or maybe a little of both. She struggled and squirmed, but Alex kept her pinned, counting down ten achingly slow seconds to victory. Astra seemed to struggle less with each passing one of them until she all but went limp with a defeated exhale.

Ten seconds. She was down. Alex won. Ten seconds. She could let go now.

Eleven seconds…

Twelve seconds…

There was no need for Alex to continue to pin her like this, it was over. 

Thirteen seconds… 

Fourteen seconds…

…Astra panting up at her, sweat dripping down the column of her throat, chest heaving, shock mingling with something darker as her gaze flickered to Alex’s lips, and then back up to her eyes.

Fifteen seconds…

Alex released her abruptly, and sat back on her heels, pushing her sweaty hair back out of her face, trying to wrench herself back to the real world, the world of sixteen seconds, where she no longer got to hover over a squirming Kryptonian General with eyes like storms—a storm herself, wrestled down to the ground in Alex’s hands.

No, the real world, the world of sixteen seconds, was much much safer. It made much, much more sense, especially as Astra lifted herself weakly onto her elbows, suddenly looking like her own world of sixteen seconds had just come crashing down on her. 

Astra had lost. Alex and the rest of the DEO actually had a shot now at finding a way to destroy Myriad. 

But that look of utter shock and bewilderment on Astra’s face—Alex wasn’t sure if that was from the sudden reappearance of the world of sixteen seconds, or the lingering haze from the charged, heated world of fifteen seconds—regardless, Alex had an almost overwhelming desire to take her into her arms and apologize. Apologize for winning. Apologize for being able to save the world. Because something in Astra hurt, and once again, Alex was the reason for that.

But instead of taking Astra in her arms, she got a little clumsily to her feet, and extended her hand down to help Astra up. When they were once again eye to eye, Alex turned to retrieve the Kryptonite handcuffs, snapping them on wordlessly, her only apology the soft brush of thumbs on the undersides of Astra’s wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, when beating the bejeezus out of someone with a stick is the best kind of foreplay…these two, I swear…


	10. Language Learning

Alex bypassed hanging up her coat or taking her shoes off in any kind of civilized manner, kicking those off haphazardly, and dropping the rest of her things to her apartment floor in order to get to the whiskey on her counter quicker.

She’d beaten Astra, but also hurt her in a way that made her feel oddly sick. She’d secured the DEO the chance to find out what Myriad was and how to stop it, but she felt like she’d betrayed Astra in doing so.

And then, just to throw in a little post-holiday-let-down kind of a feeling, when she’d brought Astra back to her cell and gone to find Hank to tell him the deal Astra had made with them, Vasquez informed her that Hank had left earlier with Supergirl to go the Fortress of Solitude in order to learn about some new monster that was wreaking havoc on the outskirts of town. 

All that energy and time and focus and planning and work put into getting Astra’s cooperation, and no one to report it to. Emotionally exhausting, and then nothing.

Merry metaphorical post Christmas.

So Alex had gone home early, charging Vasquez with Astra’s sunset solar rehab.

“Ma’am, if you go home now, you’ll miss Astra’s training session,” Vasquez had said, a little disbelievingly given that, in over two years, Alex had never missed a single day of work.

“She and I had a kind of one-on-one session earlier,” Alex had said awkwardly, waving one hand in a flimsy imitation of not caring. “Trust me, it was more than enough.”

 _Way_ more than enough, she thought now as she unscrewed the cap to the whiskey bottle and tried to decide whether she should get a glass, or just tip the whole thing down her throat.

Why not. It’s not like there was anyone here she needed to fool into thinking she wasn’t a complete fucking disaster. Straight from the bottle it was.

She squeezed her eyes shut as the burning amber liquid hit the back of her throat, and boy was _that_ ever the wrong thing to do. The second her eyes closed, all she could see was the same image she’d been trying to scrub from her brain since this afternoon.

Namely, the one where Astra was staring up at her from the floor, on her back, color high in her cheeks, lips parted with laboring breath…and then how that stare sort of got this glazed look, the look someone got when they _wanted_ something—something like food, only…maybe not food—and then there was that sort of subtle movement, when her neck arched under Alex’s hand, but it wasn’t in a trying-to-escape-or-fight-back way, it was more of a…like a wanting-more-of-something way—more of something like food, only…probably not food, Alex had definitely never arched her neck that way toward food, that would be weird, maybe it wasn’t even a wanting-more-of-something way, maybe it was more like a…like an exposing herself way, or presenting herself, or maybe even _offering,_ or…

Alex took another very long swig, that was particularly painful when she swallowed too fast and sort of inhaled it. That was way too many thoughts in a row without stop. 

…But just for the sake of finishing up that long thought-stream so it wouldn’t drive her crazy tonight…While all those images of Astra were completely overwhelming, the thing that kept looping her back in was the way Astra had gasped out _“Alex”_ the second her back hit the ground.

First of all… _Alex._ Not _Alexandra._ And maybe that was just because Alex had very literally just knocked the breath out of her and she didn’t have enough air in her lungs to choke out the other two syllables. That was a definite possibility. 

But also, Alex had noticed in the past few weeks of dealing with her, that Astra said her name _a lot._ It was always _“Alexandra,_ this,” and _“Alexandra,_ that,” and “Don’t mind me while I repeatedly touch you without your permission, _Alexandra.”_ It was very rarely just a “Hey, you” kind of a situation. It was like she was constantly putting Alex back into the context she wanted her in—whether it was patronizing, or sincere, or even respectful…sometimes even fond.

But _“Alex”_ had not been Astra putting her back in her own preferred context. _“Alex”_ had been an unplanned, completely reflexive outburst. _“Alex”_ had been Astra with absolutely zero control whatsoever.

Alex took another sip. Then thought about it, and took another sip. Then more of a good-sized pull.

Then several more.

God damn it.

Because that wasn’t _all,_ either. Astra’s face as she gazed up at Alex, the way she said Alex’s name…there was even more than that. Probably the most treacherous of all. The way Astra _felt_ under her. One hand pinning Astra’s wrist, one hand pinning Astra’s throat, her pulse pounding, so furious and _alive—_ the only place Alex would have been able to feel her pulse even stronger would be if she had slid her hand down from Astra’s throat to her heart, or maybe if she had leaned in, settled and pressed her body down against Astra completely, and felt her pulse from every vessel, every molecule, the thrum of her entire body under Alex’s.

…Clearly her alcohol consumption as of right now was not shutting her mind off quite the way she’d been hoping for.

So Alex took one more mammoth-sized swig on the off-chance it might burn her thoughts out of her, and then began to pace. 

This was bad. This was badbadbadbadbad. 

Because after that, Alex had had to escort Astra back to her cell, and the silence and the stiffness between them had been enough to make Alex’s limbs feel like they were weighted down with lead. And then the continued silence as she took the cuffs off in her cell, and the way she’d almost swayed forward to lean her forehead against the back of Astra’s shoulder, maybe to take the weight off her limbs, maybe because she was so tired from after their sparring, maybe just because she wanted to comfort her defeated opponent with some kind of contact. But she didn’t, of course, and Astra said nothing when she left, refused to even turn around to look at her.

And Alex was sweaty and sore and tired and confused, and almost relieved when Vasquez told her Hank wasn’t there, because she didn’t think she’d be able to put together a real sentence after all that. Because there was just a lot of uncomfortable heat around her, wet, and listless, leaving her feeling dazed and weak and empty. 

So she’d dragged herself home like this and wrapped her hand around a bottle of whiskey. Because that’s what she did.

And maybe she should’ve taken a shower to get all this Astra off her, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do that either. 

She felt like she needed to tell someone all this, make someone else sort out what her scientific brain refused to figure out for itself. The problem, of course, was that Alex was a little short on friends.

There was Kara, of course—there was _always_ Kara. But Alex would probably peel her own skin off with a pair of pliers before she would ever tell Kara anything beyond, “I totally kicked your aunt’s ass in the ring today. High five.”

There would be no telling Kara, “I totally kicked your aunt’s ass in the ring today, pinned her, held her down and stared at her for what felt like eternity even though it was just a few seconds, and then came home and thought about the way she was looking at me, and the way she said my name—actually kind of gasp/cried out my name—and how I’m pretty sure I wanted to be as physically close to her as humanly possible, and maybe kiss her—everywhere—and she touches me all the time, and says my name all the time, and I think she’s up to no good but I also think she might have a thing for me and it’s getting really really hard for me to be around her because I think I might possibly have a thing for her too, but only a little bit, obviously—anyway, what I meant to say is that I totally kicked your aunt’s ass in the ring today. High five.”

So that was a no go.

There was always Hank, too. But Alex was pretty sure that all that would happen would be for her to open her mouth, then decided not to say anything, and Hank would blink at her, do his confused jaw clench because he still respected her privacy enough to not read her mind, and then would also say nothing.

And even if she _did_ say, “I think Kara’s aunt is kind of really into me, and I might also possibly be a little bit really into her, and I’m having all these inappropriate thoughts and feelings about her that even getting outrageously drunk isn’t getting rid of…” Even if she did say all that, Hank would probably just reply with, “There’s a reason I made an active decision not to read your mind, Alex, and it’s because your precarious lack of control when it comes to drinking, and entire lack of self-esteem when it comes to anything even remotely emotions-based would drive me insane. Please don’t try to confide things in me ever again.”

Actually, he would never say that. But he might say something along the lines of, “If she touches you again, I’ll have no choice but to rip out her spine because you are my adult human child whom I have adopted and I will kill any and all other beings on this earth in order to keep you safe.”

So…who else did Alex have in her life to talk to? There was her mom, of course, but no way in _hell_ was she going down _that_ road. 

Was there no one else?

Literally no one?

She frowned. There was always Max Lord. But the chances of her not beating him into a bloody pulp for exposing Kara to the Red Kryptonite were pretty slim. It was hard to hold a conversation with someone whose face you had just pummeled. 

And Lucy Lane was a _definite_ no-no. She didn’t seem to harbor the same intense anti-alien sentiments that her father did, but she would still probably have Alex’s entire career put under scrutiny for having less-than-professional feelings for an alien fugitive who had once been, and could still possibly be, a hostile.

Then there was Susan Vasquez, who was likable enough, but the same problem applied—she was DEO. Alex thinking thoughts about Astra would land her in trouble there.

James Olsen was a little too dull to talk to.

Winn Schott was a little too weird.

Who else?

No one else?

No one else.

It suddenly occurred to her that her world was very small. Centered completely around Kara. And that was okay, that was good, even—Kara _was_ her world, and if it were just the two of them for the rest of time, Alex thought she’d be happy.

 _Thought_ she’d be happy. 

But somehow, Astra had gotten into her world. And there was no one that Alex could talk to to help her make sense of that.

So the whiskey was going to have to do for now. She settled in on her couch, dried sweat on her skin, and the ghost of Astra’s pulse under her hands, and drank.

*

She had one of those confused, airy hangovers the following morning, not enough to make her sick, but enough to make her clumsy, and she sort of walked too close to the doorjamb, and hit it with her shoulder—and became very suddenly aware of exactly how bruised her body was from her time with Astra. 

Although, to be honest, not _as_ bruised as she thought it would have been. The one big one on her shoulder, and the one from when Astra’s staff had come walloping down on her forearm…and a couple smaller ones here and there with only one other larger one at her ribs.

For the most part, neither of them had really managed to land a real blow on the other. They were too evenly matched. It almost seemed like there had been an exact fifty-fifty chance that Alex would win—had the fifty-fifty slipped unexpectedly by a hair and gone in Astra’s favor, would Alex have been the one on her back? Would she have gasped out _“Astra—“_ with the same breathless shock and—whatever else—that Astra had with Alex’s name?

Alex mouthed Astra’s name silently, just to see what it felt like, what it might feel like had their positions been reversed. 

She didn’t think she’d have said it. She might have thought it, might have _wanted_ to say it. But wouldn’t have. 

Astra was the emotional twin, Kara had told her. Fearsome military leader or no, she was the one who, before Krypton’s end, had worn her heart on her sleeve. Who was quickest to lash out in anger, but also always quickest to laugh, and even to cry. 

But after years in Fort Rozz, and years on Earth with only the bitter cold to surround herself with…if _Alex_ had brought back a split second of Astra’s rare and precious vulnerability…

Alex felt something deep inside her clench. Not just her heart this time. A little lower.

Quite a bit lower.

She showered, and made a great (though completely futile) effort to make herself think about other things besides Astra. When that failed, she turned on her radio at full blast, only to have one of her neighbors bang angrily on her wall with what she was pretty sure might be a frying pan.

She was tempted to smack her own frying pan against the wall right back, but really, they were in the right here. She was being an ass.

So she turned off the radio, decided her hair was probably dry enough, and headed out for the DEO, stomach turning at the thought of Astra, stomach turning at the thought of Hank…just…stomach turning. It’d be the fucking Gordion Knot by the time she got to the DEO.

*

Alex wasn’t in the room when Hank and General Lane made Astra draw the map from the DEO to the Fort Rozz base. Telling them about the deal they’d made had been harrowing enough; to have to face Astra while it all unfolded just felt like too much. She was fortunate enough at least that their discussions and map-drawing happened throughout the afternoon, so there was no training session held for her or the other DEO agents. Alex was grateful. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to face Astra again.

But of course, as luck would have it, just as Alex was going to the locker room that evening to get her things to go home, Hank intercepted her, folding his arms over his chest sternly. “She won’t draw the second map,” he told her.

“What?”

“Astra. She drew us the map from here to Fort Rozz, but she won’t draw us the map of the inside of the base. We’re blind without it, we wouldn’t be able to find her old cell with the Myriad layouts. Hell, we wouldn’t even be able to find the way _in_ without alerting Non and whatever  else is in there.”

Alex’s brow pinched. “No, that can’t be right,” she said, frowning. “Astra would honor the bargain we made, she—“

“Oh, she’ll _honor_ it,” Hank said a little bitterly. “But she’s refusing to give the map to _us_. She’s _informed_ us that she’ll only give it to you. And she’ll only give it to you…” he cleared his throat gruffly and gestured weirdly upward, “on the roof. During her time with you for her solar healing. She said she wanted a slight…alteration to your bargain.”

Alex angled her head warily. “What kind of alteration?”

“I don’t know, I can’t read Kryptonian minds,” he growled frustratedly. He looked harshly at her. “I don’t trust her.”

“No, I know you don’t.”

“And I don’t know what’s going on with her—with this _fascination_ she has with you. But I don’t like it. I don’t want her getting her claws into you.”

“J’onn, I don’t think she has claws.”

“If she does anything up there that makes you uncomfortable, you just call out to us, and I’ll be there,” Hank said firmly, ignoring her. “I don’t like the way she talks about you. Or looks at you.”

“She and I have…an understanding, J’onn, that’s all.”

“If she hurts you…”

“She won’t. Just…send her up to me, and I’ll get the map from her. There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

Alex wasn’t sure she actually believed what she had just said, and she could tell Hank _definitely_ didn’t believe it. But he did turn on his heel to go fetch Astra, and Alex went up to the roof, praying that whatever it was that Astra had up her sleeve wasn’t about to blow up in both of their faces.

*

The sky was just barely beginning to purple outside. Alex leaned her elbows on the railing of the roof, looking out, tracking the way only the very base of the sun was touching to the horizon. Light still present, but casting long shadows, even in the desert with what little there was to cast in shadow at all.

She felt Astra’s arrival on the roof more than heard it, closing her eyes, listening only to the shut and lock of the hatch to the roof, letting her know that the two of them were alone. She should turn around, look at her, make sure she was cuffed, make sure everything was as it should be, but she didn’t. Just waited for the air around her to become pressed and thick, rustling just slightly as Astra approached her.

“Your victory over me yesterday was a fair one,” Astra said behind her. Closer than she’d expected. “You’re allowed to look at me, there’s no shame in what you did.”

“You didn’t look at _me_ after I beat you,” Alex pointed out, looking out to see the sun begin to dip lower. She didn’t even care that she sounded petulant in front of Astra, once again. “Was there shame in that?”

Astra’s arms slid into view in Alex’s periphery as she leaned her own elbows on the railing, close enough that they almost touched Alex’s. Alex was relieved to see the subtle green glow around her wrists.

Astra sighed deeply. “When I couldn’t look at you, it wasn’t because you defeated me,” she murmured. “I think you know that.”

Alex’s heart twinged a little and she stayed staring ahead, even when she felt Astra turn her head to look at her. When Alex refused to return the look, Astra exhaled shortly, and looked back to the slow setting of the sun as well.

“On Krypton,” she murmured after a moment, “there was very little need for…desire.”

Alex clenched her jaw, both at the complete lack of segue into whatever this was, and at the word _desire_. As if _this_ was something she needed to be hearing right now after the last couple of days—fine, _weeks_ —of being around Astra.

“We had the Codex,” Astra continued. “It wasn’t necessary for desire—even in its most basic, physical form—to play any role in continuing our lines. Of course, there were some who were lucky, who found pleasure in those they were married to.” She sighed. “My sister was one of those lucky few. But Non and I…we guarded each other against loneliness, and gave support to one another’s ideals. There was never want, never need between us.

“I remember my sister once trying to explain to me, the way she felt for Zor-El,” Astra went on after a moment. “It was so foreign to me, it confused me, almost irritated me to hear of it. It was like listening to another language, one I could never even hope to understand. I had learned _hundreds_ of languages across _hundreds_ of worlds, but this…it eluded me to the point of  anger, and to the point of fascination.”

She took another moment of silence, obviously trying to gather her thoughts. Alex felt her own heart pounding furiously, unsure where this was going.

“When I got here to Earth,” Astra finally said, voice soft, “I saw a world entrenched in what my sister had tried to explain to me. I read your stories, I watched your films…and for once, I felt as if, maybe, this language she’d been speaking could be real. It still made no sense to me, but to see a world where desire was not just a scattered occurrence, but something that people wished for, chased after, _needed_ even…It was held sacred by some, abhorred by others, but it was always present. How could I possibly _not_ be fascinated by it?

“But I never felt it, Alexandra. I wanted to understand it, but I never intended to feel it.”

She sighed, and the breath was shaky, and the back of her hand was just barely touching the back of Alex’s. Alex could feel the cold metal of the cuff around Astra’s wrist and wished it wasn’t there, wished it wasn’t hindering the contact. She flexed her own hand slightly, so the back of her index finger could brush against Astra’s, wanting her to know it was okay to keep talking.

“The deal you made with me yesterday was a fair one,” Astra said quietly, topic shifting suddenly again, and Alex worried that she had ruined it. “But your human general believes my worth goes only so far as my ability to draw these maps. He has no intention of affording me amnesty. He believes I still pose a threat, and that I should be moved to the facility of a program he calls Cadmus. In other words, if I give him this second map, it is more than likely that I will never see you again.”

Alex’s insides lurched, and she turned to face Astra before she could stop herself, her hands suddenly closing over Astra’s forearms, as if she were about to disappear right before her eyes.

“No, that’s not—“ she tried to reason, disbelievingly. “He can’t do that, he can’t just—he can’t just _take you away,_ that isn’t…”

Astra was starting to smile, very slowly, and her hand came up to cup her cheek. “Careful, Agent Danvers, it’s beginning to sound like you might miss me,” she said.

Alex rolled her eyes with a huff, not because she wanted to, just because she thought she probably should if she didn’t want to look as suddenly devastated as she felt. Still, she was pressing her cheek into the palm of Astra’s hand, not quite able to stop herself from doing so.

“As soon as I draw the second map, the one of the Fort Rozz base, I will be moved to Cadmus,” Astra said. “But I made you a promise, Alexandra, and I always honor my agreements. I will give you the map. I only asked that the conditions of our bargain change—that I be able to see you from time to time. He said that would be impossible to negotiate for the moment, but he did afford me the chance to say goodbye to you.”

She dropped her hand from Alex’s cheek, reaching to pull something out of her pocket—a small, square sheet of paper with what Alex had to believe was a rudimentary—somewhat _intentionally_ rudimentary, if Alex knew Astra as well as she was pretty sure she did—map of the inside of Fort Rozz. 

Alex began to reach for it, but Astra yanked it back, just out of her reach, a small grin curving the corners of her mouth. “Your human general altered our agreement,” she said, a hint of that old patronizing tone splashing against her words. “So I get to alter it as well. You started something yesterday, something I…”

She trailed off, shaking her head. “Maybe you didn’t start it yesterday,” she amended. “Maybe it started the second you were delivered to me by the Hellgramite, months ago. It’s just that…” She huffed suddenly, but it came out in a small, almost bewildered smile, and her hand raised again to tuck Alex’s hair behind her ear, to run her thumb along the high rise of Alex’s cheekbone.

“It’s just that I can’t stop thinking about you,” she confessed in a breathy huff of air that was somewhere between a laugh and some other nameless sound. Alex felt something in her chest lurch in surprise, eyes darting back and forth at the way Astra’s face was both brightened and afraid, the way her smile was so wide but so hesitant. 

“And all I see when I look at you,” Astra hurried on, “Alexandra, all I see is that language Alura tried to explain to me, and it’s like it suddenly makes sense, like every word and every sound just falls into place when I look at you…it’s…all I can feel is _want._ I want your hands on me the way they were yesterday, I want…every part of you.”

She broke off and Alex realized the high color in Astra’s cheeks wasn’t due only to the explosion of color from the sunset behind them, but from her own breathless confession. 

Alex felt her own heart thundering, somewhere between furious embarrassment, and nervous excitement. Too much. Too much happening at once.

“I’ll give you the map, Alexandra,” Astra told her, voice nearly pleading. “I just…just once…let me understand what it feels like when _want_ and _desire_ turn into this thing that you humans would do anything for…”

Alex could have sworn Astra was about to say _“please”_ but there was no way for the word to escape, because Alex’s mouth was already on Astra’s, sealing the would-be plea between them.

Astra inhaled sharply at the moment of contact, her surprise forcing out a startled _“Mm—!“_   that went straight to Alex’s groin, a feeling made stronger when Astra’s fingers curled reflexively in her hair.

They broke apart, both maybe a little too startled for that to last on its own. Maybe Alex had acted too soon, maybe she’d made a mistake. 

But then Astra’s fingers ran deeper through her hair, working her hand around to cup the back of Alex’s neck and she pulled her back in, slower, but with no less intensity.

Alex pushed her hips back against the railing, lips parting for air, but never fully breaking contact, and she soon had to wonder…when Astra said she had read human stories and watched human films, what exactly _were_ those stories and films, because who could possibly be this good—

But it was just that _want,_ she realized. Just that unbridled _want_ that made Astra pull her in like she was trying to meld their bodies into one, and made her lick into Alex’s mouth, parting her lips, tasting her like she was the most delicious thing she had ever encountered. Alex moaned at the feeling, her own tongue sliding against hers, running along her bottom lip, moaning again, feeling it rumble deep in her chest when Astra re-aligned them to bite at her lips, pulling the lower one between her teeth and tugging gently.

 _Gently_ didn’t seem to matter—Alex surged back in for more, wanting to repay her, maybe a little roughly for that. It must have taken Astra by surprise because all of a sudden she was tugging at Alex’s hair, making Alex squeeze needily at her hips. With those Kryptonite cuffs around her wrists, there was a chance Astra might bruise. Alex squeezed harder.

The loose chain connecting Astra’s cuffs pressed hard against the front of Alex’s throat all of a sudden, Astra obviously wanting to slide her hands over and around the back of her shoulders—but, finding that impossible, and a little funny when Alex broke the kiss with a stupid laugh at how very not-well that was working, Astra settled for sliding both hands down to clutch at the front of her shoulders, tugging her in for one more kiss before breaking away with more finality, leaning her forehead against Alex’s. 

She was out of breath—they both were—but Astra’s was especially shaky as she took Alex’s hand in hers, pressing the map to her palm, and closing her fingers over it. Their heads were dipped down, the focus fixed on that small piece of paper, the feeling between them heavier all of a sudden. But Alex still felt Astra smile against her as she shifted to bury her face in her neck.

“Part of me wants to _bite_ this map into you,” she growled, breath hot under Alex’s ear, making her shiver. “But I don’t like the idea of anyone seeing you the way _I_ want to see you.”

Alex pressed her cheek against the side of Astra’s head to show her appreciation of that idea, but moved away a little to allow for Astra to straighten and look her in the eyes. Her lids were heavy, eyes darker than Alex would have thought possible, and she leaned in again for one more slow kiss before pulling back once more, hands settling on Alex’s hips.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment like she was gathering herself, and then opened them again, the longing in them almost painful.

“Alexandra…” she murmured, her fingers looping absently in Alex’s belt. She offered a quick, sad smile. “I want you to know…that everything I’ve told you about your superiors is true.”

Alex tilted her head with a surprised frown. “I know,” she said, a little confused.

“And everything I’ve said about my feelings for you is true, too,” Astra went on. “And kissing you…” she smiled again, this time sweeter, but even quicker before it too was gone. “I would continue to do that for the rest of my life if I could.”

She skimmed her lips feather light across Alex’s jaw to press against her ear, breath warm and damp. “But you have to know by now, Alexandra, that I’m an opportunist.” Her fingers curled again in Alex’s belt. “And you are, as always, a surprise to me. Surprisingly brave, surprisingly fierce, and passionate, surprisingly clever, surprisingly kind.” She dipped her head to place a soft kiss beneath her ear. “But you’re also…and this is where my opportunity comes in…surprisingly _much_ too trusting of me.”

Alex barely had time to register her words before the telling _click_ and sudden emptiness of the holster at her belt _smacked_ her into the sudden switch of the situation—just as surely as Astra _smacked_ the butt of Alex’s gun against Alex’s head.

Alex saw stars. _Everywhere._ Tried to blink them away, swat them away, even as she slipped to the ground and heard the loud _crack_ of her gun, and the subsequent _clang_ as Astra shot the chain connecting her two cuffs open, effectively freeing herself.

Alex tried to get to her feet, but there were too many stars in front of her eyes, and too much pain in the side of her head…and then Astra knelt before her, hand once again cupping her face gently.

“One of these days, I hope you and I can actually part ways without hurting one another,” she said, some small humor mixed with regret as her thumb stroked Alex’s cheek. “But I have too much at stake to just let Myriad go. I’m sorry.”

Alex could hardly see for all the stars, but she felt Astra press her lips to her forehead, and then she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so…kinda long chapter…with gunfire and head-smacking at the end…but also…super cheesy romantic sunset smooching? Because I’m secretly a total sap? So…yay?


	11. Messy

“So,” Hank pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, _“how_ exactly did Astra get away from you again?”

Alex scowled awkwardly, trying to stay still in the swivelly chair in his office while she pressed an icepack to the side of her head. She glanced up at him shiftily, suddenly finding her well-practiced ability to lie going up in smoke. She used to be such a good liar. She blamed Kara and her new “Truth, justice and the American way” kick for her sudden lapse in that particular talent.

“I told you, she just…got the upper hand,” she grumbled.

“She was restrained,” Hank said critically. “Not only that—she was restrained with _Kryptonite._ And you’re my best agent. You want to tell me how she could just _get the upper hand_ of my best agent while cuffed in Kryptonite?”

“First of all—that was low grade Kryptonite, all it really did was subdue her powers,” Alex snapped, his words stinging a little. Nothing like someone she loved being disappointed in her to make her evening even more pleasant than it already was. “She still had the ability to fight—she didn’t have super-strength, but she did have the human equivalent strength of a highly-trained military officer. _I’ve_ been saying this from the beginning—she never should have been allowed to leave her cell. If _Supergirl_ hadn’t said—“

…Speak of the devil, Alex broke off as she heard the quick, frantic stomping of her little sister coming down the hallway, yanking the office door open hard enough that she very nearly ripped it right off its hinges, red cape whipping around her like a sail.

“Alex!” she cried, eyes wide with concern as she strode over to her side, taking Alex’s face in her hands to try to see the wound.

Okay, Kryptonians officially needed to stop touching Alex’s face, she was starting to develop a complex. If she ever came face to face with Non and his cronies, and _they_ touched her face, they were _really_ going to start having issues.

Beyond the already-established “hostile aliens trying to take over the world” issue.

“Vasquez said there was a fight—that you were hurt—“ Kara said as Alex gently tried to remove her fingers from her face.

On cue, Vasquez came huffing after her into the room. “—And she didn’t let me get the rest out before she charged in here,” she grumbled. “And on that note, I have—“

“But Alex, what _happened?”_ Kara interrupted, concern making the crinkle appear on her forehead in earnest, and her interest in anything else vanish.

Alex looked at all of them, mouth beginning to open, then quickly shutting again as she considered what to say. She pressed the icepack harder to her head, which only made it hurt more, but she sort of felt like she deserved it.

“Astra,” she answered finally, eyes flicking up to meet Kara’s. “Kara, Astra got away. And she used me to do it.”

Kara’s face fell, betrayal rising so quick and so strong it was like Alex had slapped it onto her.

“No, that can’t be right,” Kara said, shaking her head. “No, she was starting to be _good_ again, she was _helping_ us.”

“She was helping herself,” Hank said as gently as he was capable of. Like Alex, he well knew at this point how fragile a Kryptonian could actually be. “We have reason to believe that she allowed herself to be imprisoned here from the very beginning.”

“What does that mean, _reason to believe?”_ Kara asked, The Crinkle deepening even further with guarded uncertainty.

“That’s what I was trying to get to,” Vasquez piped her way in while she had the chance. She held up a drive with a critical look at Kara, slipping it into the side of Hank’s computer. 

Black and white surveillance footage popped onto the screen, dated from the first day Astra had been brought here. A recording. Four separate screens playing at once, all of the laboratory—the one which, of course, was being used primarily to try to deconstruct and understand the Myriad transmitter that had started this whole…business.

“What is this?” Kara asked.

“Sort of a ‘greatest hits’ surveillance recording I made,” Vasquez said, pointing. “I’d probably pay attention to how many times you can see General In-Ze being escorted past the lab.”

It was several times. Right from the very beginning. Right from the moment Astra was moved from the med bay to her cell. Escorted by three agents, and restrained, Astra stumbled weakly, still coming out of her sedation.

No, that wasn’t right, Alex thought. Astra was perfectly lucid by the time they were readying her to be moved. Maybe she was just physically still weak—she _had_ been through a pretty significant amount of surgery just hours before in getting all that Kryptonite removed from her body.

But as the agents on the screen helped her to her feet, she looked at them pleadingly and leaned against the wall for a moment, presumably to catch her breath.

That was a face Astra would absolutely never make in front of anyone, certainly not a human. Whether the physical weakness was real or not, Astra did not look at someone with a _pleading_ expression. _Ever._

_(Except a couple hours ago when she looked at Alex and practically begged her to kiss her. Not that that meant anything here)._

Alex ground the icepack harder into her head.

On screen, Astra’s mouth moved, saying something—requesting something—and one of the agents exited the area. Probably to get water for her, something that would help her.

For a long moment, Astra seemed to catch her breath, the two agents guarding her turning their attention at some small commotion down the hall.

Astra immediately straightened at their distraction, neck craning toward the lab. Alex couldn’t see it from here, but she imagined Astra’s eyes darting quick and bright over both the contents, and the scientists in the room. She was looking for the transmitter.

It wasn’t the only incident. As Vasquez continued to play Astra’s “greatest hits” surveillance footage, Astra, at several points when escorted back and forth (back and forth to the med bay, or the bathroom, and back and forth to the large sparring room, thanks to Kara’s brilliant idea of her training the DEO) made stops in front of the lab. She watched closely as one of the scientists entered the lab, eyes on his fingers, the keys he punched in to enter.

Vasquez switched the recording to one of several other monitors. There were other areas Astra managed to stop by, feigning weakness from her old wounds. The control room, for one. Tracking the way agents made their way in, and made their way out. She was making maps in her mind. Taking inventory. Where were there weapons? Where were there passages leading from one space to another, one _cell_ to another?

…One cell to another was the problem.

Footage from just hours ago popped onto the screen now, reaffirming what they’d just gone through in real time—Astra stealing into the control room as agents ran to the roof hatch where Alex had been, having heard gunfire from Astra shooting her way through her chains.

All but three agents had gone—those left in the control room were no match for Astra. With Alex’s gun in her hand, she put one bullet in the kneecap of the first, another in the back of the second, and slammed the head of the third down onto the control panel, keying in every code she had observed until she found one that was actually useful to her—the one that released the B Level cells, setting free five very large, _very_ angry aliens.

From there, it was just chaos throughout. Agents scrambling to find weapons, to get out of the way—most not quickly enough. Alex pressed her lips together tightly as she saw the damage done, both to her fellow agents, and to all the equipment in the control room.

But amongst the chaos, in the second  monitor down to the left, Astra slipped into the lab, pocketing the core of the Myriad transmitter that had been abandoned in the melee. For a moment, it looked like she was going to try to find a way to break the unlinked Kryptonite cuffs off her wrists, but one of the agents came bursting in on her, gun blazing, and she fled, down one hall, then another, then through the fishbowl area that had confused Alex for weeks when she first started here, then up a chute, across, down another—taking out another three agents—and out she went. Gone. 

Alex watched in amazement. She knew, because Hank had told her what all had happened, but to _see_ it…she made very very sure that what she was feeling as she watched was _alarm,_ and not _admiration_.

Still. Holy shit.

She looked over to see Kara watching, wide-eyed as well, but more with shock and disbelief, and something more upset. Alex’s small spike of excitement deflated at the look on her face.

Kara looked from one to the other of them as Vasquez took the finished drive out.

“Why…why didn’t anybody call me?” Kara asked, voice going rough to avoid a squeak. “I should’ve been here, one of you should have _called_ me!”

“We were a bit busy trying to re-wrangle a Khund,” Hank said sternly. “And this one,” he jerked his head at Alex, “was busy knocking around all starry-eyed on the roof.”

“I wasn’t _starry-eyed,”_ Alex sputtered, and the other three looked at her with some surprise at her sudden and alarmed-sounding outburst.

“You told me you were seeing stars after she clobbered you,” Hank said critically, and with some confusion.

“Oh.” Oh _that_ kind of starry-eyed. “Right. Yeah, I was…I was pretty starry-eyed. From when she hit me. It made me see stars. I wasn’t…she didn’t make me _starry-eyed,_ she just…yeah, she hit me and I was seeing stars. So. Right. Starry-eyed.”

Hank cocked his head at her, brow scrunched in on itself, and Alex prayed that he was making an effort _not_ to read her mind, as opposed to the alternative.

But he wasn’t the only one who seemed to notice her awkwardness. 

“Are you… _babbling?”_ Kara asked, peering at her closely. 

“What? No. No, I’m not…”

“Alex, you’re _babbling_. You never babble. Did something else happen?” Kara asked.

“Else? Something…no. No. She just…” Alex gestured at the icepack she was holding against her head. “She hit kinda hard, that’s all. I’m still feeling…kind of giddy. Sorry.”

 _“Giddy?”_ Kara echoed. “Alex you’re not even giddy on your _best_ days.”

“No, I’ve seen this sort of thing with other agents before,” Vasquez said, and Alex had never been more grateful for her existence. “If you get knocked around that much, you can feel hazy and kind of drunk for hours. Sometimes days.” She shrugged at Kara. “It’s a pretty frequent thing for humans, actually.”

Alex definitely had plenty of experience with _actual_ hazy and _actual_ drunk “for hours, sometimes days,” to attest to that.

“Well…should you be in the med bay then?” Kara asked. “I mean, if you’re…”

“The med bay’s just about overflowing,” Hank said, shaking his head. “Your aunt didn’t exactly pull punches. Or bullets.”

Kara looked down, almost as if she thought it was her fault, and Alex reached out and gave her arm a comforting squeeze.

“Alex is actually in the best shape out of the rest,” Hank assured her. “An icepack will do for now—though a trip to a regular hospital might not be a bad idea once you head home, just to be sure.” The last was delivered directly toward Alex, with a stern look.

Alex nodded without argument, hoping her compliance might get the attention off her and her stupid fumble, and back to the actual problem at hand.

“What, uhm…” she cleared her throat. “Before, what did you mean when you said you think Astra allowed herself to be imprisoned here from the beginning?”

It was a good play—Kara’s attention immediately snapped back to what was really important. She was Supergirl again, not a concerned sister.

“Yeah, I mean, I found her out in the desert,” Kara added. “Alone. Literally out in the middle of nowhere. It’s not like she _came to us_ to be captured.”

“She could very easily have planted herself there,” Hank said, “for _you_ to find.”

Kara stared at him disbelievingly. “She was… _covered_ in _Kryptonite,”_ she said, like she could hardly believe her ears. 

Both Alex and Hank stiffened at the ringing tone her voice carried all of a sudden, the broken pitch that warned of an oncoming wave of emotion. Anger. Sadness. Hurt. The kind of hurt that made Alex hurt along with her.

“Not even just _covered_ in Kryptonite _,_ it was _in_ her!” Kara went on, that wave beginning to crest. “Everywhere! It was wrapped around her neck, it was under her _skin,_ it was…it was pierced _through_ her!” Her eyes had gotten wide with what looked close to panic at the thought, and Alex squeezed her arm again, trying to soothe that panic away, ease the wave of emotion down to calmer waters.

“She couldn’t have done it herself, it’s true,” Hank afforded stiffly, “but it wouldn’t be difficult for Non, or any one of her followers to stage something like that—“

 _“No one_ could _stage_ something like that,” Kara very nearly growled at him. Her hands were balled into fists, knuckles white. “Kryptonite…it doesn’t just _hurt._ It doesn’t just _weaken_ you. It…it feels like it is in _every_ cell, every molecule of your body, bending you, and breaking you apart. It feels like every vein is about to burst, it feels like you’re going blind, like no matter what you do, you’ll never be alright again. It feels like never being able to come back to who you are.”

She looked like she was on the verge of tears, whether from memories of her own, or from the idea of her aunt suffering that pain, it was hard to tell. Alex felt her own pulse beating harder, and she looked down, ashamed of having had the same thought as Hank, trying to imagine that pain, trying _not_ to imagine that kind of pain being inflicted upon her sister. Or Astra.

“Even if…” Kara swallowed, getting herself centered again. “Even if you’re right, and Astra _meant_ for us to take her in just to get the transmitter back, she would _never_ have put herself through that. There’re easier things she could’ve done to trick us into taking her in. Someone…” Alex saw her physically fighting against the threatening shine of tears. “Someone _did_ that to her. Someone wanted to hurt her. Damage her.”

The word _damage_ hung heavy between them.

“It was definitely beyond what would have been necessary,” Alex agreed tentatively, looking at Hank. “If she’d wanted to trick us, she and her men could have just taken the Kryptonite chip I left in her leg and, I don’t know, hung it around her neck, something like that. This…when she was brought in, whoever did that to her…” She shook her head to make the memory go away. “Kara’s right. What was done to her was…” She searched for the word. “It was evil.”

They were all silent for a time, the image of Astra’s mangled body seeming to have slithered back into their minds without warning, jarring them with the idea that there was more to the story, more to _Astra’s_ story, than they knew.

“Just because she was attacked in that way, though,” Vasquez ventured after a moment, “it doesn’t mean that she _wasn’t_ intending to be brought in by us. I mean, that wasn’t just luck that got her through her escape from here. She had to have been studying how to get in and out of here since she was first brought in. That sort of suggests she had a plan already in place.”

“And she _did_ make that remark about her people being more resourceful than we thought when I was talking to her about the Myriad transmitter,” Alex said carefully, looking at Kara with soft eyes to let her know she wasn’t _accusing_ Astra of anything, at least not yet.

Kara opened her mouth like she was about to bite back at them, but then she took a deep breath, clamping her jaw shut.

“Well that’s not what matters now,” she said, a quiet kind of decisiveness in her voice—a stubbornness, really—that still refused to demonize her aunt. “What matters is that she has the Myriad transmitter. So we have to find her before she gets back to Fort Rozz with it.”

“She was able to break her chains, but she wasn’t able to get the actual Kryptonite off her wrists,” Alex put in. “So she won’t be able to fly, or do anything more than a human could do to get back.”

“She’s vulnerable,” Hank agreed, nodding. “For now, at least.” He ran his hand over his mouth, thinking. “A good quarter of our agents are down,” he mused, seemingly to himself. “But we do have the two maps she drew us. If we form two squads—one to get to Fort Rozz, another to go after Astra…” He shook his head, annoyance snagging across his features. “Of course, now that General Lane has his hands in our department, we’ll have to get permission from him if we want to try to actually get into Fort Rozz.”

“But we could still go after Astra in the meantime,” Alex said, taking the icepack from her head, and starting to stand. 

Hank put his hand on her shoulder and easily pushed her right back down. _“We_ can,” he agreed. _“You_ can’t. You’re going to the hospital to get yourself checked out. And then you’re going home, and resting.”

“But she’s already got a couple hours ahead of us,” Alex protested. “We should go now, before she gets even farther—“

“We’ll have Supergirl start in,” Hank said with a nod to Kara. “She has the best chance of any of us at finding her, she’ll bring her in.”

“I’ll bring her in _safe,”_ Kara said firmly. “With the transmitter.” She looked down at Alex. “And I’ll drop you off at the hospital on the way.”

“I’m telling you, I’m _fine,”_ Alex protested. “I should go with you, I should—“

But Kara had already picked her up and started toward the door. Alex bit herself off from protesting anymore—the only way being carried out of a secret government facility by her alien little sister could get anymore undignified was if she tried to throw a tantrum on top of it.

*

Alex was proclaimed one-hundred-percent A-okay by Dr. Whats-her-name at National City Saint Whatever Hospital. And Alex could have told them all that by herself, but as neither of the two very strong aliens in her life seemed to believe her, all of Alex’s abilities to diagnose herself and check herself out went out the window, and she spent an hour and a half in the hospital waiting room for a ten minute check up, in which a flashlight was shined into her eyes, she was questioned about feelings of nausea, trouble seeing, walking, etcetera, etcetera…all to be proclaimed Just Fine. 

With Kara now on the hunt for Astra, Alex was left to the bus in order to get home. 

…Which, honestly, was a good thing. She needed some time alone to think, without anyone she knew being near her. She knew Hank would never read her mind, and she knew Kara _couldn’t_ read her mind, but there was something about being in their physical presence that made her guard even her more harmless thoughts more carefully than she should have to.

Alone, sitting with her head leaned against the bus window, watching headlights zoom past her, she could actually breathe, actually let her mind catch up to what had happened.

Astra.

Alex huffed, closing her eyes, not sure whether she was trying to shut the thought of Astra out of her brain, or shut everything else out so Astra could take the main stage of her thoughts.

Whatever her intention, Astra won out. She always did.

Alex let her eyes open again, slowly, focusing on the fog her breath was creating on the cold surface of the window. Absently, she traced pointless letters and shapes into the frosted corner.

What right did Astra have to use language the way she did?

The things she’d said to Alex, so _blunt_ —things that would have sounded ridiculously flowery from a human, but so very _honest_ when said by Astra.

_I want your hands on me like they were yesterday. I want…every part of you._

_Every word and every sound just falls into place when I look at you._

_Just once, let me understand what it feels like when_ want _and_ desire _turn into this thing that you humans would do anything for…_

Even just the word _desire._ Much too raw for a human to say with any ounce of seriousness. 

Not that Astra could have been saying it with any significant amount of seriousness either, given how things had gone. 

How many times had Alex told Kara that Astra was dangerous? Clearly not enough times for _herself_ to get it. She’d let her guard down. Jesus, she’d let her guard down to a degree that practically bordered on treason. Being seduced by…Christ, not even just _an_ alien hostile, but essentially Public Enemy Number One.

_Seduced by._

Alex felt something sharp and bitter hit her tongue at the words.

She had never even considered the idea that she might be someone who could _be_ seduced. If the entire rest of her life was anything to go by, she could barely even be _ruffled_ let alone _seduced._  

But Astra must have seen something in her that could be manipulated. Maybe from the very beginning. Maybe from the first time they met. Maybe Alex had faltered, said something a certain way, looked at something a certain way…maybe just _breathed_ a certain way. Something must have happened that caught Astra’s interest, alerted her to something in Alex that could be controlled. 

It would have taken so much time, so much effort, figuring out exactly how to get under Alex’s skin, how to get her to care, how to get her to _want…_

 _…_ Or worse, maybe it hadn’t taken any effort at all. Maybe Alex really did look as lost as she felt all the time.

She thumped her head against the window angrily—and immediately regretted it, wincing as she re-smacked the already smacked-up place the butt of her gun had done such a good job on hours before. 

How could she possibly have been _so stupid_ as to trust Astra? To think that there had actually been…something between them. Just the idea that she had been that easily taken in made her want to hit something. 

Mostly herself. 

Except that Astra had already done that for her.

Astra had also done other things.

Astra had apologized. Astra had comforted her. Astra had brushed hair out of her eyes, washed blood from her face.

Astra had kissed her.

Astra had blushed, had become breathless, nervous…

Astra had uttered her name so many times, it had become a reflex, natural as a breath, when Alex defeated her.

But, if the surveillance footage from the DEO was anything to go by, Astra was no amateur when it came to feigning emotions, feigning weakness, physical or otherwise.

Alex had been easy prey.

Alex had wanted and wanted. And she’d hated that she wanted, but she’d wanted anyway, it must have been easy for Astra to just be a reflection of that. Easy to see all that want, and all that insecurity and loneliness, and be her mirror, be an offering of wholeness that Alex had embraced so stupidly.

She still wanted, though. Against all sense, she wanted.

She wanted desperate hands, and whispers, and beatings, and lips, and storms, and gasps of air, and skin under her fingers, a voice in her ear, cheekbones made hollow by sickly green light, eyes turned jewel-like in a setting sun…she wanted rare smiles that made her insides feel like melted gold, she wanted velvet on her jaw, teeth in her neck, sweetness in her mouth…she wanted to hear her name over and over, _Alex, Alexandra, Alex, Alexandra,_ she wanted absurd confessions about desire and the language it was made of, she wanted sweat, and bruises, and a warm body searing the palms of her hands, pulling her in, pushing her under…

A mess. That’s all they’d been since the beginning.

Such a mess. Far too messy to be a seduction. Seductions were crisp—clean in execution if not in the details.

No, they had been messy, and clumsy, falling against each other, into each other, _for_ each other…

Alex huffed a harsh breath out through her lips, embarrassment grabbing hold of sadness and lust and anger and pulling them into a heated, sloppy dance in her mind.

Fuck this shit. 

Whatever this shit was. 

Just…fuck it.

She stood, making her way clumsily to the front of the bus, squinting her eyes at the route map until she found what she was looking for.

Just a bar. Nothing fancy. The opposite of fancy, really. It was three stops down from her apartment, and it was cheap, and filthy, and a welcoming home to any lecherous human who slithered his or her way through the door. 

But it also had Alex’s favorite brand of whiskey, and therefore, her favorite brand of self-pity, her favorite brand of forgetting, her favorite brand of forgiveness. It had people who would take advantage, and people who just wanted to disappear, predators and prey, and dirty cocktails that could cater to both, and carry a person on a river of numbness dressed as fun for days.

Hank had rescued her from this place once.

Alex didn’t plan on being rescued this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11: Messy (alternate title: The Angsty Astra-less Chapter Nobody Asked For, But Here It Is Anyway)


	12. Surround Sound System

Apparently, Alex had gotten into a fight last night.

She was extremely familiar with what a horrific hangover felt like. She was also extremely familiar with what it felt like to have her body practically broken apart from wrangling in aliens three times her size.

But to have both going at once was an entirely new kind of pain.

Doing her best to jam her broken-up memory back into the right shape, she took inventory of the little things. She was lying on her stomach, for one. She was lying on her stomach in her bed, for two. 

Already, those were two very positive things. She should probably stop there, knowing it was only going to be downhill from this moment forward.

She squinted a little, not able to lift her gaze beyond the sheets directly in front of her just yet. They were bathed in some sort of faint glow—probably sunlight coming in from the window behind her. They were also rougher than she remembered, and her mattress was harder.

Already starting to slip downhill a little bit.

She found the energy to tap her index finger up and down a couple times, but even the _idea_ of lifting her hand, her arm—dear god, not her body—made her want to collapse. Except that she was already collapsed. Her body literally could not collapse anymore than it was, but it still didn’t feel collapsed enough.

Hangovers always brought on excruciating pain to her head, the back of her neck, her senses, and turned her innards into a churning tumult of self-loathing. Aside from that, however, she could now feel what she was pretty sure was a torn tendon in her shoulder, a sprained wrist, several various bruises smattered around her body, the sharp sting of what was probably a long cut across the edge of her cheekbone—and a disconcertingly much sharper sting of a much longer cut along her side, under her ribcage.

Alex didn’t want to say she was a little worried she might have been stabbed, but she was a little worried she might have been stabbed. 

She should really probably move her hand down at least to that sting on her side and see if that’s what it was, because she could be looking at something way, _way_ more serious than she had imagined last night might bring her—but she still had yet to find the energy to move anything more than her index finger.

Baby steps, then.

She gazed watery-eyed down at the thread count of her sheets. Watery was good. Those weren’t _tears_ —they actually, honestly weren’t, they were proof that her body was at least trying to get rid of the alcoholic dryness in her eyes. At least some parts of her body were working right, that was good.

Her memory was still pretty dicey though.

She remembered having gotten to the bar late enough that most of the patrons were already sloshed enough to think everyone belonged to them—everyone was a friend, or a dance partner, or a possible thing to fuck later. There were no lone, quiet drinkers at this hour, at this place. The hard liquor there may as well have been espresso—everyone was either on uppers, or they were dancing and drinking enough that the uppers were unnecessary. 

Alex remembered letting herself be pulled into numerous groups on the dance floor. The groups were already so far gone, and so far lost, they didn’t even realize she didn’t belong to them. For that matter _she_ didn’t even realize she didn’t belong to them. This was not the place for sad, lone drinkers. This was the place for _devastated_ drinkers to throw themselves into a crowd of strangers and flail and become way too intimate in a completely non personal way.

This was the place and the atmosphere Alex had curled up in all throughout college. A safety blanket of self-contained chaos. 

She remembered not really _dancing_ so much last night, as just being tossed back and forth between masses of people. She probably spent an absurd amount of money on drinks—or, there was something with a club promoter there, she thought. Random refills of things that tasted like juice, but definitely weren’t juice, distributed to a lucky few patrons if they were pretty enough. Looked like Alex had been pretty enough. That was nice.

She was pretty sure she’d been grabbed a couple times, that a mouth had found hers, and she’d hated it so she’d shoved it away. And hating that she’d hated it, she found another mouth and pinned the person attached to it against a wall, only to find she didn’t like that either. There might have been other mouths, or other hands, but mostly she remembered too many flashing lights and pounding music, and not liking the way anyone smelled or tasted or felt like.

She remembered she’d made some kind of mistake—maybe with one of the mouths she didn’t like when she shoved it away. Maybe it had tried to take advantage and she’d hit, or kicked, or started something, because she didn’t think it was just one person she made angry. There was a group, a mass, of men who didn’t like her—or she didn’t like them, yeah, that was it, they’d said something about Supergirl, and she’d heard, and she’d thrown a punch because while everything else in this world was shit, her little sister was still made of the purest sunshine to be found, and was still to be protected at all costs, even if it was just from words from strangers at bars.

She remembered being dragged away from the group by someone much larger than her, probably the bar’s owner. 

She was pretty sure she told a car to shut up as its alarm went off when she was thrown out of the club with enough force that she collided with the door. She was pretty sure she threw up in a trashcan and apologized to it, and then kicked it because she decided she actually _wasn’t_ sorry, it was a trashcan, that was its _job,_ and it should just do its job and not complain or try to be anything other than a trashcan.

She remembered she was followed.

She remembered the man she’d thrown a punch at at the bar wasn’t a man so much as he was a creature whose pupils went horizontal, and whose hands were claws. 

Well, that accounted for the stinging pain across her side anyway. Not stabbed. Just sliced open a bit by a clawed alien—most likely an escaped, former Fort Rozz prisoner.

No wonder he hadn’t had anything nice to say about Supergirl.

It was at this point that Alex’s memory disappeared almost completely. That was probably okay? She must have kicked the clawed alien’s ass, in any case, she’d made it home after all.

Her insides cramped suddenly, pain and necessity forcing her energy-less body in a clumsy sprint to the bathroom. 

She decided that whole experience counted as her workout for the day, and made her way back to bed to sleep herself better. 

*

When she woke up next, she was curled much more comfortably in the fetal position with her legs around a pillow, and it was 4 in the afternoon. Pleasantly surprised to find her insides far less hurricane-like than they had been earlier, she sat up slowly, and made her way to the shower, stopping to glance at her naked self in the mirror while she waited for the water to warm up.

Excitingly enough, she didn’t look half as bad as she had at Fort Rozz when she had repeatedly allowed herself to be pummeled into the stone floor. Which, on the one hand, was a nice surprise. On the very other hand, it was confusing. Because the cut on her face and the one into her side (wow, that was a long one)—were not puffy, or red, or oozing anything, or even smeared. 

If anything, they were clean.

Completely clean.

She’d give some more thought to that later. For now, the shower called, and it was blissful. Blissful to have skin smooth, and wet, and _clean_ , and smelling good. Her joints relaxed enough to be able to move. She was going to have to have her wrist and shoulder checked out, though, there was no getting around that. 

Stepping out of the shower, she toweled her hair dry, ruffling it. This late in the day, it hardly seemed worth actually getting dressed, but if she remembered correctly, she had exactly zero things in her fridge that weren’t alcoholic in nature, and going down to the corner market to pick up some actual food might not be a terrible idea.

So she threw on a pair of jeans and a black tank top, and ruffled her damp hair again, actually beginning to feel a bit more human, like a walk outside her apartment might actually be feasible. There was a place on her instep that was kind of sore—she had no doubt that her foot had been stepped on many a time last night, both by hostile aliens, and rogue dancers—but it wasn’t so bad that she had a limp. She really just had to stop and hiss every couple of steps on her way out of her room when her shirt dragged along the cut on her side.

She jolted when she turned the corner to her kitchen, the gun on her bureau snatched up automatically in her hands almost before her mind had the chance to truly register what she was seeing.

Astra, standing a short distance away on the other side of the island counter, raised her hands slowly in the air in a show of peace, pale green still glowing faintly from the cuffs at her wrists.

They were both silent for a long moment, Alex taking shaky breaths in and out through her nose as she stared Astra down, arms frozen in place, finger resting stiff on the trigger. Astra gazed back, expression soft save for the tick in her jaw, and the flare in her nostrils as she breathed.

Something was going to have to give, but Astra seemed determined to wait to follow Alex’s lead. Her silence was an offer, so Alex responded, feeling her mouth curl into a snarl as she bit out, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you to wake up,” Astra said quietly, the gentleness in her voice another offer. “I wanted to make sure you would. I didn’t intend to be here when you came out, I just wanted to be sure you hadn’t harmed yourself beyond repair. I didn’t mean to stay this long.”

Alex jerked her head back uncertainly, grip tightening on her gun. “How’d you get in here?” she demanded, eyes shifting quickly to the windows to see if they’d been broken into.

“Your landlord,” Astra said. “When I brought you back here—“

“When _you_ brought me back here…?”

“When I brought you back here,” Astra said with a nod. “You were in no condition to move yourself when you left your bar. I helped you walk. When I got to your door, your landlord saw us. He looked exasperated. I’d imagine he has seen you like that many times in the past, and has had to let you in.”

Alex swallowed back any kind of retort, because any she had would have been a lie, and a childish one at that.

“He said something about you often losing your keys, especially coming back after a night like this,” Astra continued. “He also said he was sorry to see you had relapsed. He said he had not seen you this bad off for a couple years now.”

Alex adjusted her grip on the gun, jaw clenching against words, against memories. She jerked her head at the collection of all the alcohol she had in the apartment gathered beside the sink. “You put all those there?” she asked.

Astra looked down at the collection, a concerned frown tugging at her lips. “I was considering pouring all your alcohol down the drain,” she said. She lifted her eyes back up to Alex’s. “But then I remembered what you said to me about trying to be your savior after being the one who hurt you in the first place. I won’t attempt to try to fight your battles for you again, Alexandra, though I truly wish you would stop poisoning yourself like this. From your landlord’s words, it sounds as if this has been a longstanding problem with you.”

“It’s not a _problem,_ I’m _fine,”_ Alex growled. 

“You wouldn’t have been,” Astra told her softly. 

When Alex lifted a severe eyebrow in a demand for her to expand upon that idea, Astra closed her eyes, sighing deeply.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” she said, like it was a confession. “When I escaped from the DEO—when I hurt you…I had _assumed_ you would be fine, that what I did wasn’t hard enough to truly hurt you, but as I left, I began to worry. Just…just in case.” She opened her eyes again, fixing her gaze on Alex. “I followed on the back of one of your organization’s vehicles into National City, and I came here, to your apartment.”

“How do you just…know where I live?” Alex asked, feeling a little violated.

Astra afforded the smallest of smiles. “When I came to you a month ago, to Kara’s apartment, to ask for your help in saving her from the Black Mercy, you went here directly afterwards to ready yourself. As a special agent, you should really be more careful about revealing your movements to an enemy.”

Alex tried to think of something to snap back, but failed, and Astra nodded, expression becoming serious again. “I just wanted to be sure I hadn’t truly injured you,” she said. “I didn’t intend to come in, or engage with you, I only wanted to see some kind of proof that you were alright. I don’t know exactly what I was planning on doing to find out, I just…” she faltered, uncharacteristically. “I just wanted to make sure…before…that is, before I left…”

“…Before you left to go back to Fort Rozz,” Alex prompted bitingly.

Astra dipped her head in acknowledgement of the tone. “Before I left to go back to Fort Rozz,” she agreed, “I needed to see that you were safe.”

“Safe,” Alex snorted. “Safe before you use your…Myriad…weapon…whatever to attack the human race?”

“It’s not—“ Astra broke off, shaking her head frustratedly. “Never mind, I don’t know why I’m still here. I have to go.”

Alex’s grip on the gun flexed and tightened again, the metallic click making Astra flinch. “You said you needed to see that I was safe,” she prompted aggressively, chin and eyebrows lifting stiffly.

Astra sighed, gaze falling. “Yes,” she said quietly. “By the time the DEO vehicle reached the city limits, it was late. It took me a long time to get to your apartment. But as I walked, I heard a commotion down the street. It was you. And you were being attacked.”

“And let me guess, you stepped in and saved the day?” Alex asked bitterly.

Astra’s lips twitched in a short-lived smile. “You were doing fairly well on your own,” she afforded, “but when he got his claws in your side, I…reacted. Needless to say, no one will be hearing from him ever again.”

Alex swallowed. “So then you brought me home,” she said roughly. She bit out a laugh, rolling her eyes. “Remind me to make a note to my landlord not to just let strangers into my apartment, especially when I’m drunk off my ass.”

“That would probably be wise,” Astra agreed softly, with another proffered smile. “I didn’t mean to be invasive, but I brought you in. I saw to the worst of your wounds, I cleaned them, and I laid you down to rest. I truly never meant for you to see me, I meant to be gone by the time you left your room. I only wanted to make sure that you would wake. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for saving me, or sorry for getting caught?”

Astra lowered her hands from their position of surrender with a frown, taking a step forward, this time not seeming concerned when Alex adjusted her grip on the gun again. She shook her head. “I would _never_ be sorry for saving you, Alexandra,” she said. “But it was a mistake for me to come here, for more reasons than one. Namely—” she tilted her jaw demonstratively at Alex’s gun, and her lips spread into a small smile, one eyebrow lifting, “—I don’t imagine you’re going to let me leave without a fight, are you.”

“I’m not going to let you leave at all.”

The smile widened, threatened to become that one that sent warmth shooting through every vein in Alex’s body—luckily, Alex was still in enough pain she doubted she’d be able to distinguish that warmth from the hot anger she felt boiling her blood.

 _Un_ luckily, Alex had forgotten that Astra could go from sincere, to bantering, to deadly within 5 seconds flat, and all the angry heat and tempting warmth in the world couldn’t spur her body into functioning before Astra was on her, so fast she may as well have still had her super speed, twisting Alex’s already injured wrist, knocking the gun to the floor.

Alex yelped, eyes going wide with pain and surprise as Astra’s hand clamped over her throat, shoving her into the wall behind her. Sort of a familiar position, only this time it was _her_ throat and _her_ wrist pinned, and they were vertical instead of horizontal. 

Alex was going to go ahead and say that at this very moment in time, she wasn’t a huge fan of the role reversal.

She struggled, free hand coming up to hit the pressure point in Astra’s wrist, pulling her fingers back, and then her entire arm, twisting Astra around and getting that arm in a lock against her back. Astra gasped as Alex’s other arm came around her neck from behind in a chokehold, pushing her forward till her stomach hit the edge of the island counter with a painful-sounding _oomph_.

She should’ve been pinned—but leave it to Astra to use the Kryptonite cuffs as a brand new weapon, slamming the one back down on the elbow Alex had around her throat. Alex’s grip loosened in pain as metal hit bone, and Astra spun lightning fast, kicking out, and hitting Alex square in her brand new clawed alien scratch mark. Alex grunted breathlessly, hand flying to the wound, warm stickiness alerting her to the fact that it had reopened.

Astra nodded at it, bracing herself against the edge of the counter. “You really should get stitches for that, Alexandra,” she said, panting to catch her breath. “I cleaned it as best I could, but you don’t want it to keep splitting open like that.”

Alex stared at her through the damp hair in her eyes, hand pressing into her wound. “Are you—are you seriously giving me _medical advice_ right now?” she demanded incredulously.

Astra’s face brightened into another grin, and she rushed forward, flying into another series of blows that Alex was barely able to meet in time, arms coming up reflexively, blocking each hit that was intended for her stomach, her chest, her neck.

Bruises. Bruises everywhere, that’s where this was going to land her. Alex was amazed her entire body wasn’t just a completely fucking purple pile of mush at this point for the amount of beatings it had taken within the past month.

Astra twisted for another strike aimed at Alex’s neck, but the twist left her side open—just as it had when they had sparred using the bo staffs before—Astra really relied much too heavily on offense once she got on a roll, leaving her sides unprotected—Alex should probably tell her that, help her improve her form a little bit—actually, no, wait, that was a stupid idea, scratch that—

—The opening in her side allowed Alex to grab Astra’s arm from beneath, yanking it up, and hooking her foot around to push on the inside of Astra’s knee, knocking her to the ground. Astra grunted, landing hard, but wasted exactly zero time twisting to get her elbow into Alex’s leg, sweeping under to bring her crashing down onto her back. 

As soon as she was down, Astra made to leap up toward the door to make her escape, but Alex grabbed her mid-lunge, yanking her back down to pin underneath her to get to that stupid Myriad transmitter hidden in one of the pockets of her black DEO fatigues—

Astra flipped them—almost too easily—trying once again to take advantage of her position on top to get to her feet and to the door—but Alex flipped them right the fuck _back_ over because _hell_ if she was going to let Astra get away from her.

…By which of course she meant, hell if she was going to let the _transmitter_ get away from her.

The two of them grappled for a moment, and it only vaguely occurred to Alex that sometimes what should have been a strike to her neck was Astra’s hand accidentally sliding down her throat to her shoulder, and sometimes an attempt on her part to pin Astra back down resulted in her accidentally running her fingers through Astra’s hair. Everything that should have been a strike…wasn’t _necessarily_ always a strike.

It mostly was.

There were just those couple of times.

But Alex was really only _vaguely_ aware of that.

And then _finally,_ she was able to get Astra under once more, getting both her wrists pinned with one hand, while she dove the other one down to search Astra’s pocket for that stupid transmitter.

…And Alex could have _sworn_ that Astra actually _arched_ under her as Alex frantically searched first one pocket, then the other…

And then Astra _laughed,_ abdomen tightening in what was very near to a giggle. Alex barely stopped herself from rearing back in shock at the sound.

“Do you honestly think I have the transmitter _on_ me, knowing that I’d be in close quarters with you?” Astra laughed, sounding…fucking _delighted_ at the idea. She shifted under her, shaking her head with a grin. “I know much better than to underestimate you by now, Agent Danvers…” 

“Where is it, Astra?” Alex demanded, cutting through her. Had she already gotten it to Non, or to whoever, or whatever the hell was going on? That didn’t seem possible, not if the story she’d been telling was true, the one where she’d come here before doing anything else because she was _worried_ about Alex…

Astra _tsk_ ed up at her, then abruptly twisted her wrists under Alex’s hand—the hand she’d injured earlier—freeing herself at least from that hold. She flexed, sitting up under her as Alex favored her injured wrist, and she got her fingers back in Alex’s hair, tangling them, pulling hard.

“So strong,” she murmured, almost soothingly, and her voice was hot against Alex’s ear. “And yet, _so fragile.”_

She twisted her wrist again, making one more time to get to her feet—and Alex pulled her right back down under her, _again_ , Jesus Christ were they going to do this _all fucking night…?_

As if to answer her question, there was a sudden and reverberating _WHAM WHAM WHAM_ on Alex’s door. 

The two of them froze in surprise at the abrupt existence of an outside world, Alex’s hand caught down in Astra’s hair to expose her throat, Astra’s hand about to dig up into the now very open wound in Alex’s side.

“Miss Danvers?” a voice from outside shouted.

Shit. Landlord. 

“…Yeah, uh…Hi, Phil!” she stuttered, voice hoarse. Astra’s pulse was racing under her, even though the rest of her was stone still.

“What the hell’s going on in there? Sounds like a fucking war zone!”

“It’s, uh—the TV, Phil, just watching…watching some wrestling!”

There was a small, thoughtful pause and Astra took the opportunity to jam her thumb into Alex’s side, making her gasp. 

“You’re a WWE fan?” Phil called questioningly.

Alex tugged Astra’s hair punishingly. “…Oh…yeah. Love it. So much,” she managed.

“That’s some crazy sound effects you got, sounds like it’s right in your living room!” Phil exclaimed. “You got one of those, what are they called, those home theater surround sound system thingies?”

“Yeah, just—“ she bit down hard on her lip as Astra jammed her thumb into her side again, “—just got it installed today. Just, y’know…trying it out.”

“I’ve been thinking about getting one of those myself,” Phil mused. There was another thoughtful pause, and Astra made a muffled _“mmmphff!”_ sound as Alex pressed her entire body weight down in order to get her to stop _squirming_. “Well just, turn it down a little, okay?” Phil requested. “I’m getting all kinds of complaints.”

“Sure thing, Phil!” Alex grunted. “Sorry!”

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” and she could imagine him waving her off forgivingly. “You just have a good evening. Not so loud, though.”

“Thanks, Phil, you too!”

She waited until his footsteps disappeared beyond her hearing, and finally let out the harsh panting breath she’d been trying to keep under control. She felt Astra’s body begin to tighten under hers again, like she was about to start back in on their fight, but Alex wasn’t sure she had it in her anymore.

“Astra, stop,” she panted. She leaned forward, dropping her head almost into Astra’s neck, exhausted. “Just…stop for a second.”

She felt Astra’s muscles tense in surprise at the request, and then go soft under her after a moment, breath slowing and deepening. She became aware of the hand Astra had at her lower back, the fingers that were curling softly, absently, under the hem of her shirt, almost like she was trying to soothe her. 

Alex wondered how long she’d been doing that.

They took a moment to just breathe against each other like this, both too exhausted to move, too exhausted to fight anymore. Alex felt like she was in some kind of haze, wondered why she kind of just wanted to sink down and _hold_ Astra. Like they were…the opposite of enemies. Like this wasn’t a _fight_ they were coming down from.

When she thought she had at least some kind of control over her breathing again, she straightened up slowly to her knees, allowing Astra to prop herself up on her elbows, face flushed and forehead glistening with sweat, eyes somehow both bright with curiosity, and lidded with something else.

It was neither the face of an evil warlord, nor an evil seductress. Just a person. 

Granted, a person with a mysterious hidden transmitter that did mysterious things under mysterious motivations and mysterious circumstances—and who was mysteriously violent and mysteriously beautiful and mysteriously mysterious…

“I’m gonna order a pizza,” Alex announced, with a sigh she could feel all the way down in her bones. She ruffled a hand through her no-longer-clean hair, shoulders slumping, too tired to even feel stupid about what she was saying. “Can you just…stay?” she requested quietly. “And talk to me? And maybe we can actually figure something out without stabbing each other, or shooting each other, or knocking each other out?”

Astra sat up further, confusion crinkling her brow as she looked up at Alex. “You mean a—what is it—a parley?” she asked.

“I…” Alex huffed out a tired laugh. “Kind of, I guess?”

“And…the pizza…” Astra ventured, “is that the typical food consumed when your kind is trying to negotiate an armistice?”

“Astra, I don’t think there’s _anything_ typical about what’s going on here,” Alex said tiredly, a small smile tugging unbidden at the corners of her mouth. “But I’m starving, and if you’re anything like Kara, I’ll bet you are too. So…armistice, parley, truce…whatever…can we just try it? Just for the evening? I mean, maybe you and I can figure something out without tearing up the world. Or, at least without tearing up my apartment.”

Looking at the ever-present spark in Astra’s eyes, it was very clear that they would absolutely _not_ be solving the world’s problems over a pizza tonight, and there would be absolutely _no_ persuasion of any kind by either party with regards to Myriad.

But they were both really fucking hungry, and really fucking tired, and Alex was pretty sure neither of them could really even _picture_ leaving the other right now. Maybe couldn’t even picture letting go of the other right now.

So Astra nodded, letting her gaze fall, and it almost didn’t even seem strange when she brought one hand up to cup the back of Alex’s neck, and pressed her forehead gratefully to Alex’s chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise fluff attack! Kind of. In between throwing punches, obviously. (I think my definition of "fluff" has been really skewed by these two...)


	13. Pizza Parley

Astra wasn’t restrained, Alex wasn’t restrained.

Astra wasn’t in a cell, Alex wasn’t in a cell.

Alex wasn’t stabbing Astra in the leg with a sword, Astra wasn’t knocking Alex over the head with a gun.

There were no bo staffs in sight.

(There was still the gun that Astra had knocked out of Alex’s hands twenty minutes ago, but that remained on the floor, not in the immediate reach of either of them).

Both unarmed. Both unbound. Both uncaged.

Alex wasn’t entirely sure what to do with herself. 

And, from the looks of things, neither was Astra.

They both jolted at the same time at the sound of Alex’s buzzer, Astra looking like she was ready to go full-fledge Kryptonian General on the intruder’s ass, but Alex put calming hands up, trying to get her attention.

“Astra, relax, it’s just the pizza guy,” she said, going over to the buzzer and punching in the key to let him up.

Astra was looking at her critically when she turned around. “You’re allowing a stranger to just…come into your home. With food of uncertain origin.”

Alex threw a smile at her over her shoulder. “It’s just pizza, it’s not that mysterious. And I think I have yet to piss any of these delivery boys off enough that they’d try to kill me. Though they might if I don’t pay them—speaking of, could you get a twenty out of my wallet? It’s the paper with the big 2-0 on it.”

Astra scrunched up her face with the most affronted look Alex had ever seen. “Yes, I _know_ how American money works, Alexandra, I’ve been here for twelve years,” she snapped. “Did you think I’ve just spent that entire time holed up at Fort Rozz, brooding?”

Alex grinned in surprise. “Actually…yeah. I kinda did.”

She plucked the twenty from Astra’s fingers and strode over to the door, opening it right as the delivery boy was about to knock, getting a surprise bop on the nose.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” the delivery boy jabbered, eyes widening. Then they widened even more as he peered at her. “Shi—uh, did I…oh my god, did _I_ do that?”

Alex cocked her head curiously. “Did you do…?”

He made a nervous sort of round-about gesture at her face, still staring at her. It suddenly dawned on her that she probably looked a little less than pristine at the moment. She hadn’t exactly had the time to wash up after Astra’s…attack…rescue…thing, and between that and the clawed alien she’d had a run-in with last night, she probably looked a little…tussled. 

The delivery boy’s eyes traveled down to the sticky patch of blood coagulating under her tank top, and then back up to her face which likely had a bruise or a cut or two. Maybe several.

“Should I—“ he lowered his voice, eyes darting nervously past her into her apartment, like he was expecting to see a large, abusive boyfriend looming behind her, before darting them back up to her face. “Should I call someone?” he mouthed.

Her face split into a wide grin at his concern and she handed over the twenty with a laugh, making sure for his benefit not to wince as her injured wrist turned in on itself a bit at the motion. “No, I’m good,” she said. “Listen, keep the change, okay? I promise I’m fine.”

He still looked nervous as she took the pizza from him, but walked obediently and awkwardly away with only a couple more worried looks over his shoulder as he went.

Alex was still smothering a grin when she closed the door and turned back into her apartment, shifting the pizza box into the _non-_ injured hand, attached to the _non-_ injured shoulder. Astra cocked her head curiously at her. 

“What was all that about?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Alex laughed, setting the pizza down on the island counter. “He was just worried my boyfriend was beating me up on the regular.”

Astra’s face flashed through several emotions at once. “Boyfriend,” she said stiffly. “I didn’t realize you—“ then her face twisted again, eyes going wide. _“Beats you?”_ she demanded abruptly, before her face darkened and lightning flashed behind her eyes. “Alexandra, if _anyone_ touches you—“

“—No, I don’t—“ Alex broke off with a helpless snort, rolling her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Astra, just…come here. Calm down. Get some food.”

Astra obeyed stiffly, and Alex broke off a slice of pizza, depositing it onto a napkin and handing it to her. 

“No one is beating me,” she assured her, trying to contain a grin at the anger still very present on Astra’s face. “Definitely not a boyfriend, anyway.”

Astra bit somewhat ferociously into her pizza. “Good,” she said shortly. “Because if you did have an abusive partner in your life, I would have to kill him.”

Alex looked at her, chewing thoughtfully, a small but noticeably hot wave of darkness curling in her bones. “Well then I’d have to return the favor,” she said as controlled as she could, “and go after your fuckwad of a husband for what he did to you.”

Astra blinked at her in surprise at the sudden darkness and seriousness of her proclamation. Then her lips curved into what was _almost_ one of her patronizing smiles, but fell several notches short this time. “You going after my husband would be little more effective than your pizza boy coming after me,” she warned with a pale attempt at humor.

“I’m serious, Astra,” Alex said firmly. “I don’t know _how_ the fuck you can just…let go of what he did to you. And—continue to work with him? I mean, _are_ you continuing to work with him? I have _no idea_ what the hell you’re up to, and that’s…you know, it is what it is…but knowing that you went through something like that, from someone I’m assuming you trusted? Or…cared for, on some level at least?” She shook her head angrily at the memory of Astra’s broken body, the Kryptonite embedded in it, the pulse of its light, the way it threatened to take over Astra’s own pulse. 

“Regardless of what Myriad is, and what you’re planning on doing with it,” Alex said, “if I see Non again, I will kick his ass back to the Phantom Zone for what he did to you. Or…maybe feed him to one of the DEO hostiles, I’m not sure yet.”

Astra looked startled, and then her eyes softened. “So chivalrous, Agent Danvers,” she murmured with a small smile. 

“Yeah, well…” Alex trailed off, flustered, and bit into her pizza, chewing it aggressively like that would somehow fight off her awkwardness.

Astra’s gaze lingered on her. “So…” she hesitated, extremely uncharacteristically, “Having said all that…you’re _not_ mated to anyone then? Abusive or otherwise?”

Alex nearly choked on her pizza, but then fixed Astra with a look. “Fuck’s sake, Astra, you just said you’ve been here on Earth for twelve years, you _know_ humans don’t use that term. _Mated to._ It’s _weird.”_

Astra smiled, _clearly_ aware, but obviously having decided that her alien “innocence” was somehow endearing. Which it wasn’t.

“Besides, I mean, we…” Alex gestured awkwardly between herself and Astra. “…I mean…on the rooftop? At the DEO?”

Astra raised her eyebrows, doing a poor job of pretending to be confused.

“The whole…with you saying all the…and then…” she huffed. “When you kissed me, Astra,” she clarified irritatedly. “On the roof. When you kissed me on the roof at the DEO. That’s not something I’d have done if I were ‘mated’ to someone else.”

“Good,” Astra said, looking pleased with herself for some reason. “Though, as I remember, I believe _you’re_ the one who kissed _me_ on the rooftop at the DEO _._ ”

“We’ll call it a joint effort,” Alex said, rolling her eyes to keep from flushing. She swallowed, looking down uncomfortably. “Besides, it was all kind of negated anyway after you nearly gave me a concussion and used me to make your great escape back to the wild.”

“No, Alex…” Astra protested, reaching her hand out to close over Alex’s arm. Alex was surprised to see how earnest she looked, how urgent for Alex’s attention. “No, nothing should ever negate what happened between us. There was no falsehood in that, I hadn’t planned to use you in any way. The timing just…ended up being in my favor.”

“Lucky you.”

Astra looked down, gaze seeming to focus on Alex’s injured wrist which she brushed her thumb over now. “Everything I said to you is true—I’ve never lied to you,” she said firmly. “Not once. And I never would. I would never want you to know a fabricated version of me, no matter what other lines we’re drawing in the sand. I want…I want you to know the real me. Like I want to know the real you. Whether it’s as enemies, or…anything else.”

Her hand was beginning to stroke its way up Alex’s arm, and she moved in a little closer. Alex tilted her head away with a huff. “Astra, come on,” she sighed.

“Come on, what?” Astra murmured, leaning in closer, nosing at Alex’s cheek.

“You don’t…” Alex angled her head back, and pressed gently against Astra’s shoulder to keep her just far enough so they weren’t touching, but so that she could still look at her head on. She shook her head. “You don’t get to tell me you’ve never lied, or that you want me to know the real you, and then continue to keep this whole Myriad thing a secret.”

“Alex…”

“No, I’m serious, Astra. You want me to know you? Tell me what Myriad is.”

Astra let her gaze fall, the twitch in her jaw a clear signal that she wouldn’t be saying a single word about it.

Alex sighed, because she was frustrated, but she also really _did_ want to know Astra. Against her better judgment.

“Fine. Tell me something else then,” she offered reluctantly.

Astra looked back up at her, brow creasing in question.

Alex shrugged, letting go of her shoulder and curling her fingers around the edge of the counter instead. “I don’t…I guess I don’t actually really know much about you aside from the fact that you’re kind of diabolical and you like hitting things…” 

… _And you’re also smart, and beautiful, and sometimes actually kind of funny, and a really not-subtle flirt, and you love your niece almost as much as I love her, and you’re dedicated, and steadfast—while still being kind of an unpredictable wild card, and you’ve spearheaded a cause you believe in so fully you’re willing to put yourself at risk for time and time again—which would almost be admirable, except that we’re now coming back to the whole “you’re kind of diabolical and you like hitting things” description…_  

“…You told me you’ve been here twelve years,” Alex interrupted herself. She cocked her head. “What’d you do when you _weren’t_ at Fort Rozz, brooding away?”

Astra smiled slowly at her wording.

“Did you…go site-seeing?” Alex prodded. “Maybe go to Vegas, do some gambling? I mean, you’ve clearly got a gift for identifying American money…”

Astra smiled again, head dropping almost shyly for a moment before lifting her gaze back up to Alex’s. “I, uhm,” she began. “Well, honestly, _most_ of my time was spent at Fort Rozz—not _brooding,”_ she added with a playfully stern look at Alex. “But…well, reconfiguring Myriad. But when I wasn’t…” the shy smile came back and Alex had to remind herself that melting was a bad idea in front of this woman, “I had purchased a globe of your Earth. And, when I had time, I would spin it, and wherever my finger landed, I would go to that place, and…I don’t know…explore a little bit. Distantly, of course—I didn’t want to assimilate into human communities, given how uncivilized you all are—”

Alex’s face cracked into a smile, and she snickered.

“What?” Astra asked, face falling a little.

“Nothing,” Alex laughed, finding her hand reaching automatically for Astra’s arm, squeezing it lightly. “No, it’s just…I know when I was little, me and my friends would do kinda the same thing, we’d take a globe, spin it, and wherever our fingers landed, we decided we’d go to when we grew up. Or—we’d pretend to actually go there, go on…imaginary adventures. A lot of kids do that. It’s just that most of them don’t _actually_ get to go to these places, and you just…” she laughed again. “You literally just…zipped over to them, probably within seconds, right? It’d take most people years to get together enough money and enough time to get to some of these places.” She started to tilt in affectionately toward Astra, then reminded herself not to, settling for smiling at her instead. “You just lived out my little kid-self’s dreams like it was nothing. Of course then, you know, you kinda ruined it all by plotting to take over my planet and everything, but…”

“Alexandra, it’s _because_ of all those explorations I made that it became clear that Myriad was necessary,” Astra interrupted.

Alex quieted down, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Your world,” Astra said, then trailed off. She broke gently out of Alex’s hold and made her way over to the window, looking out. Alex hesitated a moment before following after her, leaning her uninjured shoulder on the pane next to her.

“Your world is so much bigger than I think you realize,” Astra said, gazing out over the city. “So much more complex. And your people are destroying it. Carelessly. Just as my people did on Krypton. When I first landed here, I had no intention of recreating Myriad, I was just grateful to be alive. But the more I explored this place, the more I saw of it and its people, the more it became clear to me that, if I didn’t implement Myriad, it would meet the same fate as Krypton. Earth was my home now. I couldn’t allow it to perish the way my last home had, Alexandra. You have to understand that much, at least.”

Her jaw was strained, and there was a faint wetness to her eyes as she looked out over the city that took in the lights from the buildings, making them gleam softly. Alex cast her gaze down awkwardly, knowing Astra wouldn’t have wanted her to see the way it sort of looked like her eyes were getting a little teary. But she couldn’t _completely_ ignore it, so she reached her hand out, skimming the backs of her fingers tentatively up her bare arm, before moving in closer, daring to slip her hands around Astra’s waist from the side, and digging her chin softly into Astra’s shoulder.

“Astra, what’s Myriad?” she murmured against her skin, looking out at the city as well.

Astra shook her head with a soft huff. 

Alex dropped her forehead into her shoulder, nudging her with annoyance while still trying to comfort her enough to get that threat of tears to go away. She never communicated this way. _Physically._ She wasn’t used to touching people—except Kara, of course, but Kara was always the one who initiated any and all kinds of physical affection.

Astra was different. Alex wasn’t really trying to initiate _anything_ with her, let alone affection—but Astra was so stubborn sometimes that words often didn’t seem to cut it. Movements did. Touch did. 

So Alex nudged the back of her shoulder with her forehead again, and Astra actually laughed a little.

“I don’t understand why you won’t tell me,” Alex said with an annoyed huff, pushing into her, sort of just liking the feeling of taking liberty with Astra’s body in a non-violent manner. Intimate in a way that even their kiss back at the DEO hadn’t come close to. That had been impulsive, and sudden—and very much _needed,_ as far as Alex was concerned. But it hadn’t been an exploration in the way she’d wanted it to be. It had been a gush of so many things at once—a gut reaction to Astra’s confession of “desire,” the fear that she might never see Astra again if she was taken to Cadmus…

Alex just wanted to be close again. She wanted to kiss Astra. Way too much. But for now, she liked the intimacy of just nudging into her to get her to talk. Even though a large part of her was actually afraid to learn what Myriad really was.

“When you talk about Myriad,” she ventured, focusing on a small freckle on Astra’s shoulder to get herself centered, “it’s like you’re talking about a godsend. But then you won’t say what it actually _does,_ and it makes it seem all ominous and…” she shrugged her thumbs on Astra’s hips, “…evil. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic.”

Astra turned slowly to face her. “It isn’t…evil,” she said, frowning at the word, but noticeably not _completely_ rejecting it. “It’s _necessary._ For your world. But…” she lifted her hand to Alex’s face, combing a strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned forward and touched her lips gently to each cut and abrasion on Alex’s face, soft and unexpected. “I so wish you weren’t human,” she sighed.

Alex twitched back, definitely not liking that. She frowned at Astra. “Well, I _am_ human,” she said firmly. “Whether you wish that or not. And I’m _proud_ of that. And _you—“_

“—No, Alexandra,” Astra interrupted her gently. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just…” she swallowed, choosing her words carefully. “It’s very difficult to save your world _and_ your people, all at the same time. You all think so differently, and _want_ so differently….it’s impossible for you to save yourselves when you’re too busy tearing each other up over petty differences of opinion. The world burns while your people sit around and quibble, and they force _you_ to be a part of that.”

Alex tensed, a little pang of sick cold hitting her gut as she started to pick up on Astra’s meaning.

“Astra. Tell me what Myriad is.”

Astra’s fingers stayed skimming listlessly at the ends of her hair, so Alex angled her head, trying to force her to look into her eyes. When Astra finally, reluctantly, locked gazes with her, Alex took a steeling breath.

“You said we can’t save ourselves when we all have differences in opinion,” she said quietly. “Is that was Myriad is? Does it take away a person’s ability to think for themselves?”

Astra stayed silent, avoiding her eyes.

Alex nodded stiffly at the wordless confirmation, letting go of her hips and taking a small step back. Astra looked like she wanted to follow her, touch her again, keep that thread of connection, but she didn’t.

“So…mind control,” Alex said darkly. “You want to turn a population of over 8 billion people into mindless drones in order to…what, make them recycle? Stop burning greenhouse gases? Hug some trees?”

“I want to turn your population into ‘mindless drones’ because they already _are_ mindless drones,” Astra snapped. “Only right now, they’re _mindlessly_ destroying your planet. At least under my control—“

 _“Your_ control—?“

 _“—Myriad’s_ control, they’ll no longer be able to destroy this place. This place is _my_ _home,_ Alexandra. I was fortunate enough to be given a second chance to have a life after Krypton was destroyed. I’m not going to waste that chance watching human policy makers bicker over meaningless opinions while just outside their windows the entire world is coming to an end. So—yes, if it takes destroying their minds in an effort to preserve this planet, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to…that I find necessary.”

“Okay, but, Astra these are _people,”_ Alex exclaimed disbelievingly. 

“And what are people without their planet?” Astra snapped. “This planet is not reserved for humans alone, it is not only humans who suffer. _Life_ , Alex, life itself—the grander, larger sense of _life—_ is more important than a human being’s individual scramble to define himself.”

“I don’t know that that’s true.”

Astra’s jaw tightened, and then she sighed harshly, looking lost. “Which…is exactly why I wish you weren’t human,” she said softly, a little defeatedly. “Because, meeting you…all of a sudden a human opinion began to matter to me. And it scares me to think that there are others like yours that could change what I’ve worked so long and so hard to accomplish.” She looked down, shaking her head decidedly. “Myriad will work,” she told Alex. “It will take away all the distractions your people create for themselves to ignore the reality of the world around them. It will make them do what is best for the world.”

“It will make them do what _you_ think is best for the world,” Alex corrected darkly.

“It will keep them alive,” Astra returned evenly. “But—“ She huffed again, looking flustered all of a sudden, shaking her head at herself. “Originally, I couldn’t have cared less—,” she murmured, “what was a human’s opinion to me? But then I met _you_ , and…” Her hands were back on Alex’s face, thumbs brushing at her cheekbones, eyes searching urgently. “The thought of losing _this,”_ her fingers stroked along Alex’s temples, “of losing all of this, my bright, clever, beautiful Alexandra…your mind, your stubborn opinions, the way those beautiful dark eyes of yours can turn bright as the sun when you talk to me…If I activate Myriad—if I save your people, I lose all those things, I lose _you._ But if I _save_ you _—_ if I don’t enact Myriad—then we’re _all_ lost. _That_ is why I wish you weren’t human. You’ve made me hesitate. Far too many times.” 

She sighed, fingers slipping down to stroke the ends of Alex’s hair. “Even coming here last night to check on you, to make sure you were safe. That was such a huge mistake, Alexandra, and I knew it, even as I did it, that there was a chance you would catch me, a chance you might overpower me, stop me—stop Myriad before I even had the chance to activate it. But even that wasn’t enough to convince me to just leave you. You’ve…” she broke off with a frustrated sigh. “Alexandra, you’re safety has become as important to me as the survival of this planet. Sometimes, I worry it may have become even more so.”

Alex stared at her for a long time, heart pounding, the sound and feeling of it exacerbating her confusion, turning it angry, and…somewhat moved…and she didn’t know what to say to any of that, except, entirely stupidly, “You were afraid of Myriad destroying my mind, but you still decided to whack me in the head with the butt of my _gun?_ That was—that was a _concussion_ , Astra, that’s very…not conducive to keeping someone’s mind intact.”

Astra’s face broke into a smile, and her warm breath puffed onto Alex’s skin as she breathed out a chuckle, leaning in and bringing their foreheads together. Her hands skimmed from the ends of Alex’s hair down to her shoulders, and ran down her arms, and wandered to her waist, and she angled her head, pressing warm kisses to Alex’s cheeks, across to her ear…and Alex was too surprised by her sudden and overwhelming display of physical affection to move.

“You’ve made me _so weak,”_ Astra mumbled almost _reverently_ against her skin, punctuating her words with sharp bites to her jaw. “I can’t _stand_ how close I want to be to you, how much I feel I’d do almost _anything_ for you.”

Alex’s breath hitched in surprise, liquid fire blooming suddenly between her legs as Astra dragged her lips up the side of her throat, hands gripping with bruising force at her hips. “It is _so infuriating._ You threaten _everything_ I’ve worked so hard for, but I want you so badly all I can do is hurt you to make the feeling go away.”

Alex gasped as teeth found the juncture between her neck and shoulder, biting down hard enough she was pretty sure she’d be sporting tooth marks for days.

“So you’re saying,” she panted, one hand flying up automatically to twist in Astra’s hair, “that every time you’ve…hit me with something…or thrown something at me…or…whatever…you were just…showing affection?”

Astra hummed darkly, richly, laughingly against her skin, pushing her back against the wall. Her hand snuck under the hem of of Alex’s shirt, fingers running over the claw-mark in her side, and Alex’s muscles twitched involuntarily as she hissed in pain. “Every time,” Astra confirmed breathily, smile pressing against Alex’s skin.

“…Most people on my planet would consider that…” she hissed again as the smile turned into another bite, “…kind of abusive and unhealthy,” Alex informed her.

“You started it,” Astra reminded her, sucking at the patch of skin beneath her ear. “Kryptonite sword in the leg, remember?”

Alex sighed out a contented smile. “Oh, right.”

She pushed against Astra’s shoulder, flipping their positions to get Astra against the wall. Astra grinned at her, leaning in to catch her lips with her own, but Alex stayed slightly out of reach, slightly away from the kiss she wanted so much, bumping noses with her to get her attention.

“Astra, you know I can’t just…let you go free after all that,” she said, already hating herself for being the one to bring them back down to reality. Again. 

Astra paused in her seeking of Alex’s lips, having already been on the verge of forgetting herself enough that she was just cresting on breathless. 

“You just…” Alex hunched up her shoulders, thumbs brushing at the hinge of Astra’s jaw. “You just told me you’re planning on enacting a device—a wave?—that would take away a person’s free will. Take away the free will of an entire _planet._ I can’t just…let you…skip off and _do_ that…”

Astra was staring down at her lips, a small spark of annoyance glinting in her eyes. “What, then?” she asked, brow darkening slightly. “With one injured arm and a sliced up abdomen, you’re going to re-capture me? Bring me back into your facility and save the day, quite literally single-handedly?” Her body became showily languid under Alex’s, a challenge by means of softness. “I’m very excited to see you try, Agent Danvers.”

“Astra, please.”

Astra quirked one eyebrow up, just a tick short of teasing. _Just enough_ seriousness in there that Alex knew to be wary of it. Who knew when Astra might just jam her fist into the claw mark on Alex’s side, say something completely inappropriate, and then make her escape and…enslave the human race.

For all Alex knew about Myriad now, it still really hadn’t solved any of their more…immediate problems. Like the problem of neither wanting any harm to come to the other, in spite of the very present reality of both their respective legal and moral obligations to do just that.

Astra nodded toward the counter softly, as if hearing her thoughts. “Is your pizza parley not going quite the way you were hoping?” she asked. “We both still seem to be rather at odds with one another.”

Alex couldn’t help but huff out a small laugh, especially when Astra’s hands strayed to her hips again. “There a big possibility that neither of us really has a talent for the whole parley thing,” she admitted.

Astra nodded. “We prefer to win, rather than compromise.”

Alex cocked her head. “Well, that, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting you just go ahead and carry out your plan to take over _my_ planet,” she said critically.

Astra looked briefly affronted. “Appropriate, given that there’s ‘no way in hell’ that I’m letting you go and allow your people to destroy… _our…_ planet.”

They stared each other down for a moment, and Alex wasn’t sure if she should be trying to figure out a way to take Astra down, or if Astra was trying to figure out the same thing, of if she should mentally be trying to remember where _precisely_ her gun had been knocked to and if it might be smart to make a lunge for it before Astra tried anything, or if maybe, instead of making a lunge for the gun, maybe making a lunge for Astra’s lips might be just as effective—

They were both spared the trouble of needing to decide anything when a loud _crack_ split the air outside, followed by several screams from the streets below. Alex didn’t even have the time to wheel around to see what was out there—Astra’s face had drained white at the sight of it.

“Non,” she murmured tightly, and Alex decided that making a lunge for her gun was _definitely_ the right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non ruins everybody's fun, always


	14. Seeing Red, Feeling Blue

The very simple, and indisputable fact, was that Alex was human. She forgot that sometimes—not that she was human, of course—but that there were things out there that were stronger than her, that she didn’t have even the slightest chance of being able to defeat.

Or survive.

Astra, on the other hand, had not forgotten.

As Alex sprang for both the gun on her floor, and the magazine full of Kryptonite bullets in her bureau drawer, Astra grabbed at her arm to stop her, immediately looking ill as she got close to the full-grade Kryptonite.

“Alex, you can’t go out there,” she exclaimed, fingers digging with bruising insistence around her arm. “Non will kill you without a second thought.”

Alex yanked her arm out of Astra’s grip with a dark look, slamming the magazine up into her gun, and making for the door—only to have Astra snatch at her again.

“Alex, he’s only after me for now, not you— _do not_ try to put yourself in the middle of this!”

“There are _people_ out there, who need my _help,”_ Alex snarled. “Get out of my way.”

“ASTRA!” came a roar from outside, and Alex’s blood froze at the way it made Astra flinch. “WHERE IS IT?”

“He’s calling _me_ out, not you,” Astra snapped at her, shaking herself out of whatever that flinch had been about. “All he wants is for me to fulfill my end of the bargain.”

_“What bargain?”_ Alex hissed.

“It doesn’t matter,” Astra said, shaking her head. She wheeled for the door, pointing back at her as she yanked it open. _“Stay there.”_

“Yeah, like fuck,” Alex snapped, racking the gun’s slide and storming past Astra into the hallway, making her way toward the stairs to the outside.

“You are so exasperating,” Astra huffed, following alongside her with short, clipped steps. 

“Back at you,” Alex growled, speeding down the steps, hearing Astra tight on her heels.

“I can’t protect you with these cuffs on,” Astra pressed urgently, a sharp note of panic in her voice. “And you know Non will be wearing his Kryptonite inhibitor, Alex, your bullets are useless! Let me handle this, _do not_ go out there!”

“You hear all that screaming outside?” Alex asked, not slowing her pace. “Those are _my people._ It is my _job_ to protect them. I’m not your pet human that you get to keep safe while Non destroys everyone else. If you’re honestly so worried about a human, then help _all_ of us.”

She heard Astra huff angrily behind her. “You’re being needlessly reckless,” she growled.

“Well _you’re_ being needlessly stubborn! And I—“

Their bickering came to an abrupt end as Alex jerked the door to the outside open, revealing the havoc Non was wreaking in the streets.

Splits ran up the entire length of the pavement, obviously having been broken up by Non’s laser vision. The splits had upended cars, buses, a semi truck—fire burst up from the collisions, while Non, hovering several stories above the ground, casually sent his vision toward people trying to escape the wrecks, or buildings, almost like it was just for fun.

Astra took Alex’s moment of shock to pull her back, turning her aggressively to look her in the eye. “If you absolutely insist on going to the aid of your people, then do it,” she growled, “but stay hidden, and _do not_ come after Non. _Or_ me. Do you understand?”

Alex pushed out of her hold. “Tell me what your ‘bargain’ is with Non, and I will,” she said. 

Astra shook her head angrily. “There’s no time for that, Alexandra, just do as I say!”

Alex started to argue with her when there was a scream from one of the cars—what Alex assumed to be a mother, father, and child, trapped in one of the upended vehicles, unable to get out. Non’s vision hit the truck beside it, the engine exploding, fire headed steadily for the family.

Alex held Astra’s gaze furiously for only a moment. “This isn’t over,” she warned, before wheeling and sprinting across the pavement for the car.

Behind her, she heard Astra shout Non’s name to get his attention, and he swiveled calmly in mid-air to look at her.

Alex didn’t have time to watch them—she reached the overturned car, struggling to get the door open.

“Supergirl!” she cried in panic.

Where was she?

Kara had always been tuned to Alex’s voice—anytime she was in trouble, anytime there was anything dangerous, it was like Kara was able to search out and pinpoint Alex’s voice, even from _miles_ away, stretching far past what even her super-hearing was normally capable of. Alex didn’t know if that was just because of how long she’d known her that she was able to pick out the specific frequency of Alex’s voice, but anytime there was even the slightest _blip_ on the DEO radar, Kara’s immediate instinct had always been to listen for Alex’s voice. She’d told her that once before.

Well, what was happening right now had to be _far_ more than just a _blip_ on the DEO radar, so Alex called her name again in a panic, finding herself unable to wrestle the car door open.

How could she not be here? How could she _possibly not be here?_

Alex gave a frustrated cry as she tried once more to wrench the door open—forcing herself to ignore what was in her periphery, Astra with her hand out toward Non…was she giving him something?

She didn’t have the time to think about it. She pulled again at the door with all her might as the family banged on the windows in fear at the roar of fire headed their way. Nothing. _Nothing_ was moving.

_“Supergirl!”_ she shouted again, pleading.

But there was no Supergirl.

She waved her hands urgently toward the family, trying to get them to sit forward.

“Get down!” she yelled over the roar of chaos around her, pulling out her gun. “Get down, don’t move!”

They must have heard her, or at least understood her hands, because they curled obediently down beneath the car windows.

Six bullets. Six Kryptonite bullets, that was all she had. The only chance she had at taking out Non.

But that didn’t matter now. This family needed her. So she shot—once, twice, three times through the window, making it crack open just enough that she was able to stomp her foot straight through the glass, creating a small opening. There was no time to mourn the loss of those three bullets, the loss of those three out of six chances she had to take out Non.

She reached down, batting her hands through the broken pieces of glass and grabbing the arm of the little boy trapped in there, pulling him out with all her might. She stumbled back as he came loose, clutching him tightly to her as his parents dragged themselves through as well. 

Sobbing with both terror and relief, they limped toward her, pulling their son into their arms, uttering broken thank yous, reaching for her.

Alex didn’t have time for their gratitude. She waved them off urgently, pointing toward the sidewalk. “Get out of here!” she shouted. “Get somewhere safe!”

They obeyed without hesitation, ducking and protecting their son as rubble fell around them.

“Super _girl!”_ Alex cried out once again, arms heavy, the one injured one throbbing, practically useless. 

She began to turn to where she knew Astra and Non were, or at least _had_ been, expecting to see Astra handing over the transmitter core, or maybe even expecting her to have disappeared with him, back to Fort Rozz.

What she saw instead was Non’s fist closing around the core, before he leapt into the air, taking flight, disappearing into the sky.

Astra remained behind, but it wasn’t by her choice.

There was a woman standing before her. At least, Alex thought she was a woman. Blue skin practically glittering in the light of the surrounding fires, three ruby-colored circles arranged in a triangle shape at her forehead…

The woman’s arm snapped out suddenly, seeming to extend, long, deadly fingers clamping around Astra’s throat, lifting her into the air.

“Astra!” Alex cried, and lunged into a sprint toward them.

She jolted at the sound of the semi exploding, and found herself thrown back to the ground at the force from the blast. She watched, almost hypnotized as the explosion sent a mushroom plume of black smoke into the air, parts flying every which way.

She realized, much too late, that one of the parts was slicing through the air straight toward her, and heard a choked-out _“Alex!”_ from Astra’s direction.

She tried to roll to the side, knowing already that she had no chance—when a blur of red and blue streaked in front of her, red cape swirling protectively around her. She stared up at Kara with wide eyes as her little sister took the hit, the truck part ricocheting harmlessly off her back, skittering to the road.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you!” Kara said, fear across her face as she looked urgently down at Alex. “Are you okay?”

Alex nodded hurriedly, and pointed across from them. “Astra—“ she tried to communicate.

Kara looked over her shoulder, and her face went white at the sight of the alien holding her aunt, vague recognition in her eyes.

“Kara, who is that?” she asked. “What is that?”

“A Coluan,” Kara muttered, fear in her voice. “Stay here.”

Before Alex could protest, Kara took off toward them—but the second she got a car’s length away from Astra, the blue alien—with her hand still clamped around Astra’s throat—shot her other arm out toward Kara.

Alex watched in horror as the hand stretched into a veritable bladed weapon, thrusting straight through Kara’s shoulder. 

_Through_ her shoulder.

Alex stumbled to her feet as Kara was brought to her knees, lifting up her gun to shoot. She didn’t know if Kryptonite would have any effect on whoever and whatever this alien was, but a bullet was a bullet, and hopefully this could do some damage.

But even as Kara cried out in pain, and Astra struggled in the blue alien’s grip to get to her, Alex felt a strange wave of calm suddenly come over her.

Not strange, really.

Easy.

There was a softness in her head, calm, still. She saw the chaos around her, and realized it wasn’t so bad. Other people were standing too, and they looked calm as well. Her whole body relaxed—it felt like there was a voice, soothing, in her mind, telling her she didn’t need to struggle, she didn’t need to be scared. She didn’t even need to think anymore, or decide, or wrestle with emotions…she could just let the voice take over, nice, and easy…

The gun slipped comfortably from her hand, clattering to the pavement, and she felt light and airy as she watched Hank—but Hank as _J’onn—(“Hi, J’onn!” she wanted to say, but didn’t because comfortable silence was better)—_ blew in like a hurricane, knocking the blue alien to the ground, immediately going to Kara’s side.

Alex watched them exchange quick words, and J’onn lunged and gathered an unconscious-looking Astra into his arms, while Kara came rushing toward Alex herself.

Kara was saying a lot of things, looking concerned. Alex tilted her head at her. She could hear the words, but didn’t think they were important enough to listen to, so they fell as if on deaf ears.

When Kara grabbed her, and picked her up, Alex didn’t think she liked it, because there was something in the voice in her head that suggested Kara was the enemy…but the voice had also told her she shouldn’t struggle, or worry about emotions or thoughts, so Alex remained calm and motionless as Kara lifted her into the air.

Alex looked over in vague curiosity as Kara sped her through the air over the city, and saw that J’onn was flying beside them, Astra in his arms. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or a bad thing, but the voice had said not to struggle, so she went easily limp, and let things happen as they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, lots of explosions, no smooching. Ha ha. (But at least there was old married couple bickering? Kinda?) (I’m sorry, I promise I won’t keep you hanging too long for the next one)


	15. The Gray Knight

She had fallen asleep, obviously. She just hadn’t realized for how long.

“Two days,” Kara said, handing her a cup of hot chocolate. In the living room. Of their house. In Midvale.

Her mother sat on the couch across from her, eyes wide with worry, while Hank sat on the same couch, on the completely opposite end, with his arms crossed over his chest. It was hard to say whether his discomfort was due to Alex’s condition, or his care to make sure that Eliza knew he posed no threat. Either way, he looked very self-contained, and anxious in a way that Alex knew she was the only one who recognized. 

Astra stood stiffly near the doorway of the living room, hands clasped behind her back, head high, and eyes never straying from Alex’s face. Alex found her eyes were rather glued to Astra in return.

There was talking and nervous movement around her, mostly from Kara and Eliza. This was what she had woken to, as well, less than an hour before—a nervous mother, a nervous Kryptonian, a Martian pretending _not_ to be nervous, and…Astra. Looking at her. Face as unreadable as it had been the day she’d been brought to Fort Rozz.

“Was that Myriad?” Alex asked abruptly, interrupting Kara and Eliza’s nervous chatter. She could feel all eyes fall on her, but her sole focus was Astra right now. “What happened to me in National City, two nights ago, was that Myriad?”

Astra’s jaw was set and hard but she nodded sharply, gaze never wavering from hers. 

Alex looked her over. She knew better than to ask why the hell she wasn’t restrained, why the hell she was allowed to just…be with them…free…

Had she questioned it, she knew Kara’s eyes would have gone both wide and dark, her voice would have gone thick and vehement as she would have insisted something about Astra being _good_ , Astra being _on their side,_ Astra being _family._

And, to be fair, Astra _did_ still have the Kryptonite cuffs on. Realistically, even if she did try to run, both Kara and J’onn could overtake her in seconds with no problem. Astra was…secured. In a way. But it still made Alex nervous to see her devoid of any kind of restraint whatsoever. 

It made her a very different and much stronger kind of unhappy to note the dark bruise around Astra’s throat from where the blue alien—the Coluan—had had her hand. 

Alex swallowed at the sight of it. “Are you okay?” she asked hoarsely.

Astra blinked in surprise at the question, obviously not having expected an inquiry on her well-being at the moment. Honestly, Alex was surprised to hear herself say it as well.

“Physically, I’ve been told I check out just fine,” Astra said finally. She hesitated, and a stiffening in her muscles made Alex think she was going to move toward her, but either she’d imagined it, or Astra just stopped herself abruptly, because there was no further motion.

“Yourself?” Astra asked, tone formal.

“Breathing,” Alex answered. “And…thinking my own thoughts again if my feelings toward you at the moment are any indication.”

It wasn’t a _nice_ sentiment exactly, and she could feel the tension around her tighten between everyone in her family.

Her family.

Everyone in here was, in one sense or another, her family. It was strange to think it.

Astra gazed at her steadily, either unmoved by her remark, or at least making an effort not to be.

“Well?” Alex prompted. The others were in periphery—not just her visual periphery, but mentally as well. Astra was her only focus, she needed to know what _Astra_ thought about this, what _Astra_ felt about this…had she seen what Myriad had done to Alex? Did it make her feel anything? Did it hurt her? She’d said she wanted Alex to be spared from the Myriad wave, but what if it really _did_ seem worth it to her?

“You got what you wanted?” Alex pressed. “Myriad all up and running?”

Astra looked like she was trying to read her. “No, this isn’t what I wanted, Alexandra,” she said quietly. “I’d like…” She cast her gaze slowly over the others. “I’d like to speak with Alexandra in private, if I may,” she requested.

Kara plopped down beside Alex and put her arm protectively around her shoulders. “Anything you have to say to Alex, you can say in front of me,” she said firmly. Out of the corner of her eye, Alex saw Eliza and Hank nod in agreement. 

She didn’t know if she was grateful for their support, or if she really would rather have it out with Astra, just the two of them. But Kara’s statement spoke for the rest of them, apparently, and Astra’s gaze dropped immediately at her niece’s word, head dipping in acquiescence. “It’s probably for the best,” she murmured, then lifted her gaze back up, shifting it evenly between Alex and Kara.

“I’m afraid I…” she trailed off, looking lost, searching for words she didn’t know. “I miscalculated,” she decided on finally. 

“Miscalculated what?” Kara asked. 

Alex wasn’t sure who it was that Astra looked more afraid to make eye contact with, herself, or Kara. Everything about her stance, her expression…it all screamed shame, and Alex couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang of sympathy for her, for whatever this was.

Astra closed her eyes, and exhaled sharply, like she was about to jump into an ice-cold river. When she opened them again, they remained fixed to the floor.

“I _allowed_ myself to be brought in by the DEO, in order to re-claim the Myriad transmitter,” she admitted quietly, “a fact I’m sure all of you considered at least once at one point or another.”

Alex felt Kara deflate slightly beside her and tried to shift subtly into her hold to reassure her.

“But the manner in which it was done, the circumstances…those were not of my devising,” Astra went on. “To my knowledge at the time, all my followers and I were on the same page when it came to Myriad. It was to be used in order to stabilize this planet so that we could live here without the threat of what happened to Krypton, and what had happened to the homes of many others. None of us could claim to be capable of absolute peace between us all, but we were unanimous in the desire for stability.

“Non had been cold toward me for a long time,” she went on, seeming to shift focus slightly, putting things in the correct order for her story. “When we first landed, he suggested things, things more aggressive and violent toward humans than I had thought him capable of in the beginning. I brushed it off as frustration with the situation. I was frustrated as well. I projected, very much incorrectly, I’m afraid. Non was not speaking out of frustration, he was speaking out of conviction—conviction that had been justified, in his mind, by someone I hadn’t even realized was lurking aboard Fort Rozz.”

“The Coluan,” Kara guessed softly.

Astra nodded. “Her name is Indigo,” she said. “Both Non and I had crossed paths with her several times before our imprisonment. To me, it had always been clear that she was not to be trusted under any circumstance whatsoever. My husband…I believe, was infatuated with her. Or…no. Perhaps it was actually that _she_ was infatuated with _him,_ and the feeling was new to him. Something he grew attached to. An inkling of power I suppose he didn’t think he had with me. I had no idea they had continued to be in contact—or that she was on Fort Rozz at all—until two nights ago, when you and I were outside your apartment.”

Her gaze fell on Alex. “When you stabbed me in the leg with your Kryptonite sword those few weeks ago, a chip broke off inside me, as you had already guessed,” she said carefully. “When my husband found me, he called to my followers to prepare to remove the chip from me. As they did, he leaned in close to me, and he demanded that I step down, and name him General.”

Alex frowned. _“Why?”_

“At the time, I thought it simply the petty power play of a small man,” Astra said bitterly. “An incorrect assumption, as I have just learned. At the time, I felt as if I were dying from the shard of Kryptonite in my bone. I refused to name him General, though—my men were, perhaps surprisingly to you, completely loyal to me. They would never have accepted a coup of any kind. If Non had betrayed me, they’d have strung him up.

“But Non wanted my title—and again, I thought it was just a knee jerk reaction to seeing me powerless,” she went on. “My men would never follow him without my having expressly stepped down and naming him. But as they were readying themselves for my surgery, and he had me alone, he let me know that it would not take much for him to dig into me and find the sliver of Kryptonite himself, and use it to twist me beyond recognition to them. He said there was a chance my men would never find out that he was responsible. With my end, he would become General, but there would still be no way for him to enact Myriad without the transmitter core. The way I saw it, if I died, so would the Earth.”

Her gaze settled softly on Alex and Kara. “This place is _your_ home too,” she said. “Even if I were not in it, even if I were not here to see it—I couldn’t bear the thought of you witnessing the death of another world, Kara. And you, Alexandra…you must _never_ be forced to go through something like that. I could never allow you—either of you—to suffer in such a way.

“So I struck a deal with Non. I told him I would step down, that I would give him my title, publicly, in front of my men, if he would allow me the chance to get the transmitter back, so that, whether I survived or not, Myriad would be brought to fruition. And you would be safe.

“Obviously, he permitted this. At the time, I thought it a kindness, a last shred of honor in him. But he must have been counting on this. Alexandra, I…” for a moment, it actually looked like Astra’s face flushed. “I believe he saw the way I…the way I cared for you. The way we had gotten close.”

Alex fought down her own blush as she felt three other pairs of eyes focus on her.

“He predicted I would do what I could to protect you, and to protect Kara…it was not honor that caused him to allow me to be taken in by the DEO to find the transmitter. The only way I’ve been able to figure it, is that he had already long been in conversations with Indigo. She wanted Myriad. But not for the same reasons as I did. Not even for the same reasons as Non once had.

“When Non and I struck our bargain, I had planned to be taken in by the DEO. It was the most obvious tactic. We had planned to take the chip of Kryptonite that had been removed from my leg, and simply hang it around my neck, make it look as though I had been betrayed.

“You can imagine my surprise when Non came to me the morning I was to leave, and buried the sliver of Kryptonite right back into my leg. That hadn’t been part of the plan. When I tried to demand what he was doing, someone grabbed me from behind. I couldn’t see who it was, I couldn’t concentrate on anything, because all of a sudden there was Kryptonite being shoved into side, into my hands, through my skin, wrapped around my neck…I’ve seen countless wars, but I have _never_ felt _anything_ as excruciating as that, save for when your human general injected me with it. There was no fighting it. I lost consciousness.

“When I woke again under DEO custody, I thought foolishly that perhaps Non’s plan had been to make the situation seem more realistic. I wondered at how he possibly could have gotten his hands on more Kryptonite, of course, but I still believed there was honor in his actions.

“And then, back in National City two nights ago, he called me outside. Our deal was for me to deliver the transmitter to him. He would present it to my men with my blessing and subsequent bowing out, making him the natural successor to my rank. He would have their undisputed loyalty. And, according to our bargain, he would implement Myriad. Whether I actually survived or not, Myriad would keep this planet alive—would keep _you_ alive.

“But when I handed the transmitter over to him two nights ago, he was not accompanied by my men, as I had expected,” Astra continued. “Nor was he alone. He was accompanied by Indigo, who I hadn’t seen in years. I couldn’t understand—but as my husband launched into the air with the transmitter, Indigo launched into…frankly, an entirely inflated monologue about my husband’s alignment with her. 

“For starters, the Kryptonite—the excess Kryptonite I couldn’t figure out the origins of—was a synthetic. Non overheard our conversation at Fort Rozz, Alexandra, when I told you about the synthetic Kryptonite Maxwell Lord had made and inflicted upon Kara.”

“The Red K…” Kara murmured. She shook her head. “But that wasn’t…”

“Non told Indigo about Maxwell Lord’s work,” Astra interrupted gently, trying to explain. “She hacked into his computer, found all his research on how to synthesize it. And with her mind, and her ability to analyze the real thing right in front of her, she was able to fill in the gaps he’d missed, and develop a _true_ synthetic replica of Kryptonite. 

“The development of the true replica was to weaponize it against you, Kara. But there was no purpose in using it against me. That was…simply for the fun of it, if Indigo’s word is anything to go by. Apparently, my husband drew very cruel satisfaction from hurting me like that. He was always darker than me, more readily violent. But this…Fort Rozz changed him. And so did speaking to Indigo.

“Most important of all right now, however, is the last thing that Indigo told me,” Astra went on, gaze falling once again to the floor. “Myriad has been enacted, but not for the purposes of keeping this planet alive. Indigo calculated the probability in her head and found that there was a thirty-eight-point-five percent chance that humans, of all creatures across the universe, are the most likely to be able to resist Myriad, to fight back. She and Non have no intention of using Myriad to stabilize the Earth. They’ve weaponized it. And with _my_ men now at their disposal, they have the military back-up they need—the reason Non needed to be named General in the first place. He and Indigo plan to use Myriad to wipe out the entire human race, to claim the world for their own, for the survivors of Fort Rozz. And with Indigo back to full power, she believes she can start the Fort Rozz vessel up again, travel to other planets, other galaxies, spread Myriad to them as well.

“If they have their way, they’ll have turned Myriad into a veritable pathogen throughout the universe. It will be…exactly what my sister feared it would be. Exactly what I had vowed never to allow it to become.” 

They were all silent, trying to break down what Astra had just said, trying to absorb it. 

It didn’t go down easy.

“So what do we do?” Kara spoke up first, the fear in her voice overshadowed by her Supergirl courage. No, not her Supergirl courage. Her _Kara_ courage. It made Alex feel warm, calm, if only for a moment.

Astra didn’t look nearly as calmed by it. “Myriad cannot be stopped,” she said softly. “I’m sorry, little one.”

Out of her periphery, Alex saw both Eliza and Hank bristle at the term of endearment. Maybe it was just now hitting them that Astra held a part of Kara that they never would; her childhood, her beginning. Her first words, and steps, first adventures, observations…regardless of what the two of them were to each other now, there had been a time when Kara had been the most precious thing in Astra’s life, while Astra had been the spark of light in Kara’s.

“But you just said that Indigo calculated human beings as being the most likely of all species to be able to withstand Myriad,” Kara argued. 

“I’d like to believe that, little one, but I don’t see how that could be possible,” Astra said carefully. “It may take several days for the Myriad wave to reach all the way around the world, but eventually it will. Unless the humans can come up with a means to block the waves, I don’t see that they have a chance. And it took decades for Myriad to be perfected—I promise I’m not trying to be insulting when I say this, but I highly doubt there is a human being amongst them intelligent enough to come up with such a device as would block the Myriad signal completely.”

“Actually,” Alex mumbled out awkwardly, pressing her fingers into her temples and grimacing preemptively at what she was about to say, “I think I might know a human being who is.”

*

Maxwell Lord was a little disturbingly easy to contact, given that all of National City had been officially declared by the US government to be in a state of emergency.

“Agent Danvers,” he answered within seconds of her calling him, voice slick as ever on the other end of the line. “Still got your brains intact, I see.”

“And you,” Alex observed, looking at Kara, Hank, Astra, and Eliza by turn, confirming for them her suspicion that Max had been unaffected by the Myriad wave. “Any chance you’d be willing to share how?”

“So you’re not calling just to catch up then,” he said with feigned disappointment. “And here I was getting my hopes up. Not nice to toy with a man’s emotions like that, Agent Danvers.”

“Max.”

He sighed, the sound crackly. “I’m guessing you’re not in National City, given your current…you-ness,” he inferred. “Unless the DEO’s got you all fixed up.”

“They…” She trailed off, looking at Hank awkwardly. “No, they don’t seem to have anything engineered for this.” She felt her teeth bear in what would have been a horrible imitation of a grin, had he been there to see it. “Not all of us can be as brilliant as you, Max.”

“Ah, flattery,” he sighed wistfully. “Gets you anywhere.” He paused thoughtfully, and Alex could see Kara straining her hearing to see if she was missing something.

“Where are you?” Max asked finally. 

“Why?”

“Well, as it so happens, I _do_ happen to have whipped up a couple of neat little doohickeys to keep the aliens out—happy to say I’ve lived up to your expectations of me,” he drawled. “They’re limited supply for the time being, but since you’re asking so nicely, I can’t think of anyone more deserving of one than you while I develop more. I can drop one off for you, just tell me where you are.”

Alex hesitated, and she saw Kara’s jaw tighten. Neither of them wanted Max in their _home._ Alex didn’t think he was any kind of threat at the moment—arrogant and narcissistic as he was, he truly believed himself a sort of white—or maybe gray—knight for humanity. He wouldn’t risk the world for petty scores to settle between himself and Kara. Or himself and Alex, for that matter.

“Midvale,” she answered finally.

There was a very small pause. “Ah, yes, the little white house on the ocean, how could I forget?”

Alex felt a chill run up her spine at his casual knowledge of her home, and she saw Kara bristle, a fact that did not go unnoticed by Astra. 

“Only seen satellite pictures of it, of course, but it looks charming. I’m delighted to be invited,” Max said.

“No one invited you,” Alex said lowly.

“Of course you did, you’ve got nothing without me.” She heard the sound of glass tinkling on the other end of the line. “We can all do dinner together at yours. Six o’clock. I’ll bring the wine.”

*

Astra, it seemed, had ceased to be her own entity the moment Max showed up on the doorstep. More specifically, she seemed to have reinvented herself as Alex’s shadow. Alex’s shadow, who seemed to have taken an instant, and very sharp dislike for Max on sight.

After the fourth time Alex nearly ran right the fuck into her when turning around to get dishes, she started to get a little irritated. “Astra, could you…maybe back off a little?” she mumbled under her breath. “I don’t know how well-versed you are in physics, but you and I can’t _actually_ occupy the same space at the same time.”

“I’m not even touching you, Alexandra, stop being dramatic,” Astra mumbled right back, following her into the kitchen.

 _“I’m_ being dramatic?” Alex hissed. “You’ve been staring _daggers_ at Max since he first stepped through the door. I know why _I_ don’t trust him, but what the hell’s up with _you?”_

“I don’t like his eyes.”

“You don’t like his _eyes?”_

“I don’t like the way they rove over you as if you belong to them. It’s like he’s touching you from afar, without being permitted.”

Alex felt unexpectedly a little warm, or maybe even a little hot at her words. “Astra…are you _jealous?”_ she dared to ask, a little bit of humor tugging at her.

Astra, _far_ on the opposite side of humor, looked at her steadily for a long moment, before finally saying, “Of course I am.”

Alex blinked in surprise at the raw honesty, at the way it was almost a confession of weakness. 

“Oh. Well…I mean, you don’t…”

“I would eviscerate him if I could, but as you expressly requested that I _not_ do that before he arrived, I will refrain,” Astra interrupted.

“How…benevolent of you.”

“Still, I’m not going to leave you alone with him for a second,” Astra went on, ignoring her remark. “He may have something of use to your resistance against Myriad, but that does not make him a good man. I don’t trust him. Especially around you.”

Alex bit the inside of her cheek, finding her sentiment…kind of the Kryptonian General version of _sweet._  

 _Kind_ of. 

“Can you help me get glasses for everyone?” she asked awkwardly, rather than respond to that.

Astra huffed, but reached up to the cabinet anyway. “And that’s another thing,” she added lowly, stretching up to close her fingers around the neck of a wine glass, tank top riding up a little at the movement. Not that Alex was looking, or noticing the sharp V of her lower abs put on display by the accidentally-exposed slice of her midriff. 

“His people— _your_ people,” Astra was continuing on to say, “are in danger, and his instinct is to lounge about and _drink,_ rather than take immediate action. He is _exactly_ the type of man I had hoped to make impotent with Myriad, a man too wrapped up in his own self to do _right_ by the world.”

 _“Impotent’s_ a nice choice of words,” Alex said agreeably. She shook her head. “He definitely enjoys a good power play, and that’s what all this ridiculous, preening, wine-and-dine shit’s about. It’s a show. He’s got the power in this situation, and he knows it, and wants to make sure _we_ know it too. But believe it or not, all that selfish prickery aside, he has actually done the occasional good thing for the world now and then. And if that device he developed really can protect people’s minds from Myriad…then we’re going to have to play by his rules. At least for now.”

“How did he even develop such a thing so quickly?” Astra mumbled, shaking her head. She finished lacing her fingers around the rest of the wine glasses, and relaxed back to her natural stance as she placed them down on the counter, the hem of her shirt returning to its position covering her skin.

“My guess?” Alex responded, lifting her eyes back up to Astra’s face where they belonged. “He’s probably been about ten steps ahead of you, me, and the DEO for a long time. I’ll bet as soon as he saw what you and Non were doing with his satellites he figured out what Myriad was.”

“And rather than warn his people about a perceived threat, he developed a device solely for himself?” Astra asked critically.

“Well I’m not much use to the world if I can’t protect myself first,” came Max’s voice from the doorway to the kitchen, startling both of them. He sidled in with a pleasant smile. “Didn’t mean to interrupt,” he added with absolutely no apology in his voice. “Just caught the tail end of what you were saying and decided _someone_ had to defend my honor, even if that someone was me.” He tapped his chest over his heart. “I’ve got sensitive feelings.”

“You don’t have feelings, _or_ honor,” Astra bit out, with enough earnestness that Alex’s heart hurt a little to hear it. “You have arrogance, self-pity, and an inflated sense of importance to the world.”

Max cocked his head, expression still pleasant, but looking slightly irritated with her underneath. “And what about you?” he challenged lightly. “As long as we’re talking about an inflated sense of importance…how does it feel to have your little Myriad pet project turned into a weapon? No one should have power unless they’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep it, and you lost control of yours. All that hard work, and your ‘miracle’ project is just one more problem us humans can add to a list of many threatening our survival.” 

His smugness had turned sour over the course of his statement, and he looked at Astra with barely-hidden disdain now. “You Kryptonians playing God where you have no right to,” he hissed bitterly. “You and your niece are nothing more than toddlers dressed up as heroes. Her even more than you, in fact. At least _you_ have the decency to own what you’ve done—Supergirl has made these people helpless. _You_ just caused these people to lose control of their minds, but _Supergirl’s_ the one who validated it and let them stay that way. Meanwhile, Agent Danvers here continues to give her loose rein when she should be pulling in the leash on your niece’s choke-chain…”

Alex made a grab for Astra’s arm when the Kryptonian General took a threatening step toward Max. “What did you just say about my niece?” she growled.

“Astra, just let it go,” Alex soothed quietly, pulling her back gently, keeping her hand on her arm. “It’s okay, alright? He’s just words.”

“Talk about my niece _or_ Alexandra _one more time_ , and I promise you, you won’t even live long enough to _regret_ those words—I will _wipe_ you from this Earth before you can do so much as _blink,”_ Astra snarled at him.

Max cocked his head again, looking back and forth between the two of them, eyebrows quirked in amusement as his gaze fell on Alex. “It’s interesting, the way they flock to you,” he remarked after a moment of cool observation.

“Excuse me?” Alex asked, ears perked, defensive.

“Two Kryptonians, a Martian, maybe others…all enamored with you in one way or another.” He huffed out a snicker, spreading his hands up and out like he was reading the marquee of a movie theater. “Alex Danvers, Alien Whisperer.” His hands returned to his sides. “You should get a whip and some treats, teach them how to jump through hoops. This one already looks like she’s eating right out of your hand…”

It was Astra’s turn to put her hand to _Alex’s_ arm this time.

Max lifted his hands up innocently. “Now, now,” he chided. “We’re all on the same side here. Isn’t that right?”

Alex doubted it. She’d hoped, truly, that Max would help them. And he probably would, after a fashion. She disliked him on principle, and _despised_ him for what he had put Kara through…but in spite of it all, she _did_ think they had some kind of connection, wanted or no. She would never expect complete compliance with him, but she had dared to hope that his idealism might help them, or that their rapport might count for something.

“If we’re on the same side, then you’ll tell us the deal with your Myriad blocks within the first round of drinks here,” Alex said. “Any longer than that, and I set both Kryptonians _and_ the Martian on you. Not to mention myself. My mother’s been known to have a mean right hook as well.”

Max smirked, and then full-on chuckled. “Sounds fun,” he said, pouring the first glass.

*

Alex was put in charge of putting Astra to bed after dinner.

“You should probably find a tire chain to restrain her,” Hank had suggested.

“She doesn’t need to be _restrained,”_ Kara had insisted firmly.

“I had a burglar alarm installed not long ago,” Eliza had offered. “I’m sure it will work from the inside as well.”

“Anyone want to walk me to my private jet?” Max had requested.

Kara ended up escorting him. If nothing else, they’d secured a pair of earrings for Alex to wear that would protect her against the Myriad wave, and a second set for Eliza, as well as other devices Max was developing for world leaders he considered to be “worthy” of them.

Following what Max considered to be “worthy” made Alex antsy beyond all belief, but it was a start. This was by no means an end to their negotiations, and Supergirl now knew where to find him as the Myriad wave progressed.

“Don’t let us down, Max,” Alex requested as Supergirl led him out the door.

He looked at her, almost softly, and Alex felt Astra crowd in ever so slightly closer to her. 

“Dasvidaniya, Alexandra,” he said.

 _“Otva`li,”_ Astra growled, and Alex turned to her in surprise. Astra shrugged languidly. “I told you I would eviscerate him if you hadn’t expressly ordered me not to. Barring that, I’m allowed to curse at him, if nothing else.”

Max smirked at Astra before turning and following Kara out to his private jet. He had outfitted the pilot and co-pilot of the jet with Myriad blockers, despite his insistence that there was a very limited supply of them. Was outfitting his employees with the first of those blockers necessary? Maybe. Did it still seem like a calculated, self-serving dick move? Definitely.

“Alex,” Eliza interrupted her thoughts. “Would you bring Astra to her room, please?”

 _Her room._ Alex had forgotten that Astra had probably been awake a full twenty-four hours before she had, and had been set up quite nicely with fresh linens, towels, a shower of her very own…

“The mattress sinks a bit,” Astra commented as she laid down on her side.

“Oh,” Alex said, unsure how to respond as she closed the door behind them. 

(She wasn’t really sure _why_ she had closed the door behind them—it’s not like she was staying here. It just seemed like…like she didn’t really want other people seeing them say goodnight).

(She understood that that didn’t make any real sense).

“That wasn’t a complaint,” Astra said quickly. “It’s just that I’m used to a harder mattress.”

“Harder’s supposed to be better for you back,” Alex offered, “but softer ones are…y’know, they’re cozier, I guess. Not that anyone really needs to be cozy out here, it’s 70 easy, even at night.”

Astra propped herself up on her elbow and looked up at Alex. Alex frowned, noticing a wetness to her eyes, and a tightness of facial muscles that indicated contained and unwanted emotion.

“Are you okay?” she hazarded.

Astra gazed at her for a moment, and then sat up slowly, eyes cast down, hair pulled loose and full over one shoulder.

Alex hated how beautiful she looked.

Astra said something, too soft for Alex to understand.

“What?”

“Myriad,” Astra said a little louder. “It isn’t evil.”

Her voice came out completely broken, and Alex hurt. She sat down on the edge of the bed, turning her head to look levelly at Astra, and Astra looked like she’d lost her entire world all over again.

Maybe, in her mind, she _had_ lost her entire world all over again.

Myriad _was_ evil, Alex believed that, so strongly it made her angry with Astra, every second since she’d first learned what it was. Even in sleep, she was sure she’d had dreams with absolute rage aimed at Astra for this horrific thing she had created. 

But Astra was so sure. She was _so sure_ that Myriad was the only way to save this planet, save this new home, this second chance—this _only_ chance at a second life.

And now all it was was a weapon, handled carelessly and violently, achieved through betrayal, and the bastardized use of Astra’s morals.

Myriad _is_ evil, Alex wanted to say. But instead, her hand found Astra’s on the mattress, and she pressed down on it, comforting.

“We’re not giving up,” she said firmly. “We’re going to fight this, we’re going to fix…well, probably _Kara_ is going to fix all this. But you and I…” She broke off abruptly, finding Astra’s eyes on hers, lids heavy. Alex didn’t really know what to say after that, so she just repeated, “You and I.”

Astra’s smile was small, but every bit of it shone for Alex, and no one else. She raised her hand up to tuck Alex’s hair behind her ear, and traced her fingers down to her jaw. She held Alex’s gaze for a moment, like she was asking permission, but then seemed to make the decision herself, and leaned in, pressing her lips softly to Alex’s.

Alex inhaled deeply into the kiss, not surprised by _it_ exactly, but still endlessly surprised by Astra’s affection toward her. Whether beating each other to a pulp, or supporting one another, Astra--Alex was afraid to think it, because thinking it might make it go away--but Astra seemed…

(…Alex broke away from the kiss, just _just_ enough so they weren’t _quite_ touching…)

…Astra seemed to _adore_ her.

Enemy, ally, prisoner, captor, whatever the situation, or the dynamic, Astra didn’t seem to be able to keep her hands off of Alex, and Alex…Alex didn’t know how to do this, or how to trust this. Being _wanted_ like this, like it didn’t matter what they were to each other as long as they were _something—anything—_ to each other. Alex didn’t understand how someone who had known her in almost every way possible could possibly still _want_ her. Not like this.

But Astra’s fingers were laced back in her hair, and her thumb was stroking at her cheekbone, and Alex _never_ wanted that to stop, _ever,_ because everything about Astra felt like what perfection might feel like if perfection was a living being, with a pulse, and a brain, and a problematic set of morals, and a heart that insisted on carrying the weight of everything, and a soul that burned too hot, too bright, and a kindness tempered by hardness, and a sweetness tempered by bitterness, _and an arrogance the size of the Earth itself…_

She leaned back in to reclaim that kiss, because that sense of _want_ that was burning over her like a spotlight needed to be shined right back on Astra—

But then there was Kara.

“ALEX, ELIZA SAYS YOU HAVE TO DO THE DISHES BECAUSE YOU’RE THE PROBLEM CHILD AND YOU KEEP BRINGING HOME STRAYS!”

Alex dropped her forehead against Astra’s in annoyance, the moment evaporating like droplets of water on sun-baked pavement.

Astra’s fingers curled possessively— _wonderfully—_ back in her hair at Kara’s call, tugging slightly. Alex thought for a second that she might request, or even _demand,_ that she stay. Instead, she just continued to curl her fingers in Alex’s hair while leaning in to nose at her cheek, her neck, under her earlobe…

“ALEX, I ALREADY TOOK OUT THE TRASH, I’M NOT DOING THE DISHES TOO, AND ELIZA SAYS WE’VE GOT A MOUSE PROBLEM!”

Astra laughed softly into her ear. It tickled, but in a way that sent sparks shooting all the way down to her core, making her clench, trying to hold onto the feeling. _God. More would be better. Much much more of this…_

“Go,” Astra murmured against her skin, breath warm, and teeth pressing just a little in a smile into her neck. “Go do battle against your dishes and your mice, my brave Alexandra.”

Alex pulled away gently, not wanting to, not even a little. Insecurities, and all other worries be damned. She just wanted more Astra.

But Kara continued to yell to her, and she groaned.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, and tried to dip her head in for another kiss.

Astra evaded her, tilting her head back enough so they could look at each other. Her hand ran behind Alex’s ear again, and she traced at the Myriad-blocking earrings she’d pierced through earlier.

“This was never my intention,” she whispered, voice pleading.

That hurt a lot, and all Alex could really think of doing was to grip her hand tighter, and press into the way Astra was nuzzling into her neck again.

Really wanted more. Really wanted to comfort more.

Really wanted to touch more, and feel more, and kiss more, and…

_“ALEX!”_

“Jesus Christ, Kara, I’m coming! Fuck’s sake!” Alex shouted.

“ALEXANDRA DANVERS, DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO YOUR SISTER LIKE THAT!” came her mother’s voice this time.

Alex sighed and pulled her head away again to look at Astra. “We’re going to fix this,” she assured her. “I promise.”

“And then what?” Astra asked, voice a little harder. “This ends up happily ever after for both of us? Myriad is destroyed and the world goes right back to the self-destructive path it was on before?”

Alex looked down, trying to ignore the small curl of frustration in her gut. 

“Can we not…do this…right now?” she requested. “Please? I’ve got…dishes and a mouse to wage war against, I don’t know if I can handle ‘Big Questions’ right now.”

Astra’s expression softened in a way Alex hoped meant that she was going to leave things for now, and not that she was going to regretfully smack Alex upside the head and make a run for it.

But after a full five seconds of gazing at her, it didn’t seem like Astra had any grand plans of hurting her, or escaping her, so Alex stood, not trusting herself to try to kiss her again. She might never leave this room again if she did.

 _“ALEX!”_ Kara squawked through the door one more time.

So Alex huffed out a goodnight, and turned, and didn’t want to turn, and left, and didn’t want to leave, and closed the door behind herself as she left because there was a pile of dishes in the sink, and yes, actually she did hear a mouse scurrying along the edges of the floor, and she really needed to get rid of that thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamnit, Kara, do your own dishes


	16. Useless Civilians

By the following morning, the Myriad wave had taken all of California, half of Wyoming, and was creeping steadily onwards, downwards, upwards, and outwards.

“How long till it takes the whole country?” Hank asked Astra critically while Alex poked at her cereal with her spoon.

They were all outside on the porch, the sun already warm, even this early in the morning. Alex frowned when she saw the emptiness of the cove below them. There were no people swimming, no people walking along the beach. Whether that was because of the early hour, or fear of the Myriad wave, she wasn’t sure.

“It’s difficult to say,” Astra answered Hank carefully. “The final transmitter, the core that I…that I gave to Non…Because it was _only_ the core, it could be that it’s putting out a weaker signal. It would slow the whole process down. Judging by the ground covered so far, I’d say you have a few days until the western half of the world is taken, another three or four for the rest. I’m sure your human scientists at the DEO will be able to give a more exact estimate.”

“DEO’s been compromised by the wave,” Hank said, scratching at his chin with annoyance. 

Astra raised an eyebrow. “Your organization didn’t have any defenses set up?”

“We didn’t know what we were dealing with,” Hank said, tone warning her against any kind of condescension.

“You knew it was going to be a signal sent by satellite,” Astra said, one eyebrow still raised imperiously. “Surely there were measures you could have taken in preparation for that, at least.”

Hank’s jaw clenched hard, like he was biting down on steel in his mouth. 

“We’ll get our agents back, J’onn,” Alex said quickly, reaching over and putting her hand comfortingly on his arm. “Max agreed to start production on the Myriad blockers for them as soon as his employees are taken care of.”

“And in the meantime, we have no way of helping _our_ men,” Hank growled. “Or anyone else, for that matter. Almost the entire western half of the United States has been put under quarantine—General Lane is on standby in DC, but the President is refusing to send military anywhere near range of the Myriad signal for the time being. For now, all military efforts are going into protecting citizens from mass panic violence, and building what they hope will be secure centers for people. Max isn’t doing jack squat for anyone.”

“I got a call from him earlier this morning,” Alex said. _At four in the fucking morning, to be exact._ “He said the President has been trying to contact him—she’s  been trying to contact all the most renowned scientists in the country, actually, trying to get them to figure out a way to block the signal, or stop it altogether. Apparently, several of them are withholding their services until a reward has been negotiated. Max has gone underground to finish his work—he wants to be able to choose who will be allowed to have his blockers, he doesn’t want his work falling into the hands of ‘politicians, celebrities, self-proclaimed heroes, or any other garden variety idiots.’ His words.”

“Max Lord called you this morning?” Kara, Hank, and Astra demanded almost simultaneously—sort of not the point of everything she had just relayed to them.

Everything got a little quiet and weird after that, Astra pretending to be suddenly interested in a bird perched near them, as if she hadn’t said anything.

Alex shared a quick look with Eliza, who seemed to find everyone’s outburst startling.

“I told him to keep in touch about the Myriad blockers, and that’s what he was doing,” Alex said to them, a little red in her cheeks because her aliens’ awkward concern for her was pretty heartwarming. And embarrassing, kind of. But mostly heartwarming. “He wanted me to know that production might be slower since he’s gone underground.”

“He should have called either me, or Supergirl,” Hank said grumpily. “I don’t like that you have each other’s phone numbers, it’s unprofessional. Not to mention, dangerous. He’s completely unpredictable, and completely uncontrollable.”

“Not completely,” Astra put in stiffly, eyes cold, jaw hard. Her arms crossed over her chest, haughtily. “He seems very _taken_ with Alexandra. From a tactical standpoint, it’s beneficial that we have her to serve as a liaison with him, otherwise it’s doubtful he would be considering developing those blockers for your organization, especially now that they’re working with Supergirl. Agent Danvers is a valuable asset in that regard, if nothing else.”

“Did you just call me an _asset?”_ Alex asked defensively, before she could stop herself. 

“Is that a problem?” Astra asked coolly.

“Well it’s not exactly _flattering_ to be referred to as just a tactical benefit by someone you…” She trailed off, feeling everyone’s eyes darting between the two of them as she realized Astra’s sniping at her came from a place of jealousy, not actual meanness.

She licked her lips awkwardly, and re-focused. “No, you’re right,” she said, and cleared her throat. _“Tactically speaking,_ it’s a good thing I’m on Max’s good side. We don’t want him as our enemy. Right now, he holds all the cards, and it seems like he’s more concerned with saving the people _he_ considers to be _innocent_ , rather than actually saving the _world,_ or stopping the Myriad wave itself. At least with me…we can continue to negotiate.”

“In the meantime,” Hank said, turning to Astra, “I know our last attempt at an interrogation didn’t get us very far, but I’m hoping circumstances might have changed enough that you’d be willing to answer some questions for me now.”

Astra’s gaze slipped over to Alex for a moment, before flicking steadily back to Hank. Her silence was his only invitation to continue, so he took it.

“Is the origin of the Myriad signal at Fort Rozz?” he asked. 

Astra hesitated a moment before giving a sharp nod. “It’s sent out by a device called an Omegahedron,” she said carefully.

“You said yesterday that the wave can’t be stopped,” Hank continued, brow lined and hard. “I’m assuming you meant from the outside. If someone were to get _into_ Fort Rozz and destroy the point of origin, destroy this…Omegahedron…would the wave die out?”

Astra was silent for too long.

“General,” Hank snapped to get her to focus on him. “If the point of origin were to be destroyed, could Myriad be stopped?” he repeated in a growl.

Astra’s gaze flickered over to Alex again and held for a long moment. Wrestling with herself. Alex on one end of the scale, Myriad on the other. Weighing. 

Finally, Astra’s gaze dropped in defeat, and she nodded. “Yes.”

Barely above a whisper.

Alex let out a grateful breath, wanting to grab her, thank her, kiss her, comfort her for how hard she knew that must have been to give up Myriad’s source…but Astra’s gaze had broken from hers again, and was back to Hank.

“The maps I drew for you and your human general at Fort Rozz,” she said, “the ones I was meant to give to Alexandra before…”

“I still have them at the DEO,” Hank said. He looked at Alex. “I took them off your hands after this one knocked you out of it.” He jerked his head at Astra at the words _this one._

“The map I drew of the inside of Fort Rozz will still be of use to you, but I don’t know how to alter the other one, the one leading you to Fort Rozz itself,” Astra said. “That is, I don’t know where we are right now, I don’t know where Fort Rozz is in relation to here. You would have to retrieve the maps from the DEO and go from there.”

Hank nodded, then turned to Kara. “Supergirl, you and I will fly into National City, get to the DEO, find those maps. Then we’ll scout out Fort Rozz, see if we can find any weaknesses we can use to get in.”

“You’d be fools to try to get in with no back-up,” Astra warned, her gaze anxious as she focused on Kara. “We need your agents back, we need specialized weapons developed…we can’t just go in there without a plan…”

“It’s just a recon mission,” Hank interrupted. “We’re not trying to infiltrate, nor are we engaging in any kind of battle or warfare. We just need to be able to scout out the base, see what kinds of aliens we’ll be up against when the time comes.”

Alex nodded, beginning to stand. “That all sounds good. Just give me a second to arm up, I’ll be right—“

“You’re not coming, Alex,” Hank said.

 _“What?”_ Alex demanded, halting abruptly in her attempt to stand. “What do you mean I’m not coming?”

“The Martian is right, Alexandra, you’re human,” Astra said gently. “Not to mention, you’re still injured.”

“You’re not coming either, General,” Hank said.

 _“What?”_ Astra demanded in echo of Alex, wheeling on him in her seat. “What do you mean I’m not coming?”

“You’re far too much of a liability to take to Fort Rozz,” he told her, then nodded at her wrists. “Besides, you’re practically human yourself with those cuffs on.”

“You could take them _off,”_ Astra growled.

“Out of the question,” Hank said, voice hard.

Astra looked startled by it, like it was just now dawning on her that she was still considered to be the enemy here. Not just the creator of Myriad, but the actual _enemy._

“Kara?” she asked softly, seeming to look for some kind of validation. 

Kara looked down. “I’m sorry, Aunt Astra. The cuffs need to stay on. I want to trust you, but…just not yet. Okay?” Her voice was small, teetering on broken. “I’m sorry.”

Astra turned to Alex, and for a second, it looked she was going to plead with her. There was even a small breath that sounded like _“Alex—“_ coming from the back of her throat, but she clamped down on herself almost immediately.

“So, what then?” she asked bitterly, flicking absently at the edge of the table. “I lounge about uselessly with the humans while you put yourself in danger?”

“Oh, you won’t be lounging,” Eliza piped up. They all turned to her. “You’re going to help Alexandra clean out the garage for me. I’ve been meaning to do that for ages.”

 _“Mom,”_ Alex protested, horrified at the idea. “The end of the _world_ is happening out there!”

“And the garage will serve as a good sanctuary for anyone who has lost a home trying to evacuate from the wave,” Eliza said firmly. “When Max finishes his blockers, he’ll need a place to begin administering them to people, and God knows our property is big enough to serve as such a space. While Kara and…J’onn?…are gone, we can begin emptying out the garage to make room, and perhaps get others to start setting up outlets as well. And _you,”_ Eliza added harshly, turning to Astra, “you _will_ help out, won’t you.” She eyed the Kryptonian General piercingly. “After all the pain you’ve caused my daughters, not to mention…my _planet,_ I think cleaning out my garage and doing a couple house chores might be good for that inflated ego of yours.”

Astra looked stunned, blinking rapidly at Eliza’s sudden, if sort of domestic, aggressiveness. But she inclined her head after a moment, looking oddly chastised.

It was a strangely familiar look, and Alex cocked her head trying to place it. Once she finally did, she almost cackled—When Kara was sixteen, she’d been dating a boy who was a total ass around his friends, but turned into a sheepish, well-behaved young man around Eliza, hoping to impress her so that she’d allow Kara to keep seeing him. Astra…kind of reminded Alex of that boy right now. Scolded into being well-behaved so she could continue seeing Alex.

Not that Eliza knew anything about what was going on between them.

She hoped.

God, she really really hoped.

Still, though. Astra had lowered her head in what looked like genuine submissiveness at being scolded by Alex’s mother. She may as well have been a sixteen-year-old ass with a crush on a nice girl, trying to impress the parents with good manners.

And now having to do house chores as well.

Alex bit down on a grin, the idea of it making her feel a little bit better about being left out of Hank and Kara’s mission.

She brought herself out of her thoughts as she realized her family were all standing, goodbyes were being said, Eliza yanking Kara into her arms and holding her close.

“Be _safe,”_ she said sternly. 

“You too, Eliza,” Kara said, squeezing what had to be too tight as Eliza’s eyes bulged a little. She didn’t complain though, just looked a little relieved when Kara finally let go.

Astra stepped forward and took Kara’s arm, submissiveness in front of Eliza dissipating at the sight of another woman showering familial affection over _her_ niece.

(Alex was _really_ going to need to tell her to tone down the whole jealousy thing).

It was nice though, actually, seeing Astra take Kara’s face in her hands, murmuring something in Kryptonese, first making her smile softly, then making her roll her eyes.

“I _will_ be careful, Aunt Astra,” Kara griped fondly in English. Astra pulled her back in though, adding a few other urgent warnings in Kryptonese. It was both sweet and a little heartbreaking to see. But Kara finally got Astra to let go of her, and went to stand by Alex.

“Doctor Danvers,” Hank offered with a polite nod at Eliza, a sort of “thank you and goodbye” without actually saying the words. His jaw clenched when his eyes fell on Astra. “General,” he said. “I expect you’ll be on your best behavior.”

 _Otherwise I’ll rip your body in half,_ was the unsaid part there.

“And Alex,” Hank added. He hesitated, eyes narrowed, and his jaw clenched again. “You be careful.”

It sounded more like a threat than anything else. _Be careful, or else you get a time out and I’ll send you up to bed without supper._

She nodded, watching his gaze slide back over to Astra before he turned around to prepare, body shifting so he could once again be his true form, be J’onn.

“Alex,” Kara said, getting her attention. “Can you just—“ She jerked her head to the side. “Just—come over here—really quick?”

Alex frowned in confusion at her tone, but followed her a little ways away just the same. Maybe Kara was really afraid of this mission, maybe she really wanted to say goodbye more privately, maybe…

“Is there, uhm…” Kara began, and then trailed off. She pressed her lips together, then turned her head quickly, looking across the yard at Astra. She turned back to Alex, lips still together, crinkle deep as it had ever been. “Are you, like…” She turned to look at Astra again, and then back. “Is there…something…?”

“Kara, _what?”_ Alex prompted impatiently. 

Kara huffed. “Just…around my aunt…and last night she was kinda…and you…and just this morning…and you were both kinda…?”

Alex felt her pulse jump uncomfortably at her jumble of words—had Kara seen something, or heard something that happened between her and Astra last night? Or just now?

She opened her mouth quickly, not sure yet whether she was about to admit that she was falling very very hard and fast and completely head over heels for her sister’s Earth-invading aunt, or if she was about to deny everything that had ever existed in all of life, ever.

Luckily, Kara saved her by mumbling awkwardly, “Never mind. I just…” she snorted at herself, “I just thought something totally stupid for a second. Just…” she shook her hands in front of her, “forget I said anything, I’m obviously hallucinating. Never mind.”

“You sure?” Alex asked without conviction, so so _very_ relieved that had sputtered out before anything had actually happened.

“Yeah,” Kara said with one of those scoffing smiles that wasn’t really a smile so much as an _I want to get out of this situation as quickly and painlessly as possible, what have I done, why did I say words at all…_ Not a smile. It was an escape rope.

“Hey, listen though, don’t, um, don’t murder my aunt, while I’m gone, since I know you don’t really like each other,” Kara said, still kind of backing away with the escape-rope-not-smile. “Or, maybe don’t touch her at all. Or even be in the same room together maybe. Just for safety’s sake, obviously.”

“I mean, Mom wants us cleaning out the garage together, so…”

“Yeah, but you’re injured, you shouldn’t be doing that,” Kara babbled, the escape-rope-not-smile getting a little crazy intense. “I can…I can talk to her, so you don’t have to be around…I mean, you don’t even _like_ my aunt, right? Like, she’s dangerous and can’t be trusted, so you don’t _like_ her obviously, so it’s fine.” She laughed way too loud. “It’s totally fine. I don’t know what I was thinking, of course you can be in the same room together, that’s, I’m sure that’s just…everything’s fine.” She leaped forward, grabbing Alex in a very quick, bone-crushing hug. “‘Kay, gotta go! Bye!” she blurted out quickly, and then sprinted over to where J’onn was.

 _Shit,_ Alex thought as she watched the pair of them take off. Kara definitely knew.

*

“Kara definitely knows,” Alex grunted to Astra as she picked up a hefty carton of…really, just _crap._ Had her mom turned into a hoarder in the past few years?

“Kara definitely knows what?” Astra asked, grabbing the other side to help her.

“About…you know… _us,”_ Alex said awkwardly.

“What _about_ us?” Astra asked, one eyebrow lifting in the exact opposite of innocence.

Alex huffed in annoyance. “You _know_ what,” she mumbled. “Like, how we…” She trailed off. Actually, now that she thought about it, she wasn’t really sure _what_ the hell to call what was going on between the two of them. They weren’t exactly _together,_ not in any kind of official sense. They hadn’t had sex _(yet_ , Alex hoped desperately—they hadn’t had sex _yet)._ All they’d really done was kiss a couple times, and…well, tried to beat the living shit out of each other.

So Alex wasn’t really sure what to call that.

“…How you get really aggressively jealous anytime anyone else even _looks_ at me,” she finished with an attempt at snark, then winced as she misstepped and the weight of the carton shifted onto her bad wrist.

Astra hissed in sympathy. “I can take this for you,” she offered. “You’re just going to keep re-injuring yourself.”

“No, it’s fine,” Alex said, shaking her head. “And you need to stop doing nice things for me.”

Astra looked surprised. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean…” She laid the carton down on the ground beside all the _other_ junk they’d have to call in a service for, once people had their brains back, “…it just seems like you’ve constantly gone out of your way to be…I don’t know, to _help_ me. All the time. Even back at Fort Rozz, to some extent. And I just feel like all _I’ve_ really done for you is…stab you in the leg with a sword, and make you doubt this whole plan you’ve been developing for years. And, you know, I stand by my feelings about Myriad, but I don’t…I don’t like that you have to _hurt_ because of it. I was just thinking about it, and I don’t…I don’t think I’ve ever really done anything _nice_ for you.”

“You brought me water after your surgeons at the DEO cut all that Kryptonite out of me,” Astra countered quickly, almost like she had the memory immediately on hand.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Okay, _one_ thing.”

“You bought me pizza at your apartment—although we never got the chance to finish that, thanks to my husband,” Astra added, a little cheekily. Then she dipped her head slowly, more serious. “You talked to me, you listened to me, even when you disagreed. You were _there_ when I was at the DEO, you never left me alone. You cared. You made _me_ care.” She took a small step into Alex’s space, mouth curving a little mischievously, sliding her hands up to her hips and then frontwards to toy with the hem of Alex’s shirt. “You made me _want._ ” She leaned in and took Alex’s earlobe between her teeth, tugging gently before letting it go. “Maybe even made me _need.”_

Alex tried very hard not to shudder, especially when Astra started pressing kisses down the side of her neck and tugging playfully at the hem of her shirt again. She lifted her hand up automatically to bury her fingers in Astra’s hair and pull her in closer—and then realized they were very much in view of the house, and Eliza was in there, doing work, but if she happened to look out the window…

Alex pulled away, heart pounding from the closeness of Astra, how good she felt every time she touched her. 

“This might not be the best place for this,” she said, much to her own body’s displeasure. She let go of Astra and tucked her own hair nervously behind her ears. “But I was actually serious about wanting to do something nice for you. And…since we’ve both been relegated to useless civilians by J’onn and Kara…maybe we could do something a couple of useless civilians might do? Like, maybe when we finish here, we could go get drinks or something? I mean, we’ll probably have to drive a ways to make sure we’re out of range from the Myriad wave so there’ll actually be people with brains enough to take our order, but…I don’t know, do you want to go out with me? Or whatever?”

Alex winced at herself with the _Or whatever._ Probably could have done without that part.

Astra’s gaze fell to her lips, a small smile playing at her own. “I think that would be very _nice_ indeed, Agent Danvers,” she said.

*

Alex was really hoping for _class_ on her date with Astra. She’d never _romanced_ anyone before, _definitely_ not a Kryptonian General with family ties to some pretty important people back on Krypton. And granted, Astra was tough as nails, and had probably had to eat raw alien-animal meat that she’d killed with her bare hands during old missions, or something—Alex guessed, anyway, she wasn’t really sure how dire these situations were that she’d gotten herself into. But Alex still really wanted to find somewhere that might sort of be a reflection of how beautiful Astra was. _Class._

As it so happened, all the classy joints within nearly two hours of driving were closed, their owners probably figuring there was no point in staying open for the inevitable oncoming of a bunch of mindless drones.

So, they were left with the dregs, the owners of places that didn’t have the means to just up and leave. That or they were just stupid. Or stubborn. Or both. And they didn’t seem particularly friendly, and their places didn’t seem particularly clean.

“You know if you’d just take my cuffs off, I could have flown us somewhere by now,” Astra told her, looking over at her to watch her drive. 

“If I took your cuffs off, you’d be at Fort Rozz in a split second, morally wrestling over whether you should try to stop Kara, or help her, and you know it,” Alex countered. The sun was almost down, and she wasn’t big on driving around in the dark in a place she didn’t know. “Don’t pretend you’d use your powers for romantic dinners when there’s a world to either destroy or protect, depending on your viewpoint. I know you better than that.” She shrugged her shoulders up tightly. “Besides, I have no idea how the hell to get those things off. You’d need some kind of key or something. I _saw_ you trying to pry them off yourself and whack them apart with the hammer in my mom’s garage. If _you_ can’t get them off, I _definitely_ can’t. So you’re stuck with me.”

She saw Astra smile out of the corner of her eye, and then suddenly the backs of her knuckles were drifting softly down Alex’s cheek.

Alex flinched away a little bit. “Astra, this is like the sixth time I’ve told you to stop petting my face while I’m driving,” she mumbled. “It’s super distracting. If we wind up in a ditch, it’s going to be your fault, and you’re going to have to buy me a new car. Actually, I’m going to demand a motorcycle.”

That smile got brighter. Even out of her periphery, she could still see it.

“Invent a way to make yourself less beautiful, and I won’t have to touch your face anymore,” Astra challenged, not taking her hand away, fingers tracing at her jaw line.  

Alex felt her face go bright red. The number of times she’d blushed in the few short months she’d known Astra was greater than the number of times she’d blushed over the course of her entire _life_. And she’d been a fairly shy kid in her younger years. So this was just…embarrassing.

“You can’t just _say_ stuff like that,” she grumbled, grip tight on the wheel. 

“Stuff like what?”

“Like, that I’m…beautiful…or whatever.” She mumbled as quietly as she could over the word _beautiful._ That was the one that kept tripping her up. She knew she was good-looking, at least good _enough._ But… _sunsets_ were beautiful. Crashing ocean _waves_ were beautiful. 

 _Astra_ was beautiful. 

It just wasn’t quite the right word for _her_.

“But you _are_ beautiful,” Astra argued lightly, tucking Alex’s hair behind her ear. “Alexandra, if you could see yourself right now…” she sighed fondly, “you’d probably be stroking your face too.”

Alex snorted, because sometimes Astra actually was good at teasing, and she could see that that smile had turned into a grin out of the corner of her eye. She still twitched away from Astra’s fingers with an exaggerated nose wrinkle, and nodded at one of the bars up ahead.

“What do you think?” she asked. “Does that one look sort of halfway decent?”

“It looks _exactly_ sort of halfway decent,” Astra afforded. 

And it _was_ exactly sort of halfway decent. Basically just a bar, but with a small dance area down below, comfortable booths, dim lighting, and—well, not Alex’s _favorite_ music in the whole world, but it was alright.

The two of them were led to the booth nearest the steps that would take a person down to the dance area if they were so inclined. The music being pumped down there was much louder, and Alex could practically feel it coming up through the floorboards under her feet.

She grinned awkwardly at Astra as they sat down and were handed a couple menus consisting mostly of burgers, cheese sticks, and every alcohol under the sun.

“Is this okay?” she asked Astra as the waiter walked away.

“Well everyone here still seems to have their brains in order, if nothing else,” Astra answered lightly, casting her gaze around. “Relatively, anyway.” Her eyes were pointed at a group of frat boys and sorority girls who seemed to be bound and determined to drink themselves into a coma. It wasn’t even eight o’clock. They were giving _college Alex_ a run for her money.

Seeming to read her mind, as she often did, Astra looked back at Alex, expression careful. “Are _you_ okay to be in a place like this?” she asked. She hurried on at Alex’s curious look. “I just remember that your landlord had mentioned something about…the way you used to drink.”

“Astra, I’m fine,” Alex assured her, a little defensively. “I know how to control my drinking now, it’s no big deal.”

Astra reached over and skimmed her fingers over Alex’s injured wrist. “I think your arm might disagree with you,” she said. “Starting a barroom brawl with an alien twice your size isn’t exactly indicative of consistent sobriety.”

“It wasn’t a barroom brawl, I’m pretty sure it was outside in the street.”

Astra afforded her a small smile.

“Besides,” Alex added, “if anyone needs to be watching anyone’s alcohol consumption here, it should probably be me watching you. You’re as susceptible as a human with those cuffs on. Although it could be pretty hilarious.”

“Hm,” Astra said noncommittally, then stood. “Probably best if neither of us drinks at all, then.”

“What’re you—“

Astra took her hand and pulled her up, leading the way down the steps to the dance area. They were blocked by a man…frankly, about the size of the alien Alex had decided to take on at the bar those few days ago.

“Cover’s twenty,” he said.

Alex grumbled, but reached into her pocket anyway, drawing out a bill and handing it over. Regretfully. _Twenty? Really?_

Really. The bouncer stepped aside and let them pass, setting them free onto a dance floor packed with sweaty bodies, pounding music, and sporadic slices of bright blue and red for lighting. Astra held tight to her hand, pulling her toward the floor.

“You know you can ease up a little on the grip there,” Alex told her, loudly so she could her over the music. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Astra’s grip on her loosened almost immediately, and she stopped, barely an inch before the beginning of the pounding mash of bodies, and turned to look at her, brow creased in a manner that was very, _very_ Kara-like.

“I’m sorry,” she said, tone serious. Alex stepped in closer so she could hear. “I…I heard what you said before. When you told me I didn’t need to be jealous around Maxwell Lord. Or…anyone, I suppose. But I just…” The trailing off, the fidgeting, the cast-down eyes, and then the cast- _up_ eyes, all very _not_ Astra. And ridiculously endearing. 

“I just don’t know how to do this,” Astra confessed after a moment, and either she was blushing, or the red from the pulsing lights just really had her at a very exact angle. “I don’t know how to want someone the way I want you. Because I understand so clearly _why_ others would want you, and I…I just want you to know that none of them could possibly…” She huffed, and looked down at her hands. “No one could _possibly_ want you, or need you, or care for you, the way I do.” She stepped into Alex, weaving their fingers together, and dipping her head, pressing her mouth to Alex’s ear. “I’d do anything for you, Alexandra,” she said, and a shiver ran up Alex’s spine because that was so incredibly sexy, but also, it was so incredibly _sincere._  

Alex bit down on her own lip to contain every other bodily reaction she had to that, and leaned into the press of Astra’s mouth against her ear. “Anything but admit that mind-controlling my planet is a bad idea, is that it?” she teased. 

She felt teeth smiling against her skin, and then teeth sinking affectionately—and a little punishingly—into her earlobe. “I thought we were here for you to be _nice_ to me,” Astra teased right back. “Besides…I don’t want to talk _morals_ in a place like this. Unless you’re interested in starting another barroom brawl, with _me_ this time.”

Alex grinned, and yanked her onto the dance floor, deciding that dancing with her was going to have to be the alternative to arguing, or fighting this time around.

(Or to getting too choked up on Astra’s confessions about wanting her that were too honest and too close and too much exactly the way Alex felt…)

Yes, dancing was going to have to be the alternative to that.

And it was almost a good alternative. Pulling Astra into her, hands on her waist, sliding back and around, forcing their hips together, the entire length of her body pressed up against Astra’s as they moved to the music, air thick and hot around them, between them…it was almost heavenly. Almost heavenly when Astra made her way behind Alex and slipped her arms around her waist, pulling her back against her chest, and letting her hands wander as they swayed to pounding beats. 

Almost heavenly.

Except that the pulse of other bodies—the pulse Alex had felt night after night after night in her college years, losing herself blindly, for no other reason than to feel lost among other lost people—that pulse no longer fit, and she wanted a pulse of her own, a pulse that belonged only to herself, and to Astra.

Which was how she found herself in one of the emptier corners toward the back of the dance floor, Astra pushed up against the wall, mouth hot and hungry on hers. And _there_ it was, _there_ was that pulse she was looking for, the way there was a rhythm to the way they pushed against each other, slow but by _no_ means gentle, hands grasping at clothes, tugging irritatedly at them, giving up and reaching _under_ clothes at the waist, up at the ribs, around their backs when they both had the ability to reason that shedding clothes _here_ was not the way to go.

Too lost in each other, Alex didn’t even sense the way the crowd was getting thicker by the moment as more people arrived on the floor to dance, and she very nearly bit straight through Astra’s lip when one of the large frat boys they’d seen earlier crashed into them, drink flying and drenching them both in something abjectly foul-smelling.

Alex shoved him back, and he stumbled into the crowd with a dopey grin, at this point too drunk to even be aware of the fact that he’d smacked right the fuck into them and fucking drenched them in whatever he was drinking.

When Astra looked like she was going to follow up Alex’s shove back to the boy with a full on breaking of his face, Alex gripped her hard and pushed her back against the wall.

“How ‘bout, um,” Alex started, bringing her hands back again to tuck her hair awkwardly behind her ears. She dropped them, let them skim absently down Astra’s arms. “What would you think about maybe going somewhere else. Um. Somewhere quieter. Or…more private, maybe, I don’t know.” She huffed.

Astra’s answer was made pretty clear when she pulled her into a _completely_ not-gentle kiss—one that actually may have bruised—and then began dragging her through the crowd toward the exit.

That being one of the most positive things ever to happen in Alex’s life, she supposed it shouldn’t have come as any surprise to her when a sudden tremor shook the floor and walls around them with a _bang_ , knocking the majority of the dancers to the floor with the force of impact. A second shockwave thundered through, blowing the fuses out, pitching the dance floor into total darkness, and silence. 

Aside from the screams and the thump of bodies falling to the floor.

Astra gripped her hand tight, keeping them both standing, maybe the only ones on the entire floor.

“What the hell was that?” Alex breathed, knees bent in the event of a third tremor. She wasn’t the only one to utter the phrase as the crowd around her began crawling clumsily to their feet. She could practically feel the hum of nervous energy from everyone else, sensing a mass panic about to ensue, a mass rush for the exit, to the stairs. Bodies would fall under bodies. And who knew what would happen if any other tremors rolled through.

“Everyone stay calm!” she shouted above the crowd, depending on the steadiness of her voice to carry at least enough to get everyone’s attention.

And she did get their attention—none of it positive. 

“And who the fuck are you?” someone shouted out, and “Why the hell should we listen to you?” and another couple like-minded sentiments.

Everyone shut up and then screamed again when another tremor slammed through, this one shaking loose one of the rafters from the ceiling, so that it landed to the floor with a crash, half-blocking the exit. Alex heard wild smashing and thumping above her—not just patrons from the upstairs trying to get out, but cars screeching up above from the streets outside. Whatever these tremors were, they were rippling through the entire town.

“I said everyone shut up!” Alex shouted again. “My name is Special Agent Alex Danvers! I’m going to get you all out of here, but every one needs to _calm down,_ and listen to me!”

Astra held her arm as another smaller shockwave went through, stabilizing her.

“Everyone, phones out,” Alex ordered once it passed, hand turning to grip Astra’s arm in silent thanks. “Get some light in here.”

Obediently, dozens of phones were held high in the air, screens providing a pale blueish film of light that illuminated at least a couple feet in every direction. 

Alex held up Astra’s hand, hoping the glow of green Kryptonite in her cuffs would shine brightly enough for everyone to see. 

“Now I want you all to follow the green,” she ordered. _“Slowly._ We’re going to get you out of here.”

Astra looked at her, jaw working, and then gave a sharp nod, allowing Alex to lead her toward the exit, her hand held high for people to follow. The press of bodies was close and tight, the slowness Alex had demanded making everyone’s nerves fire. That instinct to run these people had was only barely being kept in check, and Alex could tell by the palpable tension that it wouldn’t hold long.

Still, they made it to the bottom of the stairwell. As Alex had guessed, one of the rafters had fallen across the doorway, blocking it. What she _hadn’t_ guessed was that it was not just _one_ rafter. Rather, it was a large chunk of the entire ceiling.

What they were left with as an exit was a small hole, about double the width of Alex’s shoulders, reaching only up to Alex’s waist. 

Shit.

Astra looked at her, jaw clenched. There was a tightening of her grip on Alex’s raised hand, and for a moment, Alex thought she was going to suggest, or maybe even demand, that she and Alex make their escape, and leave the rest of the worthless humans to rot.

Instead, Astra swallowed tightly, giving another small nod, encouraging her, trusting her leadership. Alex held her hand tighter.

“One by one,” she said, turning to the crowd. “Slowly. Do not push one another, do not fight, do not run. The angle of the cave-in’s solid enough it should stay open for us, but if anyone bangs into anything, you’re going to get us all trapped in here. So keep it slow. Everyone understand?”

There were murmurs of acknowledgment, and they began to fall in line. There _was_ pushing, and there _was_ shoving, because that was just the nature of the beast. But nothing that would exacerbate the cave-in. In theory, nothing should make that worse, except…

Another small tremor rolled through. Everyone was able to catch themselves from falling completely, but the small exit hole they had had just shrunk significantly, and the rafters remaining in the ceiling above were beginning to crack.

“Okay, maybe a little faster,” Alex said quickly, waving them through one by one. “Little faster than that.”

Continuing to hold Astra’s hand high for everyone to see, and she kept her eye on the cracks of the rafters. No more tremors, she prayed, _no more tremors._ They were fucked if there happened to be another one.

Just hold off, she pleaded with whatever higher force there was—even if that higher force was literally just the ceiling above. Just hold off till everyone is through…

She could barely look as people squirmed their way through the hole, grateful when those few who had gotten out turned back to help pull others through. She watched as pinpoints of light—phones—disappeared one by one, until they were almost all gone, until it was only her, and Astra, left beneath.

Only her, Astra, and the drunken frat boy who had bumped into them before. He struggled to get through the unstable exit, foot catching on something. Alex saw panic shoot through him at the realization he was caught and she released Astra’s hand to steady him.

“It’s okay,” she shouted as something rumbled overhead again. Shitshitshitshit. “There’s just something caught on your leg. I’m gonna pull it off you, and you’ll be just fine to get through, okay? But I need you to hold still.”

He whimpered something, but it was hard to hear as the rumble grew louder, and the crack in the ceiling snapped farther. Okay. Okay okay. She pulled at the fallen piece of ceiling the boy’s pant leg was caught on, then tugged harder when it held firm. 

“Alex, we don’t have time…” Astra pleaded.

“We’re getting him out,” Alex gritted out, pulling again. “We’re getting all of them out. We’re saving _all_ of my people. _All_ of them.”

Astra looked down at her, muscles in her jaw twitching, pulse visibly pounding at her temple. But she nodded again, and crouched down beside Alex, helping her tug the pant leg until it ripped free—and with it, a good chunk of skin from the boy.

He cried out in pain, but squirmed forward on his belly at Alex’s word, wriggling through the hole to safety. Once out, he turned around, reaching his hands through the hole toward them.

“Grab on, I’ll pull you through!” he shouted.

Astra looked at Alex. “You first,” she said, sweat on her brow.

“Like I’d ever leave you,” Alex grunted, and shoved her toward the exit. 

She needn’t have bothered—the rumble turned into a roar, and the rafters fell in with a room-shaking _crash,_ trapping the two of them in there completely.

This wasn’t exactly what Alex had meant when she’d suggested they find somewhere more private.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST WANTED THEM TO GO ON A DATE, OKAY? But then chaos ensued, and nobody got what they wanted. (At least I got to live out my headcanon of Astra petting Alex's face at inconvenient times, so that makes me happy. Self-indulgence is nice). 
> 
> Unrelated note, I had a dream a couple days ago that a crocodile left a comment on this fic, and I was really excited about it cuz like, if a crocodile likes your writing, that’s pretty cool, right? Right. So, y’know, if any one of you actually happens to be a man-eating reptile reading this fic, thanks. You’re the best. 
> 
> (Those of you who aren’t crocodiles are cool too, I guess)
> 
> Hang in there, everybody, I promise this will have a happy ending soon. Or, soon-ish anyway. Soon-adjacent.


	17. Worth It

“You know, if you’d just removed my cuffs when I’d suggested it…”

“Astra, please,” Alex grumbled, holding up the flashlight on her phone to see if there was anything in the structure of the cave-in that might lead to some means of escape, rather than death by crushing, or death by suffocation.

Astra was running her hands along the borders of the cave-in as well, the Kryptonite in her cuffs glowing almost tauntingly at them. “I’m only saying that I could have gotten us both out of here by now if I didn’t have all this Kryptonite strapped around my wrists,” Astra said. She huffed. “I even could have gotten all your fellow humans out as well,” she mumbled indulgently. “If my niece and your Director had only trusted me, we wouldn’t even be _here_ at all. We’d be at Fort Rozz, doing something _useful.”_

 _“Useful_ to who, Astra?” Alex asked seriously. She dared to touch her hand to a slab of sheetrock, and immediately pulled away when it shifted threateningly. “To us, or to the Myriad effort?”

“How can you even ask that, Alexandra? What Non and Indigo have done was _never_ what I wanted, I told you that.”

Alex frowned curiously, a patch of skin on her palm nearly catching on a nail. “Assume for a second that Kara defeated Non and Indigo, but the Myriad signal was still active,” she said to Astra. “Would you try to help her _stop_ that signal, or would you go ahead with your initial plan, let it play out?”

Astra was silent a long moment, fingers exploring a new angle to the cave-in.

Alex nodded, turning to face her. “See, that hesitation there, that’s why J’onn wouldn’t let you out of those cuffs,” she said. “He can’t trust that you’re not still a threat.”

“And you don’t trust me either,” Astra inferred coldly.

“I _trust_ that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt _me,”_ Alex said. “I _trust_ that you would never allow me to take these Myriad blockers out of my ears for the rest of my entire life so long as the signal was active. You’d keep _me_ safe. And…” she licked her lips, feeling them dry. Feeling simultaneously cold and warm squirminess in her gut. “In a really selfish way, part of me almost likes that idea, that I’m… _special…_ to you. That’s not…”

Astra blinked slowly at her, eyes soft.

“I don’t know,” Alex said, looking down. “That’s not a familiar feeling to me. To have someone see me as that…important. Like _I_ matter more than anyone else. _No one_ has ever made me feel like that, not the way you do. And, yeah, selfishly, Astra, I…I kinda love that you see me that way.” She fidgeted. “I see _you_ that way. But this is about my _home_ and my _people._ The idea that, barring what Non and Indigo are doing, you would still use the Myriad wave for your ‘greater good’ version of keeping this planet alive… _that’s_ what I can’t trust. Because it means you don’t trust my people. And if you don’t trust them, you don’t trust me.”

“I’m trying,” Astra said firmly, honestly. “But it’s hard to, given the direction your planet is headed, the things your people do. I know you see it too, Alexandra, it’s why you fight so hard to keep my niece safe. My niece, who is physically indestructible on this planet. But your instinct is still to protect her, because you know the darkness in people, and you don’t want it touching her.”

“I…” Alex looked down, frustrated. Then she sighed. “You’re right,” she admitted. She raked her fingers back in her hair, like clearing her vision might clear up her mind somehow. “You’re right, I _do_ see darkness in people, and I _do_ want to protect Kara from it, but she’s…she’s not as innocent as you and I try to act like she is. She’s kind, and she’s hopeful, and she’s sweet, but she’s not stupid. She _does_ see the darkness in people, but she _chooses_ to bring out the good in them. And people see her, and they _choose_ to follow her example. It’s…you’re right, I’m like you, I worry a lot that people aren’t strong enough to make the right choices, to do what’s right for the world, but…ever since Kara became Supergirl, I’m starting to see things a little differently. Given the option, I think…I think most people really _do_ want to do right by each other. And, yeah, maybe they need a push sometimes, but Kara…that’s what Kara _does._ She’s a hero, and people see her and they choose to be like that. If Myriad takes away everyone’s ability to choose the way she does, then they may as well be dead. It’s almost no better than what Non and Indigo are doing.”

Astra was looking at her carefully, eyes somewhat piercing.

“Sorry, that…got a little preachy,” Alex mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck self-consciously. “Having a superhero for a sister’s making me…weird.”

Astra’s eyes softened again.

“But Astra…seriously, after _twelve years_ of being on Earth, you’ve really never seen goodness in humans? Ever?”

“I’ve seen families protect one another,” Astra said carefully. “But that isn’t goodness, or selflessness—that’s an evolutionary trait to be found in all mammals.”

“And what about…firefighters? Police? Soldiers? Doctors? They help people they don’t know.”

“They are compensated for their work,” Astra said, “which allows them to pay for housing, food, and families if they have them. Which, again, is an evolutionary trait. There’s nothing inherently noble about it.”

“They could choose to be compensated for something _else,”_ Alex pointed out. _“_ They could choose to do things with their lives that _don’t_ help others. But that’s that _choice_ again, Astra. Myriad would take that away. Humans are…well, we’re complicated. We’re capable of so many horrible things, but there are people out there— _humans,_ who are like Kara—who inspire the good to come out.” She squeezed Astra’s hand, cocking her head appealingly. “We’re not just your every day kind of mammals. We choose who we are. We can save ourselves if you just…if you’d just trust all of us, the way you trust me.”

It felt weird to say it. To sound…optimistic about the human race. Alex wasn’t sure she’d necessarily call herself _cynical_ about mankind, but she often doubted the idea of inherent goodness. Most times she saw her own failings enough that they ended up reflecting in other people. 

Stupid Kara, though, making her feel _hope._ All the damn time.

Or maybe even stupid Astra, making her defend her people, making her actually _try_ to see good in them, and justify it.

“I’m trying, Alexandra,” Astra said finally, voice quiet. “I want to trust. This is my home too, I _want_ to be a part of it, to be a part of you.”

“But you don’t want to lose this place,” Alex finished for her, nodding understandingly. “I get it. I promise, I get it. But this isn’t Krypton. Remember, Kara saw the end of her world too. She knows bad decisions were made there. But she’s not going to let that happen here. Neither am I. And…hopefully, neither are you.”

Astra sighed and looked at the caved-in door. “Well you and I might have trouble stopping _anything_ that’s happening if we’re trapped in here the rest of ours lives,” she pointed out. She squinted searchingly. “Maybe if we—“

They both jolted as another tremor went shooting through—although this one seemed to be coming from directly above them, isolated to just over the caved-in stairwell.

There was shouting again, but this time it was only one voice, and while the tone rung urgent, there didn’t seem to be outright panic.

Astra and Alex glanced at each other warily before Alex took a step closer to the cave-in, looking up.

Bad idea—there was a cacophony of pounding and clanging overhead, and then several chunks of sheetrock began raining down on Alex’s head.

Astra’s hands clamped down around her arms, yanking her back protectively behind herself, backing them both away several steps.

There was a sudden, sharp call from right above them, and the pounding stopped, the crumble of drywall trailing off with it.

There was more muffled shouting, and Alex was pretty sure she made out the words “…you idiot!”

Alex moved to get closer, to try to hear better, but Astra’s fingers were digging into her arm, not letting her go. She allowed the hold for a moment, because it was firm, and secure, and she liked the feel of it, but she pulled out of it eventually taking a few cautious steps toward the stairwell.

“Hello?” she called up through the fallen ceiling. 

A small clump of drywall broke off at the sound of her voice, and she sidestepped so it wouldn’t hit her.

And then she heard the muffled shout from above again. Maybe a “hello” back? She couldn’t quite tell. After a pause, the muffled calls came again, maybe a full sentence, and then silence. Silence, like whoever was up there was waiting for a reply.

Alex wasn’t really sure what she was supposed to be saying, and she was concerned about the ceiling continuing to collapse anytime sound was made, so she kept her mouth shut, looking back at Astra with confusion.

There was another shouted sentence, and then all of a sudden, that cacophony from above was back in earnest, and Alex leapt backward beside Astra as the cave-in slid and thundered and pounded downward, slabs of roofing coming down fast and hard enough it probably would have broken Alex up a bit had she still been under that.

“They’re trying to dig us out,” Alex realized as, even though the rest of the cave-in was collapsing randomly, the source of the pounding was from one very exact point.

“So far I’d say they’ve mostly only succeeded in burying us in farther,” Astra mused. “Not to mention almost crushing you.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” Alex offered, and she was pretty sure the corners of Astra’s mouth curved up briefly. 

Another slab of sheetrock fell in with a thundering crash, and Astra raised her arms up as if to shield Alex—so Alex tackled her at the waist to get her out of the way of the fall, pinning her down under her onto the floor.

She panted down angrily at Astra as the dust cleared, shoulder throbbing dully from where some of the debris had ricocheted off and hit. “You aren’t invincible anymore,” she said roughly. “If something falls, it’s going to hurt you, do you get that?”

Astra stared up at her, eyes wide with either surprise, or pain, it was hard to say. “Well, it’s like I said,” she breathed, “if you’d just taken my cuffs off when I’d suggested it…”

Alex huffed in annoyance, less so when Astra’s eyes glinted teasingly at her. They both sat up and disentangled themselves from each other…kind of…Astra still had her fingers curled in the lapels of Alex’s jacket, and Alex still had her arm around Astra’s waist.

Astra nodded toward the back of the room as another small shower of debris came down. “The beams are stronger over there,” she said. “We might want to go—“

She was interrupted once more by another waterfall of roofing, and then beams of light were being shone down on them from the outside. All at once there was a rush of cold air tunneling down toward them, strong and fresh, kicking up dust, but also clearing Alex’s lungs.

“You alive down there?” a man called down to them.

“No thanks to you,” Astra muttered, but Alex ignored her, scrambling to her feet.

“We’re alive!” she called up. 

“We’re gonna lower a rope!” the same man called down to her. She squinted up, seeing the faces of about twelve people she’d previously been dancing amongst. “Firefighters’ve got their hands full, there’s a bunch of damage on the west side of town, but if you can climb…?”

Alex thought about her wrist and her shoulder, and wasn’t all that hyped about climbing a rope two stories straight up with falling debris around them all, but she didn’t see much of a choice. She looked back at Astra and nodded. “Alright, we’re ready,” she called up finally.

She dodged as said rope came tumbling down to her, nearly hitting her in the head.

“The cavalry definitely leaves something to be desired,” Astra murmured, looking up.

“I think half of them are still completely wasted,” Alex said, taking hold of the rope and squinting up again.

“Our rescuers are the same bumbling idiots that couldn’t even hold a drink steady in their hands fifteen minutes ago?” Astra asked disbelievingly. “That sounds promising.”

Privately, Alex agreed with her, but things being what they were…the last thing she wanted was to be trapped underneath a collapsed club while the world outside was slowly but surely turning to shit.

“You’re going first,” Astra informed her as Alex turned to hand her the rope. “If I’m not allowed to save you from falling debris, the least I can do is let you go first.”

Before Alex could protest, Astra had taken hold of the rope and started tying it around Alex’s hips, pulling it tight, bringing them close in a _very_ not gentle way. “If they drop you, I revoke all steps I’ve taken toward alliance with the humans and will kill them all myself,” she said.

“If they drop me, you have my full permission to do so,” Alex agreed, and yanked the rope to signal she was ready to go.

The rope tightened roughly around her, digging painfully into her hips as she was lifted from the ground. She gripped it tight in both hands, flailing her legs to find some sort of support against the walls. Then she realized the walls were in no shape whatsoever to provide any kind of support, so she wound her grip around the rope even tighter, trying to use her upper body to hold herself up slightly so the rope wasn’t digging into her hips or squeezing the air from her at the waist.

Her wrist and shoulder were doing her no favors in this particular endeavor. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she dug down and pulled herself up as the people above did the same. She hated to think about what this pressure might be doing to her internal organs—in pique physical form, she’d led many a mission that involved this type of rope work, whether dropping, climbing, zipping, what the hell ever…but the DEO always provided the right type of gear for all that. This was very simply a rope around her waist, and it was cutting off her ability to breathe while somewhere between twelve and fifteen drunken club-goers pulled her up sixty feet in the air.

At long last, she reached the top of the hole her saviors had blast open for her and Astra, and she gripped the edge hard, pulling herself up, grateful when strong hands assisted her. Gasping for air, she curled over the edge, tugging at the knot Astra had secured around her waist, freeing herself from it while someone rolled her away onto more sturdy ground.

“You okay?” someone asked, and she nodded impatiently, holding out the end of the rope to whoever seemed to be somewhat in charge here. 

“All good,” she breathed somewhat unconvincingly. She pointed, breathless, toward the hole. “Now her.”

She watched as the rope was lowered again, crawling on her belly toward the edge to make sure she could see Astra hooking herself up to it, tugging on it to signal her readiness. She wanted to grab hold of the rope herself, pull her up all by herself, be the hero in this situation, some kind of ridiculous savior fantasy that maybe seemed a little misplaced given Astra’s role in all this.

But she let those who already had hold of the rope continue to do the pulling. All she’d manage to do at this moment would just be to get in the way. Still, she stretched her hands over the edge toward Astra, something fluttering in her chest when Astra let go of the rope with one hand to try to reach back toward her.

Which was when the rope snapped. 

Not all of it. It still held together by a thin strand, and Astra’s hand whipped up to the sturdier half of it, eyes wide and panicked as she tried to pull herself up.

Astra was strong, but she wasn’t invincible anymore. Astra was strong, but she was injured. Astra was strong, but she was scared. Astra was strong, but her muscles were trembling.

“Grab onto my ankle!” Alex shouted to one of them men. “Help me reach her!”

This one was either sober, or at least sober _enough_ because he wasted no time in getting to her, helping secure her so she could reach down, stretching her hands, her arms, now her entire body as far as it could go.

Astra grunted as she stretched her arm upward, and Alex felt her heart lurch painfully each time their fingertips came into contact for only the briefest of moments before they drifted apart again.

“I’ve got you!” Alex shouted to her, even as they missed each other once more. But Astra nodded frantically, reaching up again, grasping almost blindly. This was not the type of fall a human—or, more specifically, a Kryptonite-drained Kryptonian—just _bounced back from._ This was the kind of fall that could break a body apart.

“Come on, Astra,” Alex grunted frantically, leaning her entire body weight forward, trying to signal to the guy holding her leg to ease her down even farther. She gritted her teeth, feeling every muscle strain, and then let out an involuntary cry of relief as her hand closed around Astra’s forearm, Astra’s hand closing in kind around hers.

“We got her!” Alex shouted out breathlessly. “Pull up, we got her!”

She grunted again as she was pulled up, Astra’s full weight now in her hands. And her hands—they were way too sweaty, she was so afraid she’d drop her, god, what if she dropped her…

But there were now several hands on her, pulling her up, others reaching down to secure Astra, pull her up as well, and they both rolled over away from the edge, panting. Alex pulled Astra all the way into her, heart pounding as Astra wrapped her arms around her, burying her head in her neck. Alex held her tight, fingers burying into her hair, making sure every inch of Astra was safe in one piece, safe in one piece and in her arms.

She ignored the hands that were reaching down to try to help her to her feet, finding she’d much rather just stay here, on the ground, with Astra, making sure she was safe for the rest of her life. She pulled away from her just enough so that she could take her chin with one hand and crush their lips together in not so much of a “thank god you’re alright” kiss as an “I’m going to make everything bad that just happened disappear by smashing my face haphazardly into yours” kind of a kiss.

She heard a smattering of whooping around her, and…applause, actually, and the voice of their very favorite frat boy shouting, “TRUE LOVE! WE JUST SAVED TRUE LOVE, YOU GUYS!” And then further drunken applause at his proclamation.

Alex couldn’t even find it in herself to laugh, just kept pressing her lips to Astra’s, breathing into her, sealing that breath between them, then setting it free for a moment before trapping it between them again. Sharing breath like that…she felt like she was whole.

*

_“Tremors are being reported across the United States, the source of which seems to be coming from a singular point in central California.”_

Alex turned up the volume of the car radio to hear better over the rush of wind coming in through the windows as she floored it for home. The glass of the windows had apparently shattered with the impact of the initial tremors, a fairly tame result as opposed to those cars on the outskirts of the town that had been flipped over completely.

Astra’s hand on her thigh gripped warmly, soothingly, as she tore down the highway.

 _“Experts are saying these tremors are likely due to a change in the frequency coming from what is now officially being referred to as the Myriad wave,”_ the radio reporter continued. _“While most of these tremors seem to have died off, there have been several cases cropping up toward the west coast of debilitating cranial pain. Theories are flying around, suggesting that these headaches may be due to change in frequency of the Myriad signal, that it is no longer tuned to manipulate brainwaves, but to apply an almost physical pressure to the brain itself. Government officials are taking steps to shut down—“_

The report cut out to static, and Alex breathed hard in barely-contained panic. If the force of those tremors had been enough to cause that damage out here, what might it have done to places closer to the source? 

Namely, to Midvale, to her home, to her mother.

She knew Astra could tell what she was thinking, and was grateful when she didn’t try to say anything, just kept her hand warm and comforting on her thigh.

*

All the lights to the house were out. 

And Eliza tended to keep lights out anyway—energy conservation, Astra should like that—but she never would have turned them all out knowing Alex would be coming home late.

Needless to say, there was a tiny, cold prickle of apprehension that began to tiptoe up Alex’s spine as she and Astra crept toward the house.

Turning the handle to the front door stiffly, she stepped inside the foyer and found that, yes, the entire place was empty. Nothing was broken, or misplaced, so there didn’t seem to have been a struggle—and Alex suddenly realized that her immediate assumption had of course been that her mother had been abducted in some way. There would be no reason or purpose for that, but it was still immediately where her mind went. She tried to calm herself, tried to reason with herself. 

But everything was just so different now. This wasn’t just _taking in a rogue alien_ like she’d done seemingly hundreds of times before with the DEO _._ This was the whole _world_. Or, it would be soon, anyway. Everything was heightened, everything seemed like danger at every single second…

So Alex practically jumped right the fuck out of her skin when her phone rang in her back pocket. Astra nearly did, too, seeming to barely check herself from tackling Alex to the floor to protect her from…something.

“Danvers,” Alex answered quickly into the phone, heart pounding in her chest, hard enough to break it, it seemed like.

_“Alex, it’s me.”_

“Kara.” Alex breathed a deep sigh of relief, seeing Astra do the same. “Are you okay? That wave—“

 _“We’re fine,”_ Kara said quickly. _“Me and J’onn are having to regroup at the DEO—Astra was right, we need our agents back in order to fight, there’s just too many at Fort Rozz. We’ve got to get Max Lord in, I…Rao, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we need him…”_

“Jagged pill, I know,” Alex agreed, rubbing her fingers at her temples. “Listen, Kara, have you heard from my mom? She isn’t at home, and I’m…I’m just worried…”

 _“Oh, she’s here with us,”_ Kara said. _“You didn’t get my message on the machine?”_

Alex looked over toward the very dead answering machine on the kitchen counter. “Power’s out,” she said. “So, no.”

_“Oh. Well J’onn and I came by earlier when the tremors went through. She’s at the DEO with us. We were gonna bring you and Aunt Astra too, but Eliza…she said you were both…doing errands? Or something?”_

Alex shot a quick look at Astra. “Yeah, we were…y’know, just gonna stock up on…stuff…” She cleared her throat. “We can meet you guys at the DEO in a couple hours though—I’m guessing there won’t be much traffic, if we head out now, we could probably get—“

 _“You should stay where Max knows he can get in contact with you,”_ Kara interrupted. _“You’re at least getting cell reception from the next town over, even if Midvale’s power’s out. Max won’t know how to contact me or J’onn, so it’s probably best if you stay put, if you can.”_

Alex sighed frustratedly, hating that idea.

 _“I know you don’t like staying put,”_ Kara placated, _“but you’re our best chance at contacting Max to get the rest of those Myriad blockers to the DEO agents. Do you think you can handle holding down the fort for at least a day or two? With, um…with my aunt? Who I’m assuming you haven’t killed…or anything…?”_

Alex looked over at Astra again, who was regarding her curiously, probably irritated that her super hearing was suppressed and she couldn’t listen in the way she would have otherwise.

“Yeah, we can stay put,” Alex answered finally. Regretfully. “But I want you to check in every two hours, understand? Every two, on the dot, or me and Astra are coming after you guys.”

 _“Got it,”_ Kara affirmed. She paused for a quick second, a tense, worried breath coming staticky through the phone. _“Stay safe, okay? Just call my name if you need me, I’ll be listening for you, I promise.”_

Alex nodded, before remembering Kara couldn’t see that. “Okay,” she said hoarsely. “I love you, Kara.”

_“I love you. I’ll check in soon.”_

Before Alex had the chance to remind her sternly to check in _every two hours on the fucking dot,_ Kara had hung up, pitching her back into silence.

“She’s alright?” Astra questioned behind her.

Alex let out a sigh, and turned to her, nodding, feeling a sudden burst of both exhaustion, and restlessness. 

“I think I hate having to save the whole world,” she grumbled. At Astra’s curious look, she added, “I’m good at…y’know, bringing in the bad guys. Tracking down hostiles, detaining them, _con_ taining them. Saving the populace in a sort of distant way. Where I don’t actually have to interact with them, I just know I’ve stopped the bad guy, so I’ve done my job, I’ve protected my people. Small scale.” She sighed again. “This just…feels like a lot. I guess it’s sort of what you must have felt back on Krypton. Or, here. Saving individuals almost doesn’t feel like enough, there’s a whole… _world_ to save, and it’s just…overwhelming.”

Astra pressed her lips together, a deep, thoughtful frown crossing her face, and her hands curled into fists at her side. Not angrily. Maybe self-consciously.

“Your people saved _us_ tonight,” she said quietly. Her jaw was working, like her mind was. She glanced up quickly at Alex, looking apprehensive—caged, in a way Alex hadn’t seen in a while.

“It gained them nothing,” Astra went on, sounding almost afraid. “They could have left us—they _should_ have left us. For their own safety.”

And Alex saw it, that grip on Myriad slipping just the tiniest bit. That night on the rooftop, when Astra had very first taken her to Fort Rozz, Alex had told her that her resolve was slipping, that she no longer _really_ believed in Myriad. Astra had been slipping then already, she had seen it. But that slip-up was because of _Kara_ , she didn’t want _Kara_ to be hurt by all this.

This was different. A handful of _strangers_ had just shaken her resolve. A handful of drunken strangers who had wanted nothing more than to help them just because…sometimes humans weren’t _all_ complete dicks.

Sometimes they were good.

Sometimes they were even heroes.

But Astra was still processing that, and Alex didn’t want to push the point in case it brought out that stubborn, rebellious streak that might make her re-tighten that grip on Myriad, just out of pride.

So she jerked her head toward the bureau in the dining room.

“Help me light a couple candles?” she requested. “So we don’t have to be hanging out in the dark?”

Astra nodded, still looking a little far away, a little confused, a little frustrated, but she followed Alex over to the dining room, taking the candles Alex handed her, placing them around the kitchen, the living room, the hall.

Meanwhile, Alex searched the drawers for the lighter, coming up empty-handed.

Astra was looking at her, a gentle slyness slipping out past her musings. “If only J’onn had trusted me enough to take these cuffs off,” she sighed dramatically, “I could have lit all these candles by now.”

Alex rolled her eyes at Astra’s tease, not finding it _funny_ or _adorable_ at _all_ , obviously, and closed her fingers around a matchbox, holding it up for Astra to see.

“First important scientific discovery of humankind,” she said, “ability to make fire. Most of us can even do it all by ourselves.”

She struck the match and lit the first candle showily, and Astra sidled up beside her, pressing in close.

“How primitive,” she purred fondly, stroking Alex’s hair. And Alex felt warm, and hot, and tingly, and…giggly, kind of, which was weird…and she squirmed her way out of Astra’s hold, pointing to the drawer.

“There should be a second matchbox in there,” she said. “Get to work.”

And, absolutely wonderfully enough, Astra struggled spectacularly with lighting a match. Couldn’t do it at all. At _all._ No matter how many times she struck the match against the rough side of the box, it either didn’t do so much as spark, or it would spark for a split second and then fizzle out almost immediately in a wisp of pitiful smoke.

“This was easier on other planets,” Astra grumbled defensively when Alex threw her a shit eating grin. “The atmosphere was more conducive to…”

“Yeah, yeah, move over, you useless alien,” Alex drawled with another grin, taking the match from  her and striking perfectly, lighting the candle with humanoid ease.

Astra made a sort of _hmph_ sound, and gazed around at the room, cast as it was now in warm, soft, muted yellow from a dozen candles or so, flickering with a subtle, comforting dance across every surface, including her own skin. Astra’s skin, all marred and dirtied from the climb out of the club, smudges on her cheeks, scraped-up arms, light rips in her clothes, and that flickering dance of light across her skin, catching in that streak of white in her hair, turning it gold…God, she looked beautiful.

“You’re staring, Agent Danvers,” Astra murmured with a small smirk.

Alex flinched, caught. “Yeah, well you’ve got dirt on your face,” she said quickly, “it’s distracting.”

So were her eyes, and the way she was just…glowing, the flickering light making her look like this force of pure, boundless _life._

Alex took Astra’s collection of failed attempts at lighting matches, and brought them over to the trash can in the kitchen, washing her hands quickly to get off at least a little bit of this grime, Astra following practically on her heels, doing the same. Still her shadow. Still always in some kind of contact, even just wrists against wrists.

“So,” Alex teased over her shoulder after a moment, toweling off her hands and turning for the living room, “now that you’ve seen some admittedly pretty drunken humans do some selfless, heroic things…are you less impressed with me? I’m not so unique or exceptional anymore?”

She yelped when Astra’s fingers curled into the back of her shirt, tugging her back against her chest, getting her arm around her waist. “There is _no one,”_ Astra hissed in her ear, “as exceptional as you.” She bit down softly, then harder, almost punishingly, and Alex gasped. “Not in this world. Not in any other.”

Alex shuddered when the biting became kissing, just beneath the short hairs at the back of her neck. “You’re just saying that because I kicked your ass _twice_ since you’ve been in the DEO’s custody,” she tried to snark, voice coming out hoarse.

Astra bit her again, fucking _hard_ this time _,_ and her grip around her waist tightened. _“Once,”_ she corrected. “What happened in your apartment was never able to play out in its entirety. I distinctly remember you deciding to simply lay on top of me instead of fighting, and then ordering pizza.”

Alex bit her lip in a grin, hands drifting up to close tightly around Astra’s arms at her waist. “Are you saying you want a rematch?” she asked.

“I don’t think you’re in any condition to take me on with that wrist of yours,” Astra hummed, dragging her lips along the sweep of her neck. “It’s your dominant hand, if I’m not mistaken. You might need that.”

Alex continued to grin, and began to angle both her hands on Astra’s arms. “Actually, kinda fun fact about me, General,” she said, “I’m ambidextrous.”

It must have taken Astra just a split second too long to absorb that information, because Alex was able to twist in her hold, getting an elbow back in between them, and prying herself out of Astra’s grip. _Gently-ish_ this time, because she wasn’t actually planning on an out-and-out fight at this point in the relationship, but—

Actually, no, scratch that, apparently Astra still had another fight in her because she had recovered and was pushing her back, hand clamping down hard over her throat as her back hit the wall. _And why did it feel so amazing to have that hand there, and to feel her head knock back against the drywall, and her breath choked off…?_

…Not amazing enough to _completely_ obliterate her ego though, because she knocked Astra’s hand aside and shoved her backwards toward the couch, following her down when the backs of Astra’s knees hit the edge, spilling them both back onto the cushions.

And there was no mistaking the laughter in Astra’s eyes as they grappled playfully, tumbling down onto the floor with what would end up being painful and bruised tomorrow, but was only painful and delicious right now.

Alex pinned her down, because it was kind of her favorite feeling, ever since that whole bo staff debacle, the first time Astra had stared up at her in shock, called her _Alex,_ looked like she wanted to stay frozen in the world of those few seconds forever—yeah, this was a favorite for Alex, and she leaned in, Astra meeting her halfway, crushing their lips together.

Astra flexed and arched under her, and Alex loved the way that she could feel the movement of almost every muscle in her body put into action, pulling her in, searching for more, some kind, any kind of _more._

She kept Astra’s wrists pinned above her head with her forearm, snaking the uninjured one down and then under Astra’s shirt, pushing it up to expose her midriff. She tried to break away from the kiss, wanted to see the skin she was baring, wanted to feel it, bite it—but Astra’s strong legs wound up around her waist, keeping her trapped between them, breaking one hand away from Alex’s hold and taking her face, pulling her back in to kiss deeper, harder, no art to it, just hunger. Alex moaned into her mouth, and Astra answered, kissing her like it was just as vital as breathing.

But Alex’s other hand still continued to wander up Astra’s abdomen under her shirt, fingers splayed and mapping every divot of muscle and bone, finally clamping down on her side, making Astra gasp and tense, breaking away abruptly with a completely uncharacteristic squeak.

Alex almost snorted. “You’re ticklish,” she laughed, delighted with this new information.

Astra glowered up at her for the briefest of moments before surging back up again to reclaim the kiss and shut her up, tugging at her lower lip with her teeth.

And god, that felt amazing, but Alex wanted that shirt off _now,_ wanted to get more bare skin under her _now,_ so she tugged again at the hem of Astra’s shirt, urging her up to sitting. Astra obeyed, and helped her pull it off over her head, over-eagerness resulting in it getting caught over her elbows for a moment and Astra growled irritatedly through the material over her face. Once it was finally off, she took the shirt and threw it as far away from them as she possibly could, like it was the most offensive thing she had ever been in contact with, and pulled Alex back in to her mouth—possessively, as if she was furious that even the _shirt_ had just tried to keep her and Alex apart. 

She really, _really_ needed to work on that whole jealousy thing if it was now being aimed at inanimate objects.

Alex tried to pull away again, because she wanted to take a second—just a fucking _second—_ to push Astra down and just _look_ at her, take her in, but Astra being Astra, was being completely uncooperative, what with the clinging, and the biting, and the hand she had fisting in Alex’s hair, so Alex got her hand around Astra’s throat and pushed down, applying just enough pressure to hopefully get her point across.

And Astra didn’t look _happy_ about being told no, but she obeyed, panting up at her somewhat angrily, and god, she looked so fucking gorgeous, lips swollen, color high in her cheeks, dark hair fanned out around her, skin still glowing, dancing in the flickering light…all that cliche stuff that was cliche for a _reason._ Made better, though, made so much better by the smears of grime, the cuts, the scrapes, the bruises—god, Astra’s body was littered with them. A few faint, old scars twisting up her ribs, the beginning of a long one starting at her lower left side, disappearing down under the waist band of her pants, probably skimming down along the inside of her hipbone under there, and Alex wanted to follow it right down, run her fingers along it, her lips along it, wanted to learn how Astra got all of them, wanted to soothe them, kiss them better, make new ones of her own, better ones, ones she could look at and admire always…

She groaned and ran her hands up along Astra’s sides, firm, and then curling briefly, scratching down just enough to make Astra hiss and arch at the tease. She flailed a little, grabbing blindly at Alex’s uninjured hand and covering it with her own, following its path up to her breast.

“Off,” Alex breathed, tugging at the top of her bra. 

Astra wasted no time sitting up, reaching around herself to get the hook undone while Alex dragged the straps down her arms, exposing her breasts—and Alex wasn’t sure why she was actually _blushing_ right now as she looked at them, feeling like she’d just been caught doing something bad…the shift in mood didn’t go unnoticed by Astra, who pursed her lips in amusement and took Alex’s hand, placing it over one of her breasts, gentle pressure encouraging her to squeeze. 

So Alex squeezed. And she palmed. And she kneaded. And Astra’s hand stayed over hers, following the motion, guiding it, and her legs tightened again, shifting and trying fruitlessly to rock into her. And Alex rolled the stiffening bud of her nipple between her fingers, pinching, drawing harsh, panted breaths from Astra, good but not good _enough_ —so she bent in, her free arm winding around Astra’s lower back to give herself an easier angle, latching her lips over the nipple of Astra’s other breast, sucking, then nipping, and Astra groaned loudly, throwing her head back in pleasure, bracing her free hand on the floor behind her so she could arch back, completely exposing her chest to Alex’s mouth and hand. After a moment, she lifted her head up, and took Alex’s chin in her hand, lifting that up to lock gazes with her while her chest continued to heave under Alex’s hand. Her gaze flickered down to Alex’s shirt, before snapping back up darkly to her eyes.

“If that shirt isn’t off you in three seconds,” she panted, “I will rip it off you, Kryptonite or no.”

Tempting to see her try. _Very_ tempting. More tempting to just yank it off herself, though, get them skin-to-skin faster, closer, _now—_

So, off. Off, _off_ , she hated clothes, why did anyone even fucking _wear_ clothes for how amazing it felt as Astra looped her arms around her shoulders, pulling them both off balance for a moment, but righting them when she lifted up to her knees, straddling Alex’s lap and pressing their torsos together, hot skin on hot skin, not sweating—not yet—just searingly hot, and pounding, and _alive_.

Alex’s hands wandered down to cup Astra’s ass, squeezing hard, and Astra arched into her again, her moan sounding more like a laugh this time, joyful, truly _happy_ right now to have Alex—

And Alex hesitated, because she wasn’t sure…she’d never actually really done this before. All of her sexual encounters thus far had been frustrating, humiliating disasters with the opposite sex, usually dulled by drink and smattered with a heavy dose of self-loathing.

So _this—this_ , which was the complete _opposite_ of _that—_ Alex had no idea— _no idea—_ what the hell she was doing, how the hell this could be real, and hers…

…And Astra was kissing her again, not those aggressive, commanding kisses from before, but just… _happy,_ and _excited_ , and _adoring_ , and Alex found herself being pushed down playfully this time, sharp nips along her jaw, sharp tugs at her hair…and then Astra’s fingers were toying at the zipper of her pants.

“Is this…” Astra breathed, circling absently at the button. Her hair, having been swept to one side when she’d pushed Alex down, fell like a dark waterfall around them, a soft curtain shielding them from the rest of the world. Her finger trailed, hesitant but somehow still confident, at the top of Alex’s fly. “Is this okay?” she asked.

Alex nodded up at her, maybe a little nervous, maybe a little frantic, and maybe it was because of those things that she flipped the two of them over again, getting Astra underneath her, where she could have just the slightest bit more control. Astra had said she’d never known desire before she came to Earth…but had she ever _tried_ being with anyone else? Just out of curiosity?

Had she tried being with Non?

Sudden anger kicked in her gut, and maybe Astra’s jealousy and possessiveness were catching, because Alex dove her hand down under the waist band of Astra’s pants, cupping her roughly, making Astra gasp in surprise.

 _“Alex,”_ she whispered, and it sounded like heaven, just one breath reassuring her that she was _hers,_ no one else’s. All the permission she needed to withdraw her hand and more properly unbutton and unzip, tugging Astra’s pants down, off her legs, cupping her again, and kissing her way more softly down Astra’s body.

And outside…outside, she _knew_ the world was caving in on itself. She _knew_ her grip on life was much less firm than it had ever been before. But gripping into Astra felt like gripping _back_ into life, and she just wanted every drop of that, every…

…Jesus Christ, _every drop…_ Alex groaned almost as loudly as Astra when her hand nestled between Astra’s legs again, finding liquid heat practically _dripping_ from her. _Every drop._ She bit and kissed and rubbed her face slowly between Astra’s hipbones just beneath her belly button, suddenly dazed and reduced to a whimpering mess as Astra’s scent hit her full-fledge, thick and sharp and overpowering.

She heard a whisper from up above her, and snapped her head up at the sound.

“What was that?” she asked, amusement clearing her head for just a moment.

 _“Please,”_ Astra choked out.

Alex bit her hipbone, then nipped downward and forward, just above the beginnings of the dark, wispy curls covering her center. The scent here, given off strong, trapped, intensifying by the second…Alex felt lightheaded, but continued to smirk nonetheless.

“Remember that time you told me you never begged?” she mumbled, not even sure Astra could hear it over her own mewls of want. It didn’t matter. _Alex_ remembered, that’s all that counted, and she couldn’t ignore that scent any longer, or the slick moisture far below at her center that…talk about begging… _truly_ seemed to be just begging to be licked up.

So Alex nuzzled in—a little uncertain, a little nervous, but wanting this too much to let her insecurities and doubts get the best of her this time. She inhaled wetly, moaning when Astra used her legs to pull her in tighter, and ran the flat of her tongue slowly, tentatively up Astra’s slit. Her eyes rolled back up into her head, sudden, strange pleasure slamming into her at the taste, the sharp, wet heat, that near-drowning sensation she felt as she repeated the motion slowly again, more confident this time, and again, and one more time, and then dipping lower, closer to the source, tongue probing at Astra’s entrance, searching. Her hand, with its fingers splayed across Astra’s lower belly, slid downward, thumb brushing down over that small, near-deadly bundle of nerves at the top of her slit, brushing lightly at first, then applying pressure, rubbing slow, upward circles.

Alex felt her world go suddenly very dark and very pressed as Astra’s legs reflexively drew her in deeper, tightening around her skull, enveloping her in soft skin, and trembling yet unyielding muscle—and there was a loud scrabbling above her as Astra must have been trying to find something to grab onto with her hands as Alex dipped down again, letting her tongue probe and flick experimentally at her entrance before drawing hotly up the length of her slit again, tonguing and sucking at the swollen nub above.

There were moans and gasps coming from above her, and Alex felt cheated, not being able to hear them from down here where Astra’s legs were wrapped around her, so she broke away and began dragging herself back up Astra’s body, lips skimming over skin that was finally beginning to shine with small beads of sweat. She could taste them, taste this new cocktail of Astra’s arousal, her sweat, her skin…hell, even the dirt and grime marring her flesh, small scrapes giving out the barest hint of salt and blood…all of these mixed together, all for Alex to breathe in and kiss and bite and lick and taste…

And finally she was back up, entire length of her body pressed down against the entire length of Astra’s, mouth hers to claim, slickly, clumsily, realizing that that heat and that wetness and that sweat and blood weren’t all just Astra’s, they were hers, and she felt her gut twist pleasantly—no, wonderfully, perfectly, agonizingly—and she just needed…needed to be inside Astra, feel her rare and overpowering desire from the inside…

She slipped one finger in slowly, and it went easily, but Astra still gasped sharply in surprise, the look on her face practically the mirror image of what it had been the first time Alex had pinned her down in the sparring room at the DEO. Shocked, dark, needy…Alex slipped a second finger in, and bit down on her own lip when Astra arched under with a pitiful cry, one that turned strangled and sharp when Alex crooked her fingers inside, drawing them out with difficulty as Astra’s walls clenched, trying to keep her in.

“Fuck, Astra—“ Alex cursed, feeling the muscles in her body strain unexpectedly, weakened by desire, strengthened by the need for more—she drove her fingers in again, slow, then out, then in, then twisting, curiously, needily, feeling sweat gathered at the base of her own neck, her back, between her shoulder blades, in her hair, entire body as engaged as it would have been had she been meeting Astra in battle.

She may as well have been, pressing into her, penetrating her…she ground down against her own hand, the one pushing into Astra, the one making her entire body tense, and writhe, and shake…

And then there were the sounds.

For a moment, she thought that Astra was just babbling nonsensically with pleasure—but then it suddenly dawned on her that it wasn’t just _any_ nonsensical babble—Astra had lapsed back into a breathy stream of Kryptonese. 

Alex’s fingers flexed involuntarily—much to Astra’s apparent pleasure—at the realization that Astra was so far gone she wasn’t able to get a _word_ out in English, only capable of breathing out ragged fragments of her own language, fingers raking up into Alex’s hair and sliding back down her neck, grasping wildly like no matter what she did, she couldn’t get enough of Alex, clinging and choking out broken Kryptonese phrases like they were the only thing that would keep her alive. 

Alex’s head swam with surprised pleasure, struggling through her haze to pick a few of the words out— _Rao_ made a frequent appearance, and of course, Alex’s own name gasped out in a tone that sounded an awful lot like praise—but she didn’t recognize a lot of the other words from anything Kara had taught her when they were children.

…Probably because none of those words would have been appropriate to teach.

Alex groaned and leaned in to bite at Astra’s collarbone, a reward for her breathless praises and curses that were apparently so intense she couldn’t find the words for them in English. It made the roiling storm of heat in her core twist like a tornado, feeling Astra’s hot breath against her skin, the desperate sound of her voice that didn’t even _need_ to be in a distinguishable language for Alex to understand— _Yes!_ and _More!_ and _Harder!_ and _Please, Alex, please! Don’t stop, Alex—_ and then a stream of words and exclamations Alex could only _imagine_ the meanings of—

—And then suddenly all it was was _Alexandra._ _Alexandra_ tumbling alongside strangled moans, and sharp hissing—each hiss accompanied by a dragging sting of pain as Astra’s fingers curled, blunted nails still finding the right angle to dig in and _claw_ down Alex’s back.

Alex cried out at the sickening twist of pleasure and pain, reflexively thrusting into her harder, biting into Astra’s neck and _sucking_ like her life depended on it, both a punishment and a reward for the pain. The heel of her palm ground down against Astra’s clit, fingers curling deep inside her only a split second after, and Astra arched nearly off the floor with a cry, fingernails digging in so deep Alex was sure they’d _scar._

 _Worth it,_ she thought breathlessly as Astra’s inner walls clenched and convulsed around her fingers, absolutely _drenching_ them with slick wetness as Alex continued to suck the patch of flesh on her neck between her teeth. She let go with a wet pop at the strongest of Astra’s convulsions, lifting her head up so she could watch her face while she came.

Fucking… _breathtaking,_ both soft and hard, lips parted to let loose her cry of release, but jaw muscles tight, veins standing out at her temples, one crossing down her forehead, eyes squeezed shut almost like she’d been trying to fight it, _and had lost, spectacularly._

Alex didn’t even have time to be smug because the last of Astra’s convulsions caused her to roll right into her at just the right angle, and her thigh trapped her in again, grinding up, pulling down, and Alex’s movements against her jerked out of her control and she clenched, rutting down _hard,_ crying out and sinking her teeth into Astra’s shoulder as she rode out the waves of her own orgasm.

More stunned than anything else, Alex pitched forward at the last of them, tumbling onto her side, then onto her back beside Astra, staring up at the ceiling, wondering where in the hell her ability to breathe had gone. She panted upward, heart pounding like it was trying to break free. She closed her eyes, thankful for the hard wood slats of the floor beneath her back, something firm, and grounding in a way that absolutely nothing else had been tonight.

She sighed shakily, feeling the back of Astra’s hand skimming absently over her skin. Slowly, she let that gentle touch coax her eyes open, glancing over, and saw that Astra was still staring up at the ceiling as well, maybe not even aware of the fact that her hand had once again found its way over to Alex, this time seeming to be more _self_ -soothing than anything else.

Part of Alex wanted to turn over and curl into Astra, and pull her in, and wind her arms tight around her. A bigger part of her still couldn’t quite figure out how to move just yet. But she was able to move her hand at least, catching Astra’s, lacing their fingers together and holding tight.

It was a lot of heat, just between their two hands. Almost too much for how desperately her body just wanted to settle, to lay itself bare, to cool in the soft air around them. But she held tight anyway, because more than the floor, _this_ was the most grounding thing she could imagine while everything else fell apart. She squeezed, and Astra squeezed back, and Alex let herself breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY I ABANDONED YOU FOR OVER TWO WEEKS, I DIDN'T MEAN TO!! But hopefully sweaty, candle-lit apocalypse sex makes up for it at least a little? (I know it was a super long chapter, probs should have broken it into two, but...oh well).  
> Also, as far as the whole ambidextrous thing, I thought I remembered reading somewhere that Chyler Leigh's ambidextrous? Or something? Maybe I made that up, I can't quite remember? Anyway, she's ambidextrous now, because I say so.  
> Thanks for all the love and kindness you guys have been giving this fic, really makes me happy. See you next chapter! (I promise I'll update more quickly this time)


	18. A Very Strict Regimen

Alex woke up the next morning to cold air and the sharp rasp of smoke hissing through her nose and mouth. Her vision swam as she pried her eyes open, feeling her cheek pressing painfully into a cold wooden floor, senses spiking as she realized she wasn’t in her apartment, wasn’t in her bed, but was sprawled and aching on cold, hard ground, pain shooting through every bone in her body, smoke tearing at her lungs.

Adrenaline jolting through her, she sat up wildly with a choking gasp, every muscle tensed as she whipped her head around herself in a panic, searching for her attacker, or her captor, or…

…or Astra in nothing but a shirt and underwear, standing in the kitchen, spraying the stove with the fire extinguisher with a look of utter shock on her face. 

Pulse still pounding with the remnant fear of her half-asleep delusion, Alex shakily grabbed the blanket that was tangled around her legs and wrapped it up around her chest, getting clumsily to her feet to make her way forward to the kitchen. Her jaw dropped at the sight of the kitchen stove, now dripping with extinguisher fluid, residual smoke hissing up from the burners in a defeated plume, indistinguishable charred black bricks that may once have been eggs, or possibly pancakes, or maybe even bacon stuck to the bottom of the pan. She turned her head and stared at Astra in complete disbelief, while Astra placed the fire extinguisher stiffly down on the counter, gaze fixed hard on the dripping, crisped disaster that was the stove in front of them.

“Still having a little trouble with fire, are we?” Alex asked, eyebrows to her hairline.

Astra refused to look at her. “I suppose I’ll have to clean all _this_ up before your mother gets home, in addition to whatever other chores she has planned for me,” she grumbled through her teeth.

Alex’s face twisted in a poor attempt at hiding a grin, the fear of her morning panic slipping away to be replaced with stupid glee at what she was seeing before her now.

“I can see you laughing,” Astra snapped, still refusing to actually look at her.

“I’m not laughing,” Alex giggled, stepping in and getting her arms around Astra’s waist from behind. It was like hugging a rock. Humiliation seemed to have frozen Astra into a cranky, motionless statue. “I just think it’s kinda sweet that you’re still trying to impress my mom. Also…was this supposed to be you making me breakfast in bed?”

“Breakfast on floor,” Astra corrected, mostly just sounding annoyed with herself. 

Alex dropped her forehead onto Astra’s shoulder with the stupidest grin on her face, feeling warm all over, perceived pain from when she woke up now clearing up to be nothing but stiff muscles and scattered bruises from the night before. Astra smelled good under her, clean, shirt still dirty, but skin looking washed, smooth, smelling like coconut. 

“Did you take a shower without me?” she asked, angling and pressing her chin into the top of Astra’s shoulder.

“I’ve been up for awhile,” Astra said, and something in her voice made Alex pause, uncertain what that tone meant. But Astra was quick to gloss over it, adding, “You sleep like the dead and I was restless. Not to mention, the floor was hardly a comfortable place to remain, and I was hungry. Bringing you something to eat as well seemed only charitable, assuming I could ever get you to wake up. You slept straight through three check-in calls with my niece.”

“Oh shit, Kara!” Alex exclaimed, body tensing with sudden worry for her sister’s safety, and, almost just as pressing…worry that Kara might have overheard something that only a superhuman could overhear from that far away.

“You can relax, I answered your phone each time,” Astra said. “She and your mother and the Martian are still laying low, waiting for Max Lord to get in touch with you about those Myriad blockers. Everyone continues to remain safe, if a little useless. Yourself included—how you ever managed to sleep _that_ soundly on the floor with all your injuries is beyond me.”

True, the two of them had never left the floor last night. Even once both their bodies had finally cooled and recovered to the point of at least having some control over their muscles, the most Alex had been able to do was sit halfway up and flail her arm out onto the couch until her fingers finally made contact with a small blanket to pull over them. Once under it, Astra had shifted so that she was propped up on one elbow, one thigh crossing over Alex’s legs, her free hand cupping Alex’s cheek so she could kiss her, soft, and slow, and sweet, until they both curled around each other to sleep.

“Well, I had a pretty rough day yesterday,” Alex said in answer to Astra’s comment about her ability to snooze straight through her pain. “But…um…it was followed up by a…pretty good night?”

She didn’t know why it came out as a question. Maybe because what happened between them last night had been so searing and tumultuous and all-consuming in the moment…it almost felt like the thick, swirling haze of a fever dream, and the cold air brought on by this morning threatened to break that fever and bring her back down into a harsher, colder reality. 

And just like that, doubt seeped suddenly into her, and her body flinched involuntarily, grip around Astra loosening uncertainly, suddenly embarrassingly aware of her own nakedness under the blanket at her chest.

She felt an odd and very abrupt sense of panic as Astra turned in her arms, regarding her carefully, her clear, iridescent eyes wide and curious for a moment as they searched Alex’s face, and then relaxing, sparking, becoming ever so slightly devilish.

_“A pretty good night,”_ Astra echoed thoughtfully. Without preamble, she slid one hand down to grasp Alex’s, and pulled her along with her down the hall to the bathroom. Surprised, Alex scrambled to keep up, body still sore from what was now _weeks_ of injury never fully allowed to heal. Astra was being _relatively_ gentle as she pulled her along, but there was a definite firmness in her grip that, while not strictly _painful_ per se, still called attention to the fact that Alex was not lacking in sore bones or muscles these days.

Astra pulled her into the bathroom and positioned her so that Alex’s back faced the mirror behind her. Gazing at her intensely, but with the smallest of humored twitches at the corner of her mouth, Astra tugged at the blanket around her, sending it whispering to the floor, and bearing Alex’s entire body to her. She smirked at Alex’s surprised yelp, then nodded at the mirror behind her. “I’d like you to do me a favor,” she said. “Keep your body facing me, but look over your shoulder at yourself in the mirror, and tell me what you see.”

Hesitating, because it was a very odd request, Alex gave her a curious tilt of her head, before craning her neck to see her reflection over her shoulder.

Alex hissed in surprise at what she saw. As an elite agent of the DEO, she was no stranger to unexpected wounds—garden variety cuts and bruises, as well as more unnerving wounds received when having been in combat with an alien whose scratch or bite marks left odd traces of residue, sometimes oozing, or colored from venom.

The unexpected wounds she was looking at right _now_ , however, were of a very different breed, because even though she was shocked to see them, she was immediately struck with the very intimate knowledge of how they got there. Long tracks of red, raised lines, spanning from the blades of her shoulders down almost to her lower back sent memories of last night slamming back into her skull, and the rest of her body, reaffirming, making physical the memory of Astra clutching at her, gasping, digging her nails in, seemingly trying to fight off her own orgasm while only managing to cling to her in the end. 

“Jesus Christ, Astra,” Alex murmured, squinting her eyes needlessly to see them better. They weren’t just _raised,_ Astra had broken the _skin,_ she’d opened her up and made her _bleed—_ Alex looked like she’d been attacked by a wild animal.

She shivered as Astra ghosted her fingers up her back, watching them trace up those lines, fingertips no more than a cold breath whispering up her skin, raising nothing but goosebumps in their wake this time. Still, the memory of the pain—the deliciousness of it—the fear—or the anticipation—that Astra could just dig in again, fucking rip her to shreds in a way that she actually _wanted…_ Alex couldn’t contain her whimper as Astra’s featherlight touch drifted back down to settle lightly at her waist.

“I’d say,” Astra whispered in her ear, and Alex jumped at the sudden feeling of her warm breath, reflexively turning her head into the pressure of her mouth, “that calling what you did to me last night _‘pretty good’_ is nothing short of an insult toward yourself, and I will not tolerate that kind of behavior.”

Alex drew back from her slightly, startled by her own body’s sudden and _very_ pleasant response to being talked to that way. The look on her face must have been telling, because Astra pursed her lips in amusement, and then leaned in and kissed her. Just one kiss, just lips lingering, both pressure and suction gentle, coaxing rather than trying to own or even play. Nothing that wanted to lead to anything else, just the soft, lingering sweetness of _now_.

When they separated, the tease in Astra’s demeanor seemed to have faded, and Alex was met with gentle, cautious eyes. “I never…” Astra began carefully. Her gaze dipped awkwardly for a moment before flickering back up to meet Alex’s. “I’ve known, for a long time, how good it feels every time I’m close to you. Even the very first time I touched you—“

“…When you stroked my face after the Hellgramite wounded me and dropped me bleeding at your feet,” Alex supplied.

Astra’s lips curved up with patient humor and the benevolent decision not to roll her eyes. “Yes,” she conceded. “Even then…I think I felt…I think I felt something even then. And every time you let me get closer, when you let me clean your wounds at Fort Rozz, when you took my hand at the DEO…even when you pinned me down in the sparring room…I just realized I felt… _better…_ when I was around you. I felt _conflicted,_ of course, so in some ways being around you made me a little sick…”

Alex raised her eyebrows, more with amusement than anything else.

“…But I still felt… _good,”_ Astra went on, her fingers tracing absently at Alex’s hips. “And I just kept wanting more contact, more time, more excuses. And then you took things into your own hands and you kissed me at the DEO, and then you fought me at your apartment, and I kept thinking, each time, _this_ must be the height of pleasure that people talk about. But then each time, it only got better. Each time you touched me, no matter in what way, I thought that must be it, that must be the absolute pinnacle of desire. And that in and of itself would have been enough, _more_ than enough, as long as I could keep finding ways to be near you, I didn’t think it could possibly…I didn’t know that there could be this feeling that just combined _everything_ I’ve ever felt around you, and last night just…” She inhaled sharply, almost awkwardly, like she didn’t know how to put words to it.

“You’ve never had an orgasm before,” Alex realized. A woman from a planet where desire was unnecessary, and therefore ignored, or completely unrecognized by most of its people…it stood to reason that Astra had never had an orgasm before, apparently not even a self-provided one.

Astra was nodding carefully. “Being close to you, touching you…I thought that was all there was, and that’s all I wanted. I just wanted it to continue endlessly, but I didn’t realize there was…more, and…last night…was a surprise, to say the least. And I’m sorry I practically mauled you, I think I just…” She raised her hands up gently to tuck Alex’s hair behind her ear. “I just got swept up in the tide. Needed something to hold onto.”

Alex pressed in at her words, kissing her with a little more hunger this time, then pausing when she realized Astra might not _just_ be talking about the sex itself. Before she could begin asking her if there was something else on her mind, Astra was separating herself gently from her hold.

“You should take a shower,” she said with a light tease that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “speaking of tides. There should be enough warm water left for this morning, but that won’t last long thanks to the power outage. I’ll go try to find some food that doesn’t require a stove.”

“I…okay,” Alex said weakly, too confused by Astra’s shift in attitude to have enough wits about her to protest. She returned the quick kiss that Astra gave her before leaving the bathroom, and then turned the water on in the shower with a frown. Astra affectionate, Astra lust-filled, Astra teasing and complimenting her to the point of pleasant embarrassment…but also, Astra thoughtful, Astra distant, Astra spending a restless night’s sleep, rather than the completely out-cold sleep Alex had spent.

And then Alex remembered the _other_ part of last night, the part that was the reason for all this dirt and grime on her, and she started to understand where that conflict of feelings was coming from.

*

She joined Astra on the couch once she was clean and dressed, grinning when Astra ran her fingers through her damp hair and ruffled it laughingly so it stuck out in all directions.

“Much better,” Astra said, smiling at her.

“Definitely feels good to be clean,” Alex said, shaking her head to send a few water droplets into the air, making Astra recoil a little with playfully narrowed eyes. “Though I wasn’t actually planning on staying that way for long.”

“Oh?” Astra asked, one eyebrow lifted. She pinched at Alex’s shirt. “Does that mean _this_ will be pulling a disappearing act soon?”

“Do you want it to?”

Astra curled her fingers around the top of it and pulled her in, kissing her warmly. “Very much so,” she murmured against her lips, tugging the lower one gently between her teeth. “It’s very possible I acted prematurely when I suggested you take a shower.”

“Well, I was admittedly probably starting to smell a little,” Alex said with a smile, then pulled away a small distance, finger curling around Astra’s white streak. “Besides, it gave me some time to think about you.”

Astra’s eyebrows raised again. “You needed to be alone in the shower to think about me?” she asked.

“Well not like _that,”_ Alex said, rolling her eyes. “I just mean…and you don’t have to answer this, Astra, I get you’re a pretty private person, but I guess I’d still kind of like to know, just…how are you?”

Astra looked a little startled by the question. “How am I?” she echoed. When Alex nodded, there was a split second of hesitation before a smirk crossed her face and she answered, “Significantly more bruised than I’ve been in a long time since meeting you.”

Alex afforded her a smile, but decided to press just a little bit more. “No, I mean, I was kind of wondering more about how you’re doing here,” she said, letting go of Astra’s hair to touch her fingers gently to her temple, “or, here, maybe,” she said, sliding her hand down over Astra’s heart. She felt something warm in her own chest when she felt Astra’s heartbeat—it was rare to be able to feel a heartbeat by hand through someone’s chest unless it was beating harder than normal, like after a run, or a fight, or when someone was nervous, or excited, or aroused…Alex had the sneaking suspicion that for Astra it was a combination of the latter three.

Astra closed her hand over Alex’s at her heart, licking her lips, and it was mostly nervousness, Alex thought. “I’m okay,” Astra answered quietly.

“You’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“And that’s all?” Alex prompted gently.

Astra huffed out a reluctant laugh. “You read people far too easily, Agent Danvers,” she said.

Alex propped her elbow on the back of the couch, leaning her cheek on her knuckles. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Astra,” she said again, keeping her eyes soft, trying to make sure Astra knew it was okay, she was safe if she wanted to talk. “But I was just wondering if maybe you had something on your mind? Like maybe something about what happened at the bar last night?”

Astra looked down at their hands over her heart, and curled her fingers around Alex’s hand, bringing it down in her lap, just to hold onto. “Your people were…very selfless last night,” she said carefully, gaze fixed on Alex’s hand in hers. “It…” she licked her lips. “It hurt, a little bit, how selfless they were. I wasn’t expecting that, and I think it just…”

Her voice had gotten a little shaky, and Alex thought there might be some tears hidden beneath her down-turned gaze. But Astra cleared her throat, taking a moment before lifting her gaze up to meet Alex’s. “It occurred to me that, even if Myriad was allowed to reign over your people, even if it kept the planet itself safe, there would still be moments like last night—accidents,” she said. “A cave-in, a car crash, a fire…Myriad may be able to control people’s minds, it may be able to stop your people’s destruction of this planet, but it can’t stop accidents from happening. No matter what, a cave-in, a car crash, a fire, a stumble, a fall…accidents _will happen._ But there are people, like you said, who are willing to risk themselves to save others. People like last night. If everyone were controlled by Myriad, they wouldn’t be able to protect each other from what is inevitable. Left to their own devices, your people decided to save the victims of an accident last night, and had they been under Myriad’s control, they never would have done that. And accidents like that had to have been happening all over the country from those tremors. Had Myriad been in control of all of them, anyone who might have been hurt, or trapped, or even just frightened by those tremors, would have suffered alone, perhaps even have died.”

She began stroking the top of Alex’s hand absently, looking down at it for a long time before resurfacing to look in Alex’s eyes again. “You challenged me once,” she said, “to justify the taking of a person’s mind, your only argument for the contrary simply this vehement insistence that they were _people,_ that the mere fact that they were _people_ made what I was doing wrong. And I believe I argued that people are nothing without their planet. But I suppose it occurred to me last night at the bar, when these…common people of yours decided to help us…that while people may be nothing without their planet, a planet is also nothing without its people. To put it in human terms…” she fixed her gaze intensely at Alex, but there was a glint in her eye, something that bordered on amusement, on laughing at her own self, “I think I might be having a little bit of an existential crisis.”

Alex laughed softly at the confession, at the way Astra was smiling at her, eyes sparkling, honest, and open, but with this strange, self-aware amusement at herself, at using a human term that fit so precisely. A confession, but also an epiphany that was causing her to smile painfully, but honestly, at herself, hesitance and struggle giving way to what almost looked like relief—relief that maybe she didn’t have to cling to her past quite as tightly anymore, that there was a comfort, even a release, in being proven wrong.

So Alex gripped her hand tightly, taking in that smile that was somehow both confused and sure, and tilted her head in toward her. “I don’t want you to hurt from this,” she said, her own smile still soft, trying to offer safety. “I know this is difficult. But I’m here. Okay? I don’t expect you to become some kind of champion for humanity over night, I get that this is…kind of a huge deal for you. But I’m here. Through all of this, I’m here. If that…if that means anything to you.”

Astra pulled her into another kiss, lingering for a long moment. “It means everything to me,” she murmured, and pressed in again, deepening the kiss, warm and slow, consuming.

When she finally let her go, Alex drew back and looked at her carefully, checking to see if that humor was still there. It was, quieted now, but still there in that ever-present glint in Astra’s eye, and Alex dared to lighten the mood just a little bit. “So…” she began, “the whole existential crisis thing…was that going on while I was fucking you?” she asked.

Astra looked taken briefly off-guard by the question, but then her lips pursed in genuine amusement, and she lifted an eyebrow. “Do I need to show you your back again?” she asked. 

“No, I think I remember pretty well. The vicious claw marks, right?”

Astra nodded with a smirk, and lifted one hand to press Alex back against the cushions of the couch by the chest, lifting up to straddle her lap. “Then there’s your answer. When I’m with you, you are the _only_ thing I feel,” she said firmly. “Only you. _Especially_ last night. ”

Alex bit her lip in a grin as Astra started pressing kisses to her neck. 

“So, it kind of sounds like you’re saying—“ she interrupted herself with a pleased hum as Astra’s lips found her pulse point, “—that sex with me is a really effective cure for an existential crisis.”

Astra smiled against her neck. “It is,” she murmured affectionately, straightening back to look at her. “And as with any cure, I believe I should be put on a very strict regimen, at least until the symptoms wear off—though I can’t promise I won’t have turned into an addict by then. Of course, I think you could hardly blame me if I did…”

Alex pulled her down and kissed her hard, because there was an unwitting hint of permanence in that statement, in the word _addict,_ just enough to cause a tiny explosion of joy in her chest that went beyond purely sexual. Astra moaned contentedly into it, seeming genuinely calmer now that they’d talked, genuinely warmer, more at ease.

Hungrier.

Alex groaned when her phone rang in her back pocket, jarring them both rudely out of Astra’s very strict anti-existential-crisis regimen.

“Hey, Kara,” she answered into the phone, trying to keep as much annoyance out of her voice as she possibly could.

_“Hey, sis, what’s the haps?”_ drawled a voice that was most definitely _not_ Kara’s.

“Max,” Alex said stiffly, and Astra straightened again, eyes narrowing.

_“Second try, not bad,”_ he said. _“I see my Myriad blockers are still keeping that brain of yours up and running. They looked great on you, by the way, really brought out the angry in your eyes.”_

“Please tell me you’re not wasting my phone battery calling me up to talk to me about my eyes or my temper,” Alex grumbled, and then hissed when Astra’s fingers curled under the hem of her shirt, fingernails scratching her lower belly irritatedly, scowling down at her. 

_“I was only drawing attention to the fact that you got the top tier ones, Agent Danvers,”_ Max said, while Alex tried to swat Astra’s hands away from her. _“The ones I’ve got made up for your other agents are a bit more rudimentary-looking. Apologies all around.”_

Alex frowned, hand clamping over Astra’s wrist to keep her still. “You’ve finished them?” she asked, and Astra tilted her head curiously, ears perked.

_“Ten down,”_ he said. _“I’d like to come by and start negotiating a deal with you though, before I deliver the rest.”_

Alex huffed angrily through her nose. “Of course you want to _negotiate,”_ she grumbled. “God forbid you do something to help us just because it’s the right thing to do.”

_“Let’s not get into ‘right and wrong’ right now, Alex, we’ll be on the phone all day,”_ Max said, making her face twist involuntarily in annoyance. The look didn’t go unnoticed by Astra whose eyes narrowed further. _“Take it or leave it, I can be in Midvale by the end of the day. Or I can keep full control on my distribution of the Myriad blockers and wait till things are in my favor to start acting. Your choice.”_

Alex pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers at the thought of having him in her home _again._ Things being what they were, though…

“This evening then,” she conceded. “You bring the wine.”

She hung up before he could respond, huffing out an irritated sigh.

“In spite of the discussion we just had about selflessness,” Astra said, gazing at her darkly, “if he falls into a cave-in, I will not be so selfless as to help him out of it. He could rot in there and I would lose absolutely no sleep over it.”

Alex snorted a little. “Aw, a passive-aggressive threat instead of a blatantly violent one,” she laughed. “You _are_ getting soft.”

Astra’s lips curled, half amusement, half warning. “Obviously, I would prefer to throw him off the top of one of his needlessly expansive buildings,” she said, “but if I did that, I don’t think you’d let me do this…” she kissed her gently on the lips, “…or this…” she kissed the corner of her jaw, “or this…” and she began peppering slow kisses down the side of her neck, hand back to lifting the hem of Alex’s shirt.

Alex sighed shakily and leaned back to give her better access, letting the phone drop from her hand. “No, I-I’m pretty sure I’d still let you do that,” she breathed.

“Are you sure?” Astra asked slyly, pausing to nose just under her ear. “After all, I wouldn’t want you to have to compromise any morals on _my_ behalf.”

“Astra,” Alex muttered.

Astra lifted her head up to look at her, blinking wide eyes. “Yes?”

Alex looked up at her, the way the faint sunlight from outside was catching in her hair, outlining her face in silver. Beautiful. “Do you think you might want to….move this upstairs?” she asked, a little uncomfortably. “Like to my room? Or my bed?”

“What, too many aches and pains in your fragile human body for another round on the floor?” Astra teased.

Alex snorted over a grin. “That’s pretty big talk coming from a Kryptonian who keeps finding herself on her back,” she said.

Astra lifted a warning eyebrow, but Alex just continued to smile at her. “No, I just…I don’t know why, I just kinda want to see you in my bed,” she said with a small shrug to offset her embarrassment. 

Actually, it _did_ suddenly hit her _why,_ almost as soon as she said it—it was a call back to that sudden spike of _permanence_ she’d felt earlier when Astra had been teasing her about maybe becoming an addict to her affections…something longer lasting. This was sort of the same thing—after everything they’d been through, she sort of wanted to see Astra in her bed, in…embarrassingly enough…in kind of a domestic way. Not _domestic…_ just…something more permanent than a floor. Something where there were sheets to get tangled up in, and mattresses to sink into, something that could coax a person into staying longer than they’d planned to.

(And yes, admittedly, it would also be nice to be on a softer surface where the only bruises she’d get would be from Astra’s lips sucking at her, or her hands gripping too tight—all the kinds of heavenly bruises she’d be _more_ than happy to receive).

Astra was gazing at her, apparently mulling over Alex’s confession about wanting to see her in her bed. There was something deeper in her eyes now, lust in almost a darker sense, and she got to her feet, waiting patiently as Alex got to hers and took her hand, leading her up the stairs to her room.

There was a tension in Astra’s grip the entire thirty-second hike from the couch to her room, as if Astra really _wanted_ to just pin her down at any given moment and have her wherever she felt like. But she seemed to have made the decision to follow Alex’s lead, one of those things that endeared her to Alex to no end. Years and years of being a highly decorated military leader, and still, it was _Alex’s_ lead she was willing to follow. 

It was a pretty good feeling.

Alex let go of Astra’s hand once they reached the threshold of her door, letting Astra go in ahead of her. She closed the door behind them, leaning back on it, watching as Astra looked around her room. And Astra was taking her time, glancing over her desk, old books of hers, some CDs, posters…she grinned over at Alex, touching her fingers to everything she saw, curious, amused—then laughing out loud at an old picture of Alex in full punk regalia at sixteen years old. Alex smiled, just watching her, feeling warm when Astra drifted her fingers lightly over the rest of the pictures scattered around, a few nerdy science fair awards from when she was much younger…an instinctive, absent sort of need to touch everything that was Alex’s.

Seeming contented by her perusal of Alex’s childhood snapshots, Astra finally turned, cocking her head expectantly at Alex, sparkle in her eye calling her forward so they could tangle with each other, pushing and tugging at each other toward the bed, and falling into the comforter.

True to Alex’s earlier tease, Astra did, in fact, land on her back again, with Alex on top, smirking triumphantly down at her. She hissed though, when Astra’s hands wandered up her back, and pulled back up out of her hold. She took Astra’s moment of surprise at being denied to bend in, kissing her softly, briefly, before straightening up again.

“Turn over,” she requested softly.

Astra raised a curious eyebrow up at her.

Alex grinned. “Come on, turn over,” she urged, nudging her. “Get on your knees.”

Astra still resisted, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why?”

“Well, I have every intention of fucking you silly, General In-Ze,” Alex told her, making her breathe out a laugh, “but also—no offense—but I’m gonna need to have you in a position where you can’t claw at my back for at least a day or two.”

“Weak human,” Astra taunted.

“Yeah, well I’m just glad you had those Kryptonite cuffs on,” Alex said. “Who knows _what_ my back will look like when we finally get them _off—“_

She clamped down on the statement but it was too late to take it back. Her words hung there between them—another hint at permanence, this time with an expectation of trust. She’d used the words _will_ and _when,_ instead of _would_ and _if._ Certainties. Solid implications of a future.

The slip didn’t get past Astra at all, and she tilted her head up at Alex, brow pinched.

“You mean you actually do plan to take these off of me at some point?” Astra ventured, almost as if she wasn’t sure she’d heard right.

“Well, I mean—“ Alex fumbled, not just for words, but for feelings. “I mean, I want you to be who you are,” she said carefully. “That is, you _are_ Kryptonian. I don’t want you to have to be, you know, _trapped._ You _do_ have powers here, strength…the ability to fly…”

Astra looked wistful.

“Do you miss that?” Alex asked.

Astra smiled quietly. “It’s quite a feeling,” she said. “When I first got here and discovered that I was suddenly…different than I had been back home…it was the flying that made me happiest. The greatest freedom I ever could have hoped for after years locked in Fort Rozz.”

Alex pressed her lips together, nodding, and picked up Astra’s hands in her own, edge of her thumb tapping on the cuffs. “I really hate to think that I’ve taken your freedom from you,” she murmured.

“Hm, part of me thinks you like it,” Astra teased gently, making her smile.

“Okay, maybe a little,” Alex admitted with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. She wanted to say more, tell her how much she really did want to reach some stupid point of happily ever after where Astra wouldn’t have to have her abilities tamped down, where she could be herself, be free from the DEO, from Non, Fort Rozz, Myriad—free from everything bad that had bound her so tightly to her past. Free from everything except Alex, because Alex…Alex wanted to keep Astra forever.

But Astra seemed to have slipped back into a teasing mood, tugging at Alex’s shirt again, and Alex realized she wasn’t remotely prepared to go into talking about _those_ types of feelings, so she lifted up to Astra’s lighter mood, leaving the heavier feelings to sink into the mattress to be forgotten for the time being.

“In fact,” she said, picking right up from her earlier tease, as though nothing had done so much as cross her mind, “I kinda wish your cuffs were still linked together.”

Astra cocked her head curiously. “Why?”

Alex laughed, because she’d forgotten that, as sexy and lustful as Astra was, desire was still relatively foreign and new to her, and maybe handcuff fetishes weren’t even in her vocabulary yet.

“Because, I…” Alex started skimming her hands up and down Astra’s arms, reveling in soft skin. “I kinda want to fuck you in restraints.”

Astra frowned, confused. “But if I’m in restraints,” she protested, trying to reach for Alex, “how can I—?”

“That’s…kinda the point, General,” Alex interrupted with a grin, leaning in and pinning Astra’s hands above her head. “You can’t touch me, or yourself. You can’t actually do _anything_ except surrender to whatever I want to do to you. That’s the fun of it.”

And that, apparently, was very much the _wrong_ thing to say, as a smirk slowly started creeping across Astra’s face. “Is that right?” she husked.

And Alex was too caught up in her own fantasies of what she could do to Astra given the right circumstances, that she forgot to pay enough attention to the mischievous glint in Astra’s eyes, and suddenly found herself flipped over onto her back with a Kryptonian straddling her and yanking off her own shirt.

Yelping belatedly in surprise, both at the flip, and Astra’s sudden toplessness, she didn’t even have the wherewithal to flail as Astra grabbed her hands, pushing them between the rails of her headboard, and leaning forward to tie her wrists together between them with her removed shirt.

“Astra, what—“

She gaped, finding herself in exactly the _opposite_ position of what she’d just been picturing, shock and mild panic rising as she tugged at her restraints, finding herself well and truly tied up. It wasn’t just the absent idea of being tied up, it was suddenly very real, and very tight, and Alex _could not_ get away if she wanted to.

Astra was watching her closely, and Alex was embarrassed by how clear it must be to her that she was starting to panic, pulling at her restraints thoughtlessly, never having been restrained like this, never having _ever_ pictured _herself_ being restrained like this.

And for a moment, Astra looked like she was going to reach forward and free her, like it had all been nothing more than a tease, but then her eyelids fell suddenly hooded, pupils dark and lust-filled. The sight of that transformation made Alex pause in her attempts to escape, finding herself breathing hard from both effort and fear of anticipation, but almost hypnotically entranced by the way Astra was looking at her. She flinched when Astra, keeping heavy-lidded eye contact the whole time, trailed her hand down, and began pushing Alex’s shirt up slowly, breath laboring as Alex squirmed a little under her at the feeling. She pushed the shirt up so the hem came up over her breasts, exposing them, leaving Alex’s entire body quivering at the exposure.

The panic was still there, but Alex couldn’t look away as Astra raked her gaze down, and then up her exposed body. She hummed, eyes lifting back up to Alex’s face.

“Yes, I think I can understand the appeal of all this,” she murmured, the smallest curl of a smile at one corner of her mouth. 

Alex breathed out an involuntary whimper as her world narrowed until all that existed of it was Astra—Astra’s eyes on hers, never breaking contact as she slid her hand down again and undid just the top button of Alex’s jeans, index finger flicking idly at the top of her zipper. Alex gulped, body still unsure as to whether it should be frantically trying to escape, or calming down to take whatever Astra was going to do to her.

Astra smirked, like she could see Alex’s internal struggle, and tugged the zipper down with a startling, sharp _tzzzt!_ sound. Alex flinched in surprise at both sound and the somewhat ticklish release of having her fly undone, every part of her body so hyper alert right now that even that small motion kicked her heart rate up several notches, and she tried to wiggle herself away, tried to push Astra away, finding of course, that she couldn’t.

Astra tsked, patronizing amusement in her gaze reminding Alex strikingly of the first time she’d met her, when her attempts to move, to escape, even to defend herself _verbally_ only caused Astra to smile patiently, the way a cat might smile at its prey.

“You really can’t move, can you,” Astra murmured, looking enchanted by the idea. She lifted up so that she could knead absently at Alex’s breast, watching closely as Alex arched unwillingly under her hand. “My beautiful, brave, powerful Alexandra…reduced to this.” She angled her hips down again, arching slightly and groaning when they made contact with Alex’s, eyes drifting closed as she ground down against Alex, getting just enough friction to satisfy her for the moment. Alex tried grinding up, trying to meet her circling pressure, but the angle wasn’t good enough, and it made her tug frustratedly at her restraints again.

The protest caused Astra to open her eyes, halting the circling of her hips like she was just now remembering that Alex was an actual _person_ she was grinding up against. Smirking again, she lifted her hips so that Alex, much as she tried continuing to grind up, couldn’t make any contact whatsoever, leaving her, sort of pathetically and embarrassingly grinding against nothing but empty air.

Astra laughed affectionately at her, settling back down, so they were at least touching again, which, in and of itself, caused Alex to groan gratefully. Any small amount of pressure was better than none, she’d take anything offered to her right now. Astra was raking her fingers lightly down her abdomen, then changing pressure to the pads of her fingers, pushing up, splayed fingers roaming the expanse of her torso, drifting back up to squeeze and pinch at her nipples, and Alex gasped with that confused pounding of _want it, don’t want it, want it, don’t want it._

It was pride of course, telling her she didn’t want it, telling her she didn’t want Astra to have the satisfaction of seeing her helpless—but no, no, in reality, she _did_ want this, she _did_ want Astra playing with her, toying with her, making her tremble and try to escape out of instinct, but knowing nothing could ever be as good as being trapped like this.

And Astra could tell—of course she could tell—and Alex moaned pitifully when she dismounted her and shifted back on her knees, giving herself enough room to curl her fingers into the tops of Alex’s jeans, and drag them and her underwear down her legs, tossing them carelessly over the side of the bed.

Alex panted, humiliated, but also enthralled, as Astra simply took her in, gaze dragging up, then down her entire form. Restrained and trapped, Alex realized suddenly the extra appeal this all held for Astra, especially after the conversation they’d just had about her own freedom. It was almost like payback. Alex moaned urgently again in pseudo-protest when Astra slid her hands up her thighs, curling her grip so she could grasp her inner thighs and spread them wide, looking like she wanted to fucking _devour_ her.

And at this point—god, at this point, Alex was ready to let her, was ready to _beg_ her to let her…thumbs that were spreading her, rubbing just on the outside of her lips, _so close_ but still not touching…Alex began thrashing her hips mindlessly, feeling foolish, knowing she _looked_ foolish, but willing to let that go just on the very very off chance that her thrashing might accidentally result in contact where she needed it most. Just a second, she thought feverishly. Just a second of contact would be enough, just _one second…_

But then Astra dropped her legs abruptly and they landed with a heavy bounce on the mattress, the completely non-sexual movement still sending endorphins shooting all the way through her—it seemed any motion at all was making her head spin with excitement, even if it was completely non-sexual in nature.

Still, once her legs hit the mattress, she immediately tried to bring them in together, to try to rub them together, get whatever small amount of friction she possibly could…

“Don’t move, Alex,” Astra chided, and her voice must have hit some kind of nerve in Alex’s body that demanded immediate obedience, because Alex halted, looking up at her eagerly, not even annoyed at her own body’s responses anymore, too needy for more contact.

But Astra wasn’t going to give her any contact. Astra was positioning herself again, getting her knees on either side of Alex’s lower ribs, legs and back straight so that she absolutely towered over her.

“You’re so beautiful, Alex,” she murmured, gaze dragging over her one more. Her eyes darkened, then danced, lust renewed at her new position over Alex, and her hand went to the waist band of her underwear, fingers sliding underneath to rub slow circles against her own center.

Alex’s breath hitched, watching her. This was almost better than being touched, watching Astra rub herself beneath her underwear, hearing her moan softly as her hips started thrusting slowly into her own hand. Taking power back in a way. 

And then she paused for a moment, and Alex’s eyes went wide as her hand moved again, one long, slow motion, and hidden as it was beneath the cloth of her underwear, Alex knew she’d just slipped two fingers deep inside herself, her thighs tensing and quivering at her own intrusion, a breathless whimper escaping her lips as she began to move against her hand again.

“Look at me,” Astra breathed shakily, reaching down to take Alex’s cheek, angling her head up to lock eyes with her. “Alex, look at…watch me, Alex…” Her commands were starting to sound more like a whine, more like a plea as she got herself closer, thumb stroking softly over Alex’s cheek in time to the movements of her hips against her own hand. And Alex kept looking up in her eyes as she’d been told, panting as if _she_ was the one being touched, just fucking enthralled by the way Astra’s face changed, command melting away to lust, lust melting away to desperation, desperation melting away to—

_“Alex,”_ Astra gasped, eyes wide and pleading, mouth open and panting, looking down at her like it was Alex who was getting her off before slamming her eyes shut and arching back with a cry, the hand at Alex’s cheek slipping down to the mattress beside her head, pressing her palm flat to it to steady herself as she broke forward and shuddered through her orgasm. Alex let out a small moan as Astra collapsed over her, elbows on either side of Alex’s head, knees on either side of her ribs, her mane of hair having fallen forward, completely shrouding them in sweet-smelling darkness, cheek pressing into the side of Alex’s neck, quivering and whimpering.

Alex struggled against her restraints again, just trying to angle herself enough so she could kiss Astra’s cheek, but the angle just wasn’t good, and Astra wasn’t letting her move, she was still too busy recovering.

When she was finally able to straighten up again, it was shaky, precarious, and she kept one hand pressed against Alex’s sternum to steady herself. But the other hand…Jesus Christ, the other hand, the one she’d previously had inside herself, was going _back_ inside, one slow, deep plunge, before pulling back out just as slow _and was now being offered to Alex to suck clean._

Alex felt almost faint from desire, immediately accepting the fingers, sucking off every drop of Astra’s come, moaning when Astra withdrew from her mouth, looking down at her with this sweet curiousness, like she was _excited_ that Alex was enjoying the taste of her so much. So she dipped her fingers inside herself again, and offered them to Alex again, who accepted them eagerly, moaning when she withdrew them and leaned in to kiss her, cupping her face, fingers wet from Alex’s mouth and her own come dragging across her cheek into her hair.

She was kissing her very thoroughly, like she was trying to get a taste of herself from off of Alex’s lips, and Alex couldn’t do anything but moan again at the thought. When Astra finally lifted up and sat back on her heels again, Alex felt dazed, needing to come herself, but by now so used to her new lot in life where she got to watch but not touch, not unless Astra allowed her, she wasn’t sure she’d even know what to do if she _could_ come.

She immediately retracted that thought however when Astra slid off her and stood to the floor, pulling her hair back and beginning to walk away.

Alex stared, certain she’d turn back, come back…

“Astra—“ she whimpered.

Astra looked back at her over her shoulder, a grin of delicious pure evil on her face. “I’ll be back,” she assured her. “I’m nowhere near done with you.”

Nowhere near being done holding Alex in her control, the way Alex did her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did they even take showers?


	19. Kryptonian Morse

Alex loved her sister. So, _so_ much. More than anyone in the world, more than anyone in _any_ world. They were bonded in a way Alex didn’t think could compare in any galaxy, in any universe, in any existence, anywhere.

But when Astra was three knuckles deep inside her with her tongue circling her clit, and her phone went off on the nightstand beside her, Alex felt about ready to smack her little sister upside the head next time she saw her.

“Astra—“ she panted, tugging at the restraining discarded shirt still binding her wrists above her between the bars of her headboard, “—the thing—the phone—Astra…”

Astra grumbled irritatedly from between her legs—a frustratingly pleasant sensation that shot all the way through Alex—and rose up onto her knees, withdrawing her fingers from inside her. Alex arched and bit her lip with an involuntary groan at the loss. 

“Get the thing,” she gasped incoherently, nodding her head toward the nightstand, and the vibrating phone on top of it. Astra obeyed, mouth glistening, but turned down in an irritated snarl, grabbing the phone and presenting it to Alex with a raise of her eyebrow.

“Hold it—hold it to my ear,” Alex requested, doing everything she could to force her breathing into something more _natural_ sounding and less… _your aunt is fucking me completely senseless._

“Do you need a moment?” Astra asked her, lips pursing as amusement at her predicament began overtaking her annoyance. 

“No, just—“ she blew out her breath, steadying herself, then nodding, “I’m good, just hit the answer thing…yeah, that one. Go—Kara!” she greeted hoarsely, then frowned as she looked at the time on the display. “Check-in…check-in’s not for another hour, are you okay?”

 _“Yeah yeah, I’m fine,”_ Kara said brusquely. _“Is Aunt Astra okay?”_

Alex blinked in surprise, breath still leveling down as she looked up at Astra, whose brow pinched curiously.

“…I…as far as I know, yeah, she’s fine,” Alex answered cautiously.

 _“Are you sure?”_ Kara pressed. _“Because I got—I got worried about the two of you, and I decided to listen for you just to make sure, and I heard you shout her name just a few seconds ago, like there was something happening and I…I, um…I…oh.”_

Alex felt the tips of her ears go pink as she realized the conclusion her little alien sister must be drawing, remembering that Kara seemed to have caught onto them right before she’d left the day before.

_“Oh, um. Right.”_

“Right.” Alex chewed on her lower lip uncomfortably.

_“Because you’re…you probably just, something, since you’re…since you’re…still cleaning out the garage together.”_

“Because we’re cleaning out the garage together,” Alex agreed hastily, knowing that Kara _well_ knew what was going on, but thankful that she was still deciding to live in the land of denial that her sister and aunt were…cleaning out the garage together.

_“Good, I’m gl—Eliza’s gonna be really excited by how clean, that’s…that’s good, good it’s, glad—glad you’re doing good.”_

Alex shut her eyes and shook her head against Astra’s look of amusement, feeling both second and first-hand embarrassment turn her entire body red in a painful blush.

“So you’ll call later at six?” she asked awkwardly, wishing she could disappear. “I told you, um, Max’ll be here by then, so we can all…we can all figure something out over the phone with the whole…Myriad blocker…thing.”

 _“That’s good, that’s, yep. Yeah, I’ll call then. At six.”_ She cleared her throat. _“I won’t call any earlier.”_

“Okay. Good. Six.”

_“Right at six.”_

“Right at six.”

_“So you’ll be all done cleaning out the garage at six.”_

“Yeah, totally done. Six.”

_“Okay. Six. Tell um, tell Aunt Astra hi.”_

“Kara says hi,” Alex told Astra stupidly, forgetting to think.

“Good morning, little one,” Astra said brightly to the phone.

 _“It’s…it’s afternoon,”_ Kara mumbled, clearly flustered. _“But you probably…probably lost track of time since you were…”_

“…Since we were cleaning out the garage,” Astra supplied.

 _“Since you were cleaning out the garage,”_ Kara agreed. There was an awkward moment of staticky silence, and then Kara blurted, _“‘Kay, talk to you at six!”_ and hung up abruptly.

Alex’s head dropped back against the pillow as Astra thumbed off the phone, tossing it to the side. Her completely evil Kryptonian hummed out a laugh, apparently having decided that this was all actually hilarious rather than frustrating, and straddled Alex’s hips, leaning down and pressing kisses to her forehead.

“Poor Alexandra,” she murmured against her skin, the slightest press of teeth betraying her smirk. _“So close.”_

“So fucking close,” Alex echoed breathlessly, already finding herself teetering back into that wonderful rush of pleasure that made gravity vanish beneath her body. “We should go back to…keep going…”

“Keep going?” Astra asked, as if bewildered by the plea. “Why, were we doing something before?”

“Damn it…Astra…”

Astra laughed again, kissing down to her cheek, across to her ear. “You’re so sweet like this…”

Alex bit down hard on a moan as Astra mumbled something into her ear, something warm, and breathy, and not using any words Alex was familiar with.

“Are you saying really mean things about me in Kryptonese right now?” she asked, trying to press into the heat of Astra’s mouth.

“Horrible,” Astra whispered, gently biting her earlobe.

“Tell me,” Alex breathed. “Tell me what you’re saying.”

“Ask nicely.”

Alex tried to bite her in feigned annoyance, finding the angle all wrong and only ending up with a mouthful or hair. Astra laughed at her again, prompting her onward once she angled away from her hair enough to speak. “Are you talking dirty to me in Kryptonese?” she pressed. Astra laughed again. “You are, aren’t you.” She nudged her, needled her with a grin. “Come on, what are you saying? Or is it just a bunch of gibberish? No desire on Krypton, right? How dirty could it possibly be?”

“It’s an old dialect,” Astra hummed coyly, eyebrow quirking as she leaned in to kiss her hotly again. She shuffled down to lay her body more comfortably against Alex, kneading at her breast, making her breath hitch. “Pre Codex. We were all taught the basics when we were children…I just continued to teach myself later in life.” She pinched and rolled at Alex’s nipple, making her hiss. “Trust me, there’s _plenty_ to be said with the old dialect.”

Alex liked the way she said the word _dialect,_ the flick of her tongue, the over-emphasis on the ending click…it all made her squirm, trying to press up, gain that warm, wet friction she hadn’t had enough of yet.

“Tell me,” she requested again, biting her lip with a sigh at Astra’s wandering hands. “Astra…”

Astra interrupted her with a low burble of foreign sounds and syllables, and Alex’s eyes locked with hers excitedly.

“What did that mean?” she asked.

“It means,” Astra said, voice a warm growl thrumming through her chest while she skimmed the palm of her hand across Alex’s waist, “that you have _no idea_ what you’ve just gotten yourself into.”

Alex moaned happily, arching back with languid excitement. “Go on,” she encouraged. 

She shuddered when Astra’s fingers teased at her center and she spoke again, unfamiliar words and cadences, but very familiar heat. “What’d you just say?” Alex pleaded.

She gasped when Astra’s fingers pushed slowly inside her. “I said I love the way you feel when I’m inside you,” Astra murmured, smile on her lips.

Alex breathed heavily, nodding winsomely to get her to continue. Astra obliged, crooking her fingers and drawing back teasingly with another stream of unrecognizable words, and was quick to translate, “I love the way you feel when you clench down around me.”

“Fuck, Astra…”

Astra continued to pump her fingers slowly in and out, and spoke again into her neck, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses between each word. She translated, “You,” _kiss,_ “make me come,” _kiss,_ “so,” _kiss,_ “hard…” _kiss…_ she lifted her head to kiss Alex deeply on the mouth before releasing her and murmuring another breathy stream translated to, “and I am not letting you leave this bed until I’ve returned the feeling in full.”

Alex whined (god, she fucking _whined)_ , trying to expose herself even further to her, to let her do just that, finding herself frustrated by her own shirt which had been previously pushed up only as far as just above her chest. Astra seemed to take the hint and lifted up slightly so she could use both hands to push the shirt up further past Alex’s shoulders, then her head, then sliding it up all the way to the top of her wrists so her body was fully bared to her, quivering. 

Seeming pleased with her work, Astra shuffled back down again and took one of Alex’s newly-exposed breasts in her mouth, sucking at the nipple, drawing pitiful moans from down in Alex’s chest.

“You said…” Alex panted, arching as Astra’s teeth sank in lightly, and pulling fruitlessly at her restraints, “…that there was…plenty to say…with the old dialect…” She gave a small, hitched-in cry as Astra’s hand returned to her center, rubbing warmly at her clit. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to focus. “…But I haven’t…” she bit out, “…heard you say anything…all _that_ shocking and filthy…yet…”

Astra nibbled affectionately across her jaw, keeping the steady pace of her hand at Alex’s clit, and Alex hummed, trying to keep it at _only_ a hum, nothing more. It was very difficult.

“Oh, I see,” Astra purred. “You want me to tell you…” she murmured in Kryptonese and then translated, “that I want you,” she plunged her fingers in deeply, and again in Kryptonese to English, “and that I need you,” another slow plunge, “and that…” a long, heated stream of tumbling murmurs and hisses and growls graced Alex’s ears, and Astra’s strokes inside her turned into a slow, constant pistoning.

“The last part…” Alex pleaded, “what did that mean? What did that last part mean?”

“…It means that I want to lick your soaking wet cunt until my face is _ruined_ from how much you’ve come.”

“Holy shit, Astra,” Alex gasped in surprise, new wave of lust at her words crashing into her, sending her hot and high and spinning, near the point of bursting. She nodded frantically, pleadingly, up at her. “Do it,” she begged. “Astra, please…”

She arched almost painfully again as Astra started kissing her way, hot and wet, down her body until she reached Alex’s mound. She nudged her shoulders under Alex’s legs to give herself better access, and cocked an expectant eyebrow up at her. Alex nodded breathlessly, licking her lips, entire body thrumming with need, head swimming.

She’d thought maybe she might have enough self-control to last at least a solid maybe thirty seconds, but no sooner had Astra’s tongue made its first few, searing hot swipes against her slit, Alex’s eyes slammed shut and her body twisted with pleasure as her orgasm racked through her, the small amount of wetness that escaped Astra’s eager mouth sliding down between her thighs to the mattress.

She shuddered and gasped as Astra continued to lick at her, seemingly trying to get every drop she’d missed, every potential drop that might escape her.

“Astra, stop,” Alex panted, too sensitive for all this continued attention. “Astra—stop, it’s too much. Please…”

She sighed in relief when Astra finally lifted her head, and licked her lips involuntarily at the sight of her arousal on Astra’s face, craning her head forward, asking. “Astra…please…I want to taste…”

But Astra shook her head with a small smirk, and wiped her come off her face, licking it clean from her fingers, keeping eye contact with Alex the whole time. She said something in Kryptonese when she was done, this time words Alex could understand: “All mine.”

Alex let her head drop back against the pillow, sighing shakily as Astra shifted up again to lay with her head rested on her chest.

“Okay, so old-school Kryptonese,” Alex breathed hoarsely. “New favorite language.”

Astra hummed a laugh against her skin, head resting on her heaving sternum, body nestled between her legs, fingers tracing absently at the drops of sweat beading at her ribs.

“There’s a lot to be said for a number of different languages,” she agreed, “many of them your people’s. But I do have a particular fondness for that one. Especially now that I have something to attribute the words to. Or some _one_ to attribute them to.”

Alex smiled, sighing in relief as Astra reached up to unbind her wrists, letting her aching arms free. Almost too aching to be able to do anything but flop uselessly to her side. Still, she managed to find _just enough_ use in them to drop down and comb her fingers through Astra’s damp hair as she nuzzled into Alex’s chest again. She was too tired to laugh, but she huffed out what would have been a laugh anyway at the feeling of Astra’s head on her chest, the way she kissed and burrowed, and nuzzled again, and then just rested. Her hair tickled Alex’s still overly-sensitized skin, but her head provided a warm, grounding weight that Alex could feel her heart beat comfortably against, and her thumb tapped a soft, soothing pattern absently against her ribs.

Well, maybe not so absently.

It took several minutes, but through her drowsiness, Alex started realizing it was a repeated pattern of short _taps_ and longer _presses_ against her skin, rather than random movements _._

“I’ve done a lot of reading here,” Astra said after a long moment, her voice vibrating pleasantly through Alex’s chest, making her heart flutter a little. The tapping of her thumb tapered off to simply brushing softly back and forth against her ribs, still the same pattern.

“Here on…Earth?” Alex asked, mind still trying to work out the pattern. “Or here in my room? Because unless you were secretly reading a book down there between my legs, I don’t think I’ve seen you pick one up since we got here.”

Astra’s teeth grazed her chest in what probably would have been a gentle bite had she had more energy, and the swishing of her thumb slowed, quieted. “Here on Earth,” she confirmed. She kissed her left breast attentively. “I’ve watched a lot of your films as well,” she added.

“I remember you telling me that,” Alex said, continuing to stroke her hair, pulling it back away from her face so she could better see the side of it when she looked down, still watching that thumb swish back and forth in its odd pattern. It was moving quicker again, almost seemed nervous. 

When she remained silent for a long moment, Alex buried her fingers in her hair deeper, massaging her scalp, making Astra hum contentedly. “Was there, um, something you were gonna say about all those books you’ve been reading, and films you’ve been watching?” she prompted.

Astra sighed, breath warm. “I was just wondering about time,” she told her, lips moving against Alex’s skin.

“About time?”

Astra’s head nodded against Alex’s chest. “Yes. In everything I’ve read, and everything I’ve watched, there always seems to be some discrepancy.”

“Between?”

“Between when it’s considered alright to tell someone ‘I love you.’”

Alex paused in her fingers’ ministrations to Astra’s head, swallowing in surprise, even more surprised when the pattern of Astra’s thumb stopped abruptly.

“Your heart is pounding,” Astra murmured softly, before lifting her head to look up at her, chin resting on the center of her chest. Alex’s fingers stayed in her hair, too shocked to move, blinking down at her. “I didn’t mean to surprise you,” Astra went on, “I was just wondering.” Her thumb began tapping a little nervously again as she spoke, the series of long and short strokes that Alex was beginning to recognize. 

“You have stories where people say ‘I love you’ the very first day they meet,” Astra said, with two quick _tap-taps,_ “and stories where it takes people months, even years to say it,” a longer series of _presses_ and _taps,_ “and others where they never say it at all,” _press-tap-press-press, press-press-press, tap-tap-press._ “And sometimes it’s beautiful when someone says it…other times it seems like it makes other people laugh, that the timing of it is a joke. I wasn’t sure if there was a correct timing that you knew of. Too early, or too late.”

“I’m, um—“ Alex swallowed dryly, “I don’t think there’s a…a set rule.”

“Oh.” Astra dipped her head, brushing her lips over Alex’s chest, thumb stilling in its motions.

“Astra,” Alex said after a moment.

“Hm?”

“When did you learn Morse code?”

Astra lifted her head up slowly, gazing at her cautiously. “You felt that, did you?” she asked.

“That pattern you were tapping into my side? I mean, it’s not anything _I’ve_ ever tapped out in Morse code before, but…” she licked her lips, mouth dry. “I know what it was. A lot to be said for different languages, is that it?”

“I’m not sure I can say it out loud yet,” Astra said quietly, a cautious attempt to explain.

Alex swallowed, somewhere between relieved and disappointed by the words Astra wasn’t saying. “You tapped it out, though,” she said.

“I tapped it out.”

“Is it okay if I tap it out too?”

Astra looked at her searchingly, then nodded, looking almost relieved, and snuggled down into her arms, tucking her head under Alex’s chin. Alex brought her arms up around her in a secure hold, closing one hand over the back of her shoulder, tapping her thumb gently against her:

_Tap-tap._

_Tap-press-tap-tap._  

_Press-press-press._

_Tap-tap-tap-press._

_Tap._  

_Tap-tap-press._

Astra became noticeably a little stiff in her arms.

“You just spelled the word ‘you’ with only the letter ‘u,’” she said with some confusion into Alex’s neck.

“Yeah well, my thumb’s tired,” Alex said, getting a laughing hum out of Astra. _“Somebody_ kept me tied up too long.” She bent her neck to kiss the top of Astra’s head. “I liked learning Kryptonese from you though,” she said.

“Next time I’ll teach you Kryptonese using Morse code,” Astra sighed comfortably, seeming to be on her way to drifting off. 

“Old-fashioned alien sexting,” Alex laughed, feeling Astra’s smile against her skin. “I could probably get into that.”

Astra burrowed deeper into her neck, snuggling closer. She was almost asleep now, breath slowing and deepening as she drifted off, but her thumb kept brushing back and forth in that same pattern. Alex let herself be lulled to sleep by the gentle motion, in her heart of hearts wishing one of them had had the courage to say it out loud: _I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M A HUGE SAP, OKAY? I JUST WANT THEM TO BE IN LOVE AND STOP BEING STUBBORN, BUT THEY'RE BOTH BEING DIFFICULT AS ALWAYS


	20. The Argyle Resistance

Watching Astra put clothes _on_ was definitely not as fun as watching her take clothes _off,_ Alex decided.

That is, it was fun to watch _,_ but knowing that it signaled the end of what Alex could only think to describe as the most fucking amazing eighteen hours of her entire life…it did put a damper on things. In the long run of course she knew that clothes were a pretty necessary part of completing negotiations about the controlled distribution of Myriad blockers with Maxwell Lord, but for now…they were stupid. 

Still, after coming to the conclusion about the necessity of clothes, she and Astra had decided that really, the shirt Astra had been wearing during the cave-in fiasco at the bar just really wasn’t all that wearable anymore. Ripped, frayed, dirty…all things that, actually, Alex loved the look of on Astra. Artfully, sexily disheveled. Strangely badass and a little vulnerable at the same time. Mostly it just made Alex want to rip what was left of it right off and fuck her on the floor again.

But realistically, the thing just wasn’t wearable anymore. And with Max set to arrive in just under a half hour, some kind of presentable clothing needed to be dug up for both of them at some point.

At first, Astra had resisted the idea of wearing any of Alex’s clothes that she had here.

“You’re too short,” she had explained.

“Excuse you?” Alex had sputtered, sitting up and looking indignantly down at her. “You have all of, what, _two inches_ on me?” She scoffed, annoyed. _“Short._ I am not _short.”_

And Astra had grinned at her, and then pulled her down, and gotten half on top of her, and hummed out, “Yes, you are. You’re my tiny, little, human plaything.”

…Which had led to several minutes of making out.

Still, Alex had resumed her scowling once they separated, flipping them both over to get Astra underneath her, as if getting on top of her might somehow change her height. “I am _not short,”_ she’d grumbled firmly again. “No one…I can’t believe you. No one has _ever_ called me short before. Just because _you’re_ an eight-gazillion-foot-tall Amazon…that doesn’t make me _short.”_

Astra had bitten her lip gently, then pulled back with a patiently amused smirk. “All I’m saying is that your clothes will _look_ short on _me,”_ she’d placated. “And I refuse to look like I’m wearing one of those…what are they…those tube top things. Or…no, crop top, that’s the one. I’m a _General,_ I’ll be wearing something with a bit more dignity.”

Alex had snorted, secretly pretty sure that actually, a crop top would be a fantastic look for Astra. “Fine, then go get some of Kara’s old clothes,” she’d suggested. “She’s about your height. Her room’s down the hall on the left.”

Astra had grimaced a little. “No offense to my niece, but I’d rather not look like I’m all dressed up for my first day at prep school,” she’d said.

“I’ve been telling her that for years,” Alex had sighed with an understanding nod. “But, you know, she had her angsty teen phase just like the rest of us, even if it only lasted about a week. I’m sure you’d be able to rustle up something…black, I’m assuming.”

Astra had rolled her eyes. “I don’t _mind_ wearing _color,_ Alexandra, it’s the polka dots and the argyle that are putting me off,” she’d said. “Besides, it’s not like I’ve ever seen _you_ wear anything other than black before…what are you smiling at?”

Alex had laughed, nuzzling down into her shoulder. “I like this,” she’d said.

“You like what?”

“That we’re fighting about clothes instead of the fate of the world for once.”

“Well, wait until _Max_ gets here,” Astra had replied darkly, a scathing emphasis on the shortening of his name. Where her occasional shortening of Alex’s name had become a sign of endearment (and sometimes a sign of complete loss of self-control), the shortening of _others’_ names still seemed to come with a negative connotation. “I’m sure between the three of us, we’ll find plenty to bicker about.”

“Just as long as he’s not wearing a tube top,” Alex had said diplomatically, not mentioning that the word _bicker_ might be an understatement. “Go on, go find something to wear. And I’ll tell you if you look like a huge nerd or not.”

And of course, she didn’t look like a huge nerd. Far from it. And while Alex was essentially watching the _opposite_ of a strip show as Astra tried on different things in front of the mirror on the door…it was still _kind of_ like a strip show. Astra seemed oblivious to how much Alex was enjoying watching her put things on and take things off, so Alex just got comfy against the pillows with a stupid smile, and let her do her thing.

When all was said and done…Astra was wearing all black. Black underwear, black bra (these were Alex’s, there was just something about the idea of seeing Astra wearing _Kara’s_ underwear that made her feel a little uncomfortable), black boots, black jeans, black shirt…

Before she could tease Astra about the sort of glaring lack of color in her chosen outfit however, the doorbell rang downstairs.

Alex’s eyes widened in sudden panic at Astra.

“What fucking time is it?” she hissed. “That son of a bitch, coming here _early—“_

Although, when she looked at the display on her phone, it turned out that, no, actually, Max wasn’t here early. It was 6:01, and Alex had been too busy watching Astra in various states of undress to realize that time was ticking forward.

_“Shit,”_ she swore, trying to leap out of bed for her dresser, only to end up getting caught up in the sheets and tripping right out of the bed onto the floor.

Astra cackled—straight up fucking _cackled—_ in delight at her stumble, bending down to help her up. “I can see why the Martian named you as his most elite agent at the DEO,” she hummed.

Alex made a face at her, grabbing the first pieces of clothing her hands made contact with as the doorbell rang again.

“Go get that, would you?” she requested urgently, as she yanked a pair of pants up her legs and jammed her phone in the rear pocket.

“Alexandra, the likelihood of me not doing serious bodily damage to this man for what he put my niece through, and what he’s currently putting _you_ through, is very low,” Astra said. “I wouldn’t advise leaving him alone with me.”

Alex threw her a look, then threw a shirt on over her head—one which, she didn’t realize until she’d scampered down to the front door, was the one Astra had brought from Kara’s room as a joke.

“Nice argyle,” Max commented as she opened the door.

Alex looked down at herself and swore inwardly. Nothing quite like a cozy, over-sized argyle sweater to take the intimidation factor out of everything.

“Nice tiara,” she returned as sharply as she could, jerking her chin at the band of Myriad-blocking metal half-circling one side of his head.

“I was thinking it looked more like a laurel,” Astra said coolly, sidling up beside Alex with a chilly gaze fixed on Max. “Self-awarded and undeserving, of course. I’m hoping you haven’t gotten too comfortable resting on it, you’re not much use to us if that’s the case.”

Max looked from her to Alex, then shook a thoughtful finger toward Astra. “The Kryptonian’s was better,” he told Alex with feigned apology. “I’m a sucker for word play and she did that pretty well for not being human.”

“She can punch pretty well, too,” Alex told him lightly. “Words, fists, you name it. The whole package.”

Max afforded a very small smile, gaze flicking back and forth between the two of them. “Gotta admit—wasn’t really expecting the Kryptonian to _be_ here,” he said, eyes narrow under the smile. “You know. Matters concerning Earth’s future should probably stay in the hands of the people _of_ Earth.”

“Earth is my home, just as much as it is yours,” Astra said, voice icy.

“The very fact that you even _think_ that is precisely the problem,” Max returned flatly. “Earth is for humans. _Only_ humans. And we have our hands full enough just dealing with each other. But ever since _Supergirl_ crash-landed here and brought you and your other monsters down with her, things have only been made worse for us. Both she, and everyone aboard Fort Rozz should have died the instant you all hit Earth.”

Alex sensed the punch coming before Astra even threw it. And there was a good twenty percent of her that considered stopping Astra, because punching Max in the face didn’t seem like a good start to negotiations. 

On the other hand, Max had just made the mistake of wishing retroactive violence upon her baby sister—and, incidentally, Astra’s niece—so when Astra’s fist _did_ connect with Max’s nose, the other eighty percent of Alex felt like whooping with glee. 

But then the reality of negotiations flipped back and Alex remembered she should probably grab Astra so she wouldn’t start beating Max to a complete pulp.

“Okay!” she said loudly, drawing Astra back behind her arm while Max staggered, wide-eyed, spluttering in shock, and with his hand over a nose dribbling with dark red blood into his mouth and down his chin. The bottle of wine he’d had in his hand had dropped onto the grass and rolled pathetically away from them. Alex was torn between staring delightedly at his plight, and gazing in awe at her protective, glorious, perfect Kryptonian.

Then she remembered she really needed to be focusing on the matter at hand.

“Okay, both of you, just…” she tried again, “I think everyone’s made their personal feelings very clear, so now that that’s out of the way, let’s all…”

She was interrupted by her phone buzzing loudly in her back pocket and drew it out for the two of them to see.

“Hey! “ she shouted, wiggling it in her hand to get their attention. “See? It’s Kara, we can all just…calm down…and get to the negotiations…and…Astra, could you go get Max a pack of ice for his nose?”

“It’s not even broken,” Astra protested bitterly. “I held back.”

“Okay, but he’s still bleeding. A lot. Could you? Please?”

Astra grumbled but obeyed, while Max glared after her, breath slowing as he continued to hold his nose, leaning forward so blood wouldn’t dribble down onto his shirt.

“Kara,” Alex answered into the phone, keeping an eye on him.

_“I know I’m a little late calling,”_ Kara said quickly. Alex checked the time on her phone and saw it at 6:05. _“I just wanted to give you a little extra time to make sure, um, that the garage was all clean.”_

“Yeah, we’re all…she’s…and I’m…it,” Alex fumbled. “Yeah, it’s all set. All, um, all done for the day.”

_“Thank Rao,”_ Kara breathed with an almost insulting degree of relief. _“I’m gonna put you on speaker then so J’onn and I can both talk to you guys.”_

“Yeah, that’s fine—“ she switched hers onto speaker as well. “We’re just going to head inside—hey, Astra, _gently,”_ Alex interrupted herself as Astra shoved a pack of ice directly into Max’s face.

_“Is everything okay?”_ Kara asked.

“It’s…yeah. Your aunt punched Max in the nose, but I think everything’s pretty much fine.”

_“She punched him in the nose_ already?” Kara demanded, sounding a mixture between extreme affection for her aunt, and some concern about what this might mean for their negotiations.

“I didn’t break it!” Astra grumped defensively at the phone. “Everyone can stop being so dramatic.”

Alex did her best not to sigh with either exasperation or affection, and motioned for the two of them to follow her into the house. 

*

“I have ten Myriad blockers currently completed and ready for action,” Max said as they all gathered around the table inside, Alex placing the phone in the center. Max used a paper towel to wipe at his nose with one hand, while pressing the ice pack into the bridge of it with the other.

_“And others still in the making so that we can actually protect the populace until we can figure out a way to stop Myriad?”_ Kara prompted skeptically.

“Ah, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves,” Max reprimanded, rolling up the paper towel in his hand and discarding it as his bleeding eased to a stop. “See, here’s the thing. I’m sure you all must have heard the reports by now—several tremors went through the towns nearest the origin of the Myriad wave, the location of which,” he gestured at Astra, “was apparently graciously provided to you by one General In-Ze.”

Astra was stiff in her seat, in a manner that suggested she was ready to launch herself at him at any moment. Alex wanted to take her hand, to ease that feeling, but Astra had sat noticeably out of her reach. That in and of itself had surprised her—the last time they had seen Max, Astra had practically tried to occupy the same space as Alex in protectiveness, and, admittedly, a fair dose of jealousy. Alex had just assumed that now, after everything that had just happened between them, that feeling would only have intensified, and Astra would practically have been on her lap for the entire negotiation. But Astra seemed to have made a point of not sitting close to her, and Alex couldn’t help but feel a little baffled by it, a little bit hurt.

“Experts—or, myself, as it were—have come to the conclusion that those tremors were due to a change in Myriad’s frequency,” Max went on.

_“We know all this already,”_ Hank’s voice crackled irritatedly through. _“The wave is now being used to wipe out the human race, rather than just control it. Indigo revealed all that to Astra days ago.”_

“…Saying that humans, of all creatures, had the greatest potential for fighting back and actually resisting Myriad’s influence, I know, I remember,” Max said dully. “You all gave me the scoop my last visit.” He removed the pack of ice from his nose with a wince, eyes glinting dangerously. “Now, here’s the thing,” he continued. “Myriad needs to be de-weaponized, that much is obvious. I _will not_ stand by and watch the genocide of my people. But, we do have an opportunity here, which _also_ has been graciously provided by one General In-Ze. Whether she knows it or not.”

Astra may as well have been made of ice, an unshakeable chill in her that Alex imagined she could feel all the way down in her bones. 

“If the Myriad wave can be altered to effect only humans, it stands to reason it could also be altered to effect only those _not_ of this world _._ Our very own weapon to wipe out the alien population infecting our planet. At the same time, it stands to reason that after said wiping-out, the wave could then be…re-purposed…for something else.”

He reached into his pocket and slid ten small metal ear-pieces—the Myriad blockers, Alex realized—across the table for her to examine. “The way these work is to scramble a received signal, in this case, the Myriad wave,” he told them as she picked them up one by one to look at. “But having said that, they _are_ receivers at their most basic function. Without the element that scrambles whatever signal is fed to them, they’re practically an open invitation to the Myriad wave. After wiping out the aliens with the Myriad wave, we could have someone—me, in all likelihood—alter the Myriad frequency to only be received by humans who are wearing these blockers…which, essentially, would make them the opposite of blockers. They’d be conduits for the wave. In that way, the human populace at large would be unaffected by the Myriad wave, but anyone wearing one of these fun little thingy-majigs could still be controlled. Namely…government officials, military leaders…anyone posing a potential threat to society in general, essentially.”

“And who exactly would be deciding who’s a threat to society and who isn’t?” Alex asked sharply. She tilted her chin at him, expectantly. “You, I’m assuming?”

He gazed at her for a long time, seeming to be choosing his words carefully before saying them. “I’m not out to control the world, Alex,” he said. “I’m just trying to do what’s right. It’s not _just_ about control…we’ll put together a committee of sorts—think of it as a world-wide oligarchy. The people on this committee—and, yes, I would be part of it—would decide who was to be controlled, and who wasn’t.”

_“So what I’m hearing is that you’ll get a group of people who think just like you, and together you’ll pass judgment based on whatever you think is best, without any kind of checks or balances,”_ Hank said flatly. _“That sounds an awful lot like tyranny to me. How is that any different from what the Myriad wave was initially built for?”_

“All it is is a precaution,” Max explained patiently. “It’s not for the populace at large, it’s simply a check for anyone in a position of power. It would be simple to administer them at this stage now, toting them as Myriad _blockers_ , which, as of right now, would be true. Anyone in a position of power would be provided with one within the next few days, it would only make sense to them. All I’d have to do once the alien purge was over is flip the switch as it were, and the _civilian_ human populace is free from the wave, while the _‘blockers’_ become receivers, and badabing-badaboom, we’re now insured against dictators, rogue military, offenders of climate change…you name it. _These_ are the people who need to be kept in check, not the entire human race as the Fort Rozz kids would like it.”

_“So,”_ Kara spoke up, _“your plan is to administer the blockers to politicians, then somehow get to the Omegahedron at Fort Rozz, and play with the Myriad frequency to wipe out aliens, rather than humans. And then once that’s done, you plan to alter the frequency_ again _to target only the Myriad blockers-turned-receivers themselves so that the world’s leaders are the only ones susceptible to control.”_

Max applauded lazily. “Very good, Supergirl.” He looked over at Alex with mock approval. “Look at that, you trained one of your pets to listen.”

Alex was unnerved when Astra didn’t so much as blink at his words.

“You get me to Fort Rozz, to the Omegahedron, and I can take it from there,” Max said.

_“But—you’re holding people’s freedom, and their lives, ransom unless we allow you to have say over who can be controlled or not,”_ Kara protested, disbelief almost painfully pure. _“You’re honestly prepared to let the Myriad wave kill_ everyone _on this planet besides your ‘deserving few’ unless we help you? How could you ever think that that’s the right thing to do? After all your talk about what it is to be a hero, to be a human.”_

“Greater good, kiddo,” Max answered dismissively, as if that accounted for everything, and _this_ time, Alex saw Astra flinch.

“Your plan is insane,” Alex growled. “And unrealistic. And…completely unachievable. Not to mention…you’re talking to three aliens right now, after having told us that your first plan of action once you get the Omegahedron is to _wipe out_ all aliens. Not much incentive there.”

“That’s _right,_ Alex,” Max said, as if he were a teacher proud of a student who was finally beginning to understand something. “But see, the three of them are my insurance. They’re the reward you get for your assistance. You help me enact my ‘insane plan’ as you called it, and I can spare your pets. You get to keep them, I get to re-purpose Myriad. You save your family, I save the world. It’s that simple. You _don’t_ help me out…trust me when I say that no matter the outcome from here on out, your pets will be the first to go.” He shrugged. “Easier on both of us if you play nicely, though. Everybody wins that way.”

“No deal,” Alex said at almost the same time as Hank. “What makes you think we would even _consider_ helping you?” Alex demanded. “Your threats are empty, you don’t have any leverage to support them.”

“I do,” he argued lightly with a non-committal shrug. “Because even if I don’t get my way, the Fort Rozz escapees will hunt the three of your aliens down and string them up as traitors. Their plan is to eradicate, to conquer—if your pets aren’t human, but they also aren’t _helping_ them, then they’re in the way. In a world full of dead humans, two Kryptonians and a Martian won’t be hard to find. So if you don’t help me, and I _fail_ because of that, your aliens are dead either way.”

He scratched musingly under his lip. “And as for what made me consider the idea that you might play the game my way and let me have control over who is to be controlled by an altered blocker or not,” he turned his attention to Astra, “it was actually this one.” He gazed at Astra for a long time with a smirk tugging at his lips while she sat rigid and silent. “Look at that,” he went on, like he was looking at a very satisfying specimen. Like one of his experiments had finally worked. “I thought so.”

“You thought _what,_ Max?” Alex growled.

He didn’t take his eyes away from Astra. “She’s considering it,” he said with a smile. He tried to catch her eye, but Astra avoided his gaze by just the slightest margin. “Aren’t you,” he went on, now speaking only to her. “You don’t like me, and you may have lost your taste for Myriad’s use on the entire human race, but your ideals still line up exactly with mine, don’t they. You know my idea would work. Satisfy both our needs. Compromise. I’d even bet you’d be willing to go to Fort Rozz and bring me the Omegahedron yourself.”

And Alex saw it. Astra slipping. Astra being pulled back in by the potential Myriad still presented. Astra teetering back into a desperate hope that Myriad, this monster she had created, still had the chance to do good, still had the chance to make _her_ good, even after all this.

“Astra,” Alex said carefully, wishing fervently that she could reach out and touch her, bring her back to all the progress they’d made, all the understanding, the cautious realization that Myriad was, in fact, evil, that humans could fight for themselves, _choose_ to protect each other, and their world. “Astra, listen to me, it won’t work. Okay? Allowing Max to have control—even if it’s just over a _select few_ people—that’s too much power. We’d be giving Max absolute power over already powerful people. Do you get that?”

“Of course I _get that,_ Alexandra,” Astra snapped abruptly, and Alex actually jumped. The first words Astra had spoken this whole time, and they were directed at _her._ Painfully. “But as he says…his ideals do line up exactly with mine. He wishes to protect the world from its own destruction, so do I. If power has to fall into _anyone’s_ hands in order to achieve this, perhaps he is our best option.”

“And when his ideals start weakening?” Alex pressed, unable to believe her. “When he starts using Myriad for just one little selfish thing, and then maybe just one more, and then one more, and one more, and then alters the whole thing completely—Astra that is _too much power_ for one person to have. Your sister told you that from the beginning, she—“

“Do not. _Ever_. Speak to me. About Alura,” Astra hissed dangerously. 

Alex stared at her in surprise. Then got angry.

“Max, would you excuse us for a second please?” she asked, eyes never leaving Astra. “And…J’onn and Kara…just, I need to go talk some sense into your aunt.”

_“I…guess…”_ came Kara’s confused voice.

Max simply shrugged. “Take your time,” he said affably. “Though if you’d grab the bottle of wine I dropped on your way back, it’d be much appreciated.”

*

Alex practically dragged Astra outside by the arm, only letting go when they were almost at the garage, which she was too furious to find even remotely funny at the moment.

“You are not seriously considering what that psychopath in there is suggesting,” she hissed incredulously, jabbing her finger toward the house. “Letting him keep the Myriad wave active, letting him control who’s worthy of freedom and who isn’t.” She shook her head, eyes wide. “Allowing Myriad to still be in put in use—Astra please, I—I thought we’d gotten _past_ this.” She suddenly felt like crying. “I thought you were starting to see, I thought you were starting to understand, that humans, that we’re _people—“_

She wasn’t even speaking coherently now, so shaken by Astra’s consideration of Max’s words, so unexpectedly devastated that all it took was a few words strung together in just the right way to throw Astra right back down into the mindset she’d had before being rescued by the bar’s patrons.

“I _do_ understand, Alexandra!” Astra exclaimed, just as loudly, just as fierce as Alex felt. “Do you honestly think I haven’t wrestled with this idea since the very moment I dreamed Myriad up? Long, _long_ before my sister ever condemned me! Myriad has _always_ been something that has _terrified_ me. And even though I knew it would have worked, and that it would have saved us all, and even though I clung to that truth, and to that pride...there was never a moment that I wasn’t horrified by this thing I created.

"But being sentenced to Fort Rozz strengthened my belief that people are weak," she went on resolutely, "and when I got to Earth, I was more determined than ever, and I forced down my memories and my misgivings because Myriad was all I had. It was my _hope,_ Alexandra.  But Kara, and you, and those idiots at the bar, and…even other incidents that I’ve witnessed long ago and tried to the best of my abilities not to acknowledge…they’ve all chipped away at me. The cave-in at the bar was no more than a night ago, but it is _all I can think about._ It feels like it hit some trigger in me, and it just keeps bringing back memories of other times when I witnessed human kindness, and understanding, and strength—of _course_ I understand! Of _course_ I don’t want to use Myriad on your people, Alex, I don’t want…I trust them. Or, I’d like to. I’m trying. I almost do.”

She looked so lost and so wild. 

“I _do—_ Alexandra, I _do_ think your people have what it takes to save this world from themselves, I believe they are stronger than I gave them credit for, that taking their freedom to choose and to exist could only ever damage the world _more,_ that it would take away any chance of making it _better_."

She shook her head. "But that is no longer the issue," she said. "Myriad is active, and it has been weaponized, and it will spread across your entire world in a matter of days. This isn’t about resisting control, nor is it about your people’s ability to choose. This is about people’s lives, and Max has made it very clear that he will not assist us in protecting your people unless we do it his way. This is about the lesser of two evils—a restriction of people’s freedom, or their complete annihilation."

She was quiet for a moment, frustrated, trying to make Alex understand, Alex could see the effort it was taking. "Max is a strategist," Astra finally decided on, "and you told me once that he considers himself to be a white knight for your people. He seems to always have a series of back-up plans, and I believe that even if we refuse to help him, he has more blockers than he claims, or he has more people protected and rallied to his cause…any number of things in place. Even if the Myriad wave were to wipe out the rest of your race, he would continue to fight, and he would have some means to do it. In one way or another, he must believe that he can survive and that he can still protect at least…’the deserving few’…of your kind, and fight back, or he wouldn’t have come to us with this proposition in the first place.

“So, yes. You’re right,” she went on, frustration seeming to drain her. “What he’s suggesting now…it is a power play. It is his ideal outcome—the end of alien threat, _and_ the end of the threat of human error. I’m not a fool, Alexandra, I’ve known many people on many worlds who think the way he does. He wants genuinely to save his people, to be a force for good, but he also craves the power that goodness can bring him. If we don’t play his game the way he wants, he will allow Myriad to act as a purge, as a way to start anew. He will have the Myriad blockers distributed to those he sees fit, and they will survive, but for the rest of your kind, your family, your friends at the DEO…" Anger returned to her. "He will allow them to be wiped out. He may protect _you_ because of his obsession with you, but he may also decide you are a threat to him and do away with you.”

Alex felt her face go red. “He doesn’t have an obsession with m—“

“He does,” Astra interrupted shortly. “And he is a wild card, and a dangerous one at that. _That_ is why I am willing to play the game his way, because it allows us at least some predictability. I truly think your people may be capable of saving this world from themselves under normal circumstances, but this is something else entirely. They cannot simply _resist_ being killed by the Myriad wave, or _choose_ not to be, and if the only thing that survives this purge is Max and the ‘deserving’ handful of people he has in his pocket, or whatever other pieces he has in play, there is no telling what will happen. There is no telling what will happen to _you._ And I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if that means getting him the Omegahedron so that he can re-purpose Myriad the way he intends.”

Alex stared at her, that feeling of wanting to cry curling cold and knotted in her stomach. Relief at Astra’s continued, if tentative, faith in humans, was mixing with confusion and near guilt at Astra’s unwavering loyalty to _her._ The idea that she was no longer the _exception_ to the human race, but a representation of it. That in Astra’s eyes, humans now seemed capable of living up to the standard she saw in Alex. 

It should have been a comfort, but Alex could only feel guilt, like proving her people could rise up above themselves was just a disguise for having thrown them to the wolves. Because after all that, it didn’t seem to matter anyway. With or without Astra’s faith in her people, it couldn’t change the fact that Myriad could kill them, and that Max was manipulating that situation to his advantage, that Max had one-upped them in a way she hadn't seen coming. Everything she and Astra had worked toward...she couldn't stand the idea that it was all for nothing. 

For once, she wasn’t sure she had a fight in her. For once, she just wanted to curl up and allow herself to be submerged completely in dread without protestation.

Physically, none of this was possible. But she still sat down on the ground, legs crossed, elbows resting on her knees.

Astra looked at her in surprise at the lack of fight in her. And maybe it was because she was so confused by it, she must have felt unsure as to what else to do but join Alex on the ground. She sat beside her, close enough that their shoulders bumped against each other if either of them took too deep a breath. Alex plucked frustratedly at the grass beneath her fingers.

“I was right, wasn’t I,” Astra said quietly.

Alex peeled a blade in half. “About?”

“The three of us were pretty quick to come up with something to bicker about.” She nudged Alex’s shoulder with her own, and Alex allowed herself a small huff of a laugh.

“The distinct lack of anything tube top related is a comfort at least,” Alex offered. Then she rolled her eyes. _“Bicker,”_ she laughed at the wording, how insignificant it made it sound.

…How completely fucking insignificant.

“Bicker,” she said again, looking at Astra.

Astra gave her a quizzical look. “That’s the right word, isn’t it?” she asked somewhat worriedly. “I haven’t mixed it up with some kind of awkward euphemism…?

“No—no, just, the word _bicker,”_ Alex said. “It’s just…that’s all the three of us are doing, is bickering. There’s no…it’s just a distraction.” She pointed back and forth between the two of them. “You and I have been so focused on this deal Max is trying to broker, but _Max_ isn’t the enemy. _Non_ and _Indigo_ are. _Myriad_ is. Max just pulled a fucking sales pitch on us, holy shit. God, I wonder if he was a car salesman at some point in his life…”

“I’m afraid I don’t quite follow,” Astra said cautiously.

“He got us both worked up about the aftermath,” Alex said, “about what happens when this wave finally spreads across the entire world. He’s got us thinking about something that hasn’t even _happened_ yet in order to get us to buy into his…bullshit. We’ve been sitting around literally _bickering_ about what to do with his _Myriad blockers_ , we haven’t even been focusing on Myriad itself. _That’s_ the enemy, not Max’s control over the distribution and use of this technology he’s developed. Fuck the Myriad blockers, we need to go destroy Myriad itself! No compromises, no haggling, no…fucking around with frequencies. Just destroy it. Right?”

Astra looked at her carefully, brain working furiously, Alex could tell.

“Is that…” Alex said cautiously, wary that she had just stepped too far. Astra was starting to have faith in her people, but maybe she wasn't ready to get rid of Myriad altogether yet, maybe that was too much, maybe... “I mean…is that what you want? To…get rid of it?” She licked her lips nervously. “Or are you still holding onto it?”

Astra was silent.

“Will you please just tell me?” Alex asked softly. “Honestly? _Do_ you think that Myriad’s the enemy in all this? Or is it still a…a point of hope for you?”

Astra stared at the grass beneath her for a long moment, like she was taking Alex's question into honest consideration before being able to answer, like she was searching the ground beneath her for every hope and every doubt she had ever carried for Myriad, like she was counting each one, counting each blade of grass.

“No," she said finally. "No, it needs to be destroyed." She exhaled nervously, like she was gearing up for something. “This is our home. Ours. The humans, and mine." Her voice turned small again. "I'm not the enemy, Alex."

Alex shook her head. "No, I know you're not," she agreed gently.

"I created Myriad, but I'm not...Alex, I'm not the enemy."

"I know," Alex said again. She put her arm around Astra and pulled her in close. She was warm in her arms, head nestled in the crook of her neck. And she wasn't crying, but there was something hurting in her and Alex held her tight. "What do you want to do?" she asked quietly. "About Myriad."

Astra inhaled shakily, like it was just short of a sob, barely contained. "I want it gone," she said, voice almost a whimper. Her fingers curled in Alex's shirt, and she sighed unevenly into her neck. "I just want it gone. I want it destroyed. If this is all it's capable of doing, this fear, this tearing people apart, this insane scrabble for power...I created it to protect my world, but it tore my people apart even before the planet itself died. I'm not going to let that happen here." She lifted her head to look Alex firmly in the eye, taking a steeling breath. "Myriad needs to be destroyed," she said. 

Alex nodded, relief and fierce pride in Astra crashing over her, then tugging at her, pulling her out of her pool of dread, giving her the strength to fight to the surface again. She stood, offering her hand and pulling Astra up along with her.

“Then that’s what we’re going to do,” she said. “We’re going to go to Fort Rozz, and we’re going to destroy the Omegahedron, shut Myriad down permanently.”

“How?” Astra asked, searching her carefully. “Neither of us can get to Fort Rozz—I don’t have the power to get us there, or to get past even _one_ of the guards there with these cuffs on, let alone hundreds of them.”

Alex looked down, mind racing. “So we go to the DEO first,” she said. “And we get J’onn to take your cuffs off.”

Astra blinked in surprise, but was quick to point out further flaws. “That still leaves just me against hundreds of Fort Rozz escapees,” she said. “With my powers or without them, I can’t take them on alone.”

“And what if you’re not alone?” Alex asked. “You told me a while ago that Non had to put this whole plan in place to get the Myriad transmitter from you so your men would accept him as their new General. You said they were loyal to you, that they wouldn’t accept him without your having named him in the event that you failed, or died in your mission to reclaim the transmitter.”

“Yes…?”

“So if they saw you, if they saw that you _hadn’t_ died in your mission getting the transmitter to them, would they listen to you?”

Astra hesitated. “I…I think the Kryptonians would, at least. They were with me long before Fort Rozz.”

“And how many of them are there again?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Is there a way you could contact them?” Alex asked. _“Just_ them?”

Astra’s brow creased as she thought. “On Krypton, we had a device called a Spy Beacon. We could signal each other with it, and find each other anywhere,” she said carefully. “Each of my men had one that paired with mine. I gave Kara one as well when she was young, so that we could always be in contact if we needed to be.”

Her voice became wistful at that.

“Do you still have it?” Alex asked after a moment, allowing her a small breath of time to hold onto that memory.

“It should be at the DEO,” Astra said. “Your human general removed it before his men tortured me.”

Alex tried not to wince at the memory, the first time she had really seen Astra in pain. “So, theoretically, if you had the Spy Beacon, you could signal your men,” she said, “and they would come to you.”

Astra hesitated thoughtfully. “Theoretically, yes.”

“Twenty-three of them.”

“Twenty-three of them.”

“Twenty-three of them that would be likely to remain loyal to _you.”_

Astra straightened at the question in her tone. “They are _my_ men,” she said with a sudden and fierce note of pride. “We headed countless missions together, we’ve all saved one another countless times. My bond with them is far stronger than anything Non could offer them.”

Alex smiled at the proclamation, the pride without arrogance. “So, with you and Kara,” she said, “that’s twenty-five Kryptonians. Plus J’onn. Plus me. Plus…” she dug in her pocket, pulling out the ten Myriad blockers Max had given her to examine—the ones she’d swiped while Max had prattled on and insulted her sister. “Plus ten of the DEO’s best agents. What do you think? Do you want to be the intrepid leader of a troop of Kryptonians, humans, and a Martian, break into Fort Rozz and get to that Omegahedron, shut down Myriad, and save the day?”

Astra searched her face in disbelief, almost like she wasn’t sure whether Alex was being serious or not. At the same time though, there was a small pull at the corners of her mouth, like the idea of putting together a minuscule guerrilla army such as this and going on a mission to save the planet’s inhabitants was lighting a fire in her that hadn’t burned in a long time. A fire that burned hot and bright, the way it had before all this, before Earth, before Fort Rozz, before Myriad. Just General Astra In-Ze, at the height of her career, at the height of optimism, and idealism, with the strength and passion and cleverness to achieve anything.

“And Max?” Astra asked with raised eyebrows, some part of her still resisting, still doubting. “Are we going to just leave him in your dining room while we do all this?”

“Ideally, yeah,” Alex said, grinning at that flicker of fire in her. 

“And what about your phone—what about J’onn and Kara, they must be waiting for us to come back inside to talk with them.”

“We’re gonna have to abandon that,” Alex said. “The phone won’t work the closer we get to Fort Rozz anyway. We’re just gonna have to hope that Kara will be listening for me.”

“I really wonder sometimes about whether you’re actually brave, or simply foolish.”

“Definitely foolish. But that doesn’t mean it won’t work. We count to three, you and I make a run for my totally destroyed car, floor it for the DEO, get those cuffs off you, rally the troops, save the world. That simple. But also—I feel like I should put in a request right now to be second in command.”

The pull at Astra’s lips was becoming a careful grin now. “Well the argyle sweater certainly demands that kind of respect,” she agreed.

Alex smiled at her. “So are we doing this?” she asked.

Astra looked at her searchingly again, the flicker of fire still tentative. Still, something must have sparked it a little higher—Alex dared to think it might have been because she took hold of Astra’s hand—because she nodded, quick, sharp, decisive. Fierce.

Alex almost felt stupid for smiling as wide as she was, knowing what they were about to face. But she smiled anyway, because she felt like she was seeing the whole Astra now, for the first time—the older, wiser, more cautious one, and the younger more hopeful, possibly reckless one. And that combination, the whole Astra…she seemed like she could lead entire _galaxies_ to freedom, brow creased in wisdom, eyes gleaming with hope. 

It was fucking breathtaking.

So—

“One?” Alex asked.

“Two,” Astra murmured.

“Three,” they both said.

“Lead on, General, that’s your cue,” Alex urged, and Astra grinned back, and squeezed her hand, and pulled her along at a sprint for the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk, I'm actually pretty sure Alex would look adorbs in argyle and polka dots. Astra too.
> 
> Also I'm sorry I just gave you a chapter with oodles of distressingly long monologuing. Just looking at some of them, I got a little woozy, so congrats if you were able to muddle through all that nonsense. Probably should have edited that way down. But I got impatient. Because I'm a boob. Sorry.
> 
> See y'all next chapter... :)


	21. Other

There was a lot that Alex said when she and Astra finally got to the DEO after having driven for nearly two hours through masses of people that seemed either brain dead, or buckled over in excruciating pain from the Myriad wave. There was a lot _to_ say, a lot to explain, and not much time to do it in.

Through all of it, Hank seemed to only hear three things:

_1) Take Astra’s cuffs off._

_2) Allow Astra access to her Spy Beacon._

_3) Allow Astra to use said Spy Beacon to summon twenty-three possibly hostile Kryptonian Fort Rozz escapees to the DEO._

Hank did not like any of those three things.

“Alex,” he growled, summoning her with a crook of his finger. She followed him stiffly in an effort to not look sheepish.

Once in a darkened, secluded hallway of the DEO, Hank pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, looking like he was trying to wrap his mind around the most complex equation he had ever come up against. 

“J’onn…”

“Alex, I am trying _extremely_ hard right now not to read your mind,” Hank interrupted. 

“I know.” She held his gaze as he opened his eyes slowly. “Thank you.”

He looked taken off-guard for only a split second, then shook his head, about to say something more. Alex beat him to it.

“I know how hard it is for you,” she said. “Well…that is…I _don’t_ know, not really. But I’m sure it has to be hard not to read me when it’d be so easy to. I’m really J’onn, it means a lot to me that you don’t try to read my mind, even though I know you want to sometimes. Probably now more than ever.”

His jaw twitched. “It would be nice to know why it is you think it’s safe to _trust_ Astra,” he confirmed, “after everything she’s done.”

Alex looked down. 

“You know I’d take you at your word in almost any other situation,” he told her gently, and Alex blinked in surprise because actually, she didn’t know that. “You’ve rarely, if ever, given me any reason to doubt you,” Hank went on, sounding a little pained, like this was difficult for him to say. “I haven’t trusted anyone the way I trust you for…hundreds of years. And in any other situation, that would be enough. But _this_ goes beyond you and me, or you, me, and Kara. I need something more than just faith this time.”

“Maybe if you just talked to Astra…”

“After the minefield of lies she planted around us all, I’d be pretty hard pressed to just _believe_ her.”

She sighed, wishing there was some kind of…“It’s too bad there couldn’t be some kind of object you could…I don’t know, have her hold, or wrap around her, or something, so you could see if she was telling the truth.”

Hank gave a tight, but genuinely amused smile. “You know, I actually knew someone with just such an object some time ago,” he said. “A lasso.” 

“Really?” Alex asked hopefully. “Well could you get in touch with him?”

“Her,” Hank corrected. “And no, if I know her, she’s probably out fighting all of the Fort Rozz prisoners that Non has been sending out to follow the trajectory of the wave as we speak. She would be right on the front lines of that.” He paused thoughtfully. “Assuming we get through all this, I probably should reach out to her—she’d be an excellent mentor for Kara.”

“But no help to us here,” Alex said. She sighed bracingly. “J’onn…if you…nothing I can _do_ or _say_ will convince you Astra can be trusted. But you said you trust me, and I…I’d trust you with my life. So. If this is what it takes to convince you…I’m…” She broke off, allowing herself the smallest of seconds to feel scared before forcing herself to be brave again. “You can read my mind—see my memories—if that’ll help you understand why I think—why I _know—_ Astra can be trusted.”

Hank looked at her for a long, silent moment, brow drawn firm, his stillness almost unnerving. “Are you absolutely certain?” he asked. “I understand that for humans, the ways of the mind are different. For Martians, it is only natural to be free of secrets—but I know humans value their secrets. I know sometimes you find strength in them. I don’t want to take that from you if you aren’t absolute on this decision.”

Alex shrugged tightly, already feeling her pulse starting to pound at the idea of having her mind opened up to him. “If seeing it for yourself is the only way for me to convince you, then…sure, I’m happy to do it,” she said through an utterly unconvincing smile. 

Hank looked at her for another silent moment, like he was still offering her the opportunity to back out, but when she didn’t, he reached forward and pressed the palm of his hand to her forehead.

That wasn’t necessary. Alex knew that. He could read a person’s mind without any kind of physical contact—there was no effort to it, she’d seen him read people’s minds before without doing so much as blink.

But he, like Astra, seemed to have picked up on the sense of comfort that human beings—fine, that _Alex—_ often got from physical contact. The hand on her forehead was a reassurance, as human as could be.

“J’onn—“ she warned quickly, hoping he hadn’t started yet, “it’s…it’s not all G-rated in there.”

“It never is, with anyone,” Hank told her, offering a small uptick of his lips. “But humans have a different interpretation of what is considered to be shameful than most telepaths. As I said, you all find it important to keep secrets of things you find shameful, but Martians hardly have any secrets at all, shame is different for us, it’s less rigid. _No one_ has a particularly ‘ _G-rated’_ mind. _You_ certainly didn’t when I first met you in that sobering cell in National City. And your memories…the unpleasant ones were always at the forefront of your mind, even if I was only reading your present thoughts. You rarely live in the now, Alex, you tend to relive past memories almost obsessively. And memories are powerful things—to humans, there is always an opinion attached, but I’m able to look back and see your memories objectively, I can glean the truth from—“

“I had sex with Astra,” Alex blurted.

Hank broke off from whatever poetic insights about memory he was waxing and stared at her, hand dropping from her forehead to rest stiffly at his side. He opened his mouth to say something, then broke off again, then started to say something else before breaking off again…

“Just…just so you’re forewarned,” Alex mumbled, face beet red. “I mean. You know. If you can…avoid…certain memories…or images…or whatever…just…there’s some of those in there. Um. A lot of those in there.”

Hank’s brow scrunched painfully, and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers again, like he was already preemptively trying to avoid those images before even having read her memories. “Alex,” he said, a little warningly through his teeth. “Please tell me your faith in Astra doesn’t rest solely on the fact that the two of you—“

“No!” Alex assured him fervently, shaking her head. “No, no, she’s…there’s been…we’ve…she and I…there’s more than just…” she huffed, trying to force herself to be more eloquent. “I mean, what she’s gone through these past few months, you have no idea how much she’s…she wants to stop Myriad, just as much as we do. Look.”

She took Hank’s hand and placed it on her forehead again, holding his gaze fiercely through the embarrassment she knew was about to come. “You said memories for humans always have an opinion attached to them, but _you_ see them objectively. You can see truth. Her truth. Even if it’s through me. Just.” She shut her eyes, bracing herself, pressing his palm even harder to her brow, trying to get him to see just how serious she was about what Astra wanted, about who she was. “Do it,” she told him.

She heard him exhale bracingly through his nose, and then…

If she hadn’t known what was happening, she’d have thought she’d just come down with a dull headache, nothing serious, though slightly uncomfortable. She’d have been annoyed, but not compelled to do even so much as drink any water or take any kind of pain killer. Just not worth more than an irritated grumble at not feeling her one hundred percent best.

Being _aware_ of what was happening, however, had her grinding her teeth. The knowledge that her thoughts, her memories, her thoughts during those memories, the memories in her thoughts in her memories…that all of these were completely open to Hank, made her feel like she was having her brain squeezed right out of her like she was a tube of toothpaste. In her panic, her thoughts spun fast, blurred—she tried to keep them still, didn’t know if it was making this all harder for Hank, or if he could navigate through it all by himself, and she hoped, god she fucking hoped he could see the honesty in Astra through her, and dear lord _above_ she hoped he wasn’t getting any X-rated visuals or sounds, because she wasn’t sure she’d be able to look him in the eye ever again if that was the case…

After a time, his hand slipped gently from her forehead, and she peeked her eyes open uncertainly, every muscle tight.

He was studying her carefully, no longer seeming to be reading her mind, but maybe still mulling her thoughts and memories over in his own mind.

“…Well?” she prompted timidly.

“You’re a skeptic,” Hank said, not exactly what she was expecting to hear. She cocked her head curiously at him. “I knew that when I first met you. A skeptic, two shots shy of being a pessimist.”

Alex wasn’t sure why that hurt so much. _Pessimist._ Maybe a younger version of her might have been proud of the word, maybe elevated it to _cynic,_ but _pessimist_ just sounded…ineffective. Dour. Pointless.

“That was _then,_ Alex,” Hank said, and she realized he must still be reading her mind. “Skepticism is in your nature. And a few years ago, it did lean towards pessimism. But now, it’s a tool you wield, and very efficiently. You use it to inform yourself, and others. It’s skepticism in the cleverest and most effectual of ways. And honestly, the only time I get a wayward expression from you—that I never _intentionally_ read—is around Kara. She never obliterates your skepticism, but she does add a glimmer of something else, something a little brighter. But these memories and thoughts you have of Astra…”

She braced herself again.

“She makes you consider,” Hank mused. She straightened curiously. “She makes you replace skepticism with consideration. She’s had quite the effect on you, in…well, in a positive way, I think.”

Alex tilted her head carefully. “Does that…”

“She’s been on the fence about Myriad for a long time, if what I’ve just read from you is true,” Hank interrupted. “A _very_ long time. And I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say she’s leaped completely off that fence into the next yard, but she’s taken a step down, and even another several steps _forward_ into that yard.” He exhaled a long, deep breath, gears working full speed. “I don’t know that I’ll ever trust her completely,” he warned. “I’ve told you, I can’t read Kryptonians. But it’s hard to argue with your memories, your interactions with her.”

“Interactions…”

“The verbal interactions,” Hank said quickly. He waved his hands like he was swatting away thoughts. “I did my best to avoid the…other…interactions.”

“Thank god,” she breathed in relief.

“I’m going to go get the key to her cuffs,” he said, “and I’ll need to search the evidence room for the Spy Beacon.” He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Thank you for this. I know how hard it is to open yourself up to people.”

“Yeah, well, fate of the world an all that,” Alex said with another weak shrug.

He gave her a gentle smile, and turned to find the key and Spy Beacon, and Alex did her best to keep herself from feeling as though she’d just been invaded.

*

“So, where exactly are the other DEO agents?” Alex asked Kara when she rejoined her and the others in the control room. 

“Oh, um,” Kara scratched the back of her neck, “J’onn and I sort of had to…corral them…into a couple of the containment cells down below. They were pretty violent when we first got here, though I think they’re all subdued now from the pressure of the Myriad wave. The signal’s weaker down here, but they’re in a lot of pain.” She sighed to steady herself. “I don’t know how long we have until the wave reaches its full strength. I…I hate Max Lord so much, but I am _so glad_ you have these blockers on.” She touched her fingers to Alex’s earrings, and offered a small, joyless smile. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you.”

“You’d carry on saving the day,” Alex said, “because that’s who you are.” She nudged her. “Besides, nothing bad is going to happen to me. You’re not the only badass in the family, remember?”

Kara’s smile turned a little more genuine, but the worry was still there in her crinkled brow. What with the looming battle ahead of them, Alex knew to be prepared for an onslaught of sappy sentiments from her little sister…and, fine, admittedly, maybe a few from herself. In fact, part of her wanted to launch right into a goddamn soliloquy about how important Kara was to her.

But then they both became aware of a different conversation happening some fifteen feet away from them.

Eliza was attempting to make small talk with Astra, and within seconds of hearing the current topic under discussion, Alex’s face turned the color of a stop sign, and Kara began fidgeting and casting her gaze wildly around the room like she was looking for the nearest pebble of Kryptonite to shove down her own throat.

“So…each time Kara called the house, she reported that you and Alex have been hard at work cleaning out the garage,” Eliza was saying conversationally to Astra.

Alex choked on nothing, sputtered, rasped in a jagged breath of humiliation.

“Very hard,” Astra confirmed lightly, gaze flicking over to Alex, then back to Eliza, so quickly, yet so irritatingly _aware,_ that Alex very nearly choked again. “Almost without stop.”

"I’ve got to say,” Eliza went on, “it’s refreshing, seeing that someone like you is actually willing to get their hands dirty.”

“Yes, Alex and I found that we’re both more than willing to get our hands dirty,” Astra said calmly, while Kara coughed loudly, and Alex shut her eyes and pretended this wasn’t happening.

“There was a lot to work with,” Eliza commented. “I guess I can understand why it took you two awhile to get to the phone sometimes, I know _I_ often have a hard time pulling myself out of a project when I’m in the middle of it, I tend to get pretty tied up.”

“I’m the same way,” Astra agreed. “Though really, it was Alex in particular who got completely tied up in it. Not that I ever heard her complain about it.”

Alex pulled the sleeves of her—of Kara’s—argyle sweater down farther over her hands to better hide the mildly rubbed red rings around her wrists, courtesy of having been tied to her headboard with Astra’s shirt.

“She’s alway been that way,” Eliza sighed fondly. “In any case though, I’m glad you two made it here alright. I’d imagine things are pretty intense out there.”

“They are,” Astra said. “Alex and I were both in good hands with each other, though.”

And that particular line, which should also have followed Astra’s infuriating pattern of confirming euphemism after euphemism, was actually delivered without a glint, without a needle, without a concealed wink. It was warm, and sincere, like this time, she really was just saying that she felt safe with Alex, that she believed Alex was safe with her. Even Kara seemed to pick up on the difference in tone and didn’t cringe this time.

But of course Astra had to ruin the whole thing by adding, “And speaking of hands, Alex was very good with hers. She’s stronger than she looks—it was hard, sweaty work, but cleaning out the garage with her ended up being _intensely_ pleasurable.”

That one got Eliza’s brow to furrow in some confusion, seeming to be mulling over that very peculiar description of what it was like to clean out a garage, while Kara shouted at the top of her lungs, “J’ONN, ANY SIGN OF THAT SPY BEACON YET?”

They all paused and listened, Kara nodding her head after a moment, still looking flustered by the conversation she and Alex had just overheard between Eliza and Astra.

“He says he’s just found it, he just needs to go get the keys for Aunt Astra’s cuffs,” Kara told them all what she knew they couldn’t hear. “He also wants me and Alex to meet him down on the second level where we have the rest of the DEO agents that were here when the Myriad wave hit. He needs you to put Max’s blockers on his top ten agents, get them all caught up.”

“Sounds good,” Alex agreed quickly, very eager to put some distance between herself and the conversation between her mother and Astra. “I’m just gonna go…” she swung her arms with their floppy argyle sleeves awkwardly, “…change first, I think, into something a little more practical.”

“Maybe something with a higher collar,” Kara suggested under her breath.

Alex hunched her shoulders up to her ears, trying to shrink into her sweater, and strode quickly to the locker rooms.

*

Astra rarely bore an expression that Alex would describe as particularly humble—certainly never around J’onn, or a handful of recently released and Myriad-blocked human agents. But at this moment, as she presented her wrists to J’onn to be released from the Kryptonite cuffs, her head was bowed, very nearly submissive. There was a stiffness to her body that bordered on trepidation, and Alex wondered if maybe she was actually _nervous_ to have her powers back. Her eyes darted to Alex and she seemed to be looking at her almost pleadingly, something Alex hadn’t expected.

So, Alex walked through the small, busy crowd of agents who were familiarizing themselves with the route map to Fort Rozz, and looking over new alterations to old weapons, ones they hoped would be able to be tailored to each species of escapees Astra had informed them would be guarding Myriad, and made her way over to Astra. She hesitated, then held her hand out to Hank.

“J’on—Director Henshaw, do you think it’d be alright if _I_ took her cuffs off?” she requested quietly.

Hank looked puzzled, a little guarded, and for a moment, Alex was certain he’d say no. But then he sighed with a heavy dose of resignation and handed the key over to her.

“These can still be put back _on,”_ he warned Astra. “Don’t give me reason to do that.”

Alex saw Astra bristle a little, but at least she withheld any particularly biting comments, and Hank left them to see to his men.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked Astra once he seemed fully occupied with them. She gestured in a sort of round-about way with the key. “This is what you want, right?”

“Yes, of course,” Astra said quickly, then hesitated. “I’m just…I don’t know what to expect, having my powers back. I haven’t had them at all since what Non and Indigo did to me, and…that all seems like a lifetime ago, to be honest. I don’t know.” She looked down. “I don’t want having my powers back to make me…different. To make me what I was at Fort Rozz.”

“You think there’s a correlation between the two?”

“No, of course not. But it’s…just, in my own mind, I’m…I don’t want _you_ to think of me differently. I’ve been practically like a human for the past while, and I’m afraid you may have gotten used to me as such. I just don’t want you to to suddenly think of me as… _Other._ Does that make sense?”

Alex took her hands gently, only distantly aware that Kara or Eliza might see the gesture. “Astra, no offense, but you never really let me forget you weren’t human,” she said, earning a small smile. “I’m actually pretty sure that every couple hours you accused me of having a ‘fragile human body’ and then criticized human music, and human transportation, and matches, and stoves. So. No, I never really stopped being aware of the fact that without those cuffs on, you’re capable of doing…incredible things.”

Astra seemed taken aback at the word ‘incredible,’ maybe having expected something negative. 

“Your powers are part of you,” Alex said with an awkward shrug. “But, having known Kara as long as I have, I don’t think they intrinsically change anything about your character. Like right now, you’re Astra who can punch me in the face and I’ll get disoriented for a second. Once we take these off, you’ll be Astra who can punch me in the face and my entire skull will crumple on first impact. But on the inside, you’ll still be Astra who secretly loves it when I top her.”

“That isn’t funny.”

“It’s true though.”

Astra huffed in annoyance, then offered her wrists again, stiffly.

“You’re not _‘Other’_ to me,” Alex pressed gently. “You’re just…Astra.”

_“‘Just’_ Astra,” Astra snorted haughtily. “That’s _General_ Astra In-Ze to you. Puny human,” she added.

Alex grinned at the tease, and cast her eyes down on Astra’s cuffs, inserting the key, and twisting until she heard the releasing _click._

When she looked back up at Astra, there was still concern etched across her brow, but she nodded, and Alex slipped the cuffs from her wrists.

Alex wasn’t exactly sure how to describe the look on Astra’s face, the alteration to her stance, to her entire presence as she was freed from all traces of Kryptonite touching her skin. What felt like lifetimes ago, when Alex had escorted her from her cell to the sparring room and taken off her cuffs so that she was subjected to Kryptonite _lights,_ but not Kryptonite actually touching her skin, Astra’s body had gone soft, and she’d sighed in relief.

This was different. First, there were no Kryptonite lights—she wasn’t being handed over from one type of Kryptonite to another. This was a full restoration of her powers. And the initial sigh of relief came a little choked this time, as if accompanied by some other emotion, maybe gratefulness, maybe just the feeling of having her power fully restored to her. And this time, her shoulders didn’t slump with relief. This time, she looked upward, arms spreading slowly outward to the sides like she was opening, like she was embracing, and a private smile broke across her face as she lifted gently a few feet into the air, eyes slipping closed with elation.

Alex breathed out an awe-struck laugh that may have had a little cry mixed up in it as she beheld Astra coming back to herself, and she felt Kara appear at her side, seeing her little sister’s face light up with joy out of the corner of her eye.

“Well? How does it feel up there?” Alex asked finally.

Astra tilted her head down to look at her, smile becoming a mischievous grin. “It feels like you’re very short, Agent Danvers,” she said. Alex scowled, but it was hard to be annoyed with a smile that bright. 

*

It was warm outside on the roof of the DEO, air soft, landscape dark, lit only by the stars, by the moon, by the shining blue device Astra held in the palm of her hand. 

It was just Alex and Astra up here, waiting. Waiting for the twenty-three Kryptonians from Fort Rozz to answer the signal sent from Astra’s Spy Beacon. Or not. It had only been twenty minutes since Astra had sent the signal, but what was twenty minutes for a Kryptonian who could fly from Fort Rozz to the DEO in easily half that amount of time? 

But maybe, with Astra’s perceived death, her men no longer carried the sister Beacons to Astra’s. Maybe they’d been disposed of, broken. Or maybe Astra’s men thought the signal a fluke. Or maybe their loyalties had shifted completely to Non. Maybe they were reporting the signal to Non, asking him, alerting him to the fact that Astra was still alive, and still a danger to them. Maybe this whole thing was a terrible idea.

Alex tried to quiet her thoughts. Hank, Kara, and her handful of DEO agents were waiting just inside the roof access, seconds away from them. Astra had been adamant that she meet her men alone, that she not put Alex, her niece, Hank, and her tiny human army in any danger if her men showed up and sensed something amiss. But Alex had gone with her anyway, because she wanted them to see a united front. Unthreatening for the time being, but present and clearly prepared for battle if need be. 

She’d taken the Kryptonite sword, pristine save for the small chip missing, as if it hadn’t been the catalyst for all this, and strapped it across her back. Astra had insisted upon it.

And so they waited in silence, Astra standing stiff-backed a little ways from the railing, hands clasped behind her in the perfect image of a proud, Kryptonian Geneal, bright blue from the Spy Beacon shining through her curled fingers. Alex stood more loosely, ready to go for her sword at a second’s notice—or ready to reach out and offer perhaps unwanted comfort to Astra if this should fail.

A light breeze whispered through the valley, and for a moment, that was all she could hear. She was grateful for it, the small reprieve from the stiffness around her—until she realized it wasn’t a breeze. It was the sound of twenty-three fully-powered Kryptonian soldiers tearing across the sky, halting mid-air no more than a yard away from Alex and Astra.

The shock on all their faces was palpable as they looked as they took Astra in. Each held a glowing blue Spy Beacon curled in their hands—their grips on the devices were white-knuckled, as if they couldn’t believe the sight before them, and needed to feel the edges of their Spy Beacons biting into their hands in order to ground what they were seeing in some kind of physical reality.

“General,” one of the men murmured finally in Kryptonese, and seemingly as one, all twenty three circled above and landed on the roof before them. “We were told you were dead…” he croaked, and all of a sudden, Alex could see the bond between them all. She recalled the stories Kara had told her about Astra, the missions she’d gone on, the way she had put herself in peril countless times in order to save her men, the years they had spent together as one, serving to protect Krypton, and Krypton’s allies throughout the galaxy. These weren’t just her soldiers, these were her friends, people she had trusted and who had trusted her implicitly for years and years.

Astra didn’t respond to the man with words, she simply strode forward, Spy Beacon proffered to touch hers to his. On contact, the man’s Beacon dulled to comfortable darkness, like it could rest now that it was with its sister device. She held his gaze for a moment, eyes soft, but intense, and then silently, she made her way down the line to each other soldier. With the last of the Beacons, hers finally went dark as well, reunited, satisfied, at peace. 

The Kryptonians hardly took notice of Alex. She knew they were aware of her, but if they were confused by her presence, Astra quickly put that to rest as she began to explain the situation in Kryptonese. Alex could only understand every few words, but it was enough to get a bare-bones gist.

She told them of Non’s deceit, of his alignment with Indigo. She told them of the treachery they had devised, the way theirs was no longer a mission to save this new world of theirs, but to destroy its inhabitants utterly and take the remains of the planet as their own. She told them of Indigo’s further plans to send the Myriad wave to other planets, a pathogen that, if governed carelessly, would ultimately cause nothing but the obliteration of all surrounding life. 

And then she told them of Alex. And Alex held herself high, refusing to shrink back as twenty-three pairs of Kryptonian eyes fell on her, hard and fierce. Astra made no move to stand protectively in front of her, knowing it would appear as a weakness, but her stance changed, like she was ready to spring in front of her at the slightest threat toward Alex.

No threat came. Her men continued to listen, continued to weigh each of Astra’s words. They straightened as her story wound down, and she squared her gaze, looking them full-on, not quite a challenge in her stance, but still an unyielding authority.

“It comes down to this,” she said, and she switched back into English, a switch that seemed to jar several of them. “At present, you are all equally sworn to me, and to Non. I cannot order you to do anything against him. But I can ask you.” Her eyes had softened, and a vulnerable sincerity trickled into her voice. She took a step closer to Alex, putting them both on equal ground in the eyes of her men. “Please. Help us. Help us stop Non and Indigo. Help us put an end to Myriad. Help us save the people of this planet as we were unable to save our own. We may not be Human, but we are Earthlings now. We are one people, and we have to protect each other, we have to go on as one, to fight for what is _our_ home— _ours,_ both Human, and Alien.” Her voice softened. “I cannot order you. But I am _asking you_ to stand by me—to stand by _us.”_

For several moments, there was only silence. Only silence, and glinting eyes flickering back and forth between her and Astra. Alex fingers curled, ready to go for her sword, knowing that Kara and J’onn were listening to every second of this exchange, ready to charge outside, to begin the war straight away if that was the course this was going to take.

Then the first man who had spoken when he first saw Astra stepped forward. “El Mayarah,” he said, and Alex recognized the phrase. _Stronger together._

He strode over to stand by Astra, and one by one the others followed, until only four remained. One, a woman, looked at Astra, face stricken, some mixture of shock, sorrow, anger, and betrayal on her face. 

“We served you loyally on Krypton,” she said bitterly. “We stood by you when you created Myriad, we helped implement it, enforced it, and were sentenced _proudly_ to Fort Rozz for it. For _you.”_ She shook her head, backing away a step. “Years in that prison, trapped, tortured—terrified. For _you._ Our _General.”_ She shook her head again. “I won’t allow those years taken from me to have gone for nothing.” She looked from one soldier to the next, fury in her eyes. “Protect your parasitic humans,” she sneered scathingly. “Betray the cause that took you here in the first place. I stand with General Non. May he turn Myriad on you next.”

And with those parting words, she sprung up into the sky, the three other like-minded soldiers following her in furious, silent solidarity. Nineteen Kryptonian soldiers, Astra, and Alex stood atop the roof, frozen in the wake of their departure. 

At last, Astra took Alex’s arm, grip firm, eyes dark, determined. “So begins the war,” she said, and Alex gripped her hand back as the soldiers lifted their fists to their chests, and nodded as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ABANDONED YOU AGAIN, I’M SO SORRY!! Crazy days and crazy nights. And vet appointments for my mean old cat who now has to eat canned alligator meat because of some digestive something or other. I’m not even kidding. My cat is now eating alligators for dinner.
> 
> But I’m back, thanks for your patience! Also I just watched Wonder Woman so I had to throw that completely irrelevant little bit about the lasso of truth in there when J’onn and Alex are chatting just because I REALLY WANT DIANA TO BE KARA’S MENTOR AND THEY FIGHT BAD GUYS TOGETHER AND THEN JUST EAT ICE CREAM ALL THE TIME. I AM SO EXCITED THAT WONDER WOMAN LIKES ICE CREAM JUST AS MUCH AS KARA, THAT MAY HAVE BEEN MY FAVORITE PART OF THE MOVIE.
> 
> But anyway. That’s all till next time…:)


	22. From Living Memory

“I can go in instead,” Kara said.

“No.”

“Aunt Astra, if you’re not ready for this…”

“She has information I should hear for myself,” Astra interrupted. “And besides, it’s like Alexandra said.” She nodded her head with cast-down eyes at Alex. “It isn’t really Alura.”

Both Alex and Kara still hesitated, blocking Astra from the door to the Kryptonian AI room that Alex had set up all those months ago. The AI room in which Kara could commune with the collective archived information of everything concerning Krypton. The program called “From Living Memory.” 

The program that took the holographic form of Alura Zor-El.

Alex would never forget the day that Kara had stormed into that room after Astra had told her that Alura had used her in order to have her apprehended. She would never forget the way Kara had shouted at the hologram, demanded, pleaded, then screamed, as if it really was Alura—the _real_ Alura—before her. And then that shattered look on her face after she’d obliterated the hologram with her heat vision, unable to look at even a fabricated version of her mother—because to her, in that moment, it _was_ Alura, Alura who had betrayed her, betrayed Astra, betrayed all of Krypton as far as she could see.

And then, once that day was behind them and forgiven, there were those few times Alex had accidentally walked past a not-quite closed door, hearing Kara talking to the hologram—talking about her day at CatCo, about her job, about lousy dates she’d just been on, about stupid, inconsequential things that had absolutely nothing to do with the DEO, or her life as Supergirl—as if it was really her mother. Just catching up, like their world had never ended, like they’d never lost each other. And all Alura’s hologram could do was listen, and blink, and offer canned, empty words of encouragement. And it wasn’t Alura, it absolutely wasn’t, and Kara knew that just as well as Alex did. But to see her face, to hear her voice…Alex knew that there was a part of Kara that couldn’t quite let go, like this holographic image was a ghost, rather than just an archive of information fashioned together in the shape of her mother. A ghost who could understand her, feel for her, protect her in a way no human ever could, just like the real Alura would.

And now, Astra wanted in that room. 

“The years I spent imprisoned in Fort Rozz were contained,” Astra had explained to them moments before back in the control room. “It wasn’t until Fort Rozz collided with Earth that most of us were able to break free from our cells. And even for the past twelve years, I have primarily used it as a base of operations, no more. For a while when we first crashed, I tried mapping the entire prison out, tried to find every passage, every doorway, every hall, every chamber, every cell. But ultimately, my attention was taken elsewhere as I began traveling the Earth, seeing its self-destructive path. My focus shifted completely to recreating Myriad, and I never finished completely mapping out the entirety of Fort Rozz. But the Kryptonian AI you spoke of is likely to have those layouts, not to mention a complete roster of every criminal sentenced there, and all of their strengths, and all of their weaknesses. I gave J’onn J’onzz the map to Fort Rozz, and the map to my particular cell where I finished recreating Myriad, but there are endless passages through there that I don’t know—ones we could use to get in unnoticed, or at least with somewhat less attention, given that our army consists of exactly thirty-three individuals, only half of which actually have powers beyond those of a human. We are severely lacking in the brute force we would require in order to break through the hundreds of Fort Rozz inhabitants, most of which are loyal to Non. But if we can get in without being noticed, it will be significantly easier to take them down from the inside. And with the complete roster of criminals, we will be able to make more efficient alterations to your arsenal here…”

And so on. All said and done, Hank had agreed with her, and pointed her in the direction of the AI room. And maybe it was just because he hadn’t remembered, or hadn’t made the connection, but Alex and Kara had sprinted after her, getting between her and the door to the AI room before she could enter. 

“Aunt Astra, wait, it’s—it’s my mom in there. From Living Memory…it looks like my mom,” Kara had breathed, eyes desperate, and Astra looked like she’d been struck.

And now here they were, both trying to convince Astra that Kara should be the one to go in, that she could report everything Alura’s AI told her back to Astra. But Astra was holding firm, saying that she needed to hear that information from the source. Which, from a tactical standpoint, did make sense. Realistically, Kara wouldn’t be able to just rattle off instructions and layouts and rosters, and she wouldn’t be able to put that information together in a way that would benefit a military expedition. But it was an instinct, the same one Alex had, to protect Astra from harm.

“I can tell a hologram from my sister, Kara,” Astra said patiently, with a tightness to her voice that somewhat undermined her words. She must have heard that tightness herself, because she quickly offered that particular smile Alex only ever saw her direct at her niece, and reached out affectionately to tuck Kara’s hair behind her ear. “I promise I’ll be alright.”

Kara straightened, inhaling sharply, nodding, giving in, and Alex, knowing there was nothing more she could say, exhaled slowly, as steadily as she could. She pointed to the panel to the left of the door, and its screen, the projection of which quickly took the shape of a hand as its sensors picked up on movement within its sphere.

“It’ll only open for Kryptonians,” she said, and took a step back to allow Astra access to it.

For all her projected confidence, Astra faltered for a moment, looking down at the glowing outline of the hand. She reached out, then stopped, taking a shaky breath, like she was bracing herself, like it was Alura’s hand she was about to touch, and then placed it into the center, pressing down with an odd tenderness.

She jumped slightly as the door slid open, and took a careful step forward, like she was afraid she was about to fall from the edge of a cliff, and plummet down into the unknown. Alex slid her hand over her arm gently.

“You can end the program at any time,” she assured her. Then she angled her head, catching Astra’s gaze, holding firmly. “Kara and I will be just outside taking inventory in the control room with the others. Okay? We won’t be far.”

Astra nodded, just once, a stiff, almost painful-looking motion, and she stepped into the room, sealing herself in with the Living Memory of Alura Zor-El.

*

“She’s been in there a long time,” Kara said anxiously, craning her neck above the bent heads of the soldiers-turned-weapons technicians as if to see through to the AI room, despite its lead lining. “Do you think she’s okay? Do you think we should go see—“

“Kara,” Alex interrupted gently. “I know you’re worried about her, but there’s nothing we can do from here. Astra’s strong, she’ll be alright.”

Kara pursed her lips to keep from protesting, and bent her head along with the other technicians, following their movements as they delicately pulled apart an old ultra-ray bazooka that hadn’t been used in years.

“There,” one of the technicians said, and Kara applied her heat vision, melding two pieces together which, in theory, would make for quicker repetitive rounds. 

“You don’t know what it’s like, seeing her,” Kara murmured, shaking her head once it was done. “I know Astra said she could tell a hologram from my mom, but it’s…and for her…”

Alex nodded, putting her hand over Kara’s wrist. “Do you want me to go check on her?” she asked. 

“Please.” The overwhelming amount of gratitude flowing from Kara made her feel cold somehow. “I have to keep helping here, but if you could…”

“I’ve got her,” Alex said quickly, and squeezed her wrist reassuringly. “I’ll make sure the two of them are playing nicely.”

Kara offered a weak but genuine smile, and turned her attention back to the technicians as they continued to pick apart the mound of devices strewn over the table.

It was strange, walking down the hall to the AI room and not having to dodge dozens of agents working various parts of multiple missions. So empty now, so quiet, with all human and Kryptonian soldiers at work, isolated to the control room. The DEO was underground, of course, already a cave in a sense, but with no one around, it seemed more and more like a twisting, luminous cavern.

When she finally reached the AI room, she remembered what she had told Astra—the door would only open for a Kryptonian. So she hesitated awkwardly, afraid she would be interrupting something important, but finally knocked carefully, knuckles hitting the metal frame with flat, lifeless taps.

“Astra?” she called, not even sure she could be heard through the door.

But of course she could be. Kryptonian hearing. It took only seconds before the door slid open from the inside, Astra obviously having hit the release on the wall beside her.

It took a moment for Alex to see her as she stepped inside, letting the door slide closed behind her. She had expected a rigid, strong-stanced Astra staring Alura down in the center of the floor—knowing Astra, emotions would be shooting through her like electric currents, but she’d be stoic on the outside if nothing else.

And more than likely, that was how she had started out. More than likely, that was how this all began, that was how Astra had taken in the information the AI was providing her with. 

But Astra’s “discussion” with the AI construct seemed to have been ended for quite some time now—Kara was right, Astra had been in here longer than seemed necessary, and there was a reason for that. Namely, that Astra had long abandoned her show of unyielding resolve, and had retreated to the back of the room, sitting crouched against the far wall with her arms circled around her knees, simply gazing at Alura’s impassive form. From anyone else, the position would have looked broken, afraid. But from Astra, it looked more like she was trying to understand, rather than trying to hide. 

“Hey,” Alex called to her softly. “Can I come in?”

“You’re already in,” Astra said without looking at her, voice somewhat distant.

“Right, but can I…?”

Astra finally gave her a look, and patted the floor beside herself in invitation, so Alex settled in beside her, shoulder to shoulder.

“I haven’t been crouched here this whole time,” Astra said in mild, preemptive self-defense. “Just so you know.”

“No, I didn’t think you had been.”

“I know this is all time-sensitive, I didn’t mean to hold things up.”

“You’re not holding anything up, Astra, honestly we’re still just taking inventory out there, fixing some things up.”

“Still,” Astra said. “I have all the information we need. I can begin briefings with our men at any time.”

Alex looked at her carefully. “So what are you still doing in here?” she asked gently, suspecting she knew the answer, but wanting to give Astra the chance to say it if she wanted to.

“Because,” Astra said, eyes welling up abruptly as she gestured at the hologram, as if that gesture answered everything. Her lower lip trembled. “Just… _look_ at her.”

Alex obeyed, some locked-away part of her hating the hologram. Remembering how she had begged it to tell her how to save Kara from the Black Mercy, remembering how empty its responses were to Kara, how cold, how unfeeling. It wasn’t Alura. Of _course_ it wasn’t Alura. All it was was a collection of information. From Living Memory. 

But it was hard to separate the two, especially since Alex had never met the real one. This empty, translucent shell…its living creator had sent Kara away, had betrayed Astra, had allowed for Krypton’s destruction…cold and empty, maybe this thing was _exactly_ the way the real Alura had been. All of Kara’s stories about her, about how strong, and kind, and warm, and loving her mother was…they all evaporated at the sight of the AI.

Alex hated it.

But Astra’s arm was still stretched out toward it, tears shining in her eyes, and there was love there. Not from the hologram, but flickering tentatively in Astra’s eyes. She loved Alura. _Had_ loved Alura.

“I don’t know why I did it,” Astra said, voice hushed, “but when I was done getting the information from her, when I was about to end the program, about to leave…for a moment, she looked so real. I think it was just that I moved away from one of the lights, but it looked like her eyes just…lit up. The way they used to. And I thought…just by saying the right words, I had gotten every piece of information she knew about Fort Rozz, its history, its construction, its purpose, its inhabitants…all I’d had to say were the words _Fort Rozz_ and she immediately began giving me every piece of information I asked for. So…for a moment, when she looked so alive, and so real…I said my own name to her.”

Alex cocked her head in surprise. “Why?”

“I know she isn’t Alura,” Astra tried to explain, “but Alura did make her—or, contributed to her, I suppose. So anything the AI had to say still came from Alura herself, and I guess…I guess I just wanted to know the definition she would give of me if she were still here.”

“And what did she say?”

“She told me my lineage,” Astra said with a shrug. “My place in the military, missions I had spearheaded, or been a part of. A basic outline of accomplishments, locations visited, infirmary admittances even. She went down the list of all of these, until finally saying that I was the creator of the Myriad program, the specifics of which were classified. She wouldn’t reveal what Myriad was, I’m assuming this was mandated by policy makers on Krypton. So I redirected her definition back to me.”

She smiled, a quick, sad smile to herself before continuing. “Part of the information she had on me consisted of training I’d had, education, fighting style…and as a part of all that, there was an evaluation of my character, my traits.” She looked down at her hands clasped around her knees. “The first word she used was _dangerous.”_ Her thumbs tapped against each other restlessly. “There were other traits and accomplishments listed, but the first one was _dangerous._ And I realize the whole point of From Living Memory was to provide Kara with information she could use to protect herself, and to carry on Krypton’s legacy, so informing Kara that I was…dangerous…I’m sure that seemed necessary at the time.”

“Still painful to hear it, though,” Alex finished for her with a gentle nod, coiling the streak of white absently, soothingly around her finger.

“Very.” Astra sighed shakily. “But after all that was said…the words changed, almost like these weren’t being censored anymore by a third party. Descriptions like _devoted and loving aunt, soldier, sister…_ it was almost like a eulogy, and part of me wonders if maybe Alura added those in later after I’d been sentenced, maybe when she knew there was no hope for Krypton, just for Kara to hear. I was just…surprised to hear the change, and I reached out, I forgot she was just a hologram for a moment, and I touched her cheek…” Astra pressed her lips together, shutting down on her voice before it could become too broken. She took a breath. “I tried to touch her cheek, but there was nothing there. I had…a moment of stupidity, thinking she was real, and when she wasn’t, I just…” She gestured at herself, at their current location on the floor. “I just wanted to look at her. See if maybe her words might come alive, or her eyes, or…” She broke off again, hand falling to brush absently at Alex’s arm, self-soothing through physical contact.

“I hate what she took from me,” she said quietly. “But I love her…loved her…more than anyone, or anything in my entire life. She and I were so different, but she knew me. She knew me better than _I_ knew me, and I knew her better than she knew herself. In that way, when we were together, we were whole, we were what we would have been had we been one person, the way it was intended through the Codex. I never felt more myself than when I was with her, and I just…” Her lower lip trembled, and she tried to sigh through it. “I just miss her so much.”

She crumbled then, and Alex wrapped her arms tight around shaking shoulders, pulling her in close as Astra finally let go of what she’d been trying so hard to hold in.

“And seeing her, and listening to her,” she sobbed finally, “part of it was like seeing _me,_ listening to _me—_ both of us there, with words like _dangerous,_ and _volatile,_ and then a veritable eulogy, like _both_ of us were saying it, and I’ve let her down, I’ve let both of us down…”

“No,” Alex said vehemently, pressing hard against her, wanting her to feel just how much she disagreed. “No, you haven’t let anyone down, Astra…”

Astra didn’t seem to have the words to argue, simply clutched at her, tears flowing freely in a way Alex had never expected to see. And maybe it was in that release that Alex found she didn’t hate Alura anymore. Because there was something in Astra’s cry that wasn’t broken, but purging. And maybe she had needed this. Maybe she had needed to see her sister one more time, hear her words, both cold and distant, and then again with a careful warmth, some realness that had caused the last few walls of Astra’s resistance toward herself to crumble, the chance to grieve both Alura and her past self.

“You haven’t let anyone down,” Alex said again, pressing her lips softly to Astra’s temple, to her cheek, holding her so that she could cry unabashedly, but not feel alone. “Definitely not Alura. She would be proud of you.”

Astra choked on a sob.

“She would,” Alex said again, holding her tighter. “She would be so proud of you, just like Kara is, just like I am.”

Astra continued to cry, mostly silently, for a long moment, head buried in Alex’s neck, hands clutching, fingers brushing in that self-soothing way against her bare arm. 

And Alex almost said it. She came so close to saying it, to saying those three stupid words she’d been trying and failing to say for too long now, but Astra’s crying seemed to be subsiding, and the return of _now_ had Alex shying away from those words again. Better to just hold her. That probably mattered more anyway.

Astra straightened up out of her hold slowly, cradling Alex’s face in her hands, cheeks streaked wet with subsiding tears. She offered a small, self-conscious twitch of her lips that was very near a smile.

“You make for a very good shoulder to cry on,” she said finally, with a weak attempt at humor to lighten and maybe cover up that emotional release.

“Well I’ve been working out,” Alex answered, her own attempt at humor equally…stupid.

Astra skimmed her knuckles gently down Alex’s cheek, seeming to just take her in, while Alex couldn’t focus on anything except the last few teardrops caught in Astra’s eyelashes. They’d never fall, they’d dry there, remain there, and maybe that was a good thing that Astra would never be rid of those tears.

Well, realistically, she’d be rid of them as soon as she washed her face.

But in more of a poetic world.

It gave Alex some surprising sense of comfort, knowing that, if nothing else, Alura’s memory would always be reflected in Astra’s eyes because of those tears—not just in the identical face Astra would see every time she looked in a mirror, but Alura’s _real_ memory, and Astra’s real purging of their history.

Astra squeezed her shoulder warmly—the shoulder she had just praised as worthy of being cried upon, the shoulder Alex had just tried to pretend she’d been muscling up for months purely for the sole purpose of supporting Astra. Which, maybe was true, in some weird sense.

“I’ll be out in a moment to begin briefings with our men,” Astra said, voice still soft, “if you’ll just give me a moment to say goodbye…”

“Take your time,” Alex said quickly, warmed by that sentiment, _our_ men. She pressed her lips chastely to Astra’s, and stood, making her way to the door. Before she opened it, she added, “Sorry I just kissed you in front of your sister.”

Astra smiled then, quickly covering by pursing her lips. “Assume that I’ll soon be kissing you in front of yours,” she returned, humor coming back slowly but ever so surely, a careful sunrise. “We can call it even then.”

Alex wrinkled her nose in a half-laugh, half sign of disgust, and waved her off, exiting the room.

She leaned against the back of the closed door once she was out in the hallway, closing her eyes with a deep sigh. Her shoulder still felt warm from where Astra’s head had rested, her neck still wet from tears she’d never expected to see fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So kind of a filler chapter? It didn’t really contribute all that much to the plot, but back in Season 1 when the writers fooled me into thinking we were all going to have a redemption arc for Astra, I really wanted to see what it would be like for Astra to “meet” Alura’s hologram. So I decided to be self indulgent again, and wrote this scene, more for my own self than any real plot points. Having said that, the next (final) few chapters are going to be more on the action-y side of things, and will be updated faster than this last one, so hang in there, and thanks for putting up with this one! See you shortly!


	23. A Handful of Good

Astra’s first words upon coming back to the control room from the AI set-up were a very critical, “What is _that?”_ and Alex had to wonder if Astra really did have something against short people.

_“That_ is Cat Grant,” Alex explained, following Astra’s gaze to the petite blonde woman in a pantsuit checkered in black and white patterns so sharp, she looked like she was dressed in a suit made of knives. Which, knowing what little she did of Cat Grant through Kara, didn’t seem entirely out of the realm of possibility.

“It’s so small,” Astra observed, with a crease to her brow. “Why is my niece cowering before something so small?”

“She’s not _that_ small,” Alex said, raising her eyebrows. “Astra, seriously, was there _no one_ on Krypton shorter than like, five-nine?”

“If there was, I obviously didn’t notice them, as they were below my line of vision.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “You’re hilarious. No, that’s just Kara’s boss. She’s been griping at her for the last ten minutes straight for not having thought to bring her in on all this sooner.”

Astra’s brow scrunched again. “She is DEO then?”

“No, she’s…she just feels entitled to knowing everything Supergirl knows because she branded her.” The second the words were out of her mouth, she knew she’d made a mistake as Astra’s eyes narrowed and she began to stalk forward. “Not—“ Alex reached out and stopped her, “—not like _brand_ like branding cattle—brand like she’s the one who named her Supergirl, she’s the one who covers her stories in her magazine, she kind of thinks she ‘discovered’ her…”

“I don’t like it,” Astra interrupted shortly.

“She’s not all bad,” Alex placated. “I mean, I don’t really know her, but I guess she’s been this huge inspiration to Kara.”

“Hmph,” was all Astra had to say to that.

“She just showed up while you and I were in the AI room, apparently,” Alex told her.

“She _‘just showed up’_ to a secret government facility?” Astra asked critically.

“Yeah, you’d be surprised how often that happens,” Alex muttered a little darkly. Then she braced herself for the next part she was about to reveal. “Max brought her in, actually.”

Astra turned to her slowly, one eyebrow arched so high, and so dangerously, that Alex actually faltered for a second.

“Please feel free to expound that statement, Alexandra, I’m all ears,” Astra prompted in a low growl.

Astra had always been formidable, but up until this point, it occurred to Alex that she had never actually been _afraid_ of her. Threatened by her, certainly. But never afraid.

Right now, however, the Kryptonian General was absolutely terrifying, and she wasn’t even doing anything yet. Drawn up to her full height, fire in her eyes, fists and jaw clenched—and then completely abruptly, Alex’s fear evaporated almost as quickly as it had come on, and she felt a little melty. Astra had been unsurprised by Max’s  betrayal before, having said that there were dozens of people across dozens of worlds she had met that had responded almost identically to him in the face of a crisis. So barring that, there were exactly two things that Astra knew about Max Lord that had earned him her hatred—one, that he had hurt Kara, subjecting her to the Red Kryptonite, and two, that he had (Alex felt overwhelming discomfort at the idea) a strange obsession with Alex. 

Astra was being overly protective, and Alex was torn between wanting to flee from her, and wanting to hug her.

When the eyebrow arched impatiently even higher, Alex decided it best to do neither, and just explain the situation in as quick and harmless a way as possible.

“It was—so I guess since we got here yesterday, J’onn has been in contact with um…with…General Lane…”

A muscle in Astra’s jaw twitched. “Another one of my favorite humans,” she drawled. “I already hate whatever this is.”

“I know, but…alright. So. Reality of the situation, J’onn’s been in contact with the President, and with General Lane and his men. I guess Myriad’s…” She tried to remember how exactly J’onn had explained it. “So, the first wave Myriad put out was to take hold of people’s minds, to control them, right.”

Astra nodded, following her. 

“Well, according to J’onn and Lane, that wave is still going, it’s still spreading—just the way any wave would. It hasn’t just _stopped_ or…morphed into some other thing—this other frequency that Non and Indigo sent out, the one that’s meant to _kill_ people, is a second, separate wave. The US government has been tracking it—it moves slower than the first wave. Non and Indigo must have calculated that as well, because right now, in all the places the first wave has touched, people are becoming violent, they’re turning on each other…” she swallowed. “It’s like Non and Indigo decided the second wave isn’t killing people fast enough.”

Astra’s eyes narrowed, and her body turned rigid, as if cold water was hitting her, and Alex wasn’t sure how to comfort her, wasn’t sure how to offer support to someone whose husband had gone from wanting to control humanity in the guise of self-defense, to wanting to exterminate it as quickly as possible. And Astra had told her, on retrospect, part of her had always known Non’s feelings toward the human race were darker than hers, and more violent, but this…Alex bit the inside of her cheek, an absent and pitiful need to hurt a little in solidarity for the pain Astra must be feeling.

“So,” Astra said finally. “Non has decided to force people to be what he always feared they were.”

Alex nodded, throat tightening. “Lane thinks Non and Indigo must have issued an order through the first wave that’s making people go after each other. Those that aren’t being killed by the second wave are being forced to kill _each other_ by the first wave. It’s…” She looked down, refusing to picture what Hank had described to her. “It’s a slaughter out there.”

When she looked back up again, Astra no longer had that narrow-eyed eyed look. She looked…horrified. Enraged, and horrified. Alex gripped her hard by the hands, knowing that guilt she was slipping back into, a renewed fear of what she had created, a renewed fear of herself.

“It’s okay,” Alex said quickly. It wasn’t okay. Not by a fucking long shot. But Alex needed her focus right now. “Astra, look at me, it’s okay. J’onn and Lane were able to come up with…kind of a shitty plan, but it’s about all we’ve got right now.”

Astra’s exhalation at that seemed oddly threatening for what was a normal part of the respiratory process. “Which is?” she asked.

“They made a deal with Max.”

Astra looked like she was about to set the entire place on fire with her eyes. Which…actually, now that her cuffs were off, Alex remembered she _could do_ at just about any second.

“And that deal is?” she prompted through gritted teeth.

Alex grit her teeth too, actually, at what she was about to say. “Above my pay grade, apparently,” she said bitterly. “I don’t know. Even J’onn won’t tell me. Whatever it is, though, it’s convinced Max to help block the first wave.”

“How?”

“A mass broadcast,” Alex said. “It’ll air on every electronic device Max is able to establish a signal with, all across the world. It won’t be a wave, it’s a simultaneous broadcast which should reach every device at once. It’s nothing that would be able to jam the second wave, but he thinks it could snap people out of the first wave if nothing else.”

“And the broadcast? What is it?”

“Well, that’s where Cat Grant comes in,” Alex said. “Kara suggested the DEO bring her on for this, actually—see, Cat Grant’s known as the ‘queen of all media’ here. If anyone has a chance at creating content that will actually reach people on a level that will disrupt the Myriad wave just enough that Max’s signal comes through, it’s her.”

“And what is the content she will be broadcasting?”

“Supergirl,” Alex said. “She wants to spread a message of…hope…sounds idiotic—“

“—Indeed—“

“—but Max is convinced that type of broadcast interacts with the emotional part of a person’s subconscious. It won’t be enough to jar everyone out of it, but it should provide an in for Max’s signal to take hold. Cat thinks the best representative of hope they have right now, at least in the Western world, is Supergirl. Superman—Kal El—he’s out of the picture, Myriad took him down like it would a human. But Supergirl, and her symbol…Cat thinks it will be enough.”

Astra nodded, finally looking at least _somewhat_ like she was considering a sliver of likelihood to this plan. 

…Alex wasn’t, however.

“You seem more doubtful than I do, why is that?” Astra asked, tilting her head inquisitively.

Alex shook her head. “Something Kara started to say to me before Cat ambushed her,” she said. “It’s almost like she’s not sure she’s up to it…”

“That’s ridiculous,” Astra said in surprise. “Kara has never shied away from anything, not even as a child. Certainly not here.”

“Yeah, I don’t get it either,” Alex said. “I didn’t get a chance to ask her about it before Cat started berating her for not telling her the DEO existed, or anything else she has absolutely no right to know about.” She shrugged, shoulders tense. “Anyway, pretty much means the plan’s changed around a little. _We_ don’t have time to wait around and make sure the broadcast goes through—that’s Kara’s job, and Max’s, and Cat’s. They’re on duty to save what civilians they can. You, me, J’onn, Lane, the DEO agents we’ve got, and your men have to press on to Fort Rozz. We’ve kind of got a war on two fronts going—our unit’s going to be weaker without Kara, but she needs to be able to protect people from the Myriad waves. The rest of us just need to stop any more waves from being sent through at all.”

Astra nodded and held up the device Hank had given her before she went into the AI room, a device designed for her to copy what information Alura’s AI had given her so that she could bring it to their men. “I have the completed schematics to Fort Rozz here,” she said, “as well as the complete roster of prisoners. From looking at it, I think I may already know how we can get in undetected, but that will take some further reconnaissance once we get within bounds. If you would make sure a copy of the information here is given to each of our men so they can begin specialized alterations to their weapons, that would expedite the process. In the meantime…” she sighed stiffly, looking over to where Cat was continuing to verbally assault Kara, “…I’m going to go rescue my niece.”

*

It was a little difficult for Alex to pay full attention to Astra as she briefed them all on how their infiltration of Fort Rozz was to be carried out. She got the gist—tunnels to be dug, garbage disposal chutes, broken arcs of the Fort from its impact into the Earth, cut-off tunnels, damages to their advantage, damages to their disadvantage, a host of various barriers, guards, et cetera…but Alex was too focused on the way Astra was standing to visualize their mission the way she normally would.

Astra’s stance was stiff. Astra’s stance was _never_ stiff. Strong, unmovable, certainly. But never stiff. If anything, it was often languid, fluid—this here looked brittle, like she was on the verge of snapping right in half.

Of course, she was currently standing next to the man who, in some ways, had very nearly snapped her in half, if only in her mind; General Samuel Lane stood less than an arms length away from her, hands clasped behind his back as he looked out over Alex and the rest of their tiny army. 

He had been instructed by the President to defer completely to Astra in all matters concerning this mission, and thus far, he had done so. He stood beside her and Hank, listening attentively as she laid out their plan of attack, answering honestly and succinctly to anything she demanded of him. But though there was no visible, outward contention, Alex was pretty sure she could suffocate in the amount of unspoken tension between them. 

Felt like she could suffocate in both the tension and contention twisting in her own gut.

She hadn’t stopped him from injecting the liquified Kryptonite into Astra all those months ago when they had been trying to find out where Hank had been taken. The thought made her want to vomit—it had made her sick even then, pulling Kara away from her, away from the Kryptonite, hearing Astra scream as the doors to the cell slid closed. She hadn’t known Astra then, not the way she did now, but she had _never_ wanted that for her—she’d never wanted it for _anyone_. But she’d needed to get Kara out of there. That had been her priority, above all else, Kara.

But seeing Astra and General Lane side by side now…Alex felt somewhere between wanting to lunge forward and strangle him, and wanting to collapse with sickness at what she hadn’t done to stop him from torturing her all those months ago. She wondered if Astra felt that same sickness, having to stand beside him, having to trust him. They weren’t just putting aside differences, they were having to ignore the fact that he was terrified of her, and that she continued to live with the horror of what he had done to her.

He wasn’t an evil man, that’s what Hank had said, and maybe he wasn’t evil in the way that Non was, or that Indigo was, but looking at him here, now, Alex hated him, hated the very air he breathed. Wondered how Astra had the strength to stand there, so close to him. Not just strong enough—willing to, willing to be strong enough in order to stop Myriad, because his presence was deemed necessary by the President, and there would be no pulling this off without him. 

That Astra still had that strength, after all this…Alex hoped beyond all hope that soon, she wouldn’t have to be that strong, she could let Alex support her. They could just hold onto each other and…breathe for a second, exist for just a moment where there was no General Lane, no Non, no Indigo, no Myriad…just them. Just…a breath. 

But that breath couldn’t be taken right now.

First, she needed to kick Non back into the Phantom Zone where he belonged. And if she accidentally happened to elbow General Lane in the eyeball along the way, well, no one could fault her for that.

*

Kara pulled her aside as she began gearing up after Astra’s briefing, and Alex was actually relieved that it was Kara that came to her, rather than the other way around. The thought of going up to her, of trying to start off this conversation, say the right words, a goodbye she was going to pretend didn’t have the slightest chance of being permanent, that _of course_ everything was going to be fine, there was no reason for them to fear being separated…she didn’t have the right words for that. She didn’t even know how to begin something like that.

But when Kara pulled her aside, it wasn’t for a goodbye.

“Alex…what if it doesn’t work?” Kara asked, voice hushed. “Max’s broadcast…what if it isn’t enough?”

Alex sighed, hunching her shoulders. “Kara, I hate to say this, but Max _is_ a genius, he’ll be able to get that signal to work—“

“Not the signal,” Kara said, shaking her head. “My part.” She blew out a nervous breath. “Cat’s written this amazing speech, and by projecting my voice, and my symbol…that’s supposed to jar people’s brainwaves enough that Max’s signal can get in…but what if my voice and my symbol aren’t…what if people don’t see me the same way as before?”

Alex frowned. It was rare to see Kara doubt herself so much, to see herself as…ineffective. Like she'd already been defeated. Although come to think of it, she had been acting this way more and more since Alex’s return from having been held hostage at Fort Rozz. It seemed so out of character, like she was afraid of everything that had made her a hero before. 

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I told you when you were being held at Fort Rozz, that’s when I was exposed to Max’s Red Kryptonite,” Kara said carefully.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I know you haven’t really been taking in any ‘Supergirl' news lately, being abducted, and then being on the run and all, but…what I did under the Red Kryptonite…it’s stayed with people.” She swallowed. “It’s really stayed with them.”

Alex tilted her head curiously, before becoming aware of Astra’s approach. She moved over a little so she could join their goodbye. Or…whatever this was.

Astra looked back and forth between them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she said, “but our men are starting to load up—I though it best to say our goodbyes now while we still have a moment of privacy. But I can go…”

“No,” Kara reached for her arm. “You’re fine, Aunt Astra, I was just…I’m scared,” she confessed. “I’m afraid I…I don’t think the signal will work. When I was under the Red K, I really did a lot of damage. Miss Grant’s idea about spreading hope is a good one, but…I don’t know if people will see me and associate me with hope anymore. I hurt people. A lot of people. And I didn’t mean it, but I did it, and I’m just…I’m afraid I’m not the hero they need, I’m afraid I’ve lost them, I…”

“Kara,” Astra interrupted gently. “Listen to me. What’s done is done. Whatever you did, whatever guilt you feel, whatever damage you’ve caused…there is no amount of wishing nor fear that will fix all of it. But the past isn’t what’s important right now.” She hesitated before taking Kara’s cheek. “You may have done wrong, but one bad thing cannot undo every good thing you’ve done. Just as one good thing cannot undo every bad thing you’ve done.”

Alex resisted the urge to pull her in and hold her at that—if anyone knew the consequence of mistakes, the inability to move backward to fix things, the promise of a lifetime of guilt and regret, the fear that one wrong choice undid everything good about her character, it was Astra. Alex just hoped she was hearing her own words reflecting back at her, was afraid she wasn’t, might never be able to.

But Kara might.

She reached out and took Kara’s hand—the one that wasn’t closed over Astra’s arm. “She’s right, Kara,” she said. “Whatever you did…it doesn’t negate the person you were that inspired all these people before. That’s what sets you apart, Kara, you aren’t just the person people look to to save them, you’re the person who inspires them to be heroes themselves. So your job now is to remind them that they’re their own heroes, that they belong to themselves, that their choices are their own. That’s what this broadcast is all about. Okay?”

Kara nodded, eyes still cast down. “I just don’t want to fail them again,” she said. She took a deep breath, then looked up, looked back and forth between the two of them, lifting her chin resolutely. “I _won’t_ fail them again,” she amended firmly. 

Astra nodded, her thumb brushing softly over her niece’s cheek. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Kara’s and murmured something in Kryptonese. Whatever it was, it made Kara smile gratefully, and Astra cupped the back of her neck, and kissed her forehead before pulling back and squeezing her shoulder lovingly.

Kara looked back at Alex now, and Alex felt her heart start pounding in her throat. “My turn now?” she asked, and Kara nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

“Careful on the lungs there, sis,” she mumbled, squeezing back as tightly as she could. It was nowhere near Kryptonian strength, but she was determined to make her mark. “I love you,” she said fiercely.

“I love you,” Kara returned, holding on for a long moment before finally relinquishing her hold. She looked back and forth between the two of them again, like she was trying to imprint their images perfectly in her mind. “I’m going to go say goodbye to J’onn, and Eliza,” she said at last. “Be _safe._ Both of you.”

Alex nodded, and watched her go, and felt her heart sink—felt it sink even lower when she looked at Astra and saw her gazing after Kara like she was afraid she’d never see her again.

Again.

“Hey, um,” Alex said, and Astra finally looked at her. Alex scratched the back of her neck. “I hope you were kinda listening to yourself just now. You know. About how one wrong act doesn’t have to negate the good you’ve inspired.”

“You seem to have missed the part where I also said that one _good_ act doesn’t negate all the _bad_ a person has done, either,” Astra said firmly. “What I’m doing now…this one thing, it can’t even begin to erase the damage I’ve caused.”

“So then we won’t just do one good thing,” Alex assured her. “We’ll do a…a really solid handful of good things.”

The corner of Astra’s lips twitched up for a flicker of a moment. “And how much is a handful?”

“Well,” Alex said, drawing her gun. “For starters…how many Fort Rozz hostiles did you say there were again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, remember that time like 6 weeks ago when I was like, these next chapters are gonna be all action-packed and I’m gonna get them up in just a couple days? And how, now it’s a whopping 6 weeks later, and also this chapter isn’t action-packed at all? And how I essentially fed you all a buncha bold-faced LIES????
> 
> I’m sorry. I got all caught up in that General Danvers Week silliness and completely burnt myself out, and then I kinda forgot what this one was even about, like…it’s so long? What is even happening right now? I have no idea? Also it’s from Alex’s POV not Astra’s? So my mind has to switch gears somehow? And I tried rereading through it to try to remember all the things, and I think I remembered most of the things, but maybe not all the things, so there might be a whole mess of continuity issues that I’m not aware of. In my defense, the show itself has had an obscene amount of continuity issues, so…by comparison…I’d say I’m ahead. Maybe.
> 
> But again, I’m sorry!!! I’m back, and this time when I say these last few chapters are gonna be up within a few days of each other, I mean it for real this time. I’m like 90% sure. Though do allow for a small margin of error. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!!! (not that you really had a choice in the matter…hahhhh, I’m sorry I’m such a butt)


	24. Words Before the Entrance

In order to transport any and all non-flying personnel to Fort Rozz, Astra informed them all that the Kryptonians would need to carry them.

This caused an outburst of indignation on all sides. Kryptonians refused to be used as flying pack mules, humans refused to be infantilized.

“By all means, continue to put up a fuss,” Astra said loudly over their protestations. “I’m sure Non and Indigo will be only too happy to wait for a few hours while a slew of humans drives over to Fort Rozz in a fleet of Humvees, that shouldn’t be conspicuous or ineffective at all.”

Everyone quieted down after that, save for a few continued grumblings.

Alex wouldn’t normally have pegged Astra for a sarcastic leader, but tensions were running high on several levels for her, and there was an extra bite and an extra snap in every word she spoke, and every movement she made. 

“These conditions are not ideal for convenience, nor for anyone’s dignity, but that is something you all need to accept, and move on with,” Astra went on. “For the Kryptonians—“ her men snapped to attention, “—twelve of you will each be responsible for transporting a human. Three of you will be responsible for transporting equipment. The last four of you will flank us, and scout ahead once we reach the perimeter of the crashing point.”

The lack of protestation this time around seemed due more to the fact that each of their men had their jaws clenched hard in frustration than necessarily from Astra’s snap earlier. If nothing else, their silence allowed for Astra to go about assigning each Kryptonian a human agent, first claiming Alex for herself with an unnecessary edge to her tone that seemed to dare anyone in the room to challenge her on that decision. Alex flushed hot, both at the claim, and her tone—part of her hyper alert of Hank’s critical gaze on the two of them, part of her annoyed at the possessiveness in Astra’s claim, as if Alex belonged to her…part of her annoyed because maybe she actually liked it just a little bit.

Astra paused in her assignments as she reached the last four of their men—two Kryptonians, General Lane, and Hank. Alex’s breath caught—amidst all the madness of the last several weeks, she had somehow managed to forget that only she, Kara, and now her mother and Astra, knew Hank to be J’onn. A Martian. In charge of what was meant to be a human-led organization put in place for the protection of other humans.

Astra ignored the other three, looking intensely, silently at Hank. Alex knew Hank couldn’t read Kryptonian minds, but there still seemed to be an unspoken communication going on between them. As J’onn, Hank would be an invaluable source of strength and power on their side. On the other hand, as J’onn, Hank would be seen as a traitor, perhaps lose the faith of all the humans—including General Lane—at a time when they all needed to be on exactly the same side. No questions. No faltering trust.

Astra seemed to make her decision—whether it was out of the tactical need to keep them all united, or a sense of solidarity for a fellow alien and his rights to retain control over his own life, she snapped her head to one of her men, saying, “Kor-On, you will be transporting Director Henshaw.”

Alex gave what she hoped was a silent sigh of relief, noting the conflicted expression on Hank’s face. Gratitude mixed with frustration, knowing he could provide far more strength to their cause than a human, but fearing the loss of his agents. 

“Once we land,” Astra added, “Director Henshaw, I will be sending you ahead to begin assault on the first rank of guard Non will have put in place. I trust with your…training…you will be able to handle them yourself.”

Hank nodded sharply, looking more satisfied. At least alone, he would be able to take out the worst of those in their path without alerting his own men to his transformed state. 

“General Lane,” Astra said, turning to him now. She stared him down fiercely. He held her gaze, and Alex could see a whirlwind of emotions flashing behind his eyes. Distrust of her, respect for the President’s orders, disgust, acceptance, frustration, acknowledgment…Alex wanted to see guilt there, shame, even fear, but she didn’t. He was a good soldier, she had to believe that, or else why would he be here. But he wasn’t ashamed of his actions toward Astra. Not by a long shot.

“General Lane, you will be flying with El-Or this evening,” Astra informed him, and when she turned again, Alex was able to make out a sliver of smugness on her face. She felt her own expression get a little smug as she watched General Lane—not a small man by any means—look almost straight up at the towering Kryptonian man who was to be his transport—the one whose face was covered in tattoos from dozens of worlds visited across the galaxy, the one whose arms were approximately the size of tree trunks.

There was certainly fear behind General Lane’s eyes now.

“While Director Henshaw begins ahead,” Astra said, turning her attention now to the room at large, “we will split into four units, your assignments of which I will give you before we take off. When we land, you will all finish gearing up—humans, that means you will be provided with your additional…ammunition.”

Alex hoped she was the only one who had noticed that tiny hesitation in Astra’s voice. The ammunition of which she spoke consisted of various weaponry built from the synthetic Kryptonite that had been imbedded in her body by Non and Indigo before she was found and brought back to the DEO. 

That felt so long ago. So long ago, but also not long enough. Infinite stretches of time needed to be laid out between Astra and that attack. Alex couldn’t bare to even think about it, at how broken her body had been, how horrifyingly close to death.

She felt her hatred toward Non, present already, skyrocket, and wondered if all the Kryptonians in the room could hear the way her heart had just started to pound angrily against her chest.

“The Kryptonite weapons will be useless to you when we first get to Fort Rozz, please remember this,” Astra continued. “The four of my men who have chosen to side with Non and Indigo—not to mention, Non himself—will be wearing their Kryptonite inhibitors. Kryptonians, and Director Henshaw, it must be your main priority when you encounter them, that you destroy those inhibitors.” She looked to each Kryptonian one by one. “I understand that these are our former comrades, and that you may feel the urge to hesitate before hurting them. While I can sympathize with the feeling, let me make one thing clear—if you _do_ hesitate, and I see it, I will consider that a betrayal. If we are to get through this, there can be no gray area. If you give our former comrades the chance to escape, or the chance to harm the humans in your charge, you become the enemy, and I will not hesitate to put you down. Is that very clear?”

Her men nodded, some taking a moment, as if they were making an effort to distance themselves from their emotions.

Astra was the emotional twin. Her men were likely to be the same. Sentimentality could be deadly to them. Alex clenched her fists and prayed their sentimentality would stay locked to Astra, not their former friends.

“This will not go smoothly,” Astra told them. “In a perfect world, we would sneak in, destroy the Omegahedron, destroy the blueprints for Myriad in my former cell, and sneak out, allowing the larger force of the DEO, as well as whatever military power we can get, to take control of Fort Rozz themselves, exterminating those deemed most dangerous, and arresting those who are less so. Be advised, it will not happen that way. There will be bloodshed, and lots of it.”

No one in the room flinched, and Astra looked satisfied.

“When we are within bounds of the crash site, we will touch down, and split into four units,” she continued. “The first half of you will be directed toward the prison areas to find my former cell, and destroy all my work with regards to building Myriad. The second half of us will make our way up to the central control of Fort Rozz where the Omegahedron is powering the Myriad waves. We destroy it, we destroy the wave, we destroy Myriad itself. I cannot guarantee a smooth outcome for any of us, but this is the only chance we have, and we cannot afford to fail. Understood?”

Both human and alien alike nodded as one—save for one woman who raised her hand in question. “General, forgive me—if and when we run into Lieutenant Non, are our orders to kill, or capture?” she asked.

Astra’s face was almost placid. Almost. The barest flicker of a shadow behind her eyes was so subtly detectable, Alex hoped she was the only one to see it. 

Regardless, the rest of her barely moved as she coldly issued the order, “Kill.”

*

Astra helped Alex attentively, finishing getting her into her tactical gear when they got to the DEO rooftop, making sure everything was in place, every buckle was buckled, every strap was strapped, every weapon was holstered snug against her, but with quick and easy access for when the time came.

“Astra, I can dress myself,” Alex grumbled, more for her own pride than anything else. Truth be told, she often skimped a little on the tactical gear front, getting impatient, leaving certain things behind or loose—they were always things she knew with absolute certainty to be, frankly, sort of superfluous, but she knew that if Hank had been inspecting her more closely, she’d have hell to pay for what she was sure he’d call negligence.

“I know you can, Alexandra,” Astra replied patiently, continuing with her work. Alex waited for her to say more, give some kind of explanation or excuse, but Astra said nothing, continuing simply to adjust her gear to perfection, her hands on Alex deliberate and precise, as if it were some kind of ritual.

Maybe it kind of _was_ a ritual in a way, Alex thought. This contact, so sure, dressing her for battle, like it wasn’t just the gear itself that would keep her safe, but the fact that it was Astra who was putting it on. She watched her, the way her eyes were cast down, entire focus on the task at hand. Alex couldn’t really pretend she didn’t like this, this connection, and she was suddenly overcome with gratitude that this was where they were. If there was going to be a war—and Alex had always known there would be—having Astra at her side, rather than on the other side of the battlefield, was…overwhelming, and her heart twisted painfully.

She reached her hand forward and closed it around Astra’s where it was snapping in the final buckle at her chest. Astra’s gaze lifted to hers, and it wasn’t this fiery, battle-ready look, it was this soft, gentle one. Alex gearing herself up had always gone into a battle-ready headspace, intentions set, fight already beginning inside her. So to have Astra getting her ready for battle with gentle affection…Alex squeezed her hand to stop herself from leaning forward and kissing her. Everyone else was busy putting themselves together, humans reluctantly pairing off with their respective Kryptonians, some of them already making their way to the edge of the roof in preparation for Astra’s order to take flight. Still, as busy as they seemed, Alex figured grabbing and making out with their General might not be the best idea right now.

“I think I’m pretty sufficiently snapped in here, General,” she said softly. 

“Not yet,” Astra said, reaching over to one of the bags of equipment not yet picked up by the Kryptonian soldier who had been assigned to it. When she faced forward again, she was holding the Kryptonite sword, sheathed in gleaming black, presenting it to Alex.

Alex raised her eyebrows. “That’s not standard issue, General,” she said with mock sternness. “You’re gonna make everyone else jealous, showing favoritism like this.”

Astra’s lips curved up a little smugly and she circled around behind Alex to strap the sword across her shoulder at her back. “Well, you are my favorite,” she pointed out in a low murmur, hands leaving the now-buckled sword to slide down low around her waist, squeezing her back possessively against her chest. Alex bit the inside of her cheek as she felt Astra dip her head, pressing her mouth to her ear. “My favorite, my most precious thing in the whole world. My Alexandra.” 

Alex leaned her head back, expecting a bite to her neck, or her earlobe, some kind of tease, but Astra just nuzzled into her hair for a moment before resting her chin on her shoulder.

“I would leave you here if I thought I could get away with it,” she said, the sliver of a smile in her voice. “Leave you where it’s safe.”

“But you know I’d come after you,” Alex said, leaning back into her. 

She felt Astra nod into her shoulder, a small laugh huffed against the short hairs on her neck. “I do. I know that no matter what I did, you would still somehow find a way to come after me. You would probably come kicking right through the front door of Fort Rozz, guns blazing.”

“Damn right I would,” Alex said, and she felt another laugh huffed against her skin. “We fight this thing side by side, or not at all. You’re stuck with me.”

Astra tilted her head to nuzzle behind her ear again. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” A warm kiss was pressed to the side of her neck, lips lingering, before brushing back against the shell of her ear. “I love you, Alex.”

She withdrew her arms from around Alex’s waist before she could respond, and Alex almost choked in surprise at her sudden absence, at the emptiness, at the shock of her words. She watched helplessly as Astra glided past her, making her way forward to join the midst of their men, beginning her final instructions before take-off.

“Wait, I…” Alex stammered after her. But Astra, if she heard her (of course she heard her, she was a Kryptonian for fuck’s sake), ignored her, addressing their men instead.

Alex absorbed very little of what she said, mouth still open, bewildered—no, _angry_ —because Astra hadn’t allowed her the chance to say it back, and she needed to say it back, why hadn’t she let her say it back…

But now everyone was taking off, all the Kryptonians with their humans, and Astra turned back to her, hand outstretched—but she still wasn’t letting Alex say it back because that tenderness had evaporated, she was General Astra In-Ze right now, and she was going to war, and Alex couldn’t say a word, only take her hand and allow herself to be pulled up into the darkening sky.

*

By the time they touched down, it was pitch black save for the glow from Fort Rozz looming in the distance. Alex looked down at it in hushed silence along with the other humans from their perch on the cliffs, this beast of a construct, a fucking metallic monstrosity. And of course Alex had been imprisoned in there, and of course she had escaped from it, but she had never once thought to look back over her shoulder at it. She had simply run, because if she looked back, she was afraid of what might have followed her, what might come after her to drag her back inside.

So to see it now…she couldn’t help but think it could comfortably house her entire home town within its walls, that’s how enormous it was. Astra had assured them that, while the prison did have the potential for containing over two thousand hostiles within its walls, it had little over a thousand in it when she had been sentenced, three hundred of which perished from the impact of hitting Earth, and another several who took a chance with their new lease on life to try to integrate into the world of humans, others who found their way off-world…at present, she estimated their numbers between five hundred and six hundred.

Which was better than two thousand.

Technically.

But their little army here consisted of thirty-three individuals.

Which was significantly less than five hundred or six hundred.

Son of a bitch.

On the plus side of things, over half of their number here consisted of Kryptonians and a Martian—on the downside, several of the aliens Astra alerted them to on the roster weren’t too shabby themselves, strength-wise. They needed J’onn. They really, _really_ needed J’onn.

But it was Hank who came over to her, his hand squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. Idiot. She wrapped her arms around him—and she knew physical affection wasn’t his forte—nor was it hers, really—but he was going to need to suffer through this hug, that’s all there was to it. He stayed stiff in her arms for a moment, before relaxing, and then squeezing hard—but only briefly. He separated from her quickly, and she cleared her throat, both of them acting like the hug hadn’t been any kind of real thing.

He scratched the back of his head. “I know Kara isn’t here to listen for you,” he said. He looked around to make sure no one could hear him before fixing his gaze on her again. “But if you want, I can keep my mind open to yours—I can listen for you in my own way, if you need me.”

She hesitated, fondness for him washing over her with all the force of an ocean wave. She nodded, voice tight when she answered, “I’d like that.”

He looked almost relieved. Then frowned at her, glancing at Astra quickly. “Try not to think anything too inappropriate, if you can,” he requested.

She grinned. “I’ll do my best.”

He clapped her on the shoulder again, before nodding over at Astra to let her know he was starting ahead. She acknowledge him with a nod of her own, watching him disappear over the cliff, into the darkness below. Alex caught her gaze, and she hesitated, before turning abruptly to their men.

“Please be advised,” she said to them, “there is a Martian inside Fort Rozz. He will be working in conjunction with Director Henshaw, and is not to be harmed. Consider him our secret weapon.”

General Lane stepped forward, eyes narrowed. “And why exactly is this the first time we’re hearing about this?” he asked dangerously.

Astra stalked toward him until they were level, fire in her eyes, and he faltered slightly at her sudden closeness. “I believe your President ordered you to defer to me on all manners regarding this mission,” she growled. “This Martian is…a friend. And the only ally we have within those walls. If you wish to challenge me on this, I will leave you here to sit on your hands and pray you are not spotted by in-flight sentries from the Fort.”

They stared one another down for a long moment before General Lane’s nostrils flared and he broke eye contact in defeat. “On behalf of the President of the United States, I will obey your directives,” he said. “But don’t get used to all this privilege. You still don’t belong here. None of your kind do.”

Astra simply continued to stare him down, letting her silence do the talking for her until he finally returned to his ranks.

That was it. First chance she got, Alex was going to punch him in his stupid face.

For now, though, there was work to  be done.

At Astra’s instruction, they all split into their four pre-assigned units, five Kryptonians and three humans to each one. They were all provided with various Kryptonite-loaded weapons along with everything else they were armed with. The two units who would be headed for the belly of the Fort in order to get to Astra’s former cell were more lightly armed. Astra had explained there were very few hostiles who hung around where their former cells were, so they shouldn’t have much reason for firearms once they reached it—still, in order to reach it at all, they were going to need to make their way through a fairly high-traffic area that could cause them some problems. From there, they were to make their way to her cell and destroy absolutely everything in sight. The walls were to be scorched, as were the floors, the doors were to be shattered, her cot to be obliterated, any and every scrap of paper, a napkin, a fork, knife, litter of any kind…they were to take no chances. Astra had told them her work down there had bordered on obsessive, and she feared that any scrap of work left intact could provide the opportunity for Myriad to be reconstructed. 

She sent them ahead first, providing each unit leader with the device containing the schematics to the underbelly of Fort Rozz. They would be taking the sewer route, followed by the garbage chute, which she warned would prove an extra danger, as many of the hostiles who occupied the lower levels had a highly developed sense of smell.

“Awesome,” one of the humans had grumbled. Randall. Alex had never liked him. “So we get to be the smelly bait while the rest of you waltz up to the cushy overground,” he sneered.

“The rest of us get to risk being electrocuted by damaged live wires while we try to scale a few hundred feet straight up the inside of the prison walls,” Astra had corrected lightly, “after which we are likely to find ourselves face to face with Non and Indigo themselves—not to mention four of my former comrades, amongst the more highly-trained of those under Non’s command. Perhaps you would like to join us instead.”

Randall had shut himself up and followed along with the rest of his unit down to where they would slip in through the sewage. Good, Alex had thought, or she was going to have to punch _him_ in the face, too.

She followed beside Astra now, the two units behind them creeping silently after. The Kryptonians were meant to flank the humans who, armed or not, were still the most vulnerable, but Alex wasn’t about to let Astra out of her sight for a second, and strode alongside her pace for pace. Somewhere between here and the damaged arm of the prison they would be using as their entrance, Alex was determined to get her “I love you” in there. Astra wasn’t allowed to say something like that without having it reciprocated, and if Alex had to say it in front of nine other Kryptonians and five other humans, with J’onn in her head, she’d fucking well do it.

This would prove difficult, seeing as how they were to remain as silent as possible.

It proved significantly even more difficult as a shout from above alerted them to a flight of airborne scouts headed their way. 

Alex barely had time to register the noise before she was blasted backward, the very air around her seeming to shatter explosively, stealing the breath from her lungs. She landed with a painful _thump_ against the rocky ground, biting down hard on her lip to keep from shouting out in pain as her shoulder took her fall full force.

Rays of deadly orange light began raining down on them, a torrential downpour of fire, and Alex rolled desperately to the side, scrambling for cover as she went for the gun at her hip. 

“No, don’t—“ she tried to shout as she watched all ten Kryptonians shoot into the sky to meet their attackers head-on, lasers blasting from their eyes. Astra among them. Astra _leading_ them.

The deadly play of lights was nearly blinding, and Alex stumbled several times as she charged out into the melee, gun drawn, feeling for a rhythm, a break in the flash of lights so she could take down their airborne assailants. 

She dodged to the side as a body came crashing down inches from where she had just been standing, the throbbing blue veins standing out through translucent skin causing a wave of relief in her as she realized it wasn’t one of her men.

Lured into a false sense of security, she missed the silent landing of one of the sentries behind her, and was lifted into the air by her neck to be tossed to the side like a rag doll. She brought her hands down on the either side of her attacker’s arm  before he could get the chance, shattering his elbow. His scream caught and vanished into the air along with the explosion of other sounds around them, and he dropped her on reflex.

Alex didn’t let him finish the drop. She kept hold of his arm, pulling him down with herself, flipping him over her shoulder with a kick to his throat. She scrambled to her feet, but he whipped out his good arm, catching her, trying to pull her back down with him. She stumbled back to the ground, scuttling backward as he wrenched himself to his feet with a roar, a spread of quills erupting across his arms and shoulders.

Holy shit.

She fumbled for her gun—and realized of fucking course it had been knocked from her hand in their tumble to the ground. She dodged to the side as her assailant crossed his arms in an X shape in front of him, then thrust them to the side repeatedly, each thrust sending quills shooting toward her. 

Jesus fucking Christ, give her the Hellgramite any day, he had _nothing_ on this guy.

She cried out as one of the quilled missiles caught her in the top of the leg, bringing her to her knees in shock. Yes, give her the fucking Hellgramite any fucking day of the fucking week—her hands shook in pain as she tried to wrench the foot-long quill from her leg. Hot tears sprung to her eyes as she pulled, realizing it had sprouted tiny barbs inside her, making it nearly impossible to rip out without tearing up the muscle.

Practically frozen in pain, she could only continue to struggle with it, eyes widening in horror as her assailant stalked toward her, grabbing her by the throat with his good arm, and lifting her off her feet. He grunted something at her, something harsh and hissing, hot breath hitting her face like a weapon of its own.

She squeezed her eyes shut— _here goes fucking nothing—_ and wrenched at the barbed quill with all her might, her own scream of pain whipping away from her along with his as she flipped it in her hand and rammed it up into the soft underside of his throat, feeling it shatter through bottom of his skull out to the other side.

In the play of lights above, his eyes rolled white, viscous liquid oozing from both corners of them. She collapsed just as he did, scuttling back away to avoid being crushed by his dead weight, or impaled by any more of his quills.

Entire body heaving with ragged breath, she tried her best to focus on the rest of the melee swimming beside her and above her. It was fizzling, the shots of light finally finding their targets, and bodies fell from the sky, or were driven struggling into the ground. Skulls crunched, bodies broke, flesh seared—and somewhere amongst all this, there had to be Astra, somewhere, Astra…

“Alex!”

There. That was her. That was Astra speeding toward her, her own injuries slowing her down, unable to streak toward her with that Kryptonian speed she was so proud of. Alex hated to think what could have slowed her down that much.

“Alex,” Astra breathed again as she reached her, arms circling around her, pulling her up. Alex collapsed a little bit against her, breath sharp and painful—but there—there, around her, Kryptonians limping toward their respective humans, humans to their respective Kryptonians, each helping each other up or over. Only one airborne scout left above them.

Vasquez—Alex felt her heart swell—Vasquez lifted her gun and shot at it. Her aim was off by just the slightest bit, catching the scout in the arm rather than the chest; still, it fled from them, back to the main hull of the Fort. Gathering reinforcements no doubt, but if nothing else, Vasquez had bought them a few seconds to get to the damaged arms of the Fort, into the passageways Alex prayed their assailants wouldn’t follow into.

Seemingly as one entity, the six humans and ten Kryptonians fled for that entrance, Astra scooping Alex up into her arms when she realized Alex was having a slow time of running on a torn leg.

“So that was it, right?” Alex mumbled against her with a bitter attempt at humor. “That was the hard part, we’re almost done now?”

Astra laughed, and it was dark and pained, but almost relieved, like she couldn’t have been happier to hear Alex snark at her.

“I’m afraid we’ve got quite a ways to go, Alexandra,” she said.

“Good,” Alex mumbled.

“Good?” Astra echoed incredulously.

Alex nodded, struggling to put a foot down on the ground, despite being cradled in Astra’s arms like an invalid.

“Stop,” she said. “Stop before we get to the entrance.”

“Alexandra Danvers, we are not stopping, I can hear that scout gathering reinforcements as we speak,” Astra snapped.

“Fine, then I’ll make this quick!” Alex snarled back. “I love you. There.”

Astra slowed her pace in surprise, looking down at her like she had just heard Alex say she regularly cavorted with unicorns.

“Alex—“

“Whatever, I promised myself I’d say it to you before we got to the entrance,” she snapped. “Don’t ever say it again without letting me say it, too. Got it?”

Astra skidded to a halt at the entrance, still staring at her as she helped her slide to standing while the rest of their units joined them one by one. Her eyes were still wide, looking more shellshocked by Alex’s words than even the attack that had so injured her, marring her skin, her clothes, dirt breaking up that streak of pure white in her hair.

It made Alex even angrier to see that Astra was shocked by it. She’d said it to her first, why _wouldn’t_ she have expected Alex to say it back?

“Promise you won’t say I love you again without letting me say it too,” she said again, holding eye contact with her so fiercely, it felt like her eyes were burning. “Promise.”

Astra searched her face carefully before saying softly, “I promise.”

Alex nodded, heart pounding and feeling confused by the hurt on Astra’s face, like Alex had just slapped her. And, okay, maybe that had been a little aggressive, maybe it had been more romantic when she’d tapped it out in Morse against Astra’s skin, but Alex needed Astra to know that she wasn’t allowed to do that, she wasn’t allowed to think that Alex didn’t love her just as much as she did her. Tapping it out in Morse was nice and all, but Alex had needed to yell it aggressively at her on the battlefield, because why the hell else would they even _be_ here together if “I love you” wasn’t something they could affectionately imprint on each other _and_ shout at each other for?

“I love you,” she said again.

Astra looked broken. “I love you—“

“Incoming!” one of their men shouted, and they all dropped to the floor as the air around them was pelted with green rays of light.

“Up into the arms!” Astra ordered them all, pushing them up into the damaged walls of the prison.

“One of these days, I swear to god, you and I are gonna go for dinner and a movie and I’m gonna bring you flowers, and we’re both going to say I love you, and then we’re gonna have sex in my bed with no bruises, and no broken bones, and no gaping wounds, and everything is going to be very, very romantic,” Alex grumbled angrily, helping Astra up after her into the arm.

It seemed to spark some little flame of humor in Astra because, amidst the chaos outside, she asked, “You’re absolutely sure about the _no bruises_ part?”

Alex grinned, then grimaced as she heard a scandalized J’onn snap, _Alex!_ inside her mind, and quickly turned her attention back to picking her way through the live wires leading into the prison walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor J'onn.


	25. Belly of the Beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um. Blood and gore in this one, guys. Beaucoup de blood and gore. If you’re ultra sensitive, maybe kinda skim this chapter a lil bit. I mean, read it. Just maybe with your eyes kinda squinted and your head tilted the left.
> 
> Also it’s real long.
> 
> …Good luck everybody.

The journey up through the arm and into the walls of the Fort Rozz proper was a slow one. It shouldn’t be, Alex thought. The damaged wiring and the jagged edges of metal were a problem of course, but for a Kryptonian, it shouldn’t have been too difficult to get around them, or move them out of the way. They should be able to fly right up through the inside of the walls with very little problem. Instead, they were climbing, picking out footholds in the damaged walls, skirting wires that sparked with the occasional burst of life. 

There must be a reason for it, Alex thought. Astra knew the prison better than anyone, Alex trusted that this sheer climb must be necessary from some sort of tactical standpoint. But when Astra, who was right behind her _(to catch you if need, be, Alexandra, you’ve sustained incredible damage to your leg),_ missed one of the footholds, barely catching herself with a grunt of exertion, Alex began to have her doubts, remembering how slow she’d been to run to her, how there was no super speed to be seen.

“Are you okay?” she asked over her shoulder, quietly so no one ahead of them would hear.

“I’m fine, Alexandra, I missed a step,” came the short reply. Out of breath, the way a Kryptonian shouldn’t be.

“No, I mean more in general,” Alex said, pulling herself up using her left hand, rather than her right, which was still sprained at the wrist, and now otherwise injured from being blasted backward in their skirmish outside. Favoring one arm, and one leg, whilst trying to climb almost completely straight up, now somewhere around sixty feet above the ground, had left her trailing behind their other two units, and Astra seemed to be faring no better.

She knew Astra had been injured, but it wasn’t from Kryptonite. She wouldn’t have been able to climb up so much as _two_ feet up had that been the case, forget about sixty. Still, something had gotten to her, and to the other Kryptonians, if their speed—or lack there of—was any indication.

“The rays from some of those weapons the sentries wielded,” Astra huffed in answer, “they weren’t meant to injure, they were simply light being shot into the air. If I had to guess, I would say those rays were energy harnessed from some imitation of a red sun.”

“So you don’t have your powers,” Alex realized in alarm.

“I have them to an extent, I think,” Astra told her. “They’re simply muted. The effects shouldn’t last long, I’m hoping—it was really just the prolonged exposure to that light. It was like being on Krypton, where none of us had any special powers of any kind. I’m feeling a little better though, I’d imagine I could levitate a bit now—“

“Maybe don’t attempt that while we’re sixty feet in the air,” Alex said quickly.

Astra huffed out a small laugh. “As you command, Agent Danvers.”

Alex blew hair out of her face. “Don’t say things like that, you’re gonna start conjuring up sexy images in my head and J’onn’s gonna start yelling at me,” she said, because _As you command, Agent Danvers_ had just very unexpectedly struck a chord with her.

Speaking of striking a chord—well, a _cord—_

“Alex, _watch_ where you’re putting your hands!” Astra reprimanded. “Are you _trying_ to get electrocuted?”

“I’m sorry—they’re everywhere,” Alex huffed, quickly whipping her hand over to a handhold without a naked wire sparking from the end. “They’re like fucking snakes all over the place.” She grunted at the effort of pulling herself up—she’d had no choice but to use her right hand this time. “Kara and I used to go to this pond during the summer to swim when the waves were still too big on the coast…it was pretty much a breeding ground for garter snakes, you couldn’t even take a step without almost stepping on one. They were pretty harmless, though, they’d just slither away.”

“Well these ‘snakes’ will kill you,” Astra snapped. “Just…go slow.”

No need to tell her twice.

Training with J’onn had made her—and the rest of the DEO agents—about as fit as a human could possibly be. Maybe it was because he was a Martian, he pushed them harder than a human could, and they rose to it, or they broke. Everyone here had risen to it. But scaling the inside of a wall now ninety feet up from the ground was more than their muscles were willing to bear at this point. 

A lot more.

It wasn’t long before Alex felt her entire body begin to shake. The throbbing in her leg from where she’d wrenched that quill out seemed to be trying to overthrow her own pulse, and her own pulse seemed to be trying to overthrow her ability to breathe. It was stifling hot up here, the air thick and humid, pressing on her—on all of them—from all sides. Their pace slowed tremendously, both human and Kryptonian alike struggling to find some kind of reserve in their bodies to keep going. More than once, she heard hands and feet slipping, heard grunts and yelps as people in front of her strained to keep themselves from falling. Alex herself nearly missed a handhold when her arm shook too hard for her to keep control of. 

A near-fall slugged her in the gut, and she had to come to a full stop to breathe through it. The sudden halt in movement only made her muscles tremble more, and for a dizzying moment, she thought she was going to be sick. Or maybe fall for real this time. Or both. Part of her suddenly thought maybe falling might not be so bad after all if it made this tremble in her muscles go away…maybe not so bad…just let go…

_Alex!_

She nearly jolted right out of her skin. J’onn’s voice in her head.

 _Don’t you dare give up,_ he said. Snarled.

So tired. So much pain.

_You’re stronger than this. You’re stronger than all of us. Don’t you dare think of letting go._

“You know, Kara just _listens_ for me,” Alex mumbled, pressing her forehead down against her arm, trying to wrestle control over her breathing. “She doesn’t _yell_ at me.”

 _I’m not_ yelling _at you, I’m_ believing _in you. Harshly._

She wasn’t sure why that kind of made her want to cry. Warm tears. Her muscles trembled again, only this time it was to keep those tears in.

“Alex?” Astra asked from below her. “Are you alright? I know it’s hard—“

“I’m okay,” Alex said, swallowing thickly. She took a determined breath, reaching her arm up again, pulling up, pushing with her good leg. “I’m okay.”

She was.

One of her comrades wasn’t.

Chopra. One of the other agents she was most likely to have considered a friend—a fellow doctor, brilliant, funny…he kept a picture of his husband and son in a locket under his shirt. Jewelry wasn’t safe in their line of work, Hank had banned it, but Chopra kept it on him at all times anyway, hidden under his clothes. Alex had seen it multiple times, for two years now, hadn’t said a word.

She cried out, reflexively reaching an arm out as she heard his scream from above, the tumble of his body down, down past her—she might have caught him had she not injured her arm, but his exhausted body pitched down, and Alex cried out again in preemptive terror of the sound his body would make as it crashed to the floor.

The crash didn’t come. 

Alex looked back over her shoulder to find Astra leaning precariously downward, arm outstretched, gripping Chopra by the arm, holding him, wincing with the effort. He stared wide-eyed up at her, trying to find footing, trying to grab for the wall, but his muscles had given out on him, and he could only cling, panicked to Astra’s outstretched hand.

“Chopra!” Alex shouted, as his grip on Astra’s hand began to slip. She saw Astra’s body strain, trying to hold onto him. She didn’t have the strength, not after those rays from the red sun, there was no way she could save him…

“Just let him go, General!” came a panicked shout from above, and Alex looked up to see one of the Kryptonians looking urgently down at them, clinging to his own handholds. “You aren’t strong enough like this, we can’t hold ourselves up for just—“

 _For just a human_.

It was unsaid, but everyone heard it anyway. 

Alex saw Astra go rigid. For a moment, it looked like she was considering it—until Alex realized she was just trying to gather enough energy to do what she knew had to be done. With a desperate cry, Astra pulled hard, every muscle straining, and she hoisted Chopra up over her shoulder with painful slowness. He clung to her, arms circling around her shoulders, gasping— _safe—_ and Astra steadied him, panting, glaring fiercely up at the Kryptonian who had spoken, fire in her eyes.

“These are _my_ soldiers,” she snarled. _“My_ people. All of them. All of you. Human, Kryptonian, _no one_ gets left behind. Now move out.”

The intensity of her words seemed to paralyze everyone else momentarily—for Alex, she simply felt her love for Astra crash into her with such overwhelming power, she nearly lost her footing again. But what a feeling. She turned back to the wall, reaching for the next handhold, and pulled herself up with as much fluidity as her muscles could muster. It seemed to cue everyone else on—they turned back as well, with energy renewed, fire reignited, that line between Human and Kryptonian obliterated so that they were all one.

_Alex, I can practically see the hearts in your eyes, try to focus._

Alex grinned through her exhaustion. “Yes, sir.”

*

By the time they had climbed high enough that Alex had lost track of how many feet they’d scaled, Astra and the other Kryptonians seemed to be regaining some of their powers.

“Ten feet above you,” Astra called suddenly up to those farthest ahead, “there’s a gap in the wall. It will get us right on the inside of the wall of my old office.” So that was the X-ray vision back, that was good. “Best case scenario,” Astra went on, “Kryptonians, we will be using our heat vision to get through that layer. If we are still without that power, then humans, it will be up to you to break through with your weapons.”

A quiet wave of uttered “Yes, ma’am,” rippled through them all, and the promise of the end of this ungodly climb had them moving faster, breathing deeper, and finally the leading Kryptonian must have found the gap because he exclaimed something in loud, joyous Kryptonese, that made Astra sigh in relief behind her.

The leading Kryptonian pulled himself up by the ledge of the gap, swinging into whatever passageway it was that would grant them access into Astra’s old office, and began pulling the others up with him. Alex almost went limp with relief when it was her turn, rolling over the side to join the others, all of which were, somewhat comically, half-collapsed against the cavernous hollow as well. 

Finally, Astra, with Chopra still clinging to her back, made her way over the top, and collapsed gratefully as well. They all sat in—well, not _silence_ , there was a lot of ragged, exhausted breathing—but there was an odd comfort to it. Where Alex would have expected to feel only dread and hopelessness after that nightmare, she felt amongst them a sense of unity. Through their attempts to catch their breath, they were looking at each other, one to the next, some even managing small smiles of relief, even minor victory. And sure, Jamieson had to roll over and vomit over the side of the ledge, but those closest to her helped her back, getting her water from their packs, cooling her down.

Alex breathed deeply, looking at Chopra who had his eyes shut, but was holding his locket tightly in his hand, seeming to be breathing out _Thank you_ over and over again.

She put her hand on his arm and he peeked open his eyes, turning his head to look at her.

“You okay?” she asked him.

“Hell yeah,” he breathed with a weak smile. “Bring on the hostiles, I’ll fuck ‘em all up with both hands tied behind my back.”

Alex huffed out a laugh, and Astra gave him a tight smile, getting slowly to her feet. 

“Take another few moments,” she said to them all. “Replenish yourselves, do what you need to do to get ready. As you humans appropriately call it, we are about to go into the belly of the beast.”

*

It ended up being a mixture between what few Kryptonians had their heat vision back, and the humans with their weapons that allowed them to breach the wall into Astra’s old office. It took quite a bit of effort—then again, this had once been an office belonging to one of the Fort Rozz guards back when it had served as an actual prison; it was well-enforced. 

Not well-enforced enough to withstand six Kryptonians and six humans wielding an array of DEO weaponry, though. They piled in, and Alex found herself reeling a little from the memory of the last time she was in here. There was the cot, still laid out, made, clean, the now-empty bowl of water on the stand beside it, cloth draped over the side—Alex remembered herself, sitting on the edge of that cot, letting her guard down around Astra for the first time, letting her eyes slip closed while Astra cleaned the cuts on her face. 

…But then Alex’s gaze drifted over toward the closet, where Astra had been keeping the Kryptonite sword. How Alex had crept over to it, how Astra had seen, had rushed forward to stop her…how Alex had wheeled, rammed the blade deep into her leg, Astra’s agonized scream having torn at her even then. Even before all this, before she’d fallen in love with her, that scream had still ripped her apart.

As she looked at the floor in front of that closet now, she saw a deep-settled stain of dark red that seemed to have sunk into the floor. The stain smeared in thick lines toward the door, evidence of Astra having been dragged out of here when she was found, alone—had she continued to writhe in pain after Alex left? Or had she frozen? Had she tried to dig the broken-off chip out of herself?

Those smears of blood hadn’t been cleaned up. They were dry and settled now, almost as if they were an intentional design in the floor, but Astra had been dragged from here by Non, by others who followed him, and no one had come back to take care of the mess. They must have considered the job already done.

She felt Astra slip her hand into hers, squeezing lightly as she saw Alex’s fixation on the stains. _It’s alright,_ the squeeze seemed to say.

Alex squeezed back. _It’s not alright._

Astra brushed her thumb over the ridge of Alex’s knuckles. That one felt a little like _I love you._

Alex squeezed back again, then let go so Astra could lead them over to her desk. So many books on that thing. So many languages. So many cultures. So many lives.

And the Ikea swively chair.

Alex smiled to herself.

She gathered around the desk with the others as Astra moved aside the clutter to show them all the Fort Rozz schematics she had been working on for so many years before having them all completed by Alura’s Living Memory now. 

“You should have a completed copy of these schematics on the device J’—Director Henshaw provided you with,” Astra said, “but for a quick reference here.” She pointed. “There are two main corridors that lead to the control room. This is where the Omegahedron will be in order to power the Myriad waves. First Unit, we will be taking the West hallway, Second Unit, you will be taking the East. These are not high traffic areas—you shouldn’t be running into any accidental wanderers. For better or for worse,” she nodded at Alex, “Agent Danvers informed me that Director Henshaw received reports that Non and Indigo sent out several of their army to follow along with the first Myriad wave. For now, that means there will be at least a couple hundred who have been dispatched to the East coast of the United States.”

“So we’re looking more at three hundred to four hundred here, instead of five hundred to six hundred?” Vasquez drawled. 

Astra afforded her a look. “In theory,” she said, and Vasquez smiled grimly. “As Non and Indigo have planned to exterminate all life on this planet for fear of a human uprising against even Myriad, they plan to use Fort Rozz to power themselves elsewhere in the galaxy to search for worlds that can be ruled, rather than destroyed. Having said that, the majority of Non’s forces here are likely to be making repairs to the prison to prepare it for take off once humanity has been satisfactorily killed off. Therefore, it is likely that you will run into sentries and ranks of personal guard, but there will be no walls of soldiers coming down on you.”

“So, easy as pie is what you’re saying,” Vasquez said.

Astra smiled this time. “Piece of cake.”

She always looked so proud of herself when she remembered colloquialisms, and that little bit of sunshine seemed to put the rest of them more at ease, even though it couldn’t have been clearer that this was not going to be easy as pie, nor was it going to be a piece of cake, nor a walk in the park, nor even easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy as Alex had once heard Winn refer to it.

This was going to be a shit show.

A bloody one.

As if everything leading up to this point hadn’t already been.

Astra pulled out one more scroll of paper—an illustration of a sphere compounded of hundreds of crisscrossing, winding elements.

“I know you have all seen this on Director Henshaw’s device,” Astra said, “but I want you all to look again. This is the Omegahedron. It is what powers Myriad. Above all else, this is your priority. Destroy it, whatever it takes. It won’t be easy. It’s made from combinations of elements not found on your Earth. Whatever it takes, destroy it. Whatever chaos is around you, do not lose focus of this. Understood?”

They all nodded, another chorus of “Yes, Ma’am” rippling quietly through them, and Astra led them out past the sliding doors. The two units split ways, one up the East corridor, one up the West corridor, and somewhere in the middle, the control room beckoned them.

*

As far as pieces of cake went, Alex couldn’t help but think that this was one even Kara wouldn’t like.

Then again, most pieces of cake didn’t include shots to the head or blood spattered everywhere.

Now, Astra was probably right—between the soldiers Non and Indigo had sent Eastward with the first wave, and the men they had working to prepare Fort Rozz to carry them off-world, there were significantly less assailants to engage with than there could have been. That their miniature army had broken into the two units and were coming up toward the control room from opposite sides also helped things. That Units Three and Four had comm’d them, saying they were done destroying Astra’s work and were heading up for reinforcements, helped things even more.

But these weren’t just criminal hostiles they were fighting against right now. Nor were they simply well-trained soldiers. They were convicted criminals who had been converted to well-trained soldiers for the sole purpose of exterminating life on Earth, which gave them an extra edge that lacked mercy, that lacked honor, that lacked anything save for the drive to kill.

Alex supported herself with one shoulder against the wall of the corridor leading to the control room door, limping as best she could toward it as men from both sides hurled past her. She’d stripped her vest off, unable to breathe with that much weight on her, unable to move the way she needed. And her leg where that quill had been…it hardly worked the way a leg should work at all anymore. She had tied it off while they waited in the shadows for a break in traffic, a makeshift tourniquet made from a shed shirt, and that was nice and everything, but the amount of damage Alex had done to herself just trying to rip the quill out those few hours ago…she probably just should have left it in.

Except maybe not, because the veins around the wound were turning a disconcerting shade of purplish green that indicated some sort of venom the quill might have produced, some kind of poison working its way through her bloodstream. 

So Alex dragged herself against that wall, biting back a grunt each time that leg struck the ground, trying not to sob because how much could a body _take—_ only she had to keep going, because she had seen Astra disappear through that door. She had seen her disappear through that door, and she had seen her followed, by Indigo.

Barely a coherent thought in her brain, she took it broadside when one of the hostiles was flung straight into her. She didn’t have the control to kill him, or subdue him, simply wriggled away from his flailing body, nearly tripping over him, over herself—that was blood there on the floor under her feet, she wondered whose it was, then remembered the only one of their number that had gotten this far was Astra, followed by Indigo, and of the two of them, Astra was the one who bled red. 

Brain refusing to put those two ideas together, she pressed on, managing to wheel as another one of the Fort Rozz hostiles caught up to her. She shot him square between the eyes—convinced herself not to throw up or laugh or cry, and turned back toward the door again, slapping her hand down on the panel to get inside. If nothing else, Astra had managed to disengage the lock on it, so Alex was able to tumble right through it, slipping and landing hard on her back inside. 

The door slid shut behind her.

So dark in here. Cold. Quiet. It was almost a relief. 

She looked up from her place on the floor, trying to get some kind of bearing, only coming up with the glowing blue ring in the center of the room. Was that ring a table? No, just a ring. Something in the center of it?

She laughed dazedly. Of course the Omegahedron was in the fucking center of the fucking ring, of course it was suspended there above it like some sort of all-seeing eye. Winn’s propensity for forcing them all to watch the Syfy channel anytime he came and crashed sisters’ night at Kara’s apartment just made the look of the thing so annoyingly cliche.

She tried to sit up, ears ringing so intensely, she could hardly see straight.

For a second it looked like Astra was there. It was like a video tape, one of those old ones that didn’t work for shit, all just fuzzy noise and broken up frames. But that was Astra, right? And she said, “Alex, Alex it’s okay…”

Alex tried to sit up again, only managing to knock the side of her head with her arm, and it was dark again. Shouldn’t be dark, she’d seen…she struggled up again, and that hurt every time, sharp pain, was someone trying to crack her head open—

But there was Astra again, and she was saying, “It’s alright, Alex, you don’t need to fight anymore, everything is alright…”

Was it? Maybe…Astra was saying it, Astra wouldn’t lie…but why did her leg hurt so much, and why did her skull feel like it was splitting, and why could she still hear screams in her head? She tried to reach forward for Astra, but something shifted and she was gone.

All quiet again.

“Astra?” she asked the darkness. 

Nothing. 

No, Alex had seen her come in here. She’d _seen_ it. She—

She lifted her hand to her ear where sharp pain kept shooting through—there was blood there behind it, not a small amount—her finger caught on something. What was that, metal? Metal coming out of her ear? Why was there metal? 

Oh, right, earrings. 

Hank always told her not to wear earrings on the job, _remember that time you caught your hoops on your shirt?_

…No, Alex didn’t catch hoops on—she wouldn’t have worn _hoops,_ what kind of idiot wore _hoops_ on a mission, or really, anywhere since 2005—

…And then she got it. There was no Hank reminding her of dress code violations, there was no Astra flickering in and out of sight, those weren’t hoop earrings—that was _Max’s_ earring in her hand _,_ the one that was meant to be keeping Myriad out of her mind, broken, slipping out of her ear, that’s why the pain, that’s why the visions, letting it in…

She slapped her hand to her ear, pushing the earring back in and clicking it shut, and everything changed. 

The room wasn’t silent, it wasn’t dark, she wasn’t alone, she wasn’t even alone with just Astra. 

She jolted backward against the wall as the reality of the world came crashing into her, the shock of it spurring just enough adrenalin through her veins that she was able to scramble to standing. The room was a frenzy of light and movement, walls lit up as giant computer screens, that ring of blue in the middle of the room cracking under pressure as Astra—god, _there she was—_ there she was, and she was locked in battle with two of her four dissenters, the three of them moving at such speed, Alex could barely follow.

Her attention was wrenched to the side where J’onn—J’onn, when did he get here?—was trying to fight his way past Non, and the other two of Astra’s former army, trying to get his way to Indigo…

Alex’s breath caught. She had only seen Indigo from far away as of yet, weeks ago, far across a torn up street with her arm a blade, piercing through Astra’s shoulder. That felt so long ago. This close, she was practically demonic, teeth bared as she stretched one arm toward the Omegahedron, the other toward what looked like a giant computer mainframe, eyes rolling back as sparks of electricity streaked through her.

Alex wasn’t sure what that all indicated, but she knew it couldn’t be good.

She shook her head. Wished she hadn’t. Motherfucker. Shook her head again, needed to clear it. Too many components, so much noise, so much movement—okay, solid things, things she was certain of: Astra—good. J’onn—good. Everyone else—bad. Gun—empty. Fuck. Gun empty.

She threw the useless weapon to the side, going for the only thing she had left. She craned her arm back—she was pretty sure they were going to need to weld her shoulder back in place with a blow torch after all this. May as well continue damaging it for now though, no point in trying to preserve it for a later time, might not be a later time—her hand closed around the hilt of the Kryptonite sword and she tugged it free from its sheath.

Indigo’s eyes widened in shock as she saw Alex free from the Myriad wave. _“There! The human! There!”_ she screeched, and one of the men broke away from J’onn, shooting toward her like he intended to rip her in half. He hesitated for a half a second though, when he saw the Kryptonite sword—instinct, Alex thought; he was wearing his Kryptonite inhibitor, it couldn’t hurt him—but that split second of hesitation saved her life.

 _“Alex!”_ J’onn shouted as his eyes fell on them. He whirled out of the hold of one of his attackers and streaked toward Alex’s with a speed any Kryptonian would be jealous of. His hand closed around the Kryptonian’s throat from behind as the soldier tried to lurch toward her, crushing his windpipe, but when the Kryptonian still tried to force his way toward her—

Alex thought she might be sick. While J’onn held the Kryptonian by the neck with one hand, his other hand suddenly burst through the Kryptonian’s chest, fingers curled into a fist. Alex staggered at the sight, thought maybe J’onn’s hand was closed into a fist because it was holding something—maybe it was holding the Kryptonian’s heart. 

God, maybe he was holding the Kryptonian’s heart.

The Kryptonian writhed and gurgled, impaled through and through until J’onn finally dropped him and he fell pale and lifeless to the floor.

 _“The Martian!”_ Indigo shrieked, body twitching as those electric pulses continued to run through her. _“Kill him! Kill the Martian!”_

They couldn’t—no one could kill J’onn, he was stronger than any of them, stronger than Supergirl, stronger than any—

But Non’s eyes glowed red, and heat shot from them, not at J’onn, but at the ring in the center of the room. Light exploded from it, and fire sprung to life, roaring in that curved line, about to close him off from them.

“J’onn!” Alex cried, but J’onn didn’t listen. He knew the mission, he knew there was nothing more important than destroying the Omegahedron, destroying whatever it was that Indigo was trying to do with it now. 

Heedless of all else, he threw himself at Indigo, ripping her from both the Omegahedron and the mainframe, tumbling with her through the fire.

Alex heard her scream, thought maybe she saw her body unravel and fall in coils to the floor behind the flame—it hardly registered. J’onn was there, there behind that curtain of fire, his only weakness, he’d told her, his Kryptonite, cut off from the rest of them.

Alex ran for him—tried—collapsed on her fucking useless leg. She swung her sword blindly as the other Kryptonians came for her. She couldn’t land a hit, wouldn’t matter if she did, every one of them had their inhibitors on, nothing was _working—_

And then Astra. Her perfect, beautiful Astra, whipping through, just like a storm, always just like a storm, pulling them off of her, sending them flying one by one, light burning from her eyes, whirling around her, the beginning of a violent, beautiful slaughter.

Alex tried to see through it all, saw Non crouched at the mainframe where Indigo had been. There was something there…something he was melding together…she scrambled toward him, trying to find traction on the slick floor, thrusting the sword down into the tiles to use as a makeshift leg she could limp forward on.

He whipped his head around, seeing her approach, eyes glowing red again, ready to incinerate her—but before that heat vision could go anywhere, slices of blue came shooting from Astra’s eyes from across the room, hitting him square in the chest before one of her attackers was able to wrestle her to the ground. Non staggered backward from the hit, knocked several steps back, but unharmed.

Unharmed save for the Kryptonite inhibitor which shattered and dulled, then fell to the floor, useless. 

With an involuntary cry from deep in her gut, Alex scrambled toward him, sword raised high. He faltered at her approach, grabbing an iron bar that looked like it once must have been a supporting beam in the top of the room, likely fallen in Astra’s explosive attack upon her dissenters. The two of them locked weapons, Alex’s hands reverberating painfully as they clashed together. Non grit his teeth at the closeness of the Kryptonite as Alex pressed against him, finally kicking her back with a roar.

Alex flailed her arms out for balance, looking over to see J’onn trying to escape the fire, helpless.

“Astra!” she shouted, pointing. “J’onn!”

Astra seemed to need no further instruction, breaking away from her attackers just long enough to blow freezing cold air toward the fire. The two elements hissed as they clashed in the air, the cold ultimately winning out, freezing the flames in place, leaving statues of jagged ice spread across the room, near deadly in their own right.

Alex was able to catch just a glimpse of J’onn struggling to find his footing—faltering horribly, but _alive_ , free from the fire _—_ before Non was at her again. She raised her sword just in time to block the iron bar from coming down on her head, hearing a desperate shout from Astra behind her. The sound of bodies being broken, driven into the walls, the floors, her Astra was there, she would get through, she was almost here…

Non must have had the same thought, because he looked to her, eyes going red again, that glow building—

Alex cried out, whipping her sword to the side in a violent arc, and the iron bar went flying from Non’s hand—just as his hand went flying from his arm when Alex whipped it up again, lopping it off at the wrist.

Non howled, tears springing to his eyes as he fell to his knees, clutching at the bloody stump where his hand used to be. Alex was paralyzed for a moment—just how much a Kryptonian resembled a human, what she’d just done…

She shouldn’t have hesitated. She shouldn’t have, as he got to his feet with a roar, snatching up the fallen bar and bringing it down on her, blows raining down so fast it was all Alex could do to block them in time. He pushed her farther and farther back, roaring again when she sliced him in the cheek with the edge of the blade. 

Alex swung wildly, and almost from far away, she could hear Astra shouting for her. The sound was simultaneously muted and rushing, like she was hearing it from under the violent tumble of a river, pounding against her skull.

And her fucking leg. Non pushed her farther, and it collapsed— _she_ collapsed—down on one knee, and he swung, and the Kryptonite sword went flying from her hands, skittering somewhere far away where it couldn’t save her.

“You _stupid_ girl,” Non snarled, spit spraying forward as he struggled past his own pain. “What could you _possibly_ hope to achieve by coming here? With or without me, humans can only ever hope to destroy themselves.”

He lunged for her, and she found it in herself to lunge back, grabbing the gushing stump where his hand had once been, pushing him backward…

She wasn’t strong enough. Not like this. He grabbed her around the throat with his good hand, nearly lifting her off the ground as he pressed her back into the wall behind her.

Her vision went spotty, eyes watering and red, searching frantically for Astra, where was Astra, she just needed to see Astra.

And then Non’s body went rigid, shock turning his face white.

She grunted as she was dropped unceremoniously to her knees, the pain in them reverberating up through every bone in her body, sending her vision into whirling nonsense. 

She let it rattle her, let it, because there was quiet around her, such sudden, sickening quiet, and she didn’t think she could face it.

Had to. Had to face it, or else how would she know where Astra was, where J’onn was?

She opened her eyes slowly.

When she looked up, it wasn’t Non’s face that she was met with. It was the glowing green of the Kryptonite sword, thrust through his chest from behind. Behind him, breath heaving and face streaked with blood and sweat, was Astra, hand practically all the way up to Non’s back from how far she had pierced the sword through him.

Non gurgled on the end of it, and Astra pressed her forehead against his shoulder for a moment before sliding to her knees with him, withdrawing the blade slowly from between his shoulder blades, easing him down onto his back.

He sputtered out a bloody laugh at her, teeth red, head lolling against the floor, eyes rolling as he tried to focus his fading vision on her. 

“What do you think you’ve accomplished, General?” he asked between ragged gasps of air, teeth still bared in that terrible grin. “You lost us, you’ll lose them too. That’s what people _do,_ Astra. They destroy themselves. There is no safety here, not without Myriad. There is no safety anywhere, not for you, not for anyone you love.”

There were tears streaking down the corners of his eyes now, and his sputtering laughter seemed to be subsiding into shaky sobs. “It doesn’t matter,” he murmured raggedly, “what you just did. The Omegedron…pointless. Destroy it if you like, Indigo transferred that energy to Fort Rozz itself. The wave won’t stop. Not so long as Fort Rozz is on this Earth. There is no safe place…” He gave one last gurgled laugh, and Astra kept her hand over his heart, following his final breaths, her own breath seeming to match his until he finally went still. 

Alex reached for her clumsily and Astra seemed almost reflexively to let go of him, wrapping her arms tight around Alex instead. 

“It’s okay,” Alex told her…breathed at her really, she didn’t have enough reserves in her body to actually speak. “’S’okay, I got you.”

And yes, she was technically more collapsed in Astra’s arms than Astra was in hers, but Astra was shaking so badly, Alex felt like she needed to be the strong one here, needed to somehow find some way to be the strong one.

She sighed shakily in relief as J’onn slid into view, crouching beside them, hand resting on her shoulder.

“We need to get you out of here,” he told her.

Alex nodded. “Everybody…we need to get everybody out of here…then we gotta destroy…Non said the wave’s…”

“It’s coming from Fort Rozz itself now, I heard,” J’onn said, nodding. Astra lifted her head, and a grave look passed between just the two of them, some kind of understanding Alex wasn’t privy to.

“So what do we do?” Alex slurred, and Astra held her tighter. “’S’too big to destroy, can’t destroy the whole place…”

Astra and J’onn shared that look again, and Alex felt her temper flare, because there was something they knew that she didn’t, and whatever it was, it was already making her insides squirm.

“We’re going to take care of it, Alex,” J’onn told her finally. He looked at Astra. “You’ve got her?” At Astra’s sharp nod, he looked up at the door, taking a fortifying breath. “How are we going to get the rest of them out of here?”

Astra jerked her head at the computer mainframe, scorched and mangled as it was. “Key in an evacuation code,” she said with a grim smile. “Doesn’t matter what—the prisoners here are survivors above all else. They’ll abandon this place in seconds if it sounds like it’s going down.”

J’onn nodded. “I’ll get that going,” he said, “you start directing our people out. I’ll meet you both on the outside.”

Astra got weakly to her feet, pulling Alex up with her, catching her as her legs gave way. 

“Am I carrying you, or is your human pride going to insist I let you walk by yourself?” she asked.

“My pride can go fuck itself,” Alex murmured, and she let herself go limp as Astra scooped her up in her arms with the quietest of laughs. She looked over at J’onn, who had gone over to the mainframe and began keying in glyphs Alex couldn’t even begin to make sense of. Seeming satisfied with his work, he pressed his finger on one final key, and all of a sudden, the entire prison erupted in painful, blaring alarms.

Fucking hurt, but at that moment, Alex was pretty sure it was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard.

*

Astra was right—the hostiles from Fort Rozz were survivors, and seemed to be lacking that sense of unity required of a real army. They scattered from all levels of the prison, giving no thought whatsoever to the humans or Kryptonians they had just been fighting, several hundred of them fleeing into the desert, some taking flight, others burrowing, disappearing altogether…the DEO would be running around chasing these guys for _years_ to come.

She sighed shakily in relief as Astra flew her from the top window of the prison, touching down gently just outside. Streaks of pale purple and gold on the horizon signaled an oncoming sunrise, and Alex wanted so desperately to be comforted by that, but, though she was glad to be back outside, there was something empty about that sunrise. Too frail, almost threatening in its weakness.

Astra had sunk to her knees with her, arms still circling tight around her as they watched all four of their units evacuate the prison. They were all there, all bodies accounted for, but not all of them alive. Seven dead, carried gently by their comrades, and Alex burrowed further into Astra’s hold, body too exhausted even to cry.

Not a single Kryptonian was flying, and Alex suspected that those imitation rays of a red sun had been used on them again while they fought their way through the corridors. Astra seemed to be the only one spared from its effects, having been in the control room during the time of that attack.

Their tiny army gathered, only yards away from the prison, recovering, waiting for J’onn to emerge. Well, for them, waiting for Hank to emerge. Alex looked at all of them, felt tears fall uselessly down her face as her gaze rested on General Lane, his arm supporting a wounded Kryptonian, holding onto him just like he would any one of his soldiers.

And all the while, Astra was holding so tight—too tight, too tight and Alex felt more like she was being restrained than held. She’d take it for now, though, because anything was better than _not_ having Astra holding her, but there was something about that tightness that made her worry. Something that made her sad, and she couldn’t figure out why.

Their entire little company breathed a sigh of relief as Hank emerged from the prison, a weakness to his pace, eyes squinted as the sun began creeping slowly upward from the horizon. Their relief didn’t last long. Everyone could see it in his face that this wasn’t the end, they hadn’t succeeded in what they’d come here for.

Alex put up a weak protest as Astra separated herself from her hold and stood, walking brusquely to Hank’s side. They turned their backs to their tiny army, voices hushed as they spoke to one another, bodies stiff. Alex craned her neck, trying to hear.

When they turned back to address the company, Alex felt that dread pooling in her stomach again. Astra wasn’t looking at her. Her chin was held high, and she told them all what Non had said in the control room.

“Both Myriad waves are still active,” she announced, and there was shocked muttering all around them. “While Director Henshaw was successful in destroying the Omegahedron, Non and Indigo were able to transfer its energy to Fort Rozz itself. The entire prison is projecting those waves now, and neither Director Henshaw, nor I, can see any way of destroying it—certainly not in time to save your fellow humans from the first and second waves. If Supergirl and Max Lord have been successful in sending their signal, then it is likely that your people have been able to escape the first wave and are likely to have their free will back. But Non’s men are still there to pick them over, and the second wave is not far behind. Supergirl must remain behind to protect the people from Non’s men, so the rest is left to those of us here. We are the only ones who can stop the second wave.”

She paused, swallowing thickly, an uncharacteristic silence seeming to shut her down for a moment.

Finally, she gathered herself, hands clenched into fists at her sides. “There is no way for us to destroy Fort Rozz,” she said, voice louder than before, but in a way that seemed to be fighting off weakness in her tone. “Therefore, it must be moved off-world.”

“And how exactly are we going to be moving this thing off-world?” General Lane asked critically amongst similar utterances coming from several of the others. Alex didn’t mutter. She didn’t mutter because the pit of her stomach had already begun to twist painfully when Astra ignored Lane and the others and came forward toward her instead, kneeling down in front of her.

“Astra, no,” she pleaded, already knowing, already knowing what she was going to say. There couldn’t possibly be anymore tears left in her to cry, yet there they must be anyway, because Astra was taking her face gently in her hand, her thumb brushing them away.

“No, Astra,” she whimpered, but Astra was nodding.

“You know I have to, Alex,” she said. “No one else can move it, only me.”

There was shuffling behind Alex, a nervous pressure as Astra’s men seemed to be catching on to what she was saying.

“No, there has to be someone,” Alex cried, “someone else, anyone else—“

“I brought Myriad to this world, Alex,” Astra interrupted gently. “I have to get rid of it, I’m the only one who can.”

“General, I—“ one of her men tried to interject—tried to _offer_ , a sacrifice on his General’s behalf. 

But Astra held up her hand, silencing him. “None of you are able to fly yet,” she said, “and we don’t have time to wait for you to regain your powers. Besides,” she smiled tightly, “I would never let any of you sacrifice yourselves for my mistakes. It’s like the humans say: the captain goes down with his ship. Or, in this case, the General goes up with hers.”

A sob racked through Alex’s body at that stupid attempt at humor, and she reached for Astra, grabbing her arm so hard, she thought maybe it could leave a bruise, even on a Kryptonian.

If she felt pain, Astra didn’t react to it, only let her gaze fall back to Alex. “I can fly this off-world,” she told her. “I’m strong enough. If I can get it past your planet’s atmosphere, the wave won’t be able to reach you, there will be no more Myriad.”

Alex shook her head fiercely. “No, you can’t do that, you won’t be able to get back,” she cried. “You won’t be able to come home…”

And maybe it was the word _home,_ or maybe it was something else, but that untouchable mask Astra wore seemed to shatter, and she gathered Alex in her arms, burying her head into her neck. Something was murmured against her skin, something in Kryptonese, maybe a prayer, maybe a goodbye.

“You tell Kara I’m proud of her,” Astra said fiercely, switching to English. “Alright?”

Alex shook her head, burrowing further into Astra. She meant to say _Fuck you, tell her yourself, you’re not going anywhere,_ but she couldn’t get a word out, she was shaking too much. She clutched at Astra, like she could somehow keep her here if she held on tight enough, like Astra couldn’t just pick her off like she was nothing.

“Astra, please don’t…” she begged, finding a sliver of her voice, enough to plead with her. “Please don’t leave me…”

Astra just held her tighter, angling her head, pressing her lips hard to Alex’s cheek, lingering there, fingers buried in her hair.

“I love you, Alex,” she whispered, and Alex choked out a sob. Astra held on a moment longer, like she was waiting, because Alex had told her never to say it unless Alex said it back, but Alex couldn’t say it back, could only say _Please, please don’t leave._ She hoped Astra understood it meant the same thing, what if she didn’t understand it was the same, she couldn’t say the words, she was trying, they were just coming out all wrong…

“Please, Astra,” she tried again, reaching desperately as she began pulling away. “Please…”

Hank knelt beside her, gently prying her hands off of Astra, and Astra staggered to her feet, shoulders shaking to the point of nearly throwing her off balance. She tore her gaze away from Alex’s face, fixing it on Hank’s instead, like his was more bearable.

“Take care of her?” she requested, voice breaking.

“Always have,” Hank said, a promise.

She nodded, and she turned, and Alex reached for her—tried to lunge for her, but her body hardly worked at all now, and Hank had his arms around her so no matter how hard she struggled, she could barely move an inch.

“Astra, please—“ she cried, again and again, over and over until it became a senseless babble, and Astra didn’t look over her shoulder at her even once, just kept walking away, then running, then launching herself into the air, like she was fleeing from Alex, like she was afraid of her.

Alex struggled, kept struggling, kept pleading, even as Astra reached the center arc of the prison, arms wide, fingers splayed, body shaking as she braced herself.

For a beautiful second, it looked like she wasn’t strong enough, it looked like she would fail after all. 

But it was only that one second, because of course Astra was strong enough. Astra was always strong enough, no matter what she came up against, and Alex was afraid she might break from it.

The prison screeched and groaned as Astra pushed against it, guiding it until the damaged arms finally freed themselves from the ground, lifting into the air. She forced it up farther and farther, gaining speed the higher she flew, the sun seeming to rise with her—the sun, also a star, just as she was.

And then the sun was all there was. There was no Astra.

They all squinted, craned their necks, tried to see, tried for one last glimpse of Astra, of Fort Rozz, of anything. But they were gone, far beyond what any of them could see. Off-world. No more.

Alex was the first to move, lifting a shaky hand to her ear, fingers hesitating at the cold metal of Max’s earring, before unfastening it and tugging it from her ear. A more practical side of her might have braced herself for the possibility that the waves would still be going, that either her will would be taken, or her life. 

But Astra wouldn’t fail. Not in this. Alex was certain.

She let the earring drop into the sand, and there was no pain, nor was there a loss of her mind. Slowly, all the human agents around her did the same, unclipping whatever devices Max had provided them with, letting them fall uselessly to the ground.

The failure for anything to happen to them was as hollow-feeling as it was a relief—world saved, and Alex just felt like she had lost hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone still alive out there?


	26. Superglue

For three full weeks, Alex was not allowed to leave the DEO. 

She was put through intensive physical therapy twice a day, numerous bloodletting treatments for the quill venom (“What, did we run out of leeches?” she mumbled flatly as they hooked her up to a machine that looked like a giant, mechanical spider), and too much enforced sleep for a restless body such as hers to handle. 

Knowing that she was deep underground with nothing but fluorescent lights keeping her from the darkness didn’t make things any better.

Neither did knowing that Astra was far, far above ground, with no light at all.

For three full weeks she shut herself down just enough so that she wouldn’t have to feel anything, but with just enough life in there so that people could move around her limbs for her, and ask questions that every so often, she might find an answer for.

(The hardest question was always “How are you doing?” so she always ignored that one, because while she may have been able to summon a one-word answer to it if she tried, she got too stuck on the question itself to remember what it was she was supposed to be saying).

For three full weeks, the only thing she ever looked forward to were the evenings, when Kara would fly in to check on her. She always brought food—and Alex hadn’t been able to eat more than a couple bites of anything for that entire three weeks, that’s why they had her on so many supplements—but the gesture was so very earnest and so very Kara. And then Kara would lie down with her on the bed she’d been provided, and they would just…sleep. If sleep could be defined by rampant nightmares that tore after her, leaving her sheets soaked with cold sweat.

And then she would wake up to those fluorescent lights above her head, and the whole thing started over again.

For three full weeks, this became the mind-numbing norm, an endless cycle Alex couldn’t begin to imagine the end of—trying to get her body working, trying to get her mind working, trying to get _anything_ working, only to lose it all during the night.

For three full weeks, her recovery was her hell.

So when, at the beginning of the fourth week, she hobbled into her quarters to sleep after a frustrating round of physical therapy, only to find Astra sitting by her bedside, she immediately turned on her heel, went down to the lab which housed the strongest sleeping pills that were still considered within the general realm of “FDA Approved,” and plied herself with just enough to put herself out cold for a solid day or two.

She would rather sleep her way through what was apparently going to be her delusional period, and wake up when her brain decided sanity was a better idea.

*

General Lane had been the first to act three weeks before as Astra and Fort Rozz had disappeared from view and it had become clear that the Myriad Waves could no longer reach them. He had gone for his radio and contacted the men he had stationed just East of the first wave, ordering them out West for immediate extraction to the DEO.

It had taken his men nearly four hours to reach them, at which point most of the Kryptonians had regained their ability to fly again anyway, so the whole thing had been a pointless waste of fuel that Astra would have pummeled them all for had she still been there. Some other time, that might have been funny. Now, it just made Alex curl further into herself, cold.

Hank had been livid at how long it had taken for Lane’s men to reach them. While he was careful to load those of their company who had been killed onto the helicopters, he immediately saw to it that the Kryptonians carried Alex, the humans who had sustained the most injuries, and himself to the DEO. It would be faster that way, he growled angrily at the helicopter pilots.

He must have known he would need to keep extra close watch on Alex, and he ended up being right, because the second they reached the DEO, Alex wriggled out of her Kryptonian’s arms, dropping painfully, pointlessly, to her knees, and began scrambling for Kara’s pod in the corner of the control room.

“Alex!” Hank called after her as she slipped on her virtually pointless leg. She didn’t bother to respond, just began scrambling on one leg and two arms instead, who needed a fucking useless leg to pilot a ship into space anyway.

She reached the thing, hands grasping the edge to pull herself up and in, ignoring the way her shoulder and wrist weren’t cooperating, ignoring the way her vision was spinning. She cried out when Hank’s arms circled her waist and pulled her away, yelling, “No, there’s still time! I can get to her, there’s still time!”

“Alex,” Hank growled at her, pulling her toward one of the stretchers that were being rolled out and lifting her up to sit on it. _“Alex_ , look at me.” She did, only after he’d taken her face in his hand and forced her to. “No,” he said, and his voice was gentle in spite of its firmness. He shook his head. “No, there isn’t time, it’s been too long. It’s been hours.”

“No no no,” Alex had disagreed desperately, grabbing at his shoulders, trying to make him see. Her words came out in a breathless babble, too fast, almost manic. “No, you don’t know, I’ve studied Kryptonian physiology, their bodies can handle space, see, they’re warm enough, they won’t freeze, their fluids will continue to work just fine, and won’t evaporate or collapse under pressure, see it’s the yellow sun, it keeps them strong enough, she’s fine, if we can just get to her, she’s fine—“

“And can she breathe up there?” Hank interrupted sharply, not a real question, but a point he was trying to make.

She broke off.

He nodded. “Even Kryptonians have to be able to breathe, Alex, and she can’t, not up there,” he told her. “I’m sorry.”

“No, we have to try,” Alex pleaded. “Maybe she’s different than other Kryptonians, maybe she’s stronger, maybe—“ 

_Maybe if I love her enough, the basic rules of science don’t apply to her…_

Even then, she could hear herself, hear how delusional, how frenzied she sounded.

“She could be okay, I could get to her, I can figure out how to pilot Kara’s pod, I can, I’ve studied it for years, I can do it, J’onn, please—“

“Alex, listen to me,” Hank said, taking her by the shoulders. “Even if you could fly that pod, even if by some fantastic miracle Astra was still alive—or even still in our _orbit—you_ wouldn’t survive it. You’ve lost too much blood, and that venom in your leg will spread, it will paralyze you, and you will die up there. Do you understand?”

“Someone else then,” she begged, brushing aside the idea of her mortality, because who gave a fuck. “Someone else could take the pod up, they could look for her, they could find her, and bring her back, and she’ll be okay…”

Hank shook his head again and looked down, and she could feel the frustration building in him. 

“J’onn, there has to be someone,” she pleaded once more, voice too weak, too high.

He sighed heavily, then looked back up, locking gazes with her. “I’ll go,” he said, and she practically burst into tears with gratitude. But he shook his head again, taking her face in his hand. “Don’t get your hopes up, Alex,” he warned. “I’ll do my best—I will do _everything_ in my power to get her back if I can, but I don’t even know if there will be a body to find. If she got beyond our orbit, she could be anywhere, do you understand that?” he asked. 

She nodded eagerly, because of course he was wrong, of course he’d find her and she’d be okay, of _course._

He didn’t find her.

*

Alex hadn’t cried after that—in fact, she stopped talking altogether for the most part, sparing short phrases when she was with her physical therapist. Maybe it was just because the intensity of the treatments they had her going through had drained her ability to form tears, or even to shudder through dry sobs. 

It was more likely that her lack of crying was due to the look on Kara’s face when she was told what had happened.

To lose her aunt, to lose her mother and father and entire world, to find out her aunt was alive after all, then to lose her again, lose the last of her family, the last of her home, this woman who had helped raise her, who had done such horrible things in order to ensure a future for her…gone. 

Kara’s cry started only with tears, no sound, only a hunched-over retreat into herself, arms wrapping around her own torso like she was trying to hold herself. She looked like she was twelve again, and Alex tucked away her own sorrow like it had never existed and went over to her, because Kara shouldn’t have to hold herself, not after the life she’d had. She should always have someone else to be held by, and Alex was always going to be that person. If she had to fight every single person in the entire world to do it, Alex would always be the one to hold Kara up.

It was a little bit sick, though, the way she used Kara here. Seeing her little sister broken allowed her to put herself back together just enough to look out for her, and consequently, her brain was able to completely shut out every single one of her feelings. Seeing Kara cry made her feel like she was crying, only very distantly, and without having to feel it—like that emotion was being taken care of by someone, so it didn’t need to be her. Kara’s sorrow allowed Alex to do things like sitting up, like standing, like limping down the hall and back, like moving her arm, like taking a whopping three bites of food every couple of hours.

Only at night did their roles reverse. Because Alex had never really been able to fool Kara, not since the day they first met. At night, when Alex was supposed to be asleep, she forgot she was supposed to be strong, and Kara caught her crying. So she came in and laid behind her, draping her arm over Alex’s waist and snuggled in close. 

“Sometimes you have to let me hold _you,”_ she said. “Okay?”

Alex reached behind her and squeezed Kara’s arm gratefully, silently.

*

For three weeks, those few hours at night were her only comfort. During the day, she went mechanically through her exercises, did her best to keep food down, and dutifully took pills prescribed both to her, and to several of the other agents, for anxiety, for PTSD, and simply to be able to sleep through the night.

By the end of the third week, she was trying slowly to get herself off the sleeping pills at least. Her doctors had told her she should probably stay on them for a couple months, minimum, but she hated how drowsy they  made her feel in the mornings. So, heavily monitored, they were allowing her to slowly scale back on her intake. 

Which was why, at the beginning of the fourth week, when she found Astra sitting in her room next to her bed, Alex reasoned that the doctors were probably right, and she had started going off them too early. Hallucinations were not her idea of what it meant to be of a well-rested, sound mind.

So, back down the hall she hobbled, to the lab where they kept any and all drugs used for humans only. It wasn’t as if they were lax in security down here, but Alex often used to work down here in the beginning of her training, and she still remembered the entrance code. She was quickly and easily able to slip in, heavily but safely drug the fuck out of herself, and make her way back to her room.

Annoyingly enough, her hallucination of Astra was still there, waiting for her—even stood up, concern etched deep across her brow, and said, _“Alex!”_ and rushed toward her, and seemed to catch her as she stumbled a little. The stumble was a surprise—these pills were much more fast-acting than she’d been anticipating. She tried to pull away as the hallucination reached for her, because hallucinations weren’t supposed to take on a physical presence—she must just have stumbled back against the wall and was propping herself up from that. 

The wall theory didn’t account for the way it felt like there were arms around her, but maybe those were just her own arms around herself. That probably made sense. Her arms were better than a hallucination’s arms.

“Alex…” the hallucination breathed again.

“Go away,” Alex mumbled, the first real words she’d said in weeks, swatting, and pushing to the best of her abilities—were these fucking _horse tranquilizers_ she’d taken?—before finally giving up and allowing sleep to take over her with the small comfort of knowing that it was most likely that her hallucination would have dissipated by the time she woke up.

*

She was right. When she woke up, nearly a full twenty-four hours later, there was no Astra to be seen. She forced herself to feel relieved. 

_Not delusional, thank god,_ she tried forcing herself to think. _Brain’s in full working order, no hallucinations for me._

She supposed that remained to be seen for the rest of the day, but physically anyway, this seemed to be a good day for her. She still had a significant limp, but she had moved quickly past the need for any type of crutch to lean on within her second week, now only relying on a brace. She was able to dress herself fairly well—only button-downs, nothing that required her getting a shirt over her head, but still. 

For people on the outside, for _civilians,_ her doctor had told her, it would take significantly longer for her injuries to heal. But in here, he’d added with a sly wink, they were privy to a host of different treatments they had yet to release into the population at large—treatments that knocked several weeks off of recovery time.

Alex had smiled politely, and said nothing. This man was new—he didn’t know that _she_ was one of the doctors originally responsible for creating these expedited recovery treatments. 

Whatever. Let him think he was the master of his little universe—so far, he was doing a bang-up job getting her physically back to normal, so it’s not like she really had anything to complain about.

The point of all this being, Alex was on the cusp of being able to be discharged from the DEO intensive care unit so she could go sleep in her own bed in her own apartment. Where she could curl up and cry unabashedly, where she could have a few hours to herself everyday dedicated to Astra without someone overhearing her.

She wondered what it would feel like, walking into her apartment for the first time after all this. Last time she was there, she and Astra had been beating the absolute shit out of each other. Things had broken, shattered, if nothing else, been knocked out of place. It had been enough for her landlord to bang on the door and become a little giddy when she’d told him that all that noise was just due to her brand spanking new surround sound system for her TV.

And then how she had gotten Astra to stop trying to escape simply by asking her. Telling her to stop. And Astra had stopped, because neither of them had ever really wanted to _hurt_ the other—well, maybe a little bit, Alex remembered with a near-smile, when Astra had confessed needing to hurt her as an alternative to showing affection. And maybe pain was just a natural part of the way they loved each other, but their aim had never been to _hurt._ Which had to have been why, when Alex simply said “Stop,” Astra stopped.

But what a mess they’d made of her apartment.

And Jesus Christ, the stove at her mom’s house, crisped and burnt and covered with extinguisher fluid…and the cushions pulled off the couch—she was almost certain a lamp or picture frame or two had fallen victim to their passion, though Alex had no clear memory of it, having been so deep inside Astra, having her back clawed nearly to fucking pieces from Astra’s insatiable need for more. Or need for _her._

Those marks were gone now, by the way, those claw marks. At the time, the savagely romantic—or romantically savage—part of her had just assumed those marks would last forever. Had assumed every bite, every scratch, every bruise would stay, living proof of everything they were to each other, everything they would continue to be, for the rest of time. Because if Alex was being honest, she’d known they were linked long before they were ever together. Even when she’d first been taken by Astra to Fort Rozz—it wasn’t love then, it was far from it—but they saw each other. They knew each other, understood each other. They paired verbal acrobatics with silent, subtle motions which eventually became touch, which became pain, which became love. Astra would have haunted her in one way or another for the rest of her life, even if the rest of this mess hadn’t happened. Maybe that’s why they were so aggressive with each other, they had to keep reaffirming that link, that claim. The reality of the situation was that bites and scratches and bruises _would_ fade, so they simply had to keep making new ones so they could always feel each other, no matter where they were.

Alex slid to the floor, hot tears in her eyes. Sometimes memories like this would just hit her out of nowhere, especially on days when physically, she seemed to be doing well. It was like she was given a few minutes of respite, either physical or emotional every day, and then one way or another, her reality would slug her in the gut, and in one way or another, she’d end up on the floor like this.

Blinking away tears, because she shouldn’t have those anymore, she looked up, searching for her hallucination of Astra. Wasn’t that what hallucinations were supposed to do? They were supposed to appear as both comfort and tormenter whenever someone fixated on them enough?

But of course even a _hallucination_ of Astra would be ornery and uncooperative and only show up when _she_ wanted to. 

Alex hugged her arms around her knees and wondered if maybe staying an extra week or two at the DEO might be best for her.

*

Physical therapy this particular day was difficult as always, but she felt like she was starting to get over some kind of wall. She was allowed an increase in the amount of weight she could lift, her flexibility allowed her _almost_ to be able to raise her arm up straight in the air, and they were suggesting she take short walks—up to the roof and back, nothing too strenuous—without her leg brace.

“Mind if I escort you for the first one?” Hank asked from the doorway, and both Alex and the physical therapist jumped a little. She huffed at him to show her annoyance at the surprise, and he offered a small, thin-lipped smile before extending his arm for her to come join him.

They walked slowly down the hallway, Alex trying not to cling too hard to him every time she faltered a little.

“You look like you’re making some progress,” Hank offered. At her silence, he sighed understandingly. “Still not talking much, huh. That’s alright. You and I work pretty well as a pair of strong, silent types.”

She gave him a look, and he returned it, beginning to help her up the stairs to the rooftop access. 

“I actually heard,” he mused as they took slow, careful steps, “that you said something the other night.”

Alex shrugged. Sure, Kara told her she talked in her sleep sometimes. She said she kicked, too, and that she was glad she was Kryptonian or that might have hurt.

“Alex.”

He stopped her. They were right at the top of the stairs. Her heart sank a little. Was that it? She only got to walk up to the top of the stairs, she didn’t actually get to go outside?

She exhaled, trying to gather the courage to speak, so she could ask him to let her go outside. It was evening now. She hadn’t been outside in three weeks, maybe if she could just see the stars…well, it would either make her feel a whole lot better or a whole lot worse, but at least it’d be something. 

Alright, words then. She could probably get something together, she could probably remind her vocal chords how to work…

“I’m told you said ‘Go away,’ to someone,” Hank said, before she could get her words together. 

She looked up at him in surprise. Well, she’d said “Go away” to a hallucination she’d had of Astra. 

So now he knew she was losing her mind. Fucking fantastic.

“Wanna tell me who you were talking to?” he prompted.

She set her jaw. Took a deep breath. Managed to grit out, “Astra.”

He nodded. 

“I know she wasn’t real though,” she hastened on, throat tight and rough. She shook her head. “I’m not crazy.”

Hank took her shoulder gently, brow scrunching a little, kindly. “Alex, listen,” he said carefully. “There are some things I need to tell you, and…I think they’re going to be difficult for you to hear.”

Alex stiffened warily, heart picking up pace. Who was it this time? Was Kara okay? Her mother? Had something happened to one of Kara’s friends, did she need to go help her? Did Max do something? Had they lost agents to some new threat while she’d been hobbling pathetically from room to room downstairs in ICU?

“It’s not—“ Hank broke off, and she worried maybe he had just read her mind, overheard her every fear. But his eyes were narrowed into understanding slits. “We can go all the way outside on the roof, if you’d like,” he said. “Some fresh air might do you good.”

She was grateful for that, but he still hadn’t said whatever this thing was that was apparently going to be so hard for her to hear. She managed an affirmative nod, and followed him out the door to the rooftop. 

Someone had put a bench up here by the railing, and Alex couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Idyllic place to stargaze, but stargazing wasn’t high on the list of priorities for the DEO, unless it was searching the sky for hostiles, and even then, that’s what the scanners were for.

Gripping on to his arm extra tight, she allowed him to walk her over to the bench and sat down with him. 

“Kara was hoping to be here for all this,” he said after a moment of just…staring. Out there. He sighed. “But there was some emergency with her cousin and she had to take off.”

“Is Clark okay?” Alex managed in alarm. She’d forgotten how he could be hurt as well—how had she not thought about him?

“I think he’s alright,” Hank said calmly. “Kara was just sorry she couldn’t be here, though to be honest, she might have made this more difficult.”

“J’onn,” she interrupted finally, annoyed that it had to be _her_ —the one with the problem speaking—who was having to get him to speak. She shrugged her shoulders up tightly under her ears. “What are we doing up here?”

He sucked on his teeth for a moment, seeming to be getting his thoughts in order. “Three weeks ago, when I went to Fort Rozz to look for Astra, I wasn’t able to find anything,” he said, and Alex felt ice hit her stomach.

“I know that,” she growled. Why was he bringing this up again?

“Alex, listen to me,” Hank chastised, apparently catching the temper rising up in her tone. “I looked everywhere. I circled the entire planet, even past it, as far as I dared to go in that old, _damaged_ spacecraft of Kara’s. No sign of Astra. But Fort Rozz itself had fallen into our orbit.”

Alex shrugged her shoulders up sharply again, waiting for him to explain why she should give a single fuck. 

“These past few weeks, I’m sure you know the world governments have been trying to figure out what to do with it,” Hank went on. “They’ve been trying to decide if it technically belongs to a certain country, if scientists can be sent to explore it, or to take it apart further…there’s a lot of discourse surrounding Fort Rozz. Ultimately, it was decided that a handful of DEO agents should be the first sent up there to see what we might be dealing with. That’s where I’ve been the last week.”

Her throat tightened again and she swallowed through a lump. She didn’t like that she hadn’t known where he was—hadn’t even known he’d been gone at all. How was she supposed to keep him safe if she didn’t know where he was?

“We took Alura and Astra’s schematics to the prison so we could find the main entrances, get in easier than whatever back ways she had you going through when it was on Earth. It wasn’t difficult to get in—some of the passageways had been destroyed, but the main ones were intact. They required access codes, but again, those were part of the information contained on Alura’s Living Memory, as well as Astra’s notes. 

“The main entrances were double-sealed,” he went on. “Which is to say that the first layer of doors entered into one room that was closed off to the rest of the prison. Its inner doors wouldn’t open unless the outer doors did first.” He moved his hands demonstratively. “What that means is that once we got through that first room and past that second set of doors, there were entire sections to Fort Rozz that were sealed off from space. They still contained oxygen.”

Alex’s pulse jumped a little before she even started putting together his words. 

“It was limited,” Hank said hurriedly, “and, as I said, was contained only to certain sections. And I thought that if we…” he ran his hand thoughtfully over his mouth. “If it was easy enough for me and my men to get inside Fort Rozz, there was a possibility that maybe, Astra had gotten inside too.”

Alex’s heart was pounding, eyes burning painfully. 

“It was just strange to me that she would have just _left_ Rozz in our orbit,” Hank went on. “Of course it didn’t need to _go_ any farther in order to kill the Myriad waves, but knowing her, I assumed she would have pushed that thing as far away from here as possible. But Rozz’s placement was very precise. It was within Earth’s orbit without impeding the orbits of any of our satellites, our moon—it was a safe placement. And smart.”

“J’onn—“

“I contacted President Marsden right away,” Hank said. “I told her there was reason to believe that Astra might have been able to get inside Fort Rozz itself after she’d flown it past our atmosphere, might have been able to find the sections still containing oxygen. I asked for her permission to deploy a search team for Astra. She agreed to it.”

Alex grabbed his hands, tears streaking down her face.

Hank nodded at her. “We found her in the control room,” he said, and Alex sobbed with what she didn’t trust herself to see as gratitude yet. “It was almost out of oxygen, but it was the only room she could use to try to send out a signal. Interface was busted—she’d been working nonstop trying to fix it. By the time we got there, she was out cold—we all needed masks to breathe, and she’d been trying to make it on practically nothing.

“Long story short,” he went on slowly, deliberately, “what I’m trying to tell you is that Astra is downstairs in ICU.”

Alex dropped her head onto his shoulder, pressing in as hard as she could, stifling another set of cries.

“We brought her in about four days ago,” Hank said gently, putting his hand to her head, holding her to him. She struggled to breathe right. “She spent two days straight on one of the solar beds—her vision was going from the lack of oxygen, and her body had been beaten to all hell when she was fighting her dissenters during our siege, but she’s just about healed now, sees perfectly, can walk around a hell of a lot better than you can. She was under strict instruction not to leave her room until given explicit permission otherwise—it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that she completely ignored that and made her way directly down to your room, and only managed to make you think you were losing your mind.”

Shakily, Alex pressed against his shoulder to sit up. His image was a little blurry, and she hated the tears that were still in her eyes. Wondered when the fuck she’d be able to look at something without them impeding her vision again.

“So she’s here?” she asked, voice cracking. 

Hank nodded.

She tried to focus. There was something important, something other than her…

“Does Kara know?”

Hank nodded again. “We brought Kara in yesterday to see her,” he said.

Alex exhaled bracingly. “Can I…can I see her too?” she asked.

A corner of Hank’s mouth lifted. “Do you want her to come up here, or do you want to go down to see her?” he asked.

“Here,” was about all she was able to squeak out.

He spoke into his comm without a moment’s hesitation, said something to Vasquez, something about escorting General In-Ze up to the roof, and something in Alex made her want to run as fast as she could, as far away as she could. Or maybe even just run in circles. Then collapse on the ground, and curl up. That’s really all she felt she was up for, just sporadic bursts of energy followed by nothing, just endless nothing, that was all she thought she could handle.

But she couldn’t do that, not right now. She sat stiff and terrified, waiting, trying to count the seconds going by, but then forgetting the number she was on and starting over again, jiggling her good leg in a way that normally would have driven Hank crazy.

He didn’t have to suffer it for too long. 

As soon as the door to the access opened, Alex’s entire body froze—her entire body save for her heart, which seemed to have decided it was going to do its damnedest to hammer its way straight through her chest.

The first time Alex had seen Astra, months ago, she had reminded her of a panther. Some wild, restless power behind her even when she was stood still. As the door to the access opened, and Astra stepped through, there was a brief second of that—that cold, but powerful energy. 

It lasted all of five seconds before her eyes fell on Alex, and that cold energy turned immediately into—well, frankly, something that resembled more of an excited puppy. 

Before quickly shutting down again.

She took a hesitant step forward. Then stopped, like she wasn’t sure her excitement was reciprocated, maybe because Alex still hadn’t moved. She couldn’t. She was still taking her in, because that was _her_ Astra standing there with fading light from the sun splashing over her. That was _her_ Astra whose energy kept shifting between that very particular energy held by the Kryptonian General, and that wide-eyed hesitant energy that had tapped out _I love you_ in Morse code on Alex’s body. _Her_ Astra. _Hers._

“Danvers, impress the woman with your standing up skills already!” Vasquez shouted to her from beside Astra. Alex jumped. She hadn’t even realized she was there.

Maybe not a terrible idea, because Astra was looking unsure of herself.

So she braced her hands on either side of her on the bench, eyes never leaving Astra’s face, because she might disappear if she blinked. Taking a deep breath, she pressed herself up to standing, and really, that was all the movement it took for the rest of her brain to catch up, pushing her forward into the most painful and awkward run she had ever shifted into. She collided clumsily with Astra, who had run toward her as well—possibly having forgotten that Kryptonians were significantly stronger than humans, because their collision was somewhat like smacking right the fuck into a rock.

A rock who had arms that wrapped warm and tight around her, who was actually very soft, who was pressing kisses seemingly at random to Alex’s cheeks, her forehead, her hair, and Alex burrowed her head into her shoulder, trying her best to squeeze back just as hard because her Kryptonian needed to know how angry she was with her, how overwhelmingly grateful she was, how much she loved her. 

“Let me look at you,” Astra whispered finally after a long moment in this hard embrace, taking her face and holding it just far enough from her so that she could see her more clearly. Her eyes were shining with apology as she touched her fingers gently to each abrasion on Alex’s face. Alex just looked at her as she did, watching those beautiful eyes rove over her face, the way she grimaced in sympathy at each tiny hurt she touched, the way the fading sun seeming to be drifting its fingers down her face as well. 

“I’m sorry…I must look kinda rough, huh,” Alex fumbled out finally, not sure what else to say because Astra looked so overwhelmingly beautiful.

Astra gave a watery laugh. “You do,” she agreed. Then she frowned suddenly, brow growing lined as she surveyed Alex’s face, serious. “Incredibly rough, actually. It’s very…” She shook her head, frown deepening further. “…completely unappealing. If this is what you welcome me back with, then I’m afraid my attraction for you is gone and I will be returning to Fort Rozz immediately—“

Alex roughy cupped the back of her neck and pulled her into a deep kiss, made somewhat difficult by the smiling curve of Astra’s lips against hers. They separated after a moment, but Alex leaned back in to press her forehead to Astra’s. “Don’t ever joke about that,” she breathed, a small laugh to her tone sneaking in nonetheless. “If you ever try to fly off again, I will latch myself onto you with superglue and no amount of Kryptonian strength will be able to separate me from you.”

“Oh no, not superglue,” Astra whispered, finally pulling away enough to look at her. She brushed her thumbs over some of Alex’s nastier cuts. “I suppose I could just kiss these all better,” she mused, trailing her fingers down to the tiny nicks and cuts down her throat, her shoulders…

“There’s quite a few,” Alex said. “You might not be able to kiss them _all_ better.”

It wasn’t meant to be a line, but Astra lifted an eyebrow anyway, leaning in and pressing her mouth to Alex’s ear. “Tell your fellow agents to give us a moment of privacy, and I think I could prove you wrong,” she murmured slyly.

_“Alex!_ Damn it!”

Alex turned to look behind her where Hank had his fingers pinched to his brow, face screwed up in pain.

Oh. Oops.

“Are you okay, sir?” Vasquez asked in alarm, taking a step forward from the doorway.

“I’m fine,” Hank growled through gritted teeth, shooting Alex a withering look. He stood, making his way toward the door. “I just saw—heard…I just heard…just some chatter over the radio.”

Vasquez pressed her fingers hesitantly to her own comm.

“I don’t hear anything, sir,” she said.

“Yeah, consider yourself lucky,” he grumbled with another glare at Alex. “How can you—“ he started bewilderedly. “Don’t you two need to do some _emotional_ healing first?” he demanded. “Can’t…the rest of it…wait for even a _second?”_

Vasquez cocked her head curiously at this bizarre exchange, apparently deciding to keep her questions to herself when Hank waved his hand like he’d given up on them and began walking through the door.

“Just…sit with each other for a while,” he grumbled over his shoulder. “Watch some stars together. You can have all the ‘privacy’ you want once you’re formally discharged, but for now just…”

He broke off in a huff, waving his hands disgruntledly in the air again, following Vasquez back inside and shutting the door.

Astra looked at Alex with her head cocked curiously. A little deviously. “Did I cause some interesting images to come to your mind that distressed your Director?” she asked.

“They weren’t _that_ bad,” Alex said with a suppressed grin.

“I don’t believe you.”

Alex’s grin eased more into a smile and she drifted her hand down to hold Astra’s, threading their fingers together, hold firm. She tugged a little, and led her over to the bench, sitting and trying to angle them the way she wanted—but Astra, who was at full Kryptonian strength now, maneuvered her the way _she_ wanted, pulling her back against her chest and holding her snug around the waist.

Which Alex guessed was kind of nice. 

Really nice.

Really nice, and warm, and safe.

She leaned her head back, sighing contentedly when Astra nuzzled forward so they could be cheek to cheek and look out at the sky together. 

“That was…a really brave thing you did,” Alex said after a while, fidgeting and playing absently with Astra’s fingers. “‘Thank you’ seems like a weird thing to say, like it doesn’t really… _encompass_ everything, but for lack of a better expression…y’know. You did save the world. In just about the most impressive way possible, so. Thank you.”

“Oh, my pleasure,” Astra said, and Alex huffed out a laugh. “Any time.”

Alex closed Astra’s hand in both of hers and brought it up under her chin. “Thank you for staying alive,” she murmured more quietly. “Thank you for coming home to me.”

Astra angled her head and pressed her lips against Alex’s cheek.

Alex allowed herself to chuckle a little, more absently than humorously. “That was actually pretty clever, getting Fort Rozz to stay in our orbit, getting inside it and trying to contact us…were you planning that the whole time?”

She felt Astra shake her head. “No. I wish I had been, that could have spared us both a lot of heartache,” she said, and Alex gave a small smile, squeezing her hand harder. “No, my instinct was to get Rozz as far away from you as possible. But I realized the signal died the moment I was past your exosphere—I figured if I could maneuver it right, I could stay within Earth’s gravitational pull. And if I got inside, there was a chance there might still be oxygen trapped in there, and I could figure out a way to send out a signal. I honestly wasn’t sure it would work, but I had to try.”

Alex sighed as Astra tightened her hold more comfortably.

“Besides, I couldn’t _not_ come back. You kept saying ‘please’ so nicely as I took off, and I think we’ve established how I feel about begg—ow!”

Astra laughed at Alex’s slap to her leg.

_“Too_ soon, Astra,” Alex growled. _“Way_ too soon to start joking about that.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Astra placated, kissing her cheek again. 

“Yeah, you’ll _really_ be sorry once all my limbs are working again,” Alex grumbled.

“Why, were you planning on fighting me?”

“Among other things.”

Astra pulled her in impossibly closer, and took her earlobe ever so gently between her teeth before letting go.

“I look forward to it,” she said.

Alex shifted back against her with a contented smile and watched as the color drained from the sky, giving way to a dark sea of stars above them. And somewhere up there was Fort Rozz, still circling, but there was something oddly comforting about that. It had brought Astra to her twice now, and this time she was never letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …And you were all worried this was gonna be sad, you big sillies  
> One more chapter, guys. (Spoiler alert: will be approximately 90% fluff, because these last chapters got super dark and they need happiness and I need happiness and you need happiness and so there shall be happiness). Thank you all so much for reading as always


	27. Leveling the Playing Field

In honor of Alex’s discharge and return to her apartment the following week, Astra gifted her with lightbulbs.

“Um. Thank you?” Alex hazarded.

“They have a nine-million-two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand year warranty,” Astra informed her, reaching up to replace the ones in Alex’s kitchen ceiling. She’d already done the bedroom, bathroom, hallway, and living room, levitating a little to get to the higher slope of the ceiling out here. 

“I’m not sure I’m going to be around that long, but I appreciate the vote of confidence,” Alex told her, looking up and considering biting the slice of exposed flesh across Astra’s lower abdomen where her shirt had ridden up.

“Trust me,” Astra said, touching back down to the ground before she got the chance. She looked up at her work appraisingly. “You’ll be very satisfied with these.”

“Interesting word choice for a bunch of lightbulbs,” Alex observed, cocking an eyebrow. “Something you’re not telling me?”

Astra was doing a poor job of masking a devilish smirk. “They’re made from the same red sun simulators as the rays at Fort Rozz,” she said.

“…Okay?”

“They dull my powers, Alexandra.” Astra stepped forward into her, leaning in and brushing her lips against the shell of Alex’s ear. “It means I don’t have to hold myself back with you.”

Alex stood there stupidly with a stupid smile to match her stupid thoughts as Astra gave her an affectionate swat to her ass and strode over to the island counter to bring out some plates and glasses.

“So I turn them on when I turn you on, is that it?” Alex asked, turning to her with a lopsided grin.

“If you know what’s good for you,” Astra replied lightly. “It should level the playing field if nothing else.”

“So romantic, making it sound like we’ll be fighting it out in a death match.”

Astra just smiled at her, then perked her ears toward the hall outside suddenly in a way Alex recognized.

“Kara here?” she guessed.

“And the rest of them,” Astra said, nodding with a somewhat haughty expression.

Perfectly on cue, Kara came bursting through the door with fifteen pizzas balanced on one hand, several bags of other various foods hanging from the other hand, and a bouquet of flowers tucked under her chin. She was followed immediately by James who came bearing libations, bless him, and Winn who appeared to be the ice cream bearer. Behind him trailed Cat Grant and Lucy Lane, both of whom carried a bottle of wine, white and red, respectively. The two of them were followed up by a small handful of DEO agents, and Eliza, Hank, and…a very tall, dark-haired woman Alex had never seen before…brought up the rear. 

“Welcome home!” Kara squealed, unloading her various contributions to Alex’s coming-home party onto the island counter and throwing her arms around Alex. She rocked her back and forth in what was starting to become a slightly painful way before releasing her and snatching up the bouquet of flowers to present to her.

“These are from Kal,” she told her. “He said he’s sorry he couldn’t come, but he’s really proud of you for being such a badass.”

Alex could admit to glowing a little bit—it wasn’t every day someone got flowers from Superman.

“Want me to put them in some water for you, sweetie?” her mom offered, swooping in for, if possible, an even bigger hug than Kara’s. “Since I know you’ll forget otherwise?”

Alex rolled her eyes showily once she was released, which Eliza correctly assumed was permission to put the flowers in water. Because…yes, she absolutely would forget, and Clark would be broken-hearted to learn that his lovely bouquet had lasted all of five hours.

The rest of them all piled in, all giving their respective hugs and welcome-home’s and glad-your-okay’s. Cat seemed to be unsure exactly what she was doing here, apparently having been invited by Lucy at Kara’s secret behest as thanks for her contribution in fighting the Myriad wave. 

Alex noted that she had not extended that invitation to include Max, and she couldn’t have been more grateful.

Astra sidled up beside her as people began to settle in with food and music and booze, and began trying to put a name to everyone in the room. “So, the tiny one over there is Lucy Lane,” she said carefully, looking her over, “and I’m told she is much stronger than she looks.”

“Yeah, she’s also been upped to co-Director of the DEO,” Alex added, wondering if Astra had made the connection yet that she was General Lane’s daughter.

But for once, Astra simply looked impressed. “I like her,” she said decisively, and Alex decided to leave it at that for now. 

Astra nodded at the handful of DEO agents, who were mostly staying clumped together awkwardly. Nerds. “And those are Susan Vasquez, Lily Jamieson, Alan Chopra, Harlan Dirks, and…”

“…I have no idea who that last one is, Kara invited him,” Alex said with a shrug. “I think she saw they were all doctors, aside from Vasquez, and assumed we all knew each other.”

Astra nodded, looking over at James and Winn who were talking animatedly with Kara.

“And those are James Olsen who is a friend of Kal-El’s, and Winn Schott, who is adequately intelligent,” Astra said. Her brow creased as she seemed to grapple with some concept. “And James is in love with Kara, and Winn is also in love with Kara, but Kara belongs to Cat Grant who has branded her.”

“I…yeah, actually I think that’s pretty accurate.”

“I will have to speak with each of them later,” Astra said, and while no overt threat was made, Alex was pretty sure none of those conversations were going to be pleasant. 

Her attention had gone to the rest of their guests, however, and she pointed with her chin. “Your mother, of course,” she said, a little awkwardly. “Do I offer to finish cleaning out the garage to make up for the state of her stove, or should I leave well enough alone?”

“I’d leave well enough alone for now,” Alex advised.

Astra nodded, gaze falling on the last of their guests. “And of course there’s J’onn…Who is the woman beside him?” she asked.

“You know, I have absolutely no—hey, Kara?” she interrupted herself, grabbing her little sister by the arm as she went to the counter for her twelfth slice of pizza.

“Hm?” Kara looked a little puzzled by the sudden halt in her journey to get more food.

“Do I know her?” Alex asked, nodding subtly toward the woman, just in case she _did_ know her, and was suffering some brain damage that had caused her to forget.

Kara looked over, and beamed excitedly. “Oh, that’s Diana!” she said. “She’s a friend of J’onn and Kal’s. She was helping me fight off Non’s men back East after the first wave, I asked her to tag along if you don’t mind. She’s _really_ nice, and _seriously_ badass. She’s actually a goddess.”

“Yeah, I guess she does seem pretty cool—“

“No, I mean she’s an _actual_ goddess,” Kara interrupted, and both Alex and Astra looked doubtfully at her. “A _warrior_ goddess. She was made from clay and everything.”

“Kara, not to burst your bubble, but I think J’onn and Clark might’ve just been messing with you…”

She broke off as the supposed “goddess” made her way over to them, and straightened a little because…well, she did give off kind of a _vibe_ that Alex couldn’t quite place. Even Astra adjusted her stance somewhat.

“Diana!” Kara said excitedly, waving at her. She gestured with a flourish at Alex. “This is my sister, Alex—she was part of the siege on Fort Rozz. And this is my aunt, Astra, who flew it into space!”

Diana’s face lit up with a surprising, genuine warmth as she looked at them both—and wow, if Alex had thought _Kara’s_ smile lit up a room, holy crap…

She stiffened a little in surprise as Diana leaned in without a moment’s hesitation to kiss her warmly on both cheeks, turning immediately after to kiss Astra’s as well. 

Astra blinked her eyes rapidly in shock, and Alex thought she might have detected a slight coloring to her cheeks that pretty much matched her own.

“Thank you, both,” Diana said, and the warmth in her voice felt like something Alex could possibly wrap herself up in. “We would be lost without you.”

Alex thought she might have heard Astra give an awkward, possibly slightly dazed murmur of a “thank you,” back and had to turn to look at her Kryptonian in surprise. Her head was held proud and high as ever, but had she just _stuttered?_ Just a little?

“Diana and I are gonna meet for ice cream tomorrow, and then she’s gonna teach me how to sword fight,” Kara informed them brightly.

Alex cocked her head at her. “Kara, you’re _Supergirl—_ why would you need to learn how to sword fi—“

“Alex,” Kara interrupted through slightly gritted teeth, taking her arm in a fairly hard grip. “A real live _goddess_ wants to meet me for _ice cream_ and teach me how to _sword fight._ Please don’t ruin this by throwing logic at it.”

“Fair enough,” Alex conceded with a nod.

“Diana, come this way, I want you to meet James!” Kara said, turning to her and beginning to lead her away. “He used to take Kal’s—Clark’s—picture when he was younger, he looks so dorky in some of them…”

Alex turned to look at Astra who was watching them leave with a slightly bewildered look on her face.

“You look a little smitten there,” Alex observed, nudging her at the hip. 

Astra’s expression slid into a sly smirk, looking back at her, and sliding her arms around her waist. “The only person I’m _smitten_ with is you, Agent Danvers,” she said smoothly. “But you have to admit to being a little bit pleased at meeting a warrior goddess.”

Alex snorted at her. “Yeah, I guess,” she admitted. “Though I’m not totally sure about that whole ‘being made from clay’ thing—“ she broke off, frowning over at where Kara was downing some of the booze James had brought over. She looked up at the lights.

“Astra, did you replace _all_ of these lights with that red sun stuff?” she asked.

“I did,” Astra said, curious at her tone.

Alex huffed. “I’m gonna go tell Kara to stop drinking,” she mumbled. “She always does this thing of trying to drink alcohol with the boys, even though it doesn’t effect her—someone should probably let her know she’ll _actually_ get drunk under these lights, or her sword-fighting lesson with a warrior goddess is gonna go to absolute shit tomorrow if she’s hungover.”

*

Alex enjoyed the party immensely—all the people she loved most in the world, (with a few she didn’t know at all), in one place, celebrating her ability to return home with a mostly-functioning body gave her the kind of warm, fuzzy feelings she usually did her best to avoid.

Still, she couldn’t have been more grateful when they finally started moseying out, and Astra started kissing her neck from behind while she waved goodbye to her guests from behind the half-closed door. As soon as the last of them had turned the corner to the elevators, she slammed said door, and happily allowed Astra to turn her and shove her back up against it, mouth hot and hungry on hers.

God, _finally._ All those cheesy sayings about _home_ being a person, not a place, were apparently true after all, because she had never in her entire life felt more like she was coming home than right now, and it had absolutely nothing to do with being back in her apartment. If she really thought about it (which she wasn’t really, because Astra was making that whole “thinking” thing a little difficult), she supposed she and Astra had really only had sex once—well, _repeatedly_ —but still within the span of only twenty-four hours—but there was still something so _familiar_ about this that went beyond just a one-time thing. Everything about her, from the way she felt—that soft skin only a _Kryptonian_ could manage after all she’d been through, yet still scattered with divots and raised lines from old scars received long before her arrival on Earth—to the scent of her hair, her skin, a heady mixture of coconut, and some kind of fresh-smelling soap, and then that underlying scent that was purely Astra—something darker and richer than the fragrances she was cloaked in—and the way she tasted—that was almost impossible to pinpoint in between the mixture of scents and textures and moans and Astra’s hands wandering everywhere…All of this simply added up to this thing Alex realized she’d been missing all her life without having known it.

But at the same time, it was still so new, and surprising, and took her breath away in a way that was exactly the _opposite_ of familiarity, but still also seemed to have that sense of _home_ to it…

Maybe she shouldn’t overthink it right now.

She found herself smiling against Astra’s lips, sudden elation at having her back turning her giddy, and she pushed her backward, scrabbling at her shirt because _that_ needed to go. Astra didn’t seem to feel the need to protest, stripping it off herself in one very expert-looking motion. Alex almost laughed. Who the hell was that _graceful_ about tugging clothes off?

Well, Astra was, and she seemed to be determined to do the same with Alex’s shirt, before halting abruptly when Alex hissed in sudden pain.

“Are you alright?” she asked breathlessly, hands running over Alex’s body to find out where the source of hurt had come from. 

“Yeah, I’m good, sorry,” Alex said, shrugging the rest of her shirt off carefully before pulling Astra back in by the top of her jeans. “My shoulder still kind of rotates into a weird angle sometimes. It’s fine though, don’t worry about it.”

She tried to lean in to kiss Astra again, but Astra evaded her, skimming her hands up and down Alex’s arms thoughtfully. “You’ve gotten hurt so many times since meeting me,” she said softly. Not quite apologetically though.

“I mean, I’ve bounced back pretty quick I think…”

“Hmm,” Astra hummed noncommittally, taking her hand and leading her up the steps to her bed. When they reached the foot of it, she pushed Alex down onto the mattress, not in a manner which invited playfulness or grappling—Alex got the feeling Astra really wanted her to stay down. And normally that would have been an invitation to fight back in and of itself, but Astra seemed to have some agenda here, and Alex couldn’t help but be a little curious.

She pushed on Alex’s sternum, easing her back onto the mattress, and hooked her fingers under the tops of Alex’s pants, dragging them down and off along with her underwear, before shedding her own. Alex tried not to stare too hard, and scooted back a little to give her room as she crawled onto the bed, settling warm and snug between her thighs, beginning to trace the edges of her face.

“This is so comfy,” Alex said, looking up at Astra with raised eyebrows when she didn’t move to do anything else. “And here I thought you installed all those red lights because you were gonna rock my world upside down.”

“Give me a moment, O Impatient One, and I will,” Astra said, rather sternly. Promising. Her expression softened, however as she looked over Alex’s face, eyes seeming to focus on something, maybe picturing something…or remembering, maybe.

She brought her hand up to brush away a couple strands of hair from Alex’s face. “Let’s see,” she mused. “When I first met you, you had one bruise. Right here.” She leaned down and pressed her lips softly to Alex’s temple. It tickled, kind of, Astra’s hair fluttering over her nose, and she laughed a little. “When I saw you next,” Astra continued with a hum, “you had another bruise here,” she kissed her cheekbone, “here,” she kissed her collarbone, “and a split, right here.” She brushed her thumb over Alex’s lips, and Alex followed the motion, trying to keep the contact until Astra finally gave in and kissed her mouth softly, humming when Alex deepened it.

“I had a cut on my jaw, too,” Alex told her, breaking away just enough to tell her.

“Did you?”

“Yeah, right along, if you wanted to maybe kiss across there, I wouldn’t mind that…”

Astra smiled and obeyed, and Alex tilted her head, relaxing as she nibbled and sucked from her chin over to the corner of her jaw. Alex leaned her head back a little more to encourage her to go for the neck, and Astra allowed her a quick, sharp nip, but then got back on track.

“Then…let’s see…what was after that?” she asked. 

“My collarbones again.”

“Really? Again?”

“Your minions were not nice to me.” She pouted appealingly—and who the hell knew if it had actually been her collarbones next, they’d pretty much beaten every inch of her, but Alex was content to let Astra think so when she pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses to them, nipping a little, and Alex buried her fingers in her hair. 

“And after that…” Astra said, popping her head up before Alex could enjoy herself too much, “I think your wrist came next, didn’t it?” 

“That probably sounds about right.”

She wasn’t sure what it was about the underside of the wrist, but it made her toe-curlingly tingly in the best of ways when Astra lifted it up to her mouth and kissed it, dragging her lips hotly up a little to the inside of her elbow.

“So then…” Astra got on her knees now as she released it, shuffling down. “I think it was this…” She let her fingers twitch across the scar left in Alex’s side from that drunken bar fight she’d gotten into when Astra had fled the DEO. Alex flinched a little because that was a really ticklish spot, and the fact that there once had been a gaping wound there sort of made her cringe a little, and somehow that combination translated into a bizarre twist of pleasure as Astra shuffled down and began mouthing at that exact spot. She nipped, making Alex jolt a little, then began biting down to her hipbone, which she chewed on a little bit when she reached it, making Alex’s lower belly flip.

Something about this tour of her injuries was simultaneously making her cringe, and making her arch back needily at the same time, and it was so frustratingly _teasing_ , she was pretty sure Astra was going to drive her insane.

“What next?” Astra asked.

“Every—w-where,” Alex gulped, breath hitching as Astra abandoned her question and scraped her teeth along the inside of her hipbone and began kissing down toward her mound. She paused here, nosing through the tufts of hair, and Alex’s legs spread automatically as she dipped down, dropping one kiss to her clit before dipping down further still to run her tongue, hot and wet, up Alex’s slit.

“Shit,” Alex breathed gratefully, eyes slipping closed and hands fisting the sheets on either side of her. This was more what she’d had in mind.

…So of course Astra stopped, and Alex heard herself whine in exasperation. 

“I’m sorry, I got distracted,” Astra said with a smirk, hot breath falling on Alex’s clit, making her flinch. She licked her lips and Alex felt her own jaw unhinge a little stupidly. “I was supposed to be kissing all your wounds better, where were we?”

“No—you were—you were in a good spot, that was a good place,” Alex breathed urgently. “I think I’m all healed now, you should probably get back to…”

“…All healed, Alexandra, are you sure?” Astra interrupted with mock concern. “Maybe you should take it easy, it’s not good to put unnecessary strain on yourself…”

“Astra, I swear to god,” Alex growled, sitting up, taking Astra’s face in her hand, fingers curling back with a pull to her hair. Astra looked stunned for a moment by her sudden change in position, and the grip Alex had in her hair—then something in her seemed to relax—or, maybe not _relax,_ but fall into place, like this was what she was really hoping for, and her eyelids went a little heavy, as did her breathing.

“Mm, there you are,” she purred. She used her knees to push herself forward, shoving Alex back down onto the mattress with quite a bit more force this time. “You’re so much fun when you’re frustrated.” She leaned in, catching Alex’s lips in a searing kiss that was apparently _also_ designed to make Alex frustrated if the teasing bites and tugs and licks were anything to go by.

If that’s how Astra wanted to play it…

Alex squirmed her arm between them and shoved Astra off of her, catching her off balance just enough so that she could flip them over and pin her down. Not giving Astra the chance to recover, she lifted slightly, bracing one hand beside Astra’s head, and using her other hand to hook Astra’s leg over her hip, pressing in and beginning to grind into her in short, quick bursts.

Astra’s jaw dropped open and she smiled through panted breaths, possibly getting off not necessarily because Alex was hitting the right spot, but simply from the fun of it all. 

And the fun of it all was great and everything, but Alex was more or less determined to fuck her this side of senseless, so she slowed her motions, shifting the angle of her hips, and _that_ must have hit the right spot because Astra suddenly arched back, biting her lower lip to stifle a long groan. Her hands dragged down Alex’s sides at this slower, harder pace, pulling her in closer once they finally reached her ass, squeezing hard.

Her eyes opened at Alex’s involuntary sound of pleasure at the feeling, and that formerly dazed look gave way to a spark of mischief as she must have realized she had thrown Alex off a little. With a devious grin, she slid one hand up around Alex’s throat, applying enough pressure to make Alex go a little weak in the knees, using that moment of weakness to flip them back over, her grip on Alex’s throat tightening, making her see fucking blissful black stars.

And one of these days, Alex might possibly find it in herself to give in and beg Astra to keep that pressure on her throat and fuck her until she came—but for right now, she still had a _little_ bit of pride. She reached up, tangling her fingers in long dark hair, pulling her down into a rough kiss, causing the grip on her throat to falter, and Alex was able to lift up again, pulling Astra’s head back by her hair and biting at her neck.

And really, at this point, this was no longer sex, but a completely ridiculous competition to see who could make the other one come first.

(Astra lost, for the record, by a good couple of seconds before Alex’s world finally spun out of control too).

Definitely not the most romantic of evenings, but Alex was pretty sure it was exactly what they’d needed because now they collapsed beside each other, breathing heavily, winding each other down gently with softer caresses and panted breaths that were falling away to become deeper, satisfied sighs. All that wilder energy seemed to only make their wind down all the sweeter, reassuring each other with lingering touch and slow brushes of lips against skin until they simply gazed at each other, spent.

“Think I should let you know,” Alex murmured, combing the sweaty streak of white hair out of Astra’s face, “that while you’re a brilliant strategist, and tactician, and inventor…I’m pretty sure the best idea you’ve ever had in your life were these red sun lamps.”

Astra chuckled, still a little breathless. “It seemed like the kind of gift that could just keep giving,” she said. She wiggled in closer, wrapping her arms around Alex and pulling her in under her chin. “Just maybe not right now.”

“Why, did I wear you out, big tough Kryptonian?” Alex mumbled against her skin, half-heartedly because sleep was already starting to take her.

“No, but I don’t want to wear _you_ out, tiny fragile human,” Astra returned with a comfortable, sleepy sigh.

And let it be known that Alex absolutely had a very clever retort on hand, probably. 

It’s just that the bed was very comfortable. 

And the pillows were very soft.

And Astra fit very perfectly in her arms.

So maybe Alex forgot that retort, and just murmured “I love you,” before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Max. Who tripped on something and was never heard from again.
> 
> (But everyone else was happy, including me, because I got to live out my dream of having Supergirl and Wonder Woman become best buds and training partners and ice cream aficionados).
> 
> But most importantly of all, my dumb Kryptonian General and my dumb Human Disaster are happy as little clams the way they should always have been and that's all that matters.
> 
> Guys, I love this lil fandom. Thanks so much for letting me contribute to it, and for sticking with this wild beast of a story—it became a much larger thing than I had expected, but you were all super supportive and I LOVE YOU. That’s pretty much all I can say. You’re all my favorite animals, and I hope you’re all having lovely days and nights and thank you thank you thank you again. You all made writing this a total joy. 
> 
> Expect only GD fluff/smutty fluff from me for a very long time, I over-angsted myself with this and want absolutely NOTHING BUT JOY for my girls from now on. At least for a little while.
> 
> Okay, I’m saying thank you one more time because it hasn’t been said enough: THANK YOU, YOU ARE MAGICAL
> 
> <3  
> ~UisceB


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